I know exactly what you mean. I've tried to navigate this whole debacle very carefully, so as not to see things that I can't unsee, which definitely should come with a warning and spoilers IMHO. Like you, I am not personally connected to this man at all but I have one of those minds that retains disturbing images and replays them, so it bothers me. I cannot imagine how this man's poor children will manage with this being thrust upon them, to be replayed in their minds forevermore.
My Mum died unexpectedly and suddenly, many years ago (at a similar age to Dave R). All of my adult life I have struggled with the idea that I might've coped with the bereavement better if I had seen my Mum after she had passed away.
The last time any of her children saw her she was gravely ill in hospital. We weren't asked if we wanted to visit her after she'd died. It wasn't ever mentioned. At the time I was young, naive and completely in shock and it didn't really occur to me that that might even be a thing.
As I've got older, I've grappled with the idea that seeing her body might've helped with accepting the situation, giving some closure by seeing for myself that she really was gone, not least of all because it happened so suddenly.
Whenever I think of my Mum though, straight away my mind goes to her lying in ICU. Before I remember her as she was, when vibrant and so full of life, my mind pictures how she looked near the end, in a coma, hooked up to machines. This is the reason that I now feel fortunate that I never saw her after she died, because I just know for sure that those memories would forever haunt me.
On a personal note, if one positive thing has come out of this awful situation with the R Family, it's the sensible discussion it's prompted here. I'm grateful to my fellow Tattlers for sharing their own personal opinions and experiences on this subject (here and on the Ingham Family thread) which has unexpectedly helped me to overcome my own feelings of regret.
For so long I resented the fact that I wasn't really given the opportunity (to see my mum) but I now know that it would've done me more harm than good and I've finally come to terms with that decision being made for me. In my family's case though, it would've been a completely respectful and dignified affair, shortly after death, but even so, it still wouldn't have been right for me to see. I understand that everyone is different but I think it's potentially more problematic (emotionally) to see what you can't later unsee, rather than to not see it at all in the first place.
I just can't comprehend how the Ravenscrofts are being allowed to carry on as they are. As time rolls on, it just gets more and more grotesque. Regardless of anyone's opinions about whether or not children should see their loved ones after death, as a general rule, this case here is just shockingly over the top and extreme. I find it very disturbing.
