“The other women”

[Curly Top]

No never. I would never give a man that level of compliment.

 

[watermelon sugar]

Once, my ex boyfriend cheated on me with some girl I knew, so I went and slept with her ex boyfriend. Then SHE kicked off on ME!! I was single at the time btw, so was he

 

[Penelope Strawberry]

Unpopular opinion: I don't judge the other woman/man/person in any of the situations in this thread.

I've never been the other woman and never will be - I want to be the ONLY woman and value myself too highly to settle for less. But when it comes to cheating, I think it's solely the person in the relationship who is doing the cheating who is responsible for hurting their partner and destroying their trust.

Even if another woman knows that my husband is married and pursues him relentlessly, it's my husband's fault if he chooses to have an affair. He is not a helpless victim at the mercy of an evil succubus.

 

[Brianbadonde]

I’ll bite too, call me trash if you like. Emotional and physical affair with a man I’d known a long time who wasn’t married but in a very long term relationship.. (since they were teens)
He said his relationship was them simply living like friends, no emotional connection anymore and nothing physical (I’m sure they all say this)
He used me as a sounding board to start with but my attraction to him was that great (I fully fell in love with him) I went with the flow when things got physical.. he talked about getting to a point of leaving her but before that happened she found out he was having an affair.. but here’s the twist, it wasn’t me she found out about but another woman. Turns out he was at it with loads of people. They split and he’s now with someone totally different (none of the women he was having an affair with). It taught me a valuable lesson and I’d never ever go near another man who’s with someone else, whether they tell me their relationship may as well be over or not.

 

[Emzykins]

No but my now straight ex wife was the other woman, twice, while I was pregnant. I found out 5 weeks after our wedding she was sleeping with a guy she worked with, and then it came out she was sleeping with a married man 2 years before that. I literally was clueless. She covered her tracks so well, she acted normal the entire 2 years she was cheating on me. I couldn't ever be the other woman, I'd never wish that pain on anybody.

 

[lupanda]

I was once but I didn’t know.

Told me he was a widow. He was not a widow.

 

[PaintPots]

If youre triggered by this topic,maybe skip past it? But the tone of your past is uncomfortable for several other posters outside of the lady you were directing it too. That should tell you everything you need to know

I agree. I'm sorry if you have baggage and issues relating to this topic but people on here should be allowed to post their stories without judgment. Don't bully and abuse others!

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Twice - both times I thought they were single. First guy was actually the first time I had sex, later found out that he had a long term partner and kids. Second guy, I was under the impression him and his girlfriend had broken up.

Never knowingly. Never would. It scummy.

 

[justheretoread99]

People who have been the other woman reading this thread not wanting to be called trash

I’d take no notice of being called “trash”.

No one can force a married man/woman to cheat on their significant other. The cheater is the trash absolutely. If they’re not happy they can leave.

But the other (if single) party? No one has any idea how much love bombing and manipulation someone else can be put through. Just my opinion though

 

[Lulu Goss]

I’m a member, not just a moderator.

also, nobody knows if I’ve been the wife, the partner, the child of a cheating father, so if I want to say a woman who knowingly enters into a relationship with a father and husband is trash, I’ll say it.
It’s a shit thing to do, shit. Especially if kids are involved.
If people can give sympathy and console I’m gonna do similar for the victims of the situation.

No one who’s shared their story has said it isn’t a shit thing to do though, no ones asked for sympathy or said it wasn’t wrong.

Everyone’s entitled to their opinion but there’s no need for name calling.

 

[Peaches_xox]

I think there are people that do exactly that yes. Some people are destructive and enjoy drama.

Again though, every situation is different. So whilst there are of course some who are destructive, a lot of people catch genuine feelings for these men and are possibly sold a dream. They’re caught up in their feelings.

Also sorry but if I was single, and I got involved with a married man, why do I owe his wife anything. I don’t know her at all?! The opinion on this thread a lot of the time seems to be that women should have loyalty to women they don’t know, not the men who married them. It’s bizarre to me.

 

[rainbowlemon]

god I hate when people make excuses, had a feeling you would have because why tell him you had feelings if you weren’t hoping/planning to act on them.

Im glad he was a good man, and I hope they’re still very happy together.

I'm not an innocent wall flower, never claimed to be either, but it was the truth of how I felt which I had hidden from him for a long time and wasn't planning on telling him. We talked about it like adults without jumping into bed with each other. He accepted my feelings, normalized it. I don't feel any shame or feel like I've done anything wrong. I was vulnerable then and would probably be the same now as I still live alone away from any family or friends.

 

[blossombloss]

There has to be a poster who got involved knowing she was going to be the other women.
I can't believe theres not been a story yet where they admitted they jumped into a relationship fully aware that the man/woman already had a partner.


I can believe that they might be scared of being judged here.

ETA @ASAnigel just re read yours, so you did know he had a wife but didn't know he had kids?

Hahaha I don't think OP will get a response to her question! I don't blame her, if people are writing about being in love with a married man and getting harsh responses, I don't think anyone who has ever been the other woman knowingly is going to want to face the wrath of others.

I guess it has to be a proper judgement free zone or it won't work.

 

[Rue Git Le Couer]

I might be wrong but I’d always assume anyone defending the other woman has been in that position and have a guilty conscience, although this will be denied.

Similarly I would assume that anyone blaming the ‘other woman’ has been cheated on & has anger/bitterness over it & doesn’t want to think there may be any more to it than the woman is a bitch who intended on destroying a family.

As someone who has been the other woman, as I stated above, I cannot say in general whether I blame the man, woman or both. As others have said I think every case is different. What I will say is that seeing how my cheating with a married man ruined MY life more than either his or his wife’s, I am strongly against cheating now & have even fallen out with friends over their cheating. Kind of like an ex-smoker who becomes the biggest anti-smoker going!
I do understand however what it feels like when you’re in the middle of it & I know it’s not always as cut & dry as some people make out.
It’s definitely an interesting topic.

 

[blossombloss]

I don't think anyone will openly say yeah, I deliberately got involved with a married man with no regrets. I don't believe it's possible anyway, unless someone is a bit of a sociopath, because affairs always leave a trail of destruction behind them. If someone is purposely going after married men (or women), then they need to ask themselves why - they tend to enjoy the attention and drama of it all. The thing is, it's very easy to blame the "other woman" but if you're married, you have to say no - I've made a commitment and I'm not going to throw that away. But some married men are very good at hiding their wives/kids.

Totally agree with the bolded and regardless of gender. People always want to blame "the other woman/man" but the reality it is the person who is married that should face the most blame and shame. They have made the commitment. I'm not saying the other party gets off guilt-free, it's bad morals on both parties. But the trail of destruction that's left behind is the fault of the person who has the family/partner and has chosen to cheat. Sadly when it does come to the other woman the woman gets the blame because "she should have known better." Hun, your partner who is apparently committed to you should have known better, I'd focus more on why he disrespected you than the other woman. She probably doesn't know you from Adam. When by BF cheated on me with another woman, all my rage was directed at him because he was MY boyfriend. In that case I even felt a bit sorry for her because he played us both!

Sorry OP I feel like I'm derailing though! Can't say I'd willingly enter a situation where I'm the other woman. Can't even fathom it!

 

[rainbowlemon]

I’m a member, not just a moderator.

also, nobody knows if I’ve been the wife, the partner, the child of a cheating father, so if I want to say a woman who knowingly enters into a relationship with a father and husband is trash, I’ll say it.
It’s a shut thing to do, shit. Especially if kids are involved.

If I'm being honest I didn't like yesterday's grilling and feeling like I had to justify myself when I never even kissed him. He was kind and saw me. The real me. I could tell him how I really felt and he would just listen. I didn't have to pretend that I had everything under control. I actually live alone in a another country, away from my family and he was just there. When I told him that I loved him- he told me that he already knew.

My favourite smith song goes " It's so easy to laugh, it's so easy to hate. It takes guts to be gentle and kind." I also grew up watching my father cheat repeatedly on my mother, but behind the screen we're all just human in the end. I've seen comments here on the state of Sue Radford's vagina and others calling plus sized influencers "fatty", but as I've grown older (29 now) I don't expect others to behave the same way that I do or be anything other then who they are. Someone might have done a shitty thing, but they are not the shitty thing and there is a difference.

If you won't behave the same way again- you're not the same person you were before and you can let it go and forgive yourself.

I like reading different view points, and we do have the added benefit of hiding behind the random username. Though my besties already know all of this. I personally also thought the sex worker thread was interesting too.

 

[Grippy]

I don't really think some people understand the gravity of what that does to the person who's being cheated on.

I believe this is exactly what people have been trying to explain. I don’t think people were saying “I set out to ruin his wife and kids’ lives”.

Being called trash and told that being vulnerable was “an excuse” is no more reductive, unfair and unhelpful than someone saying that if your partner cheated on you it’s your fault for not keeping them happy and satisfied at home.

 

[heatmagazine]

Yes but I’ve always been paid for it.

 

[Oohthedrama]

What then do you call someone who actively sets out to destroy a marriage in the full knowledge there is a new baby and a toddler involved in the mess, someone who thinks they can step right into your shoes before you have even left them? I endured that along with all the lies that he thought I'd never notice because I was too busy with two little kids to worry what he was up to with the sneaking off for sudden "appointments" he absolutely had to attend on pain-of-death, the "Golf games" and all the other lame excuses. Yes all his lies and all this because she decided she wanted my husband for herself! Well when he came to his senses after a couple of months of stringing her along between me and our little children I DECIDED -not him - that I was not going to play second fiddle to someone as inherently ugly and untrustworthy as her and that basically he could have her and get on with it! I chucked him out and he scuttled off back to his horrible mother.

He went on to marry her eventually and the kids say he's miserable as sin whenever they speak to him, plus she has health problems which effectively mean he's her carer now and gets to wheel her about in a wheelchair whilst she screeches abuse at him for not doing anything right!!. Karma has some funny ways of getting payback dealt with

I wish YOU nothing but good karma and a good relationship from now on, with yourself and whoever you allow into your life, anything must be better than trash,
Trash attracts trash.

till this day I’m still getting angry notifications on my comments on this thread so I’ve decided to stay away, advice sections don’t like anyone going against the grain here and that’s fine.

Quick reminder, no need for anyone to tell others what they can and can’t say or tell them to “set up another thread” when they tell their own story.
Users don’t get to decide how someone feels, just ignore comments/posts you don’t agree with and offer support when/if you see it necessary with others.

hope that’s ok.

 

[justheretoread99]

Morals? It's just a shitty thing to do

If you read back the earlier pages of this thread it was stated and agreed not to pass judgement. Not trying to moderate here but why can’t people share their anonymous experiences without judgement