The Kearns #44 Boys given every toy under the sun, while Sez preaches Diet Culture 101

[b!tch_eating_crackers]

That whole text thing is weird. Who the hell just waits for their husband to see it
She plays mind games with him, passive aggressive kearnt. Also, who calls their wife hun? Lol, is this a thing that husbands call their wives? Mines never uttered the word hun in my direction

There was as much familiarity and chemistry in those texts as the ones I had with the old guy whose 4WD I scraped in a car park last week when I too was frazzled. He thanked me for my honesty in leaving a note with my details. Old Pajero man, I love being loved by you.

 

[screenfreelookatme]

Hmm who do I know that says “level up” and “Val’s day”

 

[therealmacaw]

Project glow by Sarah Kearns- how to ask your dr to prescribe Ozempic.

Hahaha

Project Glow by Sarah Kearns- how to lose friends and influence nobody

 

[thenextbobley]

Her followers must be as dumb as her

A single bay leaf inside the chicken?! Jesus what a flavour explosion

 

[phonies]

Much engagement. Highly doubt it is healthy

I enjoy mocking her content AKA when she says ‘little boys’ and ‘their little bodies’, I also include her little boy husband and his little body. I imagine her delivering this little snack to him in his little toilet office, using her bunged on little voice to say “we miss you so much, here’s a little yoghurt”. And he dies a little inside because she’s interrupted a little Teams meeting where he’s talking about little databases with his little hands, while his colleagues all try not to laugh at their little brains.

 

[screenfreelookatme]

Also an admission that she’s a liar? She wrote so many times that she was finally confident and your size doesn’t matter. Lies. She’s still saying size doesn’t matter, while saying she was fat and disgusting. She wasn’t. (Fat that is, no comment on disgusting).

Waiting to see how her story changes over the next couple of years. “I started severely restricting my diet, my skin was dry and sallow, my hair was falling out. I was going to the gym constantly, but I had no muscle tone. I squeezed into clothes that were too small and uncomfortable and contorted my body in photos to appear smaller. I was a little bit thinner but I was miserable. I’ve finally found balance and you can do, join the Grow Project with Sarah Kearns. Starting Term 3, 2026”

 

[phonies]

Omfg I forgot about that brown ensemble (I don't know how, her love of brown was the inspo for my screen name ). She truly does look like a turd.

You are my inspo for this thread suggestion.

#45 Project Glow by Sarah Kearns: how to make a brown turd look like a pink bird

 

[hazelnot]

She’s making it very clear that she believes it’s normal to “feel uncomfortable” looking at photos of yourself when you were a larger size (and not even obese ffs)…

This is the part that grated me most yesterday. For someone who spent the better part of the last 1-2 years trying to negate diet culture and act okay in her own skin #weartheshorts (so powerful, much inspire), to turn around now and basically say these pictures are gross and she doesn't want to even look at them is such an insult to her many followers who are this size or bigger. Like, psyche, actually I think this is BAD and if you are indeed unfortunate enough to weigh this much, you need intervention stat!!! It's uncomfortable to look at you. All reinforced, of course, by Brandley's occasional "yasss look at my wife FINALLY losing weight!" posts.

It's SO grim and SO backwards.

 

[phonies]

We’ll just have to keep dropping the name “project glow by Sarah kearns” into the thread to keep it at the top of google!
maybe the next thread needs to include it

These are not my best because they involved me getting too much into Sez’s psyche about why she would actually choose to do this.

The Kearns #45

Project Glow by Sarah Kearns is proof this dumb b*tch never learns

Project Glow by Sarah Kearns: how to lose your hair like you just don’t care

Project Glow by Sarah Kearns: how to make your cheating husband love you

Project Glow by Sarah Kearns: how to manifest weight loss, skinny legs, thoughtful kids and a tall husband

Project Glow by Sarah Kearns: show us without telling us you’re full of shit

Project Glow by Sarah Kearns: how to fake ADHD and make your weekends free just like me

Project Glow by Sarah Kearns: I love being loved by her

 

[screenfreelookatme]

Forgive me if I sound like a Brad apologist (in no way, shape or form will I ever identify as such) but why did he have to give up his gym time so she could go this morning? What else could the slug possibly be doing all day?

If only she had some sort of home workout program that she could have done at home with the kids around. Who was that influencer that was promoting one recently?

 

[SmallDickEnergy]

As an avid watcher of these threads it’s no surprise that I can’t stand these inbred shitstains. But I’m feeling extra ranty today so here goes…

FUCK OFF YOU PACK OF KEARNTS!!! Despite what you keep trying to portray, you are not “goals”. The only goals in your lives are that overpriced, overhyped and overinflated-sense-of-self-esteem-induced set of soccer goals that Brandley made on one his famous “free weekends”. We all know you hate each other, are in massive amounts of debt, you live on a fucking swamp and your kids have no hope.

It’s a tough call which Kearnt I despise more but I will say that at least Brandley has a real job (aside from that brief sojourn of being the Aged Care King, doing mArKeT rEsEaRcH and pretending to be best buds with all their local MP’s). I reckon after his gym girl was exposed it all blew up, they had a massive fight about how shit literally everything in their lives is and he finally grew some balls and told her to get a life/job outside of Instagram. Only she didn’t listen to the “outside of Instagram” bit and that’s what this pathetic Glow bullshit is attempting to be, a job (HA! Let’s all laugh together)

They low key cannot stand each other and are just waiting for the other one to pack it in and quit, because neither of them will admit that they are fucking miserable and do not belong together. Maybe those 18 year old kids with a dream actually had no fucking clue after all. The whole “love being loved by you” schtick is just to get people on side when it all blows up - OMG I can’t believe this has happened, you guys were the perfect couple, never saw it coming, how could he/she do this?!

And I know some don’t like when we comment on the kids but fuck it. It’s not even a snark on them really, as they are a direct product of Sez and Brandley’s shit parenting. Their kids are the furthest from the kind, loving and funny boys that they so desperately try to convince everyone of. In reality they are snot-nosed, stunted, obnoxious little shits and if any of my kids struck up a friendship with a child with even 10% of a Kearnts kid character trait, I would actively discourage that friendship.

Lose as much weight as you want Sez, but you’ll never lose that hideous personality

 

[phonies]

Hey fuckfaces, beanbags aren’t hard to fill. You are neither funny or endearing. But thanks for letting me know my relationship is rock solid. I would be lost without this pearl of wisdom!

For those of you playing at home, about to yell at your tiny husband until you realise he’s filming you:
1. One person unzips beanbag and puts it in the bathtub, while the other opens the bag of beans.
2. One person holds the beanbag open while the other shoves the top of the bag of beans into the ass of the beanbag.
3. Gently shake the bag of beans into the beanbag until the bag of beans is empty.
4. Re-zip beanbag.

You should have very minimal if any waste if you did step 2 correctly. If you have beans outside the beanbag, they’re all safely contained in your bathtub and you can easily vacuum them up. No need to tell your partner to fuck off because you’ve got beans all over the toilet office or RSL foyer or living area, or film them without their consent because you’ve failed at a very basic task.

But I suppose these halfwit Kearnts are just two 18 year olds who met at a party and are now living their dream life playing swamp house.

 

[Severus Snark]

All this my kids are amazing, I’m so happy blah blah blah - it’s all a load of shit. We know it, and deep down you know it too Big Sez. She’s overcompensating for how desperately unhappy she is and it’s all of her own making. They have built their current lives off of image and what looks good on an app. If she says how amazing life is enough times then it must be true! How any influencer sleeps at night knowing their entire income is dependent upon an app they have no control over beats me, but when you are scrambling to project the perfect life like this one is it no wonder her hair is falling out (that and the Ozempic).

The lockdowns, changing from an 8 hours on my feet to 8 hours on my bum job, peri-menopause etc etc have got me the biggest I’ve ever been in my life. Heavier than I was at 42 weeks pregnant (yep, to the day) with a 10 pound baby. I am the size of a house, but you know what Sez? My husband hasn’t cheated on me, and if he ever did I doubt that losing weight would fix the gaping hole in our relationship that it would cause. My children are the normal amount of arsehole and my house is lovely, but it’s lovely for me, not because it’s for public exhibition. We don’t have the best of everything but you know what we do have? Friends and family that love us, want to spend time with us and life that isn’t built like a house of cards.

In saying all that, this shit is going to implode one day. Brad will leave. She’ll go postal and burn the swamp down a la Muriel’s Wedding and her kids will one day realise their whole lives have been fodder for strangers ( granted, it will take them a while. They are thick as mince). Normally I wouldn’t be gleeful about such things, but the day this smug bitch gets her comeuppance will be amazing!

 

[screenfreelookatme]

#smashinggenderstereotypes

I’m so glad your investment paid off and you finally got a wife that can cook for you, Brad.

(Are we calling that basic ass cheesecake “from scratch”? She blended up some packet biscuits and threw some cream cheese on top. There’s literally five ingredients )

 

[phonies]

HNY Tattle aunties!

Welcome to the new thread for Brad Kearns, Sarah Kearns, DaDMuM, Mrs DaDMuM and their teeth.

Thanks to @screenfreelookatme for the thread title. Your suggestion had more votes than Sezzy’s average engagement. Well done! Your prize is a trip to Sydney to get whatever you want from Rebel, the opportunity to spend your birthday money on Sez, hearing the proposal story from Brad and Sez at the Centrepoint Tower, Brad will even whisper the unknown Loki phrase in your ear as long as you promise not to tell Sez, and Sez will tell you how to mould your leg into the floorboards as long as you don’t tell anyone it’s heavily edited how she does it.

 

[Beakmouth]

Can we all just remember Bobley. Are you going to address that you monstrous ogre?

Years ago when Bobley had to have an operation you used that as content so that you could show how much your “caring and considerate boys” missed him etc.. then he left for your nephews, then he came back & since then he hasn’t been seen since? WHERE IS HE?

How DUMB are her genuine followers?

Why does Knoxy not like to get pink braids in his hair anymore. What happened to all of Teddy Bear’s dolls and gifted pram?

Where is the Cairns reel and budget breakdown for the skate ramp?

What does Brad do for employment these days? It used to be his entire personality when he was revolutionising the aged care sector with his pie charts and chats to local MPs. Does he still work in the toilet block with the fridge and microwave full of those gifted ready meals? Does he still drink Nexba?

Just a few sleep deprived thoughts this morning - my almost 6 month old has decided that sleep is not for them.

 

[kearns legal letter]

I hate fitspo Sarah. Nothing worse than someone who hasn’t even spent a year in the gym talking and acting like they’re the Messiah of fitness.

The comments tell me she’s got a few suckers ready to part with their money. I think Project Glow is going to be a collab with Kin.

 

[phonies]

Yes Sarah, only boys like to PHYSICALLY
move, not little girls.

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. It’s almost as if you have forgotten you are a girl and have lived experience. You’re so fucking daft, always making non-gendered things gendered. This is not revolutionary parenting.

While I’m here…I wonder if there has been any scientific research related to movement making us feel good, or whether researchers just ask unqualified boy mums aka you for input? In your extremely qualified opinion as the owner of a glow project, does movement also help boys to stop being weird brats or does this only apply to overwhelm? Asking for a friend…

 

[mummasoc]

could be our Sez be the friend

 

[FreddyFrog]

She is so full of shit

What if you just got off the internet and got on with life like everyone else out there? What if I told you that you don't have any qualifications or authority to help anyone and should, infact, be looking at your own life instead of trying to monetise something you have no business doing?
What if I told you that it's OK to have a normal job and provide for your family in a way that is not going to fuck them up in the future.... a way forward that doesn't mean splashing their faces and their childhood business all over the internet for 90k people to see. How would you feel if I said that the little bit of online attention you got has kind of done its dash and you're best to turn your phone off and just live a normal happy life?
You don't need to show everyone everything, you don't really have anything to offer. ✨️close your accounts and go away✨️
---


My God what the fuck is her plan going to be? Term 1 starts in like 2 weeks.....