“The other women”

[Phoenix Lazarus]

It was the other man, in my family. Then aged seventeen, I was introduced to him as a workmate of my mum's. I liked him.

Soon, it became clear he and my mother were having an affair. I lost respect for all three in the triangle, including my dad for just letting it go on when it was so obvious. Mum left my dad for the other man when I was nearly twenty.

More than thirty years on, I've still not fully come to terms with it all.

 

[adult human female]

Random question to all those who've been the other woman, no judgement just curious....does being the other woman not feel like being cheated on in itself? Like you're sleeping with him but he's also sleeping with someone else?

 

[LaurieLaurie]

It was the other man, in my family. Then aged seventeen, I was introduced to him as a workmate of my mum's. I liked him.

Soon, it became clear he and my mother were having an affair. I lost respect for all three in the triangle, including my dad for just letting it go on when it was so obvious. Mum left my dad for the other man when I was nearly twenty.

More than thirty years on, I've still not fully come to terms with it all.

Did they stay together?

 

[Notworthy]

Random question to all those who've been the other woman, no judgement just curious....does being the other woman not feel like being cheated on in itself? Like you're sleeping with him but he's also sleeping with someone else?

That would depend on what you wanted from the relationship. For me, nope, not at all, my focus was on other things, so it was just great sex with none of the drama. Also I didn't feel guilt at all. A person isn't a possession, they have freewill, if someone wants to cheat on their partner, that's entirely on them and as for female solidarity, nope don't get that either, soz#notsoz. All my closest friends have been Male (platonic, I never sleep with my male friends) I feel far more affinity with men than women.

 

[RR20]

When I was 23 I worked with someone who was about 7 years older and had split from his ex wife a few months previously with whom he had 2 kids. From day one he made flirty comments to me which I just brushed off and stayed professional as I had heard rumours from a co-worker that he was sleeping with a couple of people in the office then a couple of months later I hear he has a new girlfriend and I'm happy for them. Then me and him attend a work conference with black tie event in the evening and he starts to complain at the conference that his new girlfriend is asking for his credit card to book some tickets for something. At first I ignored this as I didn't want to comment on his personal life but then after the conference he asks me for a drink out before the evening event and we just chat about life etc but nothing physical happens. We attend the evening event and have a few drinks but don't get drunk and go back to a hotel we are staying in but have separate rooms we sit in the bar talking some more and he starts saying that he's only with his girlfriend as she is the only person who spoke to him on Tinder and that her mate is better looking. As we're about to leave to go to our rooms he says he really likes me but I did the right thing and went to my own room on my own and nothing happened. After this night I did develop feelings for this person and thought I was in love however he decided to stay with his girlfriend as she was pregnant and they now have 5 kids between then and I decided to cut all contact. When I look back I'm so glad I walked away from that situation and eventually I got over my feelings for him.

 

[lilacbutterfly]

Random question to all those who've been the other woman, no judgement just curious....does being the other woman not feel like being cheated on in itself? Like you're sleeping with him but he's also sleeping with someone else?

Personally I think I block it out. It hurts to think, hurts to let go and hurts to stay. . Been reading this thread for a while, need to find the courage to leave but I just can’t.. I don’t know my life without him, but I’m losing myself.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Personally I think I block it out. It hurts to think, hurts to let go and hurts to stay. . Been reading this thread for a while, need to find the courage to leave but I just can’t.. I don’t know my life without him, but I’m losing myself.

You need to put yourself first, you shouldnt be anyones side piece x

 

[Phoenix Lazarus]

Did they stay together?

Yes. Mum"s still with the other man.

 

[Rockin' Robin]

I don't suppose a tacky fling that lasted a few months, counts as being tthe "other woman" does it?

 

[ClockworkDolly]

Random question to all those who've been the other woman, no judgement just curious....does being the other woman not feel like being cheated on in itself? Like you're sleeping with him but he's also sleeping with someone else?

I always believe that those people who cheat, even once, will have the desire to cheat again. They will know the thrill of being the cheater and no matter how many promises they make to stop doing it, the urge would be too strong for some.

I have been on the receiving end of being cheated on, it’s bleeping awful. But, I know on this occasion, he duped her and told her the same lies he told me. He had a gilded tongue and women fell for it, including me.

He was the bastard and whilst I was angry at the time and thinking it was her, deep down, I knew that he was at fault.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I don't suppose a tacky fling that lasted a few months, counts as being tthe "other woman" does it?

I think anything when the other person is in a relationship would, regardless of length.

 

[Rita Chevrolet]

I’m a member, not just a moderator.

also, nobody knows if I’ve been the wife, the partner, the child of a cheating father, so if I want to say a woman who knowingly enters into a relationship with a father and husband is trash, I’ll say it.
It’s a tit thing to do, tit. Especially if kids are involved.
If people can give sympathy and console I’m gonna do similar for the victims of the situation.

What then do you call someone who actively sets out to destroy a marriage in the full knowledge there is a new baby and a toddler involved in the mess, someone who thinks they can step right into your shoes before you have even left them? I endured that along with all the lies that he thought I'd never notice because I was too busy with two little kids to worry what he was up to with the sneaking off for sudden "appointments" he absolutely had to attend on pain-of-death, the "Golf games" and all the other lame excuses. Yes all his lies and all this because she decided she wanted my husband for herself! Well when he came to his senses after a couple of months of stringing her along between me and our little children I DECIDED -not him - that I was not going to play second fiddle to someone as inherently ugly and untrustworthy as her and that basically he could have her and get on with it! I chucked him out and he scuttled off back to his horrible mother.

He went on to marry her eventually and the kids say he's miserable as sin whenever they speak to him, plus she has health problems which effectively mean he's her carer now and gets to wheel her about in a wheelchair whilst she screeches abuse at him for not doing anything right!!. Karma has some funny ways of getting payback dealt with

 

[Oohthedrama]

What then do you call someone who actively sets out to destroy a marriage in the full knowledge there is a new baby and a toddler involved in the mess, someone who thinks they can step right into your shoes before you have even left them? I endured that along with all the lies that he thought I'd never notice because I was too busy with two little kids to worry what he was up to with the sneaking off for sudden "appointments" he absolutely had to attend on pain-of-death, the "Golf games" and all the other lame excuses. Yes all his lies and all this because she decided she wanted my husband for herself! Well when he came to his senses after a couple of months of stringing her along between me and our little children I DECIDED -not him - that I was not going to play second fiddle to someone as inherently ugly and untrustworthy as her and that basically he could have her and get on with it! I chucked him out and he scuttled off back to his horrible mother.

He went on to marry her eventually and the kids say he's miserable as sin whenever they speak to him, plus she has health problems which effectively mean he's her carer now and gets to wheel her about in a wheelchair whilst she screeches abuse at him for not doing anything right!!. Karma has some funny ways of getting payback dealt with

I wish YOU nothing but good karma and a good relationship from now on, with yourself and whoever you allow into your life, anything must be better than trash,
Trash attracts trash.

till this day I’m still getting angry notifications on my comments on this thread so I’ve decided to stay away, advice sections don’t like anyone going against the grain here and that’s fine.

Quick reminder, no need for anyone to tell others what they can and can’t say or tell them to “set up another thread” when they tell their own story.
Users don’t get to decide how someone feels, just ignore comments/posts you don’t agree with and offer support when/if you see it necessary with others.

hope that’s ok.

 

[Rita Chevrolet]

I wish YOU nothing but good karma and a good relationship from now on, with yourself and whoever you allow into your life, anything must be better than trash,
Trash attracts trash.

till this day I’m still getting angry notifications on my comments on this thread so I’ve decided to stay away, advice sections don’t like anyone going against the grain here and that’s fine.

Quick reminder, no need for anyone to tell others what they can and can’t say or tell them to “set up another thread” when they tell their own story.
Users don’t get to decide how someone feels, just ignore comments/posts you don’t agree with and offer support when/if you see it necessary with others.

hope that’s ok.

Karma comes to those that deserve a reminder of what they've done. I remarried a couple of years after the divorce and have been for 35 years now but it took a long time to learn to not label my OH with the same tags as I'd placed on The Ex, yet it comes slowly but surely In any case I like to bask in the full knowledge that NOBODY would ever believe she is "Mother" to my beautiful kids - absolutely NO WAY whatsoever LOL

 

[ASAnigel]

Random question to all those who've been the other woman, no judgement just curious....does being the other woman not feel like being cheated on in itself? Like you're sleeping with him but he's also sleeping with someone else?

At times yes - once I had fallen in love with him it was awful and hated the thought of it.
But I just kinda blocked it out.
Once I’d uncovered the truth of his home life and what he’d been up to with other people at the same time I realised if I’d actually “got him” he’d cheat on me too.

 

[Adayinthelife]

Random question to all those who've been the other woman, no judgement just curious....does being the other woman not feel like being cheated on in itself? Like you're sleeping with him but he's also sleeping with someone else?

yes, and it nearly broke me. But then I realised, like someone else said, that even if he left her for me he would cheat still. I think I mentioned he’s now in a relationship with another woman he cheated on his wife with, and that seems to be all rosy but I deliberately keep a distance from home these days so who really knows

 

[beaniebobble]

Yes unfortunately, I regret it deeply and still feel very bitter about it to this day despite moving on …it ruins your trust and faith in people!
He worked in a local shop I was a single mum and hadn’t been in a relationship for many years after losing my sons dad. We used to chat and I liked him, he gave me his phone number and we chatted for a long time- I wondered why it never progressed from that then he revealed he was married- unhappily apparently, his son had severe autism and the relationship was all an act for his son. He claimed to love me etc. All lies of course but I bought them…a year in he left her or she binned him off but after 3 months he’d gone back blaming needing to put his son first and left me heartbroken.
6 years later! He got back in touch in June saying he still loved me it was the biggest mistake of his life leaving me and other nonsense. He had the nerve to question why i has another baby and why am i now in a relationship. The most disturbing thing is one of his colleagues told me had four women on the go when he was seeing me snd a different phone for each of us! Disgusting!!

Thankfully I’ve seen the light and would never ever get involved with something like this ever again!

 

[Mrspowell]

Yes and it broke me. You are right not all stories are clear cut

Random question to all those who've been the other woman, no judgement just curious....does being the other woman not feel like being cheated on in itself? Like you're sleeping with him but he's also sleeping with someone else?

Yes 100% it’s a horrible situation. Being the other women is like taking drugs. You know it’s bad for you, you know it’s going to kill you but you can’t stop.

 

[prozacprincess]

That would depend on what you wanted from the relationship. For me, nope, not at all, my focus was on other things, so it was just great sex with none of the drama. Also I didn't feel guilt at all. A person isn't a possession, they have freewill, if someone wants to cheat on their partner, that's entirely on them and as for female solidarity, nope don't get that either, soz#notsoz. All my closest friends have been Male (platonic, I never sleep with my male friends) I feel far more affinity with men than women.

That’s so similar to how I feel I felt you’d written my reply!
Also I was the ‘other woman’ to both men and women so female solidarity wouldn’t really apply for my situation anyway.

 

[lilacbutterfly]

Yes and it broke me. You are right not all stories are clear cut


Yes 100% it’s a horrible situation. Being the other women is like taking drugs. You know it’s bad for you, you know it’s going to kill you but you can’t stop.

Best way I’ve heard it described