The thing is though… 98% of our time together has been easy, fun, exciting, filled with love, inside jokes, amazing times together. If it wasn’t I’d have moved on. Nobody is perfect. We both had our own issues and then throw an obsessive person in the mix…. That’s literally what is ruining this. And that’s why I can’t let go. It’s not that we just don’t work together. It’s someone else messing things up and that’s driving me insane.
To move on or to fight for this…?
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Then why is he letting 2% ruin it? Send the text ad see where you stand. You’ve waited long enough for him now.
Yeah but if things were as great as you say, a third party wouldn’t be able to cause this much damage.
this random stalker guy is apparently telling a whole host of lies about you, paying your landlord to give him information which you say you’ve been to the police over…. And yet your boyfriend is having none of it and has essentially dumped you…. It doesn’t sound all fun times & rainbows to me….
Police won’t do anything and I’m not 100% sure a civil law suit will go anywhere or it’s worth it. I moved out, i distanced myself from them as much as possible so the guy who’s been stalking me has no way to find me or get in contact.
This has been ongoing since stalker dude found out (from my landlord) that I’m dating someone else and essentially we were living together from like week 3. He did his best to mess things up. Boyfriend was a champ about it and I’m almost 100% certain his issue wasn’t someone telling him things, but him being dragged into it like this. He always said that we are a team and my problems are our problems etc and he is there for me but this was someone dragging him into things and trying to implicate him in things that had nothing to do with him. His issue was never that he thought I lied or anything he’s been told was true. If you think about it, from his perspective, it was 5 months of being there etc and eventually he got dragged into it too and in a super threatening way. He had a rough week at work and then he went to see his father and brother and he hasn’t seen them in ages. Wanting some time and space isn’t my issue, but this is driving me crazy because essentially it’s not my fault. I moved since, picked a place where none of the windows face the street, gated locked building etc. He doesn’t know these things because I wanted to leave him alone but I want him to know I dealt with things. Last thing he said was we will talk when I sorted things out. So i want to communicate to him that it’s been done/being done.
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It all sounds like an absolute shambles to be frank.
the only thing you can do now is get in touch with him and ask to talk face to face about it. If he says he doesn’t wasn’t to see you or isnt interested in discussing it then you have to accept that it’s over between you and move on with your life.
the only thing you can do now is get in touch with him and ask to talk face to face about it. If he says he doesn’t wasn’t to see you or isnt interested in discussing it then you have to accept that it’s over between you and move on with your life.
Yupp. It is and the hard part os trying to move on without proper “closure”. I know we could make it work but also if at least I saw for myself it’s not worth the effort I could just let go and move on
Sometimes you have to take silence as closure. He could have dropped a text at any point, there would be signal sometimes or if they went out.
Yes and no. I also think time and space was good in a way. Especially for him. He compartmentalises like nobody’s business and he had a chance to switch off with people he hasn’t seen in months. So I get that. The hard part is how to approach him now. Based on him watching all my Instagram stories, it doesn’t feel like he doesn’t want to hear from me
This is far too full on for a 5 month relationship. Take a step back and imagine your friend saying what you are saying? I actually have a friend who moves waaaay too quickly in relationships and I have to tell her that after, say, 3 months of lovebombing (from either or both sides) the truth is, you don't know anyone long enough to "love" them, but she always insists that she does, and it ends in as much of a whirlwind as it starts.
The true test of love is overcoming hurdles, and i'm sorry to be blunt; your relationship seems to have failed at the first hurdle, which might not even really be any sort of hurdle yet you blame this third person stalker / landlord. I can't work out whether everyone involved just thrives off drama or if it's a bit of a loss of perspective from your side.
Do you always rush relationships? It's the impression I'm getting from your posts. I would take some time to be alone, and enjoy being alone. If you truly didn't want to enter a relationship so soon after ending an engagement, then you wouldn't have entertained stalker boy or the one that's ghosted you.
You're 5 month in and say he wants to "work things out", you want "closure". Neither of these things should ever come up in the first year or two of a strong relationship that will work out. The first two years are easy! Especially in the first 5 months! You're both on your best behavior, showing your best side always. Sorry but this screams all kind of alarm bells.
The true test of love is overcoming hurdles, and i'm sorry to be blunt; your relationship seems to have failed at the first hurdle, which might not even really be any sort of hurdle yet you blame this third person stalker / landlord. I can't work out whether everyone involved just thrives off drama or if it's a bit of a loss of perspective from your side.
Do you always rush relationships? It's the impression I'm getting from your posts. I would take some time to be alone, and enjoy being alone. If you truly didn't want to enter a relationship so soon after ending an engagement, then you wouldn't have entertained stalker boy or the one that's ghosted you.
You're 5 month in and say he wants to "work things out", you want "closure". Neither of these things should ever come up in the first year or two of a strong relationship that will work out. The first two years are easy! Especially in the first 5 months! You're both on your best behavior, showing your best side always. Sorry but this screams all kind of alarm bells.
you don’t seem prepared to listen to whatever anyone is saying to you here even though you are being given really sound advice. I don’t know what you are looking for. So what if he had seen your Instagram stories - good lord give me strength! He’s been ghosting you for weeks (sorry unless he’s at his family in deepest darkest Peru in the 1920s theb frankly he’s spinning you a line regarding not being able to take phone calls)Yes and no. I also think time and space was good in a way. Especially for him. He compartmentalises like nobody’s business and he had a chance to switch off with people he hasn’t seen in months. So I get that. The hard part is how to approach him now. Based on him watching all my Instagram stories, it doesn’t feel like he doesn’t want to hear from me
the guy just doesnt sound that into you. It’s been 5 months - it’s ridiculously early days, the fact that there is so much drama and hassle says it all - it isnt meant to be.
You had a good text idea, the short hope you’ve had a good time one, just get it sent ASAP so you know where you stand.
Hang on a minute.. He can be on Instagram but can’t pop up? Nahhh.
Hang on a minute.. He can be on Instagram but can’t pop up? Nahhh.
I’m glad you found a new place for your own peace of mind. Make sure not to post anything that gives away your new home. If he wants to talk he knows how to get in touch. If I were in his shoes I would be scared of your stalker. Unfair, I know. Don’t give up details about your routine on social media and you should be okay with your relationships going forward. This guy may not be the one, but I’m positive there’s lots more happiness out there for you.Yes and no. I also think time and space was good in a way. Especially for him. He compartmentalises like nobody’s business and he had a chance to switch off with people he hasn’t seen in months. So I get that. The hard part is how to approach him now. Based on him watching all my Instagram stories, it doesn’t feel like he doesn’t want to hear from me
Ok so the thing is… it’s easy to say “just walk away”.
obviously I had no way to add every single detail into the post or the comments after.
so here is the thing: after I moved, I downloaded tinder, literally out of boredom. Started talking to guy1. He had a weird vibe but I chalked it up to cultural differences and I thought whatever, having a coffee with him can’t be that bad. I was wrong. He turned out to be an obsessive psycho.
I met guy2 who became my boyfriend. We were super casually dating at the beginning. Took us 5 dates to even kiss. When we first met we were still super limited by early curfews etc so the whole thing moved faster because we started staying at each other’s places otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to see each other at all.
we clicked like crazy. Our tastes are super similar but different enough that we can still show each other new things. We like the same type of music, movies, series, food, we have very similar lifestyles in general.
neither of us was looking for a super serious relationship but after about two months we both said this just works and it feels good and we make each other happy.
throughout the entire 5 months, guy1 tried his best to make my life living hell. Bf was amazing throughout the entire thing. So this is definitely not the first hurdle.
also it’s not like we have issues with each other. That’s what I find difficult to deal with and I think that’s the point everyone missed. It’s not like we have communication issues, our sex life sucks or we are just entirely different people. What I’m struggling with is an outside factor messing things up. Also it’s psychologically not exactly easy to process the fact that my stalker had “access” to me for months. I can imagine bf got scared of this too. He hasn’t been ghosting me. We did talk, he did ask for time, I did say that I will leave him alone while he is with family. So I didn’t reach out at all and I was not expecting him to either. I told him I don’t want to discuss this in texts and he 100% won’t while other people can overhear the conversation. He is in the middle of nowhere, stuck with family 24/7. We discussed what this visit will be like before tit hit the fan and he did say it will be 0 privacy for a week. I was never meant to go on this part of the trip.
when he left I sent one “safe travels” text to which he replied. So he was the last one to text me actually .
Basically all I want now is to say “hey you know I’ll be there for the weekend, I’m not doing so hot lately I friggin miss you like crazy can we please talk” without sounding like the bashit crazy desperate moron that I am right now.
obviously I had no way to add every single detail into the post or the comments after.
so here is the thing: after I moved, I downloaded tinder, literally out of boredom. Started talking to guy1. He had a weird vibe but I chalked it up to cultural differences and I thought whatever, having a coffee with him can’t be that bad. I was wrong. He turned out to be an obsessive psycho.
I met guy2 who became my boyfriend. We were super casually dating at the beginning. Took us 5 dates to even kiss. When we first met we were still super limited by early curfews etc so the whole thing moved faster because we started staying at each other’s places otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to see each other at all.
we clicked like crazy. Our tastes are super similar but different enough that we can still show each other new things. We like the same type of music, movies, series, food, we have very similar lifestyles in general.
neither of us was looking for a super serious relationship but after about two months we both said this just works and it feels good and we make each other happy.
throughout the entire 5 months, guy1 tried his best to make my life living hell. Bf was amazing throughout the entire thing. So this is definitely not the first hurdle.
also it’s not like we have issues with each other. That’s what I find difficult to deal with and I think that’s the point everyone missed. It’s not like we have communication issues, our sex life sucks or we are just entirely different people. What I’m struggling with is an outside factor messing things up. Also it’s psychologically not exactly easy to process the fact that my stalker had “access” to me for months. I can imagine bf got scared of this too. He hasn’t been ghosting me. We did talk, he did ask for time, I did say that I will leave him alone while he is with family. So I didn’t reach out at all and I was not expecting him to either. I told him I don’t want to discuss this in texts and he 100% won’t while other people can overhear the conversation. He is in the middle of nowhere, stuck with family 24/7. We discussed what this visit will be like before tit hit the fan and he did say it will be 0 privacy for a week. I was never meant to go on this part of the trip.
when he left I sent one “safe travels” text to which he replied. So he was the last one to text me actually .
Basically all I want now is to say “hey you know I’ll be there for the weekend, I’m not doing so hot lately I friggin miss you like crazy can we please talk” without sounding like the bashit crazy desperate moron that I am right now.
I’m sorry but I’m not buying this nonsenose about him not having any privacy when he’s at his family. What - can he not sit in a room on his own and talk on the phone? Can he not go outside the house alone and talk on the phone?
you have to look at it objectively - you are claiming that everything between the two of you was absolutely fantastic and there were no issues….. that’s not how it sounds though. If things were actually that great, if there really was that deep connection you are implying then he wouldn’t be doing what he’s doing now. He wouldn’t.
you have to look at it objectively - you are claiming that everything between the two of you was absolutely fantastic and there were no issues….. that’s not how it sounds though. If things were actually that great, if there really was that deep connection you are implying then he wouldn’t be doing what he’s doing now. He wouldn’t.
He was there in May. Everything was fine. I was alone in his parents other apartment in a different city. He called me once in 3 days, he went out on his own for 15 minutes. When he is just with his father that’s a thing. Otherwise he hangs out with his father and his brother and his gf.
I didn’t get it at first either but different people different habits. He isn’t going to call me to discuss heavy stuff in front of other people or when he thinks other people will overhear the conversation. That’s just how he is. It’s annoying and probably over the top but I’ll take that over him oversharing and his entire family being involved in everything and knowing every detail of every conversation or whatever is going on in our lives. He is also non confrontational like pretty much most men and he sees this as potentially ruining the time with his father if he gets upset or if we get in a fight and that’s on his mind all along. There is a lot in the background of that but he is super protective of his father since bf’s mom passed away. Essentially he is the primary caretaker and now he lives pretty far away so there is a ton of guilt about it etc. I kinda get why he doesn’t want to deal with us while he is there.
I know, it is freaking traumatic having a stalker. My life was upended by one too. If we had a pm function I would share with you my experience of being stalked but I am still scared that someone would recognize it and send him back into my life.
He would if he didn’t know how to handle it or how to deal with it. You do realise people sometimes just shut down? And that’s essentially what he did. He was literally in shock when it all happened. I’m not defending him because his behaviour does suck and it’s something he needs to address whether we work this out or not but he needs to figure this out on his own.
This was two weeks ago, right? He’s been with family for a week, during which time I wasn’t expecting much communication even if things stayed ok. Also he’s been dealing with this by my side for 5 months. Basically for the entire time he’s known me as stalker guy never really left the picture. Before bf left to see family he worked insane hours which I also knew about prior to anything happening.
He did say “hey let’s talk on Tuesday”, it rolls around and he called me from work at 9 and he was still there. I heard people around him so he wasn’t making it up. He also did say we will talk so it’s not like he said “nope i will never talk again”. Social media is also a big deal for some people. Not for me but for him it is. All his profiles are super private and so on.
I’m sorry you had to deal with it… I’m just baffled by it all and the lengths this person went to to still have info about me and get into my private life. He literally tried to impersonate me online and so on. He went to every person and place where he thought people would listen to him talk tit about me in an attempt to alienate me from everyone when I told him I’m not interested. After this he still invested the time energy and money to keep tabs on me and I jsut don’t know how to wrap my head around everything that’s happened.
I'm getting exhausted trying to follow this.
You came on here after advice, but it doesn't seem like you want to follow it... If you want to fight for it, do it, but you don't need to defend your actions on here
You came on here after advice, but it doesn't seem like you want to follow it... If you want to fight for it, do it, but you don't need to defend your actions on here
Im not sure what you are wanting any one here to say.
im not even sure why youve even posted.
just get in touch with him and either sort it out or go
your separate ways.
im not even sure why youve even posted.
just get in touch with him and either sort it out or go
your separate ways.
Maybe meet with a solicitor who has experience representing stalking victims (someone who handles DV cases would best know where to find one) and get their opinion.
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