The Depression Thread

[bunnyboo]

Mod edit:
Please contact The Samaritans - they are trained and will be able to help you.

Samaritans - Here to listen

Samaritans works to make sure there’s always someone there for anyone who needs someone. Read more.

www.samaritans.org

 

[rainbowlemon]

Are you safe right now?

In this moment do whatever it takes to stay alive.

Can you call a friend/ do you have any family close by?

Maytree | We’re open to suicidal feelings

Maytree offer a free 4 night, 5 day stay for adults, with the opportunity to be heard in complete confidence, in a caring, safe environment.

www.maytree.org.uk

 

[mindlessness]

I want to die.

And I don't know what to do.

Please call an emergency help line
https://mentalhealth-uk.org/help-and-information/get-urgent-help/

 

[GiftedNotFree]

@bunnyboo I hope you’re ok.

 

[bunnyboo]

Are you safe right now?

In this moment do whatever it takes to stay alive.

Can you call a friend/ do you have any family close by?

Maytree | We’re open to suicidal feelings

Maytree offer a free 4 night, 5 day stay for adults, with the opportunity to be heard in complete confidence, in a caring, safe environment.

www.maytree.org.uk

@bunnyboo I hope you’re ok.

Please call an emergency help line
https://mentalhealth-uk.org/help-and-information/get-urgent-help/

I rang the HSE crisis line (Irish version of NHS). I'm being driven into hospital because of something I did, but it's minor enough. I won't go into detail, could be triggering for others on this thread. Have a meeting with the crisis team in-person tomorrow.

I'm sorry if I worried anyone and thank you for the nice messages.

 

[mindlessness]

Will be thinking of you @bunnyboo I'm so glad you called the crisis line.

 

[nothanksbabes]

I rang the HSE crisis line (Irish version of NHS). I'm being driven into hospital because of something I did, but it's minor enough. I won't go into detail, could be triggering for others on this thread. Have a meeting with the crisis team in-person tomorrow.

I'm sorry if I worried anyone and thank you for the nice messages.

Hope you're OK and thinking of you.

 

[Cosmicpixiesb]

Just found this thread after mainly reading the gossip on Tattle. 5 years ago I watched someone I was close to die. Had no leave left had to crack on in work. Got a new job then a promotion fairly quickly, new relationship - was so happy! Someone on my team I was managing had a personality disorder and was so awful to me I almost completely broke down but pushed through. Then the pandemic hit and I was working from home. Managing a team of 15 where 95% had mental health issues and managed to get through / support them enough to get them through it. I had a horrible boss who came at me when I was crying and stressed and ripped me to shreds. I was in tatters and close to going sick. Following day I find out I've been offered another job so gives me incentive for next few months. Start counselling and diagnosed with compassion fatigue. Two weeks off before new job. Start and people are amazing. But then the work load gets crazy. Not afraid of hard work and super organised but was tough for me to deal with. Added to this in background been trying at 39 for first baby for 18 months no joy and sister in law gets pregnant. Was honest with new boss about what I had been through from start and very understanding. Ended up having line management responsibilities even though I took the role to get away from this. Built and built last few months. Had stress risk assessment, moving to compressed hours and got OCC health soon. Kept saying get to Xmas for break. Then we had a rat infestation. But this weekend I broke. Couldn't face going back. And I finally admitted to myself I was not coping and made a GP appointment today. I feel shame and relief in equal measures. But at least it's moving it into my control.

 

[nothanksbabes]

Just found this thread after mainly reading the gossip on Tattle. 5 years ago I watched someone I was close to die. Had no leave left had to crack on in work. Got a new job then a promotion fairly quickly, new relationship - was so happy! Someone on my team I was managing had a personality disorder and was so awful to me I almost completely broke down but pushed through. Then the pandemic hit and I was working from home. Managing a team of 15 where 95% had mental health issues and managed to get through / support them enough to get them through it. I had a horrible boss who came at me when I was crying and stressed and ripped me to shreds. I was in tatters and close to going sick. Following day I find out I've been offered another job so gives me incentive for next few months. Start counselling and diagnosed with compassion fatigue. Two weeks off before new job. Start and people are amazing. But then the work load gets crazy. Not afraid of hard work and super organised but was tough for me to deal with. Added to this in background been trying at 39 for first baby for 18 months no joy and sister in law gets pregnant. Was honest with new boss about what I had been through from start and very understanding. Ended up having line management responsibilities even though I took the role to get away from this. Built and built last few months. Had stress risk assessment, moving to compressed hours and got OCC health soon. Kept saying get to Xmas for break. Then we had a rat infestation. But this weekend I broke. Couldn't face going back. And I finally admitted to myself I was not coping and made a GP appointment today. I feel shame and relief in equal measures. But at least it's moving it into my control.

Crikey it sounds like you have coped with a huge amount over the last few years and are amazingly resilient.

There's nothing to be ashamed of at all. I hope you manage to get some support and feel better soon.

 

[Cosmicpixiesb]

Thank you so much. That means a lot.

 

[Hepaticus]

Just found this thread after mainly reading the gossip on Tattle. 5 years ago I watched someone I was close to die. Had no leave left had to crack on in work. Got a new job then a promotion fairly quickly, new relationship - was so happy! Someone on my team I was managing had a personality disorder and was so awful to me I almost completely broke down but pushed through. Then the pandemic hit and I was working from home. Managing a team of 15 where 95% had mental health issues and managed to get through / support them enough to get them through it. I had a horrible boss who came at me when I was crying and stressed and ripped me to shreds. I was in tatters and close to going sick. Following day I find out I've been offered another job so gives me incentive for next few months. Start counselling and diagnosed with compassion fatigue. Two weeks off before new job. Start and people are amazing. But then the work load gets crazy. Not afraid of hard work and super organised but was tough for me to deal with. Added to this in background been trying at 39 for first baby for 18 months no joy and sister in law gets pregnant. Was honest with new boss about what I had been through from start and very understanding. Ended up having line management responsibilities even though I took the role to get away from this. Built and built last few months. Had stress risk assessment, moving to compressed hours and got OCC health soon. Kept saying get to Xmas for break. Then we had a rat infestation. But this weekend I broke. Couldn't face going back. And I finally admitted to myself I was not coping and made a GP appointment today. I feel shame and relief in equal measures. But at least it's moving it into my control.

There is no shame in seeking care for your health! You wouldn’t feel shame about addressing asthma or diabetes and you certainly shouldn’t feel shame about this.

You sound like a remarkably resilient person, but for now your body is saying enough is enough and I’m so pleased you’ve listened and responded!

 

[Cosmicpixiesb]

I never really thought of myself as resilient so thank you. Much more has happened than stated on here but everyone has their own stuff going on. Thank you for allowing me to share. I am currently reading 101 essays that Will change the way you think - can highly recommend for looking at things in different ways

 

[Hepaticus]

I never really thought of myself as resilient so thank you. Much more has happened than stated on here but everyone has their own stuff going on. Thank you for allowing me to share. I am currently reading 101 essays that Will change the way you think - can highly recommend for looking at things in different ways

That sounds really interesting! Thanks for the recommendation!

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I just feel so down today. I don’t feel suicidal per se since I’m on medication, but I am so numb and not excited about life. I have some goals and dreams but am too worn out to do anything to fulfil them. I thought 2022 would be a fresh start but it does not seem like it. Sometimes I think people like me will never be happy, and I will just end up aimlessly wandering through life.

 

[Ninch55]

I just feel so down today. I don’t feel suicidal per se since I’m on medication, but I am so numb and not excited about life. I have some goals and dreams but am too worn out to do anything to fulfil them. I thought 2022 would be a fresh start but it does not seem like it, Sometimes I think people like me will never be happy, and I will just end up aimlessly wandering through life.

Hi I’ve just found this thread and feel the same. I’m supposed to be in work but have called in sick until next Monday. I’m hoping my Gp will be sympathetic but who knows. Either way, broke or not, I’m going to have to hand in my notice. I’m diagnosed with ASD as well as depression, and the overwhelm is ridiculous. What am I doing this for? Who am I doing this for? I’m not prepared to be at rock bottom to please a bunch of people who couldn’t give a toss. I wish everyone the very very best - I’m not prepared to sacrifice my life for people who don’t care - if I have to buy a tent and sod off to the woods then I will. I’d rather be alive, de stressed and happy than sitting in an office, stressed out of my mind.

 

[Penguin86]

I just feel so down today. I don’t feel suicidal per se since I’m on medication, but I am so numb and not excited about life. I have some goals and dreams but am too worn out to do anything to fulfil them. I thought 2022 would be a fresh start but it does not seem like it. Sometimes I think people like me will never be happy, and I will just end up aimlessly wandering through life.

The year has just begun. Don't write it off so quickly

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Hi I’ve just found this thread and feel the same. I’m supposed to be in work but have called in sick until next Monday. I’m hoping my Gp will be sympathetic but who knows. Either way, broke or not, I’m going to have to hand in my notice. I’m diagnosed with ASD as well as depression, and the overwhelm is ridiculous. What am I doing this for? Who am I doing this for? I’m not prepared to be at rock bottom to please a bunch of people who couldn’t give a toss. I wish everyone the very very best - I’m not prepared to sacrifice my life for people who don’t care - if I have to buy a tent and sod off to the woods then I will. I’d rather be alive, de stressed and happy than sitting in an office, stressed out of my mind.

The year has just begun. Don't write it off so quickly

Thank you both My main problem is not just depression but rather fatigue and self-hatred. It’s so difficult to wake up every day and see the person you hate in the mirror, and there is no way I can get out of this body. I know I can change something but I just don’t have the energy.

 

[Penguin86]

Thank you both My main problem is not just depression but rather fatigue and self-hatred. It’s so difficult to wake up every day and see the person you hate in the mirror, and there is no way I can get out of this body. I know I can change something but I just don’t have the energy.

I suffer from fatigue too. Do you avoid mirrors? I do.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I suffer from fatigue too. Do you avoid mirrors? I do.

I try to. My mother’s house has mirrors in every room and it’s such a torture visiting her when I feel especially bad about myself. I somewhat try to fix the situation with make up and piercings but it doesn’t always help.

 

[nothanksbabes]

I used to not be able to look in the mirror, or sometimes get out of bed for days at a time because I hated the way I looked. I thought I was grotesque.

It has passed, even though I've gained weight which I thought would have the opposite effect. I still feel the need to be "done up" if anyone's gonna see me but nowhere near as bad as I was. I've got no advice, except give yourself time and try and be kind to yourself.