To move on or to fight for this…?

[BettyCrockerr]

So you met your boyfriend in March - 5 months ago? 4 weeks after your relationship with your fiancé ended? And in that time there was also another guy on the scene who is now causing trouble between the two of you and somehow your landlord is involved?

that’s an awful lot of drama going on. No wonder your boyfriend is taking a step back.

honestly it all just sounds like far too much too soon. There’s no way you are over your fiancé - it’s only been a few months, you need time and space to figure out where you are now and get back to ground zero in your own life.

I can’t understand why your landlord would have your boyfriends number? What’s the connection there? And how does your landlord know this other chap who’s been causing hassle? What kind of stuff is being said?

im not sure I understand why your boyfriend can’t talk to you on the phone while he’s staying with family. I’m sure he can go somewhere private to make a call or go out for a walk or to a coffee shop etc? That sounds very odd to me.

You Can’t convince him to do anything- if you’ve contacted him/told him how you feel/that you want to talk etc and he’s not interested and is saying no - then that’s it. Pestering him and trying to force it won’t help.

take A huge step back. Leave him alone for a bit, let him have some time. If it’s meant to be, if he’s really in love with you etc he will reach out but if he doesn’t or if he’s telling you it’s over and he’s done then you have to listen to that and just accept that whatever it was, it’s finished.

 

[PineappleQueen19]

Depressing to see a woman so pressed about a guy who cba

 

[Grizzlybear]

I’ve been lurking but honestly if I lose capacity I want @BettyCrockerr calling the shots for me…brutal yes but 99% of the time absolutely spot on

Honestly, can we have an ask @BettyCrocker thread? The Voice of Reason

 

[judgejohndeed]

I’ve been lurking but honestly if I lose capacity I want @BettyCrockerr calling the shots for me…brutal yes but 99% of the time absolutely spot on

 

[If you say so...]

I think our favorite fantasist Mulholland Drive / Teanosugar is back!

 

[Warpaint]

I do love how everyone in quite nice and polite at the start then Betty comes in like a wrecking ball

 

[BettyCrockerr]

That previous relationship was long over before we actually really ended it. I got over it while we were still together.
the other guy I met 3 times. And he is just batshit crazy. He got obsessive before we even met and I only realised when I looked back over everything that happened.
he figured out where I lived, contacted my landlord, told him things like we are about to get married, build a house together, he bought me a car and so on. Just insane things.

it took some effort but I figured out that he’s been paying my landlord for info about me. Who I am with etc. My landlord knew my bf through mutual friends they figured out they had. Basically landlord told my bf everything the other guy told him but presented it as if it was all facts and as if he knew about it all. Bf knows there was physically no way for me to cheat or anything so that’s not the issue.

he is visiting his elderly father in a pretty remote place. No proper phone signal and his brother and his gf are there too so he doesn’t really have any privacy. I know this is all true because he visited before and talking was an issue because texts wouldn’t go through and Calls would get disconnected. With other people being around constantly and this its not ideal. Hes been there for a week. For a week prior to this he worked 14 hour days. I know because i saw his schedule before shit hit the fan, we booked and planned travel together so its not like he is bullshitting.
I feel like i can’t just walk away. I tried. I didn’t contact him for a week now at all. And its driving me insane.

If what you are saying about your landlord and this other guy is all true then frankly you should be going to the police. That would be my main concern.


you can’t force someone to talk to you and you can’t force someone to be with you. If he’s telling you it’s over or if he won’t talk to you then it’s over. You have to let it go.

 

[bolimepipi]

Honestly, can we have an ask @BettyCrocker thread? The Voice of Reason

i had to

Ask Betty

a few people on this thread https://tattle.life/threads/to-move-on-or-to-fight-for-this.21867/page-7 recommended to have an 'ask betty @BettyCrockerr page' so................. your boyfriend doesn't want to get takeaway? leave him your husband didn't take out the trash? pack and leave...

tattle.life

 

[If you say so...]

This is far too full on for a 5 month relationship. Take a step back and imagine your friend saying what you are saying? I actually have a friend who moves waaaay too quickly in relationships and I have to tell her that after, say, 3 months of lovebombing (from either or both sides) the truth is, you don't know anyone long enough to "love" them, but she always insists that she does, and it ends in as much of a whirlwind as it starts.

The true test of love is overcoming hurdles, and i'm sorry to be blunt; your relationship seems to have failed at the first hurdle, which might not even really be any sort of hurdle yet you blame this third person stalker / landlord. I can't work out whether everyone involved just thrives off drama or if it's a bit of a loss of perspective from your side.

Do you always rush relationships? It's the impression I'm getting from your posts. I would take some time to be alone, and enjoy being alone. If you truly didn't want to enter a relationship so soon after ending an engagement, then you wouldn't have entertained stalker boy or the one that's ghosted you.

You're 5 month in and say he wants to "work things out", you want "closure". Neither of these things should ever come up in the first year or two of a strong relationship that will work out. The first two years are easy! Especially in the first 5 months! You're both on your best behavior, showing your best side always. Sorry but this screams all kind of alarm bells.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

The more I read, the more all just sounds like a load of nonsense

 

[Raininvain]

Sounds like something from a teen mag, I'd forget about men I think and stay single and concentrate on yourself.

 

[hereforthememe]

I'm getting exhausted trying to follow this.

You came on here after advice, but it doesn't seem like you want to follow it... If you want to fight for it, do it, but you don't need to defend your actions on here

 

[LaurieLaurie]

He wanted to cancel.. He didn’t contact you first.. I think you’re just dragging out the end at this point.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

He was there in May. Everything was fine. I was alone in his parents other apartment in a different city. He called me once in 3 days, he went out on his own for 15 minutes. When he is just with his father that’s a thing. Otherwise he hangs out with his father and his brother and his gf.
I didn’t get it at first either but different people different habits. He isn’t going to call me to discuss heavy stuff in front of other people or when he thinks other people will overhear the conversation. That’s just how he is. It’s annoying and probably over the top but I’ll take that over him oversharing and his entire family being involved in everything and knowing every detail of every conversation or whatever is going on in our lives. He is also non confrontational like pretty much most men and he sees this as potentially ruining the time with his father if he gets upset or if we get in a fight and that’s on his mind all along. There is a lot in the background of that but he is super protective of his father since bf’s mom passed away. Essentially he is the primary caretaker and now he lives pretty far away so there is a ton of guilt about it etc. I kinda get why he doesn’t want to deal with us while he is there.

im assuming he’s a grown adult man? So why on Earth can’t he go outside or take a walk down the street or go sit in a bar or cafe or park or whatevef and make a phone call?!!!! This is absurd.

 

[no-no]

So you met your boyfriend in March - 5 months ago? 4 weeks after your relationship with your fiancé ended? And in that time there was also another guy on the scene who is now causing trouble between the two of you and somehow your landlord is involved?

that’s an awful lot of drama going on. No wonder your boyfriend is taking a step back.

honestly it all just sounds like far too much too soon. There’s no way you are over your fiancé - it’s only been a few months, you need time and space to figure out where you are now and get back to ground zero in your own life.

I can’t understand why your landlord would have your boyfriends number? What’s the connection there? And how does your landlord know this other chap who’s been causing hassle? What kind of stuff is being said?

im not sure I understand why your boyfriend can’t talk to you on the phone while he’s staying with family. I’m sure he can go somewhere private to make a call or go out for a walk or to a coffee shop etc? That sounds very odd to me.

You Can’t convince him to do anything- if you’ve contacted him/told him how you feel/that you want to talk etc and he’s not interested and is saying no - then that’s it. Pestering him and trying to force it won’t help.

take A huge step back. Leave him alone for a bit, let him have some time. If it’s meant to be, if he’s really in love with you etc he will reach out but if he doesn’t or if he’s telling you it’s over and he’s done then you have to listen to that and just accept that whatever it was, it’s finished.

You need an agony aunt section on this forum Dear @BettyCrockerr

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I’m trying to write the perfect text also it’s not necessarily tomorrow. Got till Tuesday and then we are back in the same city where we both live but Lisbon would be more fun together.

Jesus wept.

just text the guy for the love of god.

 

[Scorpihoe]

This guy must have a massive dick or something lol

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I think our favorite fantasist Mulholland Drive / Teanosugar is back!

Yup I thought that although it sounded more like our old pal MissGobby/bigmacmeal

 

[LaurieLaurie]

You had a good text idea, the short hope you’ve had a good time one, just get it sent ASAP so you know where you stand.

Hang on a minute.. He can be on Instagram but can’t pop up? Nahhh.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I’m sorry but I’m not buying this nonsenose about him not having any privacy when he’s at his family. What - can he not sit in a room on his own and talk on the phone? Can he not go outside the house alone and talk on the phone?

you have to look at it objectively - you are claiming that everything between the two of you was absolutely fantastic and there were no issues….. that’s not how it sounds though. If things were actually that great, if there really was that deep connection you are implying then he wouldn’t be doing what he’s doing now. He wouldn’t.