As well as his oversized, slobbering tongue, Jamie Oliver has dirty fingernails. His cookery programmes give me the boak.
My ex.Imagining a man decorating a Christmas tree
Glad he's your exMy ex.
Each year him and his ‘mummy’ would go out on the same day every single year to pick up his real Christmas tree and then he would spend two days decorating it with his expensive glass baubles.
His wreath got nicked every year
Eek. I'm somebody's ick. More the curtains though. Gotta keep the sneaky peekers outPlumping cushions. Carefully closing curtains.
How old was he? I chuckled at his wreath getting pinched and then felt badMy ex.
Each year him and his ‘mummy’ would go out on the same day every single year to pick up his real Christmas tree and then he would spend two days decorating it with his expensive glass baubles.
His wreath got nicked every year
Which wreath? Do you mean one on his mother's grave?My ex.
Each year him and his ‘mummy’ would go out on the same day every single year to pick up his real Christmas tree and then he would spend two days decorating it with his expensive glass baubles.
His wreath got nicked every year
Yeah plus he got "know" mixed up with "no" - lucky escape!He was definitely planning on cutting me up in small pieces and stuffing me in a suitcase
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Christ alive! What a charmer! You definitely had a lucky escape with that oneHe was definitely planning on cutting me up in small pieces and stuffing me in a suitcase
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I love reading this type of tinder bio! All them positives you’ve listed about yourself and still nobody wants to date you because you’re a lunatic. And you’re right it’s always men 5’9 and belowBio’s like this. He sounds like he’s got short angry man syndrome (he is 5’8” )
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And he's added his willy size to get the total profile measurement.If he’s saying 5”8” you know he’s only 5’4” on his tiptoes.