The Depression Thread

[PumpkinKing]

Really glad I've found this thread as I was considering starting something similar. I'm struggling, more than usual and it's probably my own fault. I'm on sertraline but last month I felt so so low and stopped taking my tablets (fuck knows why), the longer it went on for the harder it felt to go back to taking them. Christmas I just felt so unhappy, I had to force the joy/smiles for my children then cried in my room later. I used to love Christmas but these days I really struggle to find joy in things and then I feel like a terrible person/mum. Every day I tell myself my kids deserve better. My daughter also struggles with her mental health, she's attempted suicide twice and she's been particularly bad as she split from her abusive ex. She says she can't live without him and I'm so worried for her, I constantly feel like I'll fail her, I need to get better to help her. The situation is the exact same as my sister and I'm terrified I'll wake up one day and she too will have ended the pain permanently. I really am rambling now, just feel I have no one in real life to talk to and dumping my thoughts on an anonymous forum helps a little.
Sending love to all

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Sending love to everyone tonight, hope 2022 will be our year

 

[whoareyouu]

I’m back.

Usually a lurker on this thread, have posted before.

How do people cope with the feeling that everything is hopeless? And that they’re basically going to lose everyone close to them one day? It’s a reoccurring thought.

Right bundle of laughs, me.

 

[jawidjanqndn]

i haven’t felt this low in a very long time. i have no idea what to do anymore if i’m honest. i’m so sick of pulling myself out of deep depression states just to fall back into them. is it even worth it anymore

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Struggling today and I feel like a burden on people. I’m doing a PhD and it’s really stressful atm, I’m juggling a lot of tasks and I have a deadline. I’m still WFH and my university aren’t letting people back to use their workspaces yet, so I’m still at home. I have noisy neighbours and it gets really distracting having to listen to their music blaring out, even worse when it’s a heatwave and they’re constantly shouting and laughing in the garden! I feel such a bore for saying that So I end up not being able to work or fully concentrate, which then triggers my anxiety and then I feel so low for not completing all of my tasks!

For what it’s worth I think you should give yourself credit for what you are managing to do at the moment. Depression is so exhausting, and anxiety too in it’s own way. The fact that you’re even trying is a huge deal, I don’t mean that in a patronising way, it’s just that people who don’t struggle without mental illness don’t always understand how hard it is to even do basic everyday things.

 

[Pixipoppy]

Spoiler: trigger SH

thank you everyone that responded. Unfortunately I did relapse but it wasn’t bad and I’m feeling much better now - currently eating snacks in bed and listening to some music to calm down. Will remember not to let it get to crisis point before trying to get help next time.

 

[TheGlossy]

I don't know if I am depressed, but I don't feel myself these days. I've been putting it down on the fact that I've been working 12+ hours a day including weekends since last January. Work is quite stressful, but I've always been someone who can handle stress. Stress never prevented me from working out, enjoying going out for a shopping spree or brunch during the weekend or go to the movies/museums. Before all this work stress entered my life, I used to be very type A: wake up at 6.30, have breakfast, study for an hour, go for a 5k, come home, shower, work and find some outlet to relax in the evening.

Now, I can barely make it out of bed before 9am and my weekends are spent stressing over work. My stress has caused me to stop eating, triggered significant insomnia and I spend my spare time either zoning out or thinking about work. I still manage to function at work and perform chores, but I don't enjoy anything anymore because anxiety kicks in the moment I start relaxing. I used to take care of myself (get my nails done etc..) and now I simply stick to the basic hygiene. Of course, working from home has something to do with this, but I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel as though no matter how much I do, it's never enough. It's as though I'm constantly playing catch-up with what exactly, I don't know. I don't have any family to turn to and I sincerely think the issue I had with them two years ago triggered all this anxiety because even though I'm no longer in touch with them, I feel as though I don't deserve anything happening in my life.

I hate the way I am feeling because I know some people have it far worse and I feel extremely bad complaining about this.

 

[Warpaint]

I don’t know if this is the place for this so we’ll see but I’m very guarded, keep my walls up and don’t really let people in. However a few days ago, I broke down to my closest friend. Explained that I’ve been really struggling mentally and their response was “you got through it last time, just do that again,”

Is it wrong for me to feel annoyed/bad by their response? Am i making a mountain out of a mole hill?

Sometimes even the closest people to you don't know how to respond in those types of situations. It's good to share with close friends and family but they're not mental health professionals. They can support you all the way but I think a lot of the time they just simply don't know how to react.

 

[Melissa112]

Just found this thread and it’s upsetting but refreshing to hear I’m not alone in this feeling.
I feel just so tired, tiredness that isn’t cured from sleep. I feel like I’m not achieving what I want, like I’ve not fulfilled my goals. I’m 28 and still living with my parents and my relationship with my mum is toxic, I cannot wait to leave. Hopefully soon.

I feel like a really heavy sheet is constantly on top of my head, like a huge weight. And weight?! Well that’s another issue in itself. I need to loose at least 3 stone but I’m constantly self sabotaging, I use food to cure my feelings but in fact I feel worse. I’ve not opened up to anyone except my boyfriend who was supportive but I don’t want to keep badgering him, he has his own demons that he’s battling and I want to support him as much as I can. I feel like medication is on the horizon but so many horror stories out there about becoming dependant and the side effects.. are they worth it? Would love to hear personal views on this.
Anyway I’m thinking out loud but sorry for the verbal diarrhoea x

 

[mindlessness]

Anyone else feel shit and then just... do ridiculous shit and make bad decisions and ruin their own life?

I've been sabotaging a good career for nearly two years because I can't sort my head out and nobody seems to give a shit, and it's a job at a level where I can't and don't expect hand holding, but also... My brain is mush and I can't concentrate so I just shut down.

I drink way too much at the moment. Always been a drinker but never to blackout/can't stand levels, until now. Always had a good tolerance and been a nice drinker and the life and soul but now I'm just a chaotic crying nuisance.

Same for drugs, need to give my brain a chance and in my head I want a quiet life but I'm just chaotic sometimes. I'm lonely and do stupid shit and risky things with inappropriate men who probably don't even like me.

I'm 36 and should have a life by now. I left an abusive relationship 4 years ago and had some therapy but I still feel like I've never had and will never have a normal life and maybe I'm not really a person and I've done something horrible to just be stuck. I've tried really hard over the last few years to not repeat the same old shut as before and what I'm doing now is no better. It all just seems very pointless. Sorry for the essay, maybe just saying it out loud will help.

I have friends who have struggled with drugs/alcohol on top of the depression. It fucking sucks. Do you have a GP you'd be comfortable talking to about it? Would you feel comfortable giving an AA or NA group a visit? I know its easier said/suggested than actually done.

FWIW, leaving an abusive relationship is something that requires strength and bravery. You are capable of doing hard things because you've done them before.

 

[MrsGrealish]

Hey everyone, I just found this thread,

I've spent the last few days switching between joyless, angry, nothing and obsessive. Crying for no reason and closing the net around me because I dont want to let anyone in.

I put effort into things and it goes to waste.

It's like being on a rollercoaster but you spend more down going down than you do going up.

 

[jarv]

Just coming to vent about depression. I just can't cope. I feel half dead inside most of the time. Everything is muted. Stuff I'm looking forward to just seems like a chore. I feel like a chore to be around. I just want to withdraw even though I know it's the worst thing I could do.

Had a counselling appointment today and he told me to try really hard to enjoy myself this week and allow myself to be silly? I don't enjoy things, I've tried, this isn't going away. I genuinely don't want to feel this way anymore but I don't know what to do. It all just feels so hopeless atm. I've had a bad day today so idk if thats just amplifying everything.

 

[Penguin86]

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

I’m sorry for everyone hurting and alone. Even if you have loved ones who care about you, it can feel so alone because there is only so much they can do. Sharing here is nice in that we see we aren’t the only ones going through our struggles, as sad as it is that others are hurting too. I like what a few have mentioned above, how we are not our thoughts. And the other resources people share about what helps them. Not everything works for everyone but sometimes you stumble across something that resonates. I appreciate every one of you who’ve shared or supported.

 

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

@under the ivy we love you. And we are always here for you

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Hi everyone. First of all I just echo what everyone has said - thank goodness for this forum! Tattle generally and this thread have really got through some tough times. I hope everyone is OK-ish today?

I’m in a dark place, it was my birthday yesterday and I’m in my late 30s and freshly broken up, never thought I’d be single at this age and I miss my ex so much I feel like I’m dying. Even though my friends were lovely and tried to make it special, I just want to cry all the time because I’m so lonely and the pain of missing him is unbearable.

I’m hoping beyond hope that the sertraline I’ve started kicks in soon, as I’ve said on that thread. I just feel like an absolute failure and I’m being so horrible to myself but it’s hard to stop. It’s like part of me is constantly saying “you’re alone, you don’t have a family, you’ve failed, it’ll never happen, you have to go home alone, you’ve lost”. Luckily I’m back at the GP on Wednesday so I’m just hanging in there for that.

I also agree with what others have said about how frustrating it is to have to struggle so much, spend so much, and try so hard just to be at the same baseline of ‘normal’ mental health. I’m sure anyone with any kind of illness feels the same but god it’s hard.

 

[Blahblahahaaa77]

Finding today so hard. 2021 was so shite. I have a feeling things aren’t going to improve

 

[Libbylulu]

I thought I’d mention incase it’s helpful for someone that for the last few months I’ve been doing the tapping method. There’s lots about it online and utube. When I wake in the morning I do it immediately as I’m usually riddled with anxiety. When tapping I repeat a positive affirmation. I can’t tell you how much it’s helped me.

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

Anyone have any tips to calm anxiety at night? I’m having a horrible time tonight, heart is racing I feel sick and my stomach is in knots. Horrible at night because it’s not like you can go out for a walk or anything.

I find nights very hard sometimes. I don’t know your sleep situation, but I share a bed with my husband and I just remove myself to another room, turn a light on, work on my breathing and 5 senses. Sometimes I distract by scrolling or watching something mundane. If I can get it together enough, I listen to calm music or an e book. If I have that antsy physical feeling normally worn off by a walk or exercise, I just start doing things around the house, quiet chores or lifting weights/resistance band or walking laps and focusing on my breathing. I’m sorry. I know how hard it is and sometimes none of the above works.

 

[DoctorWho]

You‘ve done the right thing, I guess it might not have been easy. Please look after yourself between now and Tuesday.

I’m so sorry you’re going through that, but it’s a huge sign of strength that you know that. I don’t mean that in a patronising way, when I first told a doctor I was struggling mentally I was terrified, I know it’s not easy. Absolutely no judgement from me for what it’s worth.

Does it help knowing you’ve taken a step forward for yourself? (you don’t have to answer any of this) x

thank you!
Im not really sure to be honest. I’ve spoken to them a few times regarding my drinking etc & they’ve suggested places to go to, but I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to actually change until now. Hopefully Tuesday will open some doors.
thank you for listening to my moaning. I feel very alone recently & like I have nobody to speak to about it as I’m ashamed.