“The Ick”

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Pink blancmange

Pink blancmange

LaurieLaurie said:
I was talking to someone that wanted to text constantly and when I said I was off to do whatever with my daughter and enjoy your night type text he was like hmmmm 🤔 and got really arsey. He was removed pretty quickly.
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My ex was like this!! Wanted to text all day everyday. I have children so I was often busy and he would then get so crappy with me if I took too long to reply. I think you may have been talking to him 😅.

Being a mummies boy!! I love a man that respects his mum but not one who lives inside her hole at 30. Someone I was seeing had his own place but everytime I went over his mum was there, she was doing his washing, cooking his meals. I honestly felt like I was seeing her too 😩😂
 
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imnotarobot

LucilleBluth said:
I’m glad others feel this way too. I’ve had two guy friends like this. After a certain point it just made me quite angry - it just felt so disrespectful that they wouldn’t take my ‘no thanks’ seriously? The bit from @bookworm1403’s post where the guy said “we’ll just take it slow” really enraged me
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Dealing with this exact problem with 16 yr old daughter and the wicks that keep at her and at her, and don’t take no for an answer. They seem to think if they are polite but persistent they’ll wear her down. And as long as they are polite (as polite as horny teenage boys can be) they think they can keep asking and asking. I have said ‘you’ve tried being nice, you’ve tried being firm, you’re going to have to be rude to them now’. But she doesn’t want to seem ‘like a witch’.

Makes me very stabby where she feels she has to be a ‘good girl’ and not upset them. How about they back off??
 
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PrincessCharming

imnotarobot said:
Dealing with this exact problem with 16 yr old daughter and the wicks that keep at her and at her, and don’t take no for an answer. They seem to think if they are polite but persistent they’ll wear her down. And as long as they are polite (as polite as horny teenage boys can be) they think they can keep asking and asking. I have said ‘you’ve tried being nice, you’ve tried being firm, you’re going to have to be rude to them now’. But she doesn’t want to seem ‘like a witch’.

Makes me very stabby where she feels she has to be a ‘good girl’ and not upset them. How about they back off??
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I have a 16 year old and completely relate to this. I’ve brought the matter up with the school as it was seriously affecting her mental health. I told the school that they need to get a handle on it. She’s there to try and pass exams not as totty for adolescent boys.
 
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imnotarobot

PrincessCharming said:
I have a 16 year old and completely relate to this. I’ve brought the matter up with the school as it was seriously affecting her mental health. I told the school that they need to get a handle on it. She’s there to try and pass exams not as totty for adolescent boys.
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It’s these stupid effen mobile phones that do it. Gives any horny teen boy all the confidence in the world. And she’s only sixteen, and despite what she thinks she is quite naive to how the big bad world works.

One guy she ended up with alone after dark and he tried it on quite physically with her...she got out of it the situation okay, and wasn’t scared because ‘he’s a nice guy really’...her father went completely mental and read her the riot act about getting into situations she couldn’t get out of. And that a nice guy wouldn’t put her in the position that he did. She felt very guilty after that, that SHE had done the wrong thing.

He’s an overprotective dad who sees danger around every corner and I hate that he’s probably right...

I only have girls, but I wonder what teen boys are taught that they think if they just keep asking they’ll get what they want. I don’t think the situation is getting better.
 
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sushimama

This is something I constantly struggle with, not just regarding dating, and I'm almost 30 now. When you try to be emphatic towards everyone and you understand that everyone is going through something in their life, where is the line between trying to be kind and understanding and when is enough? Even when you get older and have more life experience, if you do not want to label everyone as weird or creepy or rude when they are maybe just going through hard time, but how much do we have to accept and when are people just taking advantage if you are to naive? It's really something I'm thinking about daily.

And to be clear I'm not talking about those situations when boys don't understand no for an answer, this is something that should always be taken seriously, and yet us girls still feel the need to defend them in a way, it is absolutely crazy...
 
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imnotarobot

sushimama said:
This is something I constantly struggle with, not just regarding dating, and I'm almost 30 now. When you try to be emphatic towards everyone and you understand that everyone is going through something in their life, where is the line between trying to be kind and understanding and when is enough? Even when you get older and have more life experience, if you do not want to label everyone as weird or creepy or rude when they are maybe just going through hard time, but how much do we have to accept and when are people just taking advantage if you are to naive? It's really something I'm thinking about daily.

And to be clear I'm not talking about those situations when boys don't understand no for an answer, this is something that should always be taken seriously, and yet us girls still feel the need to defend them in a way, it is absolutely crazy...
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That’s a very good question and I don’t know the answer. I wonder if it’s a female thing, I do admit to feeling bad when I’m telling my daughter to be blunt with these guys cause they might get their feelings hurt. 🙄

I wonder if it’s a nature/nurture thing. Are we this way because we are genetically disposed towards caring and compassion or are we taught that the only way a girl should be is kind and compassionate and gentle and to not rock the boat?

I’m 50 now and i know now that I can feel compassion for that person because he’s a duck wit (j/k) but that doesn’t mean I have to spend any time with him or accept behaviours that I don’t like. Saying no really does get easier with age. The guilt is harder to shake though.

I wonder if blokes feel this way. I suspect they don’t.
 
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it’s not been changed?!

it’s not been changed?!

It’s not really the ick but more of an eye roll when 30 odd year olds put in their bio that they’re too old to play games. I know they’re being straight with you, but it just seems a bit intense. You’re not THAT old.
 
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kev1974

kev1974

Pinkblush said:
I went out with someone who was overly competative about everything. If I said I had busy day at work, his day was busier. If I said I got praised for finishing a work project on time he'd say he got praised for finishing a work project a week before the deadline.

He would brag about naff things like 'I've got amazon prime so I get free shipping' then when I said I had it too he asked how long ago i joined to see if he got their before me. He was like a man child, just so childish. If it was something like id been to new york and he hadnt we couldn't talk about new york. He would change the subject but if he'd been somewhere i hadn't he would go on and on for ages. The last straw was when we went to a pub for burger and chips. He smiled when the food arrived and said 'oh dear i got more chips than you' I said the portions look the same so he started to count his chips out.
I just get ick as soon as there's a whiff of FES - fragile ego syndrome. Any bragging or boasting is a total put off. I think modesty is one of the most attractive attributes a person can have.
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Why were you dating a five year old :ROFLMAO:
 
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birdiefly246

imnotarobot said:
That’s a very good question and I don’t know the answer. I wonder if it’s a female thing, I do admit to feeling bad when I’m telling my daughter to be blunt with these guys cause they might get their feelings hurt. 🙄

I wonder if it’s a nature/nurture thing. Are we this way because we are genetically disposed towards caring and compassion or are we taught that the only way a girl should be is kind and compassionate and gentle and to not rock the boat?

I’m 50 now and i know now that I can feel compassion for that person because he’s a duck wit (j/k) but that doesn’t mean I have to spend any time with him or accept behaviours that I don’t like. Saying no really does get easier with age. The guilt is harder to shake though.

I wonder if blokes feel this way. I suspect they don’t.
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I think it's cause women never know when men will turn angry in a split second. Even the nicest guys can have a mean streak when they're not getting their way. I'm willing to bet everyone woman has a story of when she said no to a man in any context, not just romantic, and he's got arsy or he's started to raise his voice.

I don't think we're genetically disposed to be more caring, we're just given baby dolls and teddies at a young age whereas boys are given footballs etc, then you grow up and all the baby stuff is geared towards women, even stuff as simple as mumsnet. There's no dadsnet, there's no daddy and baby classes etc.

(to add, I'm not saying men should get more attention than a woman in the sense that a woman is obviously having to go through a lot physically. I'm just trying to highlight how men are not encouraged to be caring etc - also I know of men who are marvellous dad's and love their kids dearly and are very hands on so once again, not saying it's all men, but it is societal)
 
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Lovethesun

Lovethesun

Loveitme said:
New to this thread and have had approx 284947 dates in my lifetime so have many...
Talking about money paying the restaurant bill but then making sure you definitley did see the bill total and making a huge deal of the whole process
Talking about exes too much on the first few dates
Posting selfie’s
Calling me ‘hun’
Trying to initiate sexting before even meeting up
Over plucked or obviously plucked eyebrows taking Snapchat’s on a sunbed or in the barbers
Just using Snapchat in general over the age of 30 really
Not paying child maintenance
Slagging off children’s mum
The fake ‘nice guy’ act
Plaid shirts
Socks with holes in
Boasting about their average job
Sunglasses on head
Flip flops anywhere other than the beach

Someone mentioned bedding and omg I hate when you can tell the bedding isn’t fresh and it’s the first few dates or weeks/months into the relationship ,borking hell !
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Calling me hun !! Up there with the worst thing a man can do 🤮instant ick . Don’t call me hun , I have a name !!
 
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Pink blancmange

Pink blancmange

On dating apps when they have a picture with a child and they make a big point of NOT MY CHILD. Is it really that big of an issue if someone has kids?🤷🏼‍♀️
 
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skvallertant

Pink blancmange said:
On dating apps when they have a picture with a child and they make a big point of NOT MY CHILD. Is it really that big of an issue if someone has kids?🤷🏼‍♀️
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Also why do they have a picture with someone else's child on a dating app? 🤢 Or any child, really. I think it's really weird.
 
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