im assuming he’s a grown adult man? So why on Earth can’t he go outside or take a walk down the street or go sit in a bar or cafe or park or whatevef and make a phone call?!!!! This is absurd.
To move on or to fight for this…?
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Because basically I don’t know how to approach the whole “hey let’s talk” thing.
And because all the people who know me irl are like “yeah go for it” but I wanted to hear a different perspective too.
And because all the people who know me irl are like “yeah go for it” but I wanted to hear a different perspective too.
Do you know the Police won’t do anything? I’m assuming you’re female - apologies if you’re not, and actually it shouldn’t really matter but if someone who has access to people’s homes is selling information on them then that is 100% a criminal offence in any place, surely!
Maybe a bit of time on your own would be best? I’m assuming the middle guy was in your life for a while if he became obsessed before you met and the end guy is more believing of mutual friends than you so don’t you deserve better? He was maybe a fun distraction from the other problems but if he’s not believing you then I wouldn’t chase him
Because he doesn’t want to deal with any of this while he is there? Which is not that absurd. I got over that part. Taking a week and just breathing and hanging out with family is probably better for me too than trying to get him to talk to me when he has to arrange for us to be able to talk.
Because I went to the police and they said until I’m either hurt, my property is stolen or damaged or I get serious and “real” threats, they can’t do anything. Yes, I’m a female.
Middle guy I was in contact with for like two weeks and met him 3 times. And that was it.
The guy I rented my apartment from isn’t bf’s friend, they just had mutual friends.
He bought you a car (presumably with a tracker) within three dates over two weeks, one of which was coffee. That is wild, he sounds extremely dangerous. Please be careful and keep documenting everything, including interactions with police about him.
He didn’t buy me a car. He just said he did. And even if he did buy the car and wanted to give it to me, I wouldn’t have accepted it because that is just batshit crazy and beyond controlling and toxic and all the other red flag that are out there.
If you have any insurance it’s a good idea to see if you can get umbrella coverage. Stalkers love recruiting other people to harass their victims. The last thing you want is for him to start a lawsuit first and you having to pay legal fees. An umbrella policy will protect you.
That’s solid advice! Thank you. Now I want to figure out a way to pick your brain about this more because unfortunately you went through it and know more than me.
I just feel like my brain can’t process this. Bf probably could and decided it’s time to run for the hills before stalker guy actually hurts him.
Where abouts are you in the world??
Portugal.
Same here but I think it is just as well we can have this conversation in public. First of all, take screen shots of whatever you already have and back it up on a hard drive. If it’s text messages and it shows his contact name, make sure his cell phone number is visible in the screen shot (might mean removing his name from your contacts.) This strengthens your evidence.
Change your cell phone number. This is the worst part but one need not be bright or tech savvy to harass someone else using their mobile number these days. They just need to know your digits. My stalker was into coding. I got a separate cell phone that I used exclusively for 2-factor authentication on my accounts — including banking. Nobody knew the number.
You should make yourself as boring as possible online. If you haven’t, kick this guy off your social media and turn your settings private. Don’t use your face as your profile photo. Don’t share anything about your daily routine because he might be lying to your acquaintances.
Lastly, don’t expect people — friends, coworkers or law enforcement — to take be sympathetic. For some reason, people’s first instinct is to downplay what is happening. It’s not your job to convince any of them. Even law enforcement, you just need to file a complaint. Where I live, restraining orders are only issued by a judge. You should find out what your country’s laws are.
I forgot - self defense classes
It’s been years since my experience and time really is what helped me to move forward. Not gonna lie though, it is very hard to stomach what happened to me. Knowing self defense is a life skill and hopefully you never need to use it.
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I changed my phone number but left my old one on whatsapp (he is blocked) and that’s the only one I give out to people. Changed emails and wiped my socials clean of anything with my face on it. He has been blocked everywhere.Same here but I think it is just as well we can have this conversation in public. First of all, take screen shots of whatever you already have and back it up on a hard drive. If it’s text messages and it shows his contact name, make sure his cell phone number is visible in the screen shot (might mean removing his name from your contacts.) This strengthens your evidence.
Change your cell phone number. This is the worst part but one need not be bright or tech savvy to harass someone else using their mobile number these days. They just need to know your digits. My stalker was into coding. I got a separate cell phone that I used exclusively for 2-factor authentication on my accounts — including banking. Nobody knew the number.
You should make yourself as boring as possible online. If you haven’t, kick this guy off your social media and turn your settings private. Don’t use your face as your profile photo. Don’t share anything about your daily routine because he might be lying to your acquaintances.
Lastly, don’t expect people — friends, coworkers or law enforcement — to take be sympathetic. For some reason, people’s first instinct is to downplay what is happening. It’s not your job to convince any of them. Even law enforcement, you just need to file a complaint. Where I live, restraining orders are only issued by a judge. You should find out what your country’s laws are.
I forgot - self defense classes
This guy has money and with that he has everything. Things went missing from my phone and ultimately that’s what lead us back to my landlord basically selling me out. But cybercrime here is basically unheard of. When I went to the police they basically said he will get bored when he finds a new girl. And I’m like “hellooooo he has been following and watching me for weeks/months now?!”.
And I hear you on people not taking it seriously. Or even realising how damaging this is or it’s actually real and unprovoked.
Yep, total bullshit. My stalker was apparently in a relationship at one point while he was harassing me. Sorry for what you’re dealing with *hug*
Yeah. You seem to obtain and feel validated by drama. Just like my friend. I think you either need to mature (which will happen in time) or you need clinical help. Please never seek help via religious or spiritual groups. You are prime pickings for them, just like my friend and she is beyond help now 
He’s been on Instagram = he could have messaged on that.
When a man wants to talk to you he will regardless of the circumstances.
When a man wants to talk to you he will regardless of the circumstances.
Exactly. He’s already checked out of the whole relationship.
Things went Missing from your phone…?! What on Earth are you talking about?!
Oh I forgot to mention trolls online and IRL. You don’t owe them a response
they also don’t need to seek / expect validation from “trolls”Oh I forgot to mention trolls online and IRL. You don’t owe them a response
She asked for advice not validationthey also don’t need to seek / expect validation from “trolls”
I did my best to move the heck away from drama… like I moved to a completely new place where I can’t be found. I cut contact with people just so they can’t even accidentally share details and so on. but ok…Yeah. You seem to obtain and feel validated by drama. Just like my friend. I think you either need to mature (which will happen in time) or you need clinical help. Please never seek help via religious or spiritual groups. You are prime pickings for them, just like my friend and she is beyond help now
This!She asked for advice not validation
I asked a bunch of people for advice because I know that right now with everything going on I’m not 100% reasonable and what makes sense to me does not make sense to other.
And no he hasn’t been on Instagram lately (IG tells you when someone has last been online) but before he walked off the face of the earth he did check what I posted.
I get that there is limited info on here about everything but tit got judgemental fast. I literally asked how to get one thing across to him. Yeah I want what I want which is us working things out and living our happily ever after but I accepted it might not happen.
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