The Kearns #48 She goes by Sarah, Sez or Sar but to us Tattle aunties she’s Beaky with the bad hair

[notgifted]

Yeah well now I’ve seen the party Brad got, my husband has some serious explaining to do, I got a huge pay rise, where’s my fucking party, also I have a big milestone birthday incoming, if this family of mine doesn’t buy me a 6 meter anaconda or a Komodo dragon I’m going to unfollow them and also delete them as a friend on Facebook, that’ll teach them.

 

[AJAYA]

Fun fact! I’ve never gone overseas without a backpack! Omg. SO crazy.

Fun fact, I've never been overseas without my passport

 

[screenfreelookatme]

I’ll believe Bobley is there when I see him standing in the magic mirror with a copy of today’s paper in his mouth.

 

[phonies]

"So soft on the skin!"

I’ve never thought the selling point of my vibrator was it being so soft on my skin! Or that it was hard on my skin and I need to change to one that is softer. Like wot?

I’ve had the Honey Birdette Venus for a few years now, and it’s great for an orgasm or 2 or 3. There’s 5 different modes for my different moods. When I wanna get in quick and dirty, the full vibrate has me orgasming in a minute or less, and it doesn’t stop if I hold it too close or feel too strong that it’s gonna fling my clitoris right off. If I wanna take it slow or have my orgasm build and build, there are 3 modes with different vibrating patterns that aren’t as strong as the full vibrate. The remaining one feels like a tongue pattern, so if Mr Phonies is away for work (like actually away and not just going up the M1 into the office) I use this one and it feels almost as good - and that’s saying something. Mr Phonies also likes it when I put it against my chin when I’m giving him a sweet blowie, or when I put it between us during sex. The vibration gives us an extra cheeky little thrill and gives me an orgasm so strong, that I feel like one day I might rocket launch off Mr Phonies’ rocket into orgasmic heaven and never return. RIP me.

Feel free to use this as the basis for a DM you send yourself Sez.

 

[RedFrog2]

Is she fishing for shit that sticks?
Does she have a ad coming and needs engagement?
Has she flicked Kin?
Lost friends again?
Got a job?!

Yes, I feel anxious starting at a new gym. There was this great new program starting in Term 1 called 'Project Glow' that was going to help me with this, but sadly it's launch has been delayed.

 

[phonies]

A kid I went to primary school with got a snake and cologne for their birthday once. He set fire to the school when he was a teenager, and is now a meth head.

let’s see where Finn is in a few years shall we…

 

[Michy02]

These mummy influencers talking about scaling back on sharing their children and expecting pats in the back when they were the same ones posting pics of their kids on the potty, bath, shower, nude bums at the beach, school uniform writing books about them doing a big poo and taking $$ and gifted items.

 

[DaniBFitsHostage]

Jesus Christ seeing Sarah Kearns ride that greasy little cunt of a husband of hers on the ride on lawnmower might actually be the worst thing I’ve ever seen. I think I’m going to be sick. The song, the shorts hiked up, her hands on her lap, the beak. I actually can’t.

 

[phonies]

The Kearns #49, sing song edition:

For all my Swifties:
Brad is the smallest man who ever lived, Sez doesn’t know what consent and privacy is

Down bad privacy at the swamp, Instagram petulance makes no difference

For nostalgic noughties aunties who finished school when Vitamin C was dishing out bangers:
As Sez’s content changes from whatever, her kids will still be friends forever

For screamo lovers:
*Screams in bogan*

That is all, bye

 

[notgifted]

Can’t wait to see the family of Bali Bogans all wearing matching Bintang singlets & Fanny packs.
They’ll stay at the Hard Rock Cafe in Kuta & book the kids into kids club for hair braiding.

 

[crumbholeo]

Don't let her posing, filters and stretched photos fool you. Yes she's lost weight, but she will always manipulate her photos. That to me screams insecure. She will never *glow* because she is not happy.

Exhibit a. She's pushed all her fat toward the back but forgot to crop the mirror showing said fat.

 

[gawjussssfabric]

Makes sense!! Mikki Fisher said she was looking at getting one. Brad also following the reptile store. Can’t wait to hear all about how Brad is a reptile expert and knows everything there is to know about their care.

Well he is married to one

 

[Bushpig81]

A surprise party and presents for an adult being an adult? Wowee. How embarrassing.

 

[screenfreelookatme]

“Take me back” - Brad Kearns to his wife, October 2023

 

[screenfreelookatme]

She didn’t even spell the birthday kid’s name right and she’s done a dodgy and typed it on for the photo

 

[leaky_beaky]

I wonder if the Kearnt family are going to dawn service for Anzac Day tomorrow. I'm sure he would love to catch up with some old buddies he spent 20mths with in Duntroon. They could catch up on their careers. I'm sure the Officers which is what they are now would be fascinated in his Planning and Operational Military career he brags about and that he is so good at. Tomorrow is the Majors last Anzac Day as an Officer. After 42 yrs. in the Defence he retires in July. There are not enough words to say how proud I am to be his wife and best friend. Hey Nigella sozempic we should have got you to organise the Majors retirement party. NOT..

 

[Thod]

Fuck this. She is all about the terrorism against women.

Misogyny BREEDS hate Sez. Your husband pushes his gansta amirite lads shit, he has played the "she spends all my money" card, he has doxxed women (with your help you enabling idiot).

The bullshit that you and your husband pull IS PART OF THE FUCKING PROBLEM.

YOU . ARE . COMPLICIT
.

 

[screenfreelookatme]

Guys, Teddy doesn’t know who Bluey is because the TV is NEVER on. The most active, thoughtful boys in the world don’t have screen time. They’re always outside rescuing kittens from trees and helping people cross the road, because they are so kind and caring. No time for TV

The problem with Bluey is the episodes are only seven minutes. Draw card for most, but little Turdy would be finished all three seasons before lunch.
---
THE TV IS RARELY ON.

OMG.

BRB.

DYING.

I CAN’T.
---
I see more of their TV than I do my own every day is a movie afternoon

 

[Emilyemily99]

Can’t wait to see the family of Bali Bogans all wearing matching Bintang singlets & Fanny packs.
They’ll stay at the Hard Rock Cafe in Kuta & book the kids into kids club for hair braiding.

I 100% came here to say this. They are a Hard Rock Hotel family through and through. No shade on folks who stay there - I spent some time there when my sister stayed there with the fam - I liked the swim up bar and kid friendly stuff for my nephews, but I LOVED returning to my quiet little hotel room down the street where I wasn’t constantly splashed by kids bombing into the pool or being forced to listen to 5-6 tantrums at a time in Dolby high definition stereo sound.

They’ll try to grift a suite at Hard Rock, Dynasty or Padma, stay in central Kuta and do the most touristy, basic shit. Braids for Knox, Fakes for Big Sez, NBA counterfeit goods for Brad and his fave and little Bubbah toddlah will get everything he asks for. I bet they’ll take a pushchair for the sleepy little horror too. I bet little Brand will treat himself to a cheeky pack of Marlboro golds that he can sneak whilst the kids are at kids club and Sarah is loving herself sick in her bikini poolside.

They will be those Aussies that pride themselves on getting the best deals and ripping off locals. They’ll give minimal tips and get into fights with the vendors on Poppies if they don’t get the lowest possible morning price on their rip off Lakers gear, crude bumper stickers and dick shaped bottle opener (for the single sister Lololol). They will all be grossly sunburned by the end of Day 2 and the kids will have chicken nuggets for dinner every night.

One of them will definitely cop a bite at the monkey forest and it says a lot that I can’t decide who I want to see get mauled (and deal with the rabies shot) more.

 

[kearns legal letter]

You work fast

I’m always switched on in case I need to send a letter or two out