Yes, that's exactly how I feel! Especially forgetting who I've said what to. Is your memory pretty bad as well? I get so frustrated with myself and others get frustrated with me because I can never remember anything.
It really is hard to do this alone, I tried for years until I had a breakdown, then knew I really needed help, a bit of advice, the first Dr I went to see, prescribed me amitriptyline, and told me to go to Waterstones to find a book on anxiety and depression, that really didn't help me, I changed drs, spoke to another, he was more understanding and prescribed different ads, took a while for them to help.I’m calling my dr on Monday. I can’t do this alone.thanks everyone
You’re not gatecrashing! Your post resonates with me a lot. I struggle with a lot of the things you mention. Especially wanting to close off from the world and hating that people know me and have opinions, that some people don’t like me for what ever reason, what also plays on my mind is not knowing whether people like me or not - I just assume the worst. Something in my brain craves approval from others and I hate it, I literally don’t want to care what people think but can’t stop it. I feel really awkward around others because it’s like I just don’t know how to act normal?? Like I’m hyper aware of myself. I also haven’t posted on my socials since the new year because I don’t want people knowing my business and I’m appreciating privacy more as I get older. I just want to sort of exist in my own bubble with non of the pressure of the real world but obviously that won’t happen. Sorry I’m sure this post isn’t of much help to you but you are not alone in how you feel. I have anxiety along with my depression which just fuels all these feelings even more.
And you should be.
@Clairer86 This sounds like it would be a great opportunity for you, and it's nice that it's something that motivates you as well.TW- Substance misuse and suicide attempts.
Hi everyone, i havent posted on here for a while.
Many of you know, i have mental health issues and past substance misuse issues (i will regret the day my gp ever gave me opiates!). Since July 2020 i have been off work (im a social worker by profession). I got diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar 2, and i have been living a very sheltered life since then (i did try and kill myself and was sectioned). My partner has been brilliant, i mean i have literally been treated like a kid, had to tell my partner and family where i was going etc. Its not as bad as it sounds, they did it initially so i couldnt go and buy oxycontin which now im very grateful for. At the time i wasnt happy because if anyone knows- being dope sick is a very real thing.
Anyway, my life has literally been me not seeing anyone, i dont even have social media anymore. I get the kids up and ready for school, and some days i go back to bed until its time to pick them up. I have had no energy or motivation to do anything. Its embarrassing that im 35 and i still feel like a teenager. And the person i was 10 years ago seems like a completely different person.
Anyway, for a few weeks i have felt that im ready to do something with my life. I am sick of feeling like this, i just want a nice routine, and i want to go back and earn some money. (I get PIP for my mental health), some sick pay and Child Benefit, but its not a lot and for the first time ever i am struggling a little with money.
Last weekend i saw a job advertised for a charity. Its a "peer liaison recovery worker" for a charity, based at the police station. Part of the requirements was lived experience in either mental health, drugs and alcohol, or criminal justice. And for the first time i felt excited and feel i could support others who have gone through similar to me. Plus the fact i am actually a "professional" so i have been on both sides of services- i have been both a professional and service user. The hours are only 15 hours a week, but i think thats good because i havent been in work since June 2020. So i have talked with them and i have an interview arranged for Wednesday. They sounded really positive and think i have all the right experience (im sure they say that to everyone though!). But they said it would be really beneficial for me to share my story with the interviewers, and that is what i am scared of. What if they think i still have too many issues. I dont want to come across badly. I am scared incase it goes against me even though they said lived experience is so important to the role. I am half tempted to fuck it off even though its the first time i have felt excited about something in a long time. The money is not as good as my full time social work position, but im not even doing it for the money tbh.
I guess i am just scared as its the first time i am putting myself out there, and im trying not to get my hopes up even though i would love this opportunity and i feel i would have a lot to offer (based on both my professional and my personal experience). My partner said its up to me, in the past when i have talked about going back to work he said it was a bad idea, but even he can see the positives of this. For years i worked non stop as a social worker, working every day until midnight, it was very demanding and i burnt out. Whereas this position- i wont have the same level of responsibility, its not as good money wise (although if you actually break down the exact amount of hours i actually worked as a social worker it ended up about £2 per hour regardless of the decent salary!). But it would get me out of the house a couple of days a week, it will get me into a nice little routine, and i hope it will transfer some motivation into other aspects of my life.
I know there is no guarentee i will even get the job, and im trying not to get my hopes up, but im worried that if i talk about my suicide attempt then they will think i have too much lived experience, if that makes sense! I dont want to come across badly, and they said they want me to share my story. I dunno, im probably over thinking it all.
Sorry for waffling on, i havent told anyone about this and i figured this was the best place.
I'd love an update if you were able to 
I think sertraline is now. It used to be Fluoxetine.
Im sorry I can't your questions, everyone's different, but I'm glad you've made the decision to see a Dr x
That sounds so tough your an amazing mum keep goingI’m going through the same thing right now, I know it sucks but I hope you find something that works for you
That sounds so toughI too hope this year is better for all of us!
My daughters 16 and struggled so much recently trying to support her in the right way when she doesn’t want referring as she’s just started college is so hard to know what to do for them!Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your dog it's very upsetting isn't it? They literally are like one of the family I know its not the same but I remember when my cat Lex went missing (we never found him either) I was properly heart broken.@Misbehaving
Thank you so much for your kind words, it really does mean alot to me, I am so sorry to hear what you've been through and are currently going through, I have been thinking about you and have wondered if you've managed to get any help or support?
I resonate with you so much, life can be a hard slog at times, bless you for remembering about my dogs, unfortunately I had one pts recently, broke my heart, he used to go everywhere with me, miss him so much, such a character ( you're actually the first person I've told)
My oh is worried that I'll have another episode. but my depression just comes from no where, yes I'm upset, but am not in a dark place, if you know what I mean?
You're right it's great to be able to off load on these threads, folks are kind and supportive.
I really wish you well and hope you are taking care of yourself
Nope, I don't take meds, not even birth control or aspirin.
I honestly feel for you and I know nothing I can say will make you feel better right now, I just want you to know you're not alone and I know exactly how you're feeling.
Ah ok. Please try and keep topped up. The consistency is so important for managing your symptoms.
Insomnia is one of the biggest withdrawal symptoms. What are you struggling to explain? Do they make you discuss every time you need more pills? I’ve managed to convince mine to give me two months worth and I can get my repeat after week 6, to ensure I always have a supply. But it took some convincing at first because they said I was a suicide risk. Until I sarcastically informed him that pills were not my method of choice! I work in healthcare and am very fastidious about taking my meds because I know how important consistency is, especially with depression and PTSD. It needs managing every day. Other things I do are a hot bath before bed and I use a rain sounds video with a black screen on my laptop to help me get to sleep. YouTube has loads of different videos for sleeping that aren’t interrupted with ads. You could also try going for a walk, the fresh air will tire you out.Yeah I tend to use tv to fall asleep. I cant deal with silence. Yeah i need to get back on my meds this weekend. Also avoiding doctors because I never know how to explain myself
Thank you
I forgot to refill my days of the weeks pill pots last week and just haven't got round to it still
Please call an emergency help line
That really sucks, I’m so sorry. I’m in the same boat. I will be a total hypocrite and tell you to please phone the doctor though, seriously.I haven't taken my meds in a week
I get paid a lot for the stress i endure. An agency wouldnt come close and i have bills to pay... uhhh
I know. Thank you.
Just thinking out loud I guess. I have to take that first step.
That sucks, but is there something you can do to make up the qualification? They can’t possibly just change it without giving people a chance to convert. I’ve wanted to change my career for a long time, but am so sucked into the fact that I can never earn as much as I do now that it’s impossible. I was saving to buy a place outright, but after my breakdown and Covid, my savings have depleted by half and I have to just suck it up in order to try and get my savings back. I’m too old to retrain and try and survive on my own now and I never want to rely on a man or anyone else to live. But I feel you, I know this isn’t my life's purpose so it does get me down too!
I’m not a big fan of sleeping pills because they can be very addictive, but there are herbal remedies as well that you could try (as long as they aren’t contraindicated with your antidepressants. I have a very consistent bedtime routine so that my body and brain know its sleep time, but then I live alone so I guess I can, but I swear it really helps. I would definitely say have a power nap mid afternoon if you’re struggling, but no more than an hour as it’s counterproductive at night.
It wasn't funny, it was supposed to be a love react but clearly I hit the wrong response.
