The Kearns #48 She goes by Sarah, Sez or Sar but to us Tattle aunties she’s Beaky with the bad hair

[avex]

"boy mums" are completely insufferable. Girls never ride bikes or take risks, don't you know? They just sit in silence and twirl their hair.

 

[phonies]

Hi Swamp Creekers, it’s Det Karen Ann Kearns here with another surveillance update from Boat #1, making Swamp Creek PD’s weekends free. We picked up conversations between Brad and the kids, and and Sez regarding a snake. (No Aunties, this time I’m not talking Brad’s penis).

August 2023:
Brad: Babe, I want a snake.
Sez: No.
Brad: Please? *shows pic*
Sez: I hate snakes. They are gross. If you get a snake, I will knock you the fk out and I will never have sex with you again.
Brad: You’re so brutal, I love it.
Sez: I love being loved by you.

September 2023:
Brad: Hey Knox and Ted, your birthdays are coming up! Do you like snakes?
Knox: No dad, I like pink and birds.
Turdy: Me shhhh-cared of shhh-nakes and birds.
Brad: Are you sure you don’t like snakes, look at this super cool rare snake? *Shows pic*
Knox:
Trudy: shhhh-cary
Brad: If you say yes, mum will get it for you!
Turdy: *inaudible spit talk*
Brad: What?
Knox: He said all he wants is for mum to make him a Broncos cake, and buy him toys and a boost juice at Westfield.
Brad: Oh, what about you Knoxy? Dad really wants to get you a snake!
Knox: What about braces? People tease me about my teeth and I feel really bad about myself.
Brad: Ugh, I’ll try again in April. Finn will say yes.

April 2023:
Brad: Finn! You know how much I love you, right? Do you like snakes? Tell me you like snakes!
Finn: They are cool I guess.
Brad: How cool would it be if I, I mean you, had a snake! Would you like a snake for your birthday? Would you like this snake for your birthday *shows pic*
Finn: *doesn’t look up from his iPad*
Brad: We’ll get you one on top of all your other presents!
Finn: Ok.
Brad: Done! Love you son.

April 2023:
Brad: Babe, Finn wants a snake. We should get it for him for his birthday. I don’t want him to have any snake-related trauma like my Big W and lack of Etnies.
Sez: That’s the best idea! I love snakes! Let me follow 45 snake accounts on insta!
Brad: You’re the best!
Sez: No babe, you’re the best dad thinking of his future trauma! I’m so proud of you for growing through your childhood where nobody advocated for you!
Brad: He wants this one, it’s really cool and rare, he has great taste in snakes *shows same pic from last year*.
Sez: Okay babe, you’re the expert. The budget is $10,000.

 

[phonies]

Can we please take a moment to appreciate how bogan the spelling ‘JAXX’ is? Good Lord.

 

[Drama Filled Llama]

The Kearns #49 Off to Melbourne for Short King Brandley. Sezzy says, ‘Don’t cheat on me, I can see, we have the same Apple ID.’

 

[Watermeloncracker]

I love how she said that macaws aren’t an animal to get on a whim.
But then followed it up by saying that Brad randomly asked her while she was drunk if he could get a bird, and then sprung that 100 year long commitment on her when she got home.

also, turns out poor Bobley was a pet they could get on a whim.
and then give away on a whim.
and then get back on a whim.
and then give away on a whim again.

 

[leaky_beaky]

I think he has his conference speech this week and that’s why she is proud?

My god. I get roped into going overseas to speak at conferences at least once a year, must have been to about a dozen. I avoid as much as I can. Can’t even count how many domestic conferences in Australia. Fuck Sez sets the bar low. Imagine all the speakers going home and having a party.
---
What did I miss where did we get promotion from?

MILITARY PLANNING AND OPERATIONAL MANAGEMENT, he was a fucking cadet who lasted not even 2 yrs.. The only thing he planned was flinging his dick around and managing his time to do it. I just showed the Major who laughed and then forwarded to others. He said the bloke didn't even last 4 yrs, what a weasley little suck arse.

 

[saaahhhhreal]

The saga of the shared Apple ID is back..
ironic that it’s just after a dress up ball. Guessing she can see photos and texts he shared after a few drinks?

He was glued to his phone while on the sideline at the game on Sunday morning. Literally locked to his hand and for at least the last quarter he spent more time typing on it then he did looking at the game
Never have I seen a junior coach even have his phone in his hand during an 8 minute quarter
He definitely has someone hes chatting too, unless it was Sarah yelling at him from the sideline

 

[screenfreelookatme]

Oh no, Finnayyyyy will have asked her not to share because she's in her respecting privacy era

Can we place bets on if she does post, she’ll say “Finn was happy for me to share these photos” and add a line about “thank you for respecting his privacy as we navigate having big kids on social media”
---
Actually maybe “Finn asked me to share these photos with his stadium of internet aunties”

 

[Kip]

even the name fits our fave corporate worker!!

 

[screenfreelookatme]

How is this protecting their privacy? Okay we don’t see their face, but all the kids at school etc still know he’s cuddled up with mummy for bedtime? Zero judgement because I lie with my kids too, but these are still personal details about their lives, broadcast out to the world. Can’t even pretend they’ve consented (even if you believe kids can give informed consent in the first place) because they’re unconscious

 

[canijustsay]

I'm confused as to why they stuck a shed under a verandah... Makes no sense. Would have been easier to put mesh around the verandah and make it one giant enclosed space, with actual airflow. This is going to be an absolute hot box in summer. These people have no care factor for animals. At least his old space had a bit of both.

Because Brad can’t concrete to do a slab in a more suitable place.
---
This is who Sarah is channeling with her nose

 

[how.now.brown.cow]

Jesus Christ, it was a 2 day conference in bloody Melbourne! She's acting as if the boys haven't seen the little dickhead for months on end the pathetic lengths she'll go to for 'content'

 

[RedFrog2]

I think she knows she should stop showing her kids but she's got zero content without them so has come to this pathetic compromise. She's caught between a rock and getting a job a hard place.

 

[leaky_beaky]

Haha I love when you give us insight in to what the little germ was like! Lying little prick he is, imagine saying that you had a military career when you weren't even there a hot minute, so embarassing.

The cadet cant even plan an affair without getting caught. He didn't even earn a Medal for being in the Army. Thanks Nigella Sozempic for giving the old unit a good laugh.
---
So, the Major and fellow mates have come back with he didn't even complete the course. And what the fuck is Planning Operational Management, they said its some made up bullshit. They are all pissing themselves laughing. And they also said a cadet is not an Officer, he is not qualified.

 

[Bindi]

How can anybody be that friggen stupid?? .....Privacy isn't not showing their faces but allowing every activity they partake in to be shown on SM Sez you twit!!!! Its removing your children from SM altogether, to allow them the chance to grow up, experience life, its ups and downs, without the world witnessing it.....and heres the kicker, allowing them to choose if something is posted when they are old enough to make an informed decision, not for you to make a financial gain. I'm no fan of the little turd burgers, but in their defence, what chance have they had with Sez and Brandley.

 

[how.now.brown.cow]

I think I'm going to vomit

 

[grifter]

Hello Tattle aunties, dull women and anyone who is so old to use an Apple Watch and cover their belly when they go out sometimes!

Welcome to Thread #48 and thank you to @grifter for the inspiration behind the title. Your prize is a decluttered garage, lowering the consent age to whatever age bubbah turdlah is, and a ugly mug with your name on it. Gifts, amirite!?

The from DuDMuM continue. Maybe he headed down the M1 for a 16 hour work day and didn’t come back, or he’s graduated from the toilet office and locked the favourite middle child out of his room for the foreseeable future, or he’s wherever Sez sent Bobley. Possibilities… but all signs support @screenfreelookatme who called smoke and mirrors to Shrek and Fiona’s fairytale life, and we’re waiting with bated mouth-breath and our popcorn ready. We can only hope Sez will activate psychotic wife mode and go full Beyoncé style Lemonade with a metaphorical baseball bat on Brad this thread.

Stay mad dog busy and phony, Sez.

What an honour! Amazing recap like always

As I sit nursing my dad who is in his final stages of life, I have so much disgust for this horrible person that has family in and out of her life when it suits her. Her kids are going to grow up with a fucked up view on healthy relationships and will most likely follow in their parents footsteps of tossing family aside until it suits them.

 

[phonies]

Here’s a list of inanimate objects I liken Sez to:
a plank of wood - thick
a rye loaf - dense
a rollercoaster - full of ups and downs
a tumbleweed - not much happening
a Stanley cup - ugly and loves a trend
a screen door on a submarine - useless
a knock off LV - fake and tacky
black jellybeans - leaves a foul taste
vitamin water - no real purpose just wants $
a kiddy pool - shallow
an (or a) ill-fitting bra - leaves a lot to be desired

 

[Thatsmeinthecorner]

Looks like the grass is doing great by the way

 

[therealmacaw]

Just putting her replies here for the receipts. Also the massage oil bottle is still full…

“Accurately aware of” Bahaha does she mean “acutely” ?! Dumbass