“The other women”

[Justwishfulthinking]

Has anyone who's been the other woman to a man in a marriage of "convenience", or "stayed for the kids", ever gone to find out that the marriage genuinely was just a sham and there was no emotional or physical intimacy?

Yup know of a few

 

[lupanda]

So interesting to hear everyone’s experiences. & good on the ones that don’t want sympathy and accept what they’ve done

But as a single woman this thread gives me the fear

My experience (man saying he was a widow) happened before social media. I thought it would be harder to hide a marriage/partner these days but this thread has me thinking otherwise

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Not knowingly no.

I started seeing a guy from uni and although he had some recent pictures on there of him with a girl, his relationship status was single and she wasn’t on his profile picture.

it was only when we started seeing each other that I stalked the girl a bit on Twitter and found tweets that she had posted that hinted that she had been cheated on and similar stuff.

I also found out through stalking his Facebook that he had been in a relationship with her, but whether it had ended when we started seeing each other I’m not sure. He was scum anyway and we were both better off without.

 

[melbman]

Have you ever been the other woman? Traditionally she is the “evil one”, but not all stories are as black and white as that.
Whats your experience if you have?

ive had the other woman , and let me tell u, she was evil...

 

[midsgirl0121]

Delete all his chats, delete his number, get any evidence of him off your phone.

You say she was the side piece, but frankly it sounds like no one was his 'main woman'. Who is to say he wasn't saying the same to her.

Revenge, you won't be getting revenge on him because he won't care. He can walk away, all you are doing is hurting a possibly young pregnant woman. She may have no idea about you therefore in her eyes she hasn't done anything wrong. Personally, you need to walk away. Be the bigger person and don't play his games.

Yeah I have done but like I said blocked numbers are still in the blocked list which is so annoying . Yeah I get that, it's just he's been a c**t and treated me like shit and now he gets a baby and a new Mrs and where does it leave me, with fuck all so I'm just angry at the moment

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Thank you, and he was a churchgoerbut I'm supposed to police his morals, why, his marriage and wife were absolutely none of my concern or business. It was a long time ago now and I know for a fact he has moved on numerous times, wifey is still there putting up with it because she likes the lifestyle and 'being someone' he has a high profile career, without him she has nothing
She'd rather be the wife of a serial cheater than be single and that's on those 2, not me. He actually did suggest he leave his wife but I knew he'd behave the same way with me and I wouldn't have put up with it and if I had gone down that path I would never blame the other woman. Why would I blame a complete stranger for shagging my husband, he would owe me respect, not her.

Once a cheat, always is innit!

I dont think you should police his morals. Thats on him. I meant from your position, how you would ciew your morals - like, did you not see it as a crappy thing to do? Or you did and didnt care?/ would you be able to imagine what you'd feel/think of a woman doing that to you?

(Again - just genuinely asking before the moderating starts again!)

 

[lilacbutterfly]

Yes and it broke me. You are right not all stories are clear cut


Yes 100% it’s a horrible situation. Being the other women is like taking drugs. You know it’s bad for you, you know it’s going to kill you but you can’t stop.

Best way I’ve heard it described

 

[midsgirl0121]

Oh god what a pickle. Firstly, dating for 18 months- most people would want to be in a relationship by that time. Red flag

Secondly, do you know 100% for sure she is pregnant and it’s his? If it is - sack him off. Just full on sack him off. Wants to live together but doesn’t want to be exclusive as he wants to enjoy his time on deployment? Second red flag selfish behaviour.

Thirdly, a 20 year old is not a child. You need to message her if this is all true. She’s deserves to know. Sooner rather than later. You also need to message him. Even if he’s in contactable you need to email/text/write to him and tell him what you know.

Id end it. He seems like a piece of shit.

I wasn't sure what I wanted, I'm not the sort of person that rushes into things and being military obviously he wasn't always around so we didn't see each other like the standard relationship would over 18 months if you get what I'm saying.

He told me she is pregnant, I don't know whether it's definitely his frankly I don't care thats his problem not mine. We aren't speaking anymore he has been sacked off don't worry.

She looks about 16 which is why I called her a child probably me being petty but I'm allowed to be at the moment lol.

I don't know what I'm supposed to message him, I've nothing left to say to him

There is no pickle, you need to block him and cut contact completely to salvage your dignity. You don’t need to beg him to block you Change your number if you have to. He was future faking with the house (look FF up). The family have seen it play out before, you won’t be the first or last.

I wouldn’t message the new girl. She’ll find out soon enough what he’s like. Move on with your life and work on your boundaries. Might seem harsh but you need to focus on yourself.

Yeah I blocked him but in your contacts on WhatsApp even if the number isn't saved, it still shows in your block list. So I didn't want to have the opportunity when I was drunk to message him kicking off that's why I wanted him to block my number as well

You do not need to be asking him to block you, you need to block him.

You don’t owe the other woman anything, it is his mess and let him sort it out. She’ll find out eventually. You may just end up looking like the bitter ex/side piece.

I would cut all contact and move on. He clearly isn’t interested in actually settling down, after dating for 18 months and he still wants to mess around, NO. He cannot have his cake and eat it.

I did block him I just wanted him to block me in case I got drunk and was tempted to unblock and message him. I wasn't a side piece, she was, but she knows nothing about me so she probably thinks she's the only one as well. I get whay you're saying about not owing her anything, I think it's more about me getting revenge at the moment lol

 

[Be creative]

ive had the other woman , and let me tell u, she was evil...

as in you had her as the other woman or she was your woman and was an “other woman” to someone else?

 

[Rockin' Robin]

I don't suppose a tacky fling that lasted a few months, counts as being tthe "other woman" does it?

 

[Phoenix Lazarus]

Did they stay together?

Yes. Mum"s still with the other man.

 

[melbman]

as in you had her as the other woman or she was your woman and was an “other woman” to someone else?

not sure what you mean

 

[monga]

Monica Lewinsky is a good example of that. Bill Clinton got nothing. People still bring up Monica Lewinksy now and the woman is nearly 50

Yip ! I don't think it ever leaves you .

 

[melbman]

I've been the other woman. Not really fussed about judgement by strangers. We had a relationship for 2 and a half years. We both got what we wanted from it and it naturally ended. I was working full time, going to University and learning to fly so didn't have the time nor really want to commit to anything more than sex, worked for both of us. It wasn't me that stood in front of friends and family and take vows, it was him that did that and broke them (frequently)

It takes two to Tango

 

[Katie72]

Is this tread finished?

 

[midsgirl0121]

It's more about self control than worrying about whether they're in the blocked list. Know your worth and tell yourself you're better than him, keep telling yourself that and eventually any urge you have to contact him will go anyway.

Easier said than done when it's fresh but I get it.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I’ll bite. I was the ‘other woman’ - he was married and had three kids. I knew this. I was also married. We entered into an emotional affair willingly and knowingly. It was some of the best times of my life, but the fallout from it was bad for me and not for him (he ‘got away’ with it). I don’t blame him, It was what it was and we both knew what the consequences could be

What made you get involved with him, knowing that? (Typical he got away with it!)

 

[Begborrowsteal]

In my younger years yes, twice. Although I was single. Thats all the details I’m giving.

Do you regret it?

 

[monga]

Out of interest ,what does it offer you being the other woman ?

 

[AlanBanan]

Is this tread finished?

No, it hasn’t been locked.