The Depression Thread

[Raininvain]

Could anyone advise is this person rude or is it me? I was talking today in the street with a neighbour, general chit chat etc and we got onto talking about another very elderly neighbour who has come out of hospital etc, then went into a recovery place and is now home.She has home carers coming in and her son hasn't really been around etc and yet another neighbour has had to help out etc...
Anyway the lady said to me what are you going to do when your old and all this happens to you and you have absolutely nobody to help you etc? I'm not married and I don't have kids etc. I was just a bit shocked really for someone to come out with that. I mean anything could happen and I'm not forced to get that old, my Dad died young and also no one has needed care in my family either. Is it me being oversensitive or the neighbour being rude?

 

[rainbowlemon]

A bit TMI, but PMS after going off my meds is truly something else. I alternate between being on the verge of crying like an idiot and being angry at everyone and everything. I just wish I was a man and did not have to go through this shite.

The highlight of my day was going on a walk and meeting and petting a huge adorable poodle Dogs always make me feel better.

How are you feeling today?

I have booked my first appointment with a counsellor today.
For almost a year I have been crying whenever I'm alone but not wanting to reach out as I don't feel I have any real problems to warrant such sadness. Hoping this is the start of something good.
Any advice on preparing for my first session would be appreciated

It's okay to go slow and at your own pace.

Hope it goes well.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

So depressed. I’ve been in therapy for years and I just want to be at a baseline where I’m not riddled with anxiety and intense emotions and depression. I feel so lonely and sad and unloved and not worthy. I understand because of my chronic mental illnesses, I’ll always be in therapy and require treatment but I don’t want my life to be this way. It is exhausting. I just want to be okay and safe and not anxious and not sad. I don’t even ask for happy that much.

It’s not much to ask is it. I totally understand. You are worthy though. You know you are deep down too, it’s why you’re speaking here, and why you keep on seeking help x

 

[lemonl189]

I'm sorry you have been through such a bad experience especially when your young as well. I think I would start with looking for some counselling to start off, Could you ask the G.P to refer you or is there a local Womens project etc? I think I'd do that and look for something local you could join, anything to get out of the house and meet people. I know its still difficult at the moment but things are getting a bit better. Like a book club, walking group/ running club/church group whatever you are interested in etc. I'd also force myself to walk for an hour a day for fresh air instead of being stuck in the house which can be very depressing in itself.

Thankyou so much and yes I think I’m definitely going to look into some clubs I’m interested in sports and fitness I think starting off meeting new people will be better before speaking to a gp because talking about my feelings is a lot I still have so much social anxiety around people I struggle to even go in my garden sometimes or seeing some of my family members I’m trying to conquer this as I would love to go out on walks by myself and not have to worry if others are judging me (I know they won’t be but it’s my brain telling me so) I’m trying to overcome my fears each day I know it’s not going to happen straight away but I know I need to for a chance of a better life if not I’m scared of failure.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Oh I don’t have much time to properly reply to everyone but I’m here @Pixipoppy. Do you need someone to talk to?

 

[emm]

Hey i have been depressed for most of my 20s i have tried all different antidepressants I'm on duloxetine 90mg now but feel it makes me blank sometimes and I have 0 sex drive.

I've lost my friends who I introduced to each other over a drunk argument now they are best friends without me. I have no one now except for my boyfriend.

I feel im always self destructive and push people away especially when im drinking.

I want to be a better person but im struggling really bad at the moment.

I am so sorry about this and can completely identify, I would suggest as a first point (if you can) stop drinking we are alll here

 

[aidil]

Does anyone have thoughts on how to tell what’s anxiety or depression? I think I might have both, although the one thing I never feel is numb or empty (sometimes wish I did). I’d say I spend a lot of time feeling painfully sad about the past and present or fearful for the future. I know I need to get help, I just worry that my GP will just give me the most basic standard SSRI prescription even if that’s not what I need. Not that I’m a doctor, and they know best, but you know what I mean.

I’m in a similar position to you @StillLucilleBluth! I feel like most of my problems are anxiety based. I do have odd moments every few months where I go completely numb and disconnect from everything around me, but I feel like this is when my brain reaches breaking point with the anxiety if that makes sense? Almost like a defence mechanism for all the stress hitting it and it just shuts down and I get really detached from reality and just lie in bed for days.

I know I need to go back to the doctors but I’m worried they’ll just say the anxiety is secondary to depression when I think it’s anxiety that’s the root of my issues! I can’t remember when I last felt normal.

 

[flutternutter]

sertraline worked well for me - I felt the same - meh - all the time, but after a little while I started to get a bit of a buzz feeing back - a tingling of excitement about things again. I’m on 50mg x

I hope it comes soon so bored

 

[Fizzwhizz2020]

And you should be.

@Fizzwhizz2020 she may have blocked you because it could be triggering online or by phone. Do you know she is at home? Can you drop off a care package or note just to say “no obligation to reply, I’m here if you need anything.” I wasn’t sure if you sent that letter from your reply I just read. I don’t know. It’s so hard.

I wish I could drop something off but I live too far away sadly and have no car. so I can’t just pop round. I hope that by sending a letter then at least I know she has it and there’s no obligation to reply to me. Just wanted her to know that I’m there when she’s ready. She does have support at home, otherwise I’d be there like a shot. But I did think the phone etc might be triggering and that’s why I’m blocked x

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I'm sorry you're struggling. Medication tappers should always be done super slowly and ideally with extra support in place. Some people need a minimum time frame of 6+ months. What was your original dose and how much did you decrease your dosage by

Drinking milk is good for calories when you don't feel like eating. Can you get some ready meals so don't have to faff about with cooking?

Thank you so much for your comment and advice, I appreciate it a lot My original dose was 40 mg and it was planned that I would lower it to 20 mg a day, then 20 mg every other day and so on. We’ve talked it through and it just looks I need to taper super slowly, even slowly that I’d previously thought.

I am afraid I can’t quite afford to quit cooking altogether, but I’m trying to meal plan as much as possible and eat simple dishes that don’t take much time to prepare. Thank you once again, that was very helpful!

 

[Penguin86]

I drink on 100mg. As long as you dont drink too much

 

[Penguin86]

My therapist told me she’s going to start Behavioral Activation and DBT on me. So perhaps these might help you as well!

What does DBT stand for

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Thank you. To be clear, I hadn’t made the call yet but I did today. The dr will do a phone appointment tomorrow afternoon. I feel the hardest part was picking up the phone today.

Spoiler: TW maybe

/I don’t feel relief or anything, I just need sleep and to get through the day without multiple panic attacks. I keep it together when my kids are around or I’m busy but the minute I let my thoughts drift, or in the middle of the night unexpectedly, I start to lose control all over. I’m glad I called. She did say if I felt I needed it, to walk into the hospital and they would help me immediately. And they did offer in person but I don’t trust myself to drive right now being so tired .

Well done! I really hope the appointment helps and you feel better soon

 

[Penguin86]

I’m so sorry, Penguin ! I know it is difficult, but try to get some sleep, at least a couple of hours, it’s so important for your body. Have you tried falling asleep to the sound of TV/music? I do this sometimes when I don’t want to focus on my own thoughts too much .

I’m on fluoxetine not sertraline, but I am in the same boat as you, haven’t taken my meds for a couple of days and I know how it feels. You are not alone, we are always here to listen to you and support you

Yeah I tend to use tv to fall asleep. I cant deal with silence. Yeah i need to get back on my meds this weekend. Also avoiding doctors because I never know how to explain myself

Thank you

Sucks. Sleep deprivation fucks your whole system. A few things I fo, turn on amesitation video

Why are you guys not taking your meds? If you’re going through withdrawal you’ll feel rough.

I forgot to refill my days of the weeks pill pots last week and just haven't got round to it still

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

I'm originally from London, but live in the EU. My mother is afraid that the UK will be on the banned list of countries again because of the rising numbers of covid, so I won't be able to visit.

Well I presume she’s double jabbed by now, so it won’t be much longer before she can.

 

[Maid22]

the thing is that i tried to take my own life a couple of years back and instead of looking back and being happy it didn’t work i’m still wishing it did. i fucking hate depression.

i have absolutely no friends (when i say that i mean none) so it’s so easy for me to slip back into depression. i just feel so alone and as if no one would miss me if i was gone, because theres no one in my life that would even realise. how are you meant to be happy when you know not a single person in this world wants to be your friend

You are me, my oh stopped me twice, that was many years ago, the thought still lingers but meds have helped.
I also have no friends, if my oh wasn't here, I could fall, or even die in my house and no one would know, it's something I've had to live with as being an Introvert and practically a recluse, , being let down by so called friends over the years, would find it difficult to trust again, thank god for my dogs!!!!
This thread is a safe place to write things down, hugs to all who live with this demon, it's shit!!!

 

[rainbowlemon]

There's also a BPD thread here too I've posted more there too but you can in my opinion also have the condition without self harming. It's also common in those who have trauma histories.

Hope you can rest a bit today.

I don’t know if I have depression or not, some symptoms I feel I have then others I don’t. Had anxiety since I was 14 (had counselling and meds) but I feel “cured” of it now, maybe teenage hormones? Been under so much stress lately and feel unable to cope. Not getting joy out of things I normally enjoy, taking my eye of the prize and feeling like I’m barely getting through the days. I feel no energy, so tired, barely sleeping and feel like a zombie. Even feel that my work is being affected as I have no energy. Have nobody to talk to about this as I am “happy, bubbly and active” around others, I feel so low.
Came to a point last night where I said I just needed to phone in sick today and tomorrow to sort myself out. Didn’t tell work it was for MH reasons and now they think I have bloody covid so may have to do a PCR before allowed back
It felt so good to write this!

The things you have already described would be depression in my book. A lot of people in my friend circle have actually already gone to therapy. One actually had the nickname smiley. It's hard managing that mask when you're struggling.

Hope you also got the chance to rest.

Do you have any family nearby? There's also charities you can email or phone if you need extra help too.

 

[Penguin86]

Sending you love. My mother got a prescription for sleeping medication which helped after struggling with it for so long.

Last time I tried sleeping pills it took me days to stop feeling drowsy

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

Oh I see. And I’ve been taking my meds since May, but it took them about a month to kick in so my previous period was okay. Thank you

Yeah it should be fine. Are the working otherwise?

No such thing as a stupid trigger. Do contact your therapist, they are your support system. I hope you get to squeeze in a session soon!

I know what you mean about a stupid trigger, sometimes it can be something that seems so trivial in the grand scheme of things, but with BPD/depression it usually is those things, rather than the big momentous events that trigger us. The ladies are right though, never stupid. It’s always serious if it causes you pain or difficulty!

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

Don’t rush the process! Love is difficult. Heartbreak is difficult. You are doing the best you can. I spent six years mad at myself and someone because I couldn’t get over him. Only after that, the following two years, I started to make tangible progress once I allowed myself to be. You will get through it all. I believe in you.

99% of me is so resolute on getting over it and forcing myself to push thoughts of him out of my head. It’s just those days where the littlest thing can trigger a thought that has me in tears for hours. When we first stopped speaking, I used to get these crippling chest pains, like my heart was physically breaking. I always thought I’ll know when I’m over it because I won’t feel that, but honestly I swear if I ever saw or spoke to him again, it would come back. He wasn’t even a significant partner, but I’ve honestly never felt that heartbroken. I’m forcing myself to date (not seriously), but just to give me something else to occupy my mind and stop the loneliness. I don’t want to waste too many years alone because I’m wasting what good years I have left!