Do you not feel bad for his wife, for knowingly having sex with him? Why couldnt you have had that physical relationship with someone single?
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Once unknowingly, I had a thing with a DJ at a club I worked at, we were always flirting and he said he was single(he lived away). We only slept together once and then I was told he did indeed have a gf and that pretty much put an end to it all.
I have been cheated on a few times and I wouldnt wish it on anyone. I'm still massively damaged by a realtionship that ended almost 10 years ago. Bf pretty much cheated on me throughout our relationship with his flatmate, made holidays plans with me and everything. i was also really friendly with her so f*ck her! He still just ended it one day blaming me living at home at the time,not earning enough etc etc, a couple of days later hes posting loads of pics of himself and the flatmate kissing and stuff. Tbh I always had a weird feeling in my gut something wasnt right whenever I left his house, trust your gut guys!!!!
I have been cheated on a few times and I wouldnt wish it on anyone. I'm still massively damaged by a realtionship that ended almost 10 years ago. Bf pretty much cheated on me throughout our relationship with his flatmate, made holidays plans with me and everything. i was also really friendly with her so f*ck her! He still just ended it one day blaming me living at home at the time,not earning enough etc etc, a couple of days later hes posting loads of pics of himself and the flatmate kissing and stuff. Tbh I always had a weird feeling in my gut something wasnt right whenever I left his house, trust your gut guys!!!!
I know of a couple of people who have unwittingly been the other woman, they broke it off as soon as they found out the guy was married or in a long-term relationship with someone.
I think that if he’ll cheat with you, he will probably cheat on you, if he does eventually leave his wife/partner.
I try to pay attention to wedding rings ( or tan lines where a ring should be on that finger!), but once got chatting to a guy at my local, where there is a weekly pub quiz. He bought me a drink, we were getting on well, and he had several opportunities to mention his wife. He was on business in France and from the UK, so I asked him where he was from, what he did for a living and a few other things. There were at least two, if not three occasions he could have brought up his wife: ‘I live in X city/town, where my wife grew up‘ ‘I work in Y industry, so does my wife’, but he didn’t, so I amped up the flirting and then he mentioned his wife! Felt very dodgy to me anyway and I felt dirty/gross for flirting with someone married!
I think that if he’ll cheat with you, he will probably cheat on you, if he does eventually leave his wife/partner.
I try to pay attention to wedding rings ( or tan lines where a ring should be on that finger!), but once got chatting to a guy at my local, where there is a weekly pub quiz. He bought me a drink, we were getting on well, and he had several opportunities to mention his wife. He was on business in France and from the UK, so I asked him where he was from, what he did for a living and a few other things. There were at least two, if not three occasions he could have brought up his wife: ‘I live in X city/town, where my wife grew up‘ ‘I work in Y industry, so does my wife’, but he didn’t, so I amped up the flirting and then he mentioned his wife! Felt very dodgy to me anyway and I felt dirty/gross for flirting with someone married!
I have accidentally. He was in a relationship but I didn't know about it until the end as he lied about it. I wouldn't have done it had I known.
yeah I think that's my issue honestly. I don't want to judge cause I'm fully aware that life is not black and white and I get that it is probably easy to get lost in a fantasy etc sometimes, especially if he's one of those charming "I'll leave her blah blah blah" types.
That said, I just don't know how you can be like "well I was getting what I wanted so
" Yeah he's the one breaking the vows but women have it hard enough in society. The very least we can do for each other is have each other's backs and not go there knowingly. It's not the responsibility of women by any means but I personally couldn't sleep at night knowing that I was involved in hurting another woman like that voluntarily.Also, if you're in love with him, does it not eat you up laying in bed thinking about him at home with his wife etc? I think that would have the potential to turn me into a jealous nut.
I never buy that bitThat said, I just don't know how you can be like "well I was getting what I wanted so
especially when it’s just sex and not a financial arrangement. You were getting all you were ever going to get because they’re having their cake and eating it.
My husband was ‘the other man’. We met when I was with my partner of 10 years. I don’t regret it and neither does he. It started off as just intense flirting but escalated into a full on affair pretty quickly. I married him three years later.
I’ve been the other woman in the past too on multiple occasions. Never felt bad about it if I’m truly honest. I enjoy the thrill of new relationships so I guess it was kind of addictive in a way and a bit of a power trip.
I’ve been the other woman in the past too on multiple occasions. Never felt bad about it if I’m truly honest. I enjoy the thrill of new relationships so I guess it was kind of addictive in a way and a bit of a power trip.
Not sure what the relevance of a financial arrangement is. We had a great sex life and that's all either of us wanted. I can't actually remember having a conversation with him. Both of us were happy with our arrangement.I never buy that bit
I was speaking generally, thinking of why anyone would want to be a ‘side chick’/whatever for years if the only tie is sex. Good sex can be found with a single man. I’m sure he was happy with the arrangement.
He obviously didn’t feel bad for his wife, so why should she?
If you read back the earlier pages of this thread it was stated and agreed not to pass judgement. Not trying to moderate here but why can’t people share their anonymous experiences without judgementMorals? It's just a crappy thing to do
I asked a question, without judgment, to see her side of things?If you read back the earlier pages of this thread it was stated and agreed not to pass judgement. Not trying to moderate here but why can’t people share their anonymous experiences without judgement
Its pretty standard to think its a crappy thing to do - that was in answer to your question as to why I thought she could/would/should feel bad for the partner. I also said on earlier posts that I ended up being the other woman twice, I just didnt know it at the time. Forum is there for all to interact
Do you not feel bad for his wife, for knowingly having sex with him? Why couldnt you have had that physical relationship with someone single?I asked a question, without judgment, to see her side of things?
Its pretty standard to think its a crappy thing to do - that was in answer to your question as to why I thought she could/would/should feel bad for the partner. I also said on earlier posts that I ended up being the other woman twice, I just didnt know it at the time. Forum is there for all to interact
Morals? It's just a crappy thing to do
Both statements seem very ‘moral high-ground’ and judgey here.
No one owes anyone on here an explanation of why they did what they did and how the feel/felt about it.
So much tit gets thrown to the “other woman” when it’s in fact the man breaking the vows.
Yeah, I am on a moral high ground on this one. As its something I would never knowingly do. However, as it has been done to me, I find it interesting to hear it from the womans side who does it. *if* she felt bad, why not etc.
What is the purpose of the thread if not to have a discussion around it? I agree the man is responsible for the cheating and to blame. I do feel, if the woman knows theyre involved, then she should be held accountable for doing what is a crappy thing
(Perhaps my wording of the question to the poster reads really bluntly - but its a genuine question)
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Surely we can all discuss it. But without judging. I mean, there’s been lots of discussion on it on this thread, without judgement. If you find it interesting and want to know *if* they feel bad just simply ask “do you feel bad?” You say you asked a question without judgement. But you kinda did judge …Yeah, I am on a moral high ground on this one. As its something I would never knowingly do. However, as it has been done to me, I find it interesting to hear it from the womans side who does it. *if* she felt bad, why not etc.
What is the purpose of the thread if not to have a discussion around it? I agree the man is responsible for the cheating and to blame. I do feel, if the woman knows theyre involved, then she should be held accountable for doing what is a crappy thing
I don’t think the thread is for holding people accountable for a crappy thing. I’m sorry that you’ve obviously been betrayed in a similar situation to this but holding others accountable won’t make anyone feel better.
I’m sure OP of the entire thread just wanted to hear people’s experiences of them being the “other woman”.
It was a direct question, reads quite loaded, but it was essentially - how did you feel and how come.Surely we can all discuss it. But without judging. I mean, there’s been lots of discussion on it on this thread, without judgement. If you find it interesting and want to know *if* they feel bad just simply ask “do you feel bad?” You say you asked a question without judgement. But you kinda did judge …
I don’t think the thread is for holding people accountable for a crappy thing. I’m sorry that you’ve obviously been betrayed in a similar situation to this but holding others accountable won’t make anyone feel better.
I’m sure OP of the entire thread just wanted to hear people’s experiences of them being the “other woman”.
I'm not personally holding anyone accountable; I was just speaking generally about the issue of affairs.
If women are sharing that they have been the other woman and did/didnt feel bad, naturally questions will be asked about that experience. People have come on here and literally called others scum. I haven't, i said the thing is pretty crappy and I asked to understand more. I haven't actually insulted anyone. Its no deeper than that. This just feels like moderating tbh
Thank you, and he was a churchgoer
but I'm supposed to police his morals, why, his marriage and wife were absolutely none of my concern or business. It was a long time ago now and I know for a fact he has moved on numerous times, wifey is still there putting up with it because she likes the lifestyle and 'being someone' he has a high profile career, without him she has nothingShe'd rather be the wife of a serial cheater than be single and that's on those 2, not me. He actually did suggest he leave his wife but I knew he'd behave the same way with me and I wouldn't have put up with it and if I had gone down that path I would never blame the other woman. Why would I blame a complete stranger for shagging my husband, he would owe me respect, not her.
I’ve been cheated on and been the other woman (unknowingly)
I met someone at work and we quickly got together, few years later moved in together and then I got a new better paid job. I had to work some evenings and he starts spending these evenings with a girl we worked with (she was 17 we were mid twenties) he invited her to a family party with us and that’s when alarm bells rang - I confronted him and we broke up. She was swanning around with him as if she won (we had a few mutual friends where we’d all worked together) they later married but as far as I know he’s with someone else now and has 2 kids and she’s got about 20 dogs
After this relationship ended I started seeing a colleagues housemate that he introduced me to and I’d stay over a few times never noticed anything amiss no women’s things, no pics, social media said single and his friends said
he was single, a few months later I had a Facebook message from a mutual friend with evidence he was in a long term relationship- I asked him and he shrugged and said he thought I knew. I didn’t see him again and it was just a casual fling so didn’t want to msg the other woman - I think they ended up married with kids
2 months later I met my now husband so all worked out in the end
I met someone at work and we quickly got together, few years later moved in together and then I got a new better paid job. I had to work some evenings and he starts spending these evenings with a girl we worked with (she was 17 we were mid twenties) he invited her to a family party with us and that’s when alarm bells rang - I confronted him and we broke up. She was swanning around with him as if she won (we had a few mutual friends where we’d all worked together) they later married but as far as I know he’s with someone else now and has 2 kids and she’s got about 20 dogs
After this relationship ended I started seeing a colleagues housemate that he introduced me to and I’d stay over a few times never noticed anything amiss no women’s things, no pics, social media said single and his friends said
he was single, a few months later I had a Facebook message from a mutual friend with evidence he was in a long term relationship- I asked him and he shrugged and said he thought I knew. I didn’t see him again and it was just a casual fling so didn’t want to msg the other woman - I think they ended up married with kids
2 months later I met my now husband so all worked out in the end
Once a cheat, always is innit!Thank you, and he was a churchgoer
She'd rather be the wife of a serial cheater than be single and that's on those 2, not me. He actually did suggest he leave his wife but I knew he'd behave the same way with me and I wouldn't have put up with it and if I had gone down that path I would never blame the other woman. Why would I blame a complete stranger for shagging my husband, he would owe me respect, not her.
I dont think you should police his morals. Thats on him. I meant from your position, how you would ciew your morals - like, did you not see it as a crappy thing to do? Or you did and didnt care?/ would you be able to imagine what you'd feel/think of a woman doing that to you?
(Again - just genuinely asking before the moderating starts again!)
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