The Depression Thread

[flutternutter]

Work is really getting me down atm. Im really snappy, so so fatigued, and just cant concentrate on anything. I do a 9-5 but recently got a promotion but now my colleague is off on long term sick and im having to pick up the slack. Other people in the business are always so rude to me and shout at me, drag me down with words. I dont think people realise how hurtful words can be. I spend all week looking forward to the weekend.

I really understand. I tell people i love the work i do, i hate the people.

Colleagues fail to see people as humans and have empathy. I am possibly TOO empathetic. If someone is stressed I take their word for it, where others try to quantify how much they have on and whether that can be deemed stressful.

I doubt I can say anything to help since im in a similar position and i spend most mondays - fridays trying to book days off, crying or just being desperate for the weekend.

I've had some things go on in my personal life which take up a lot of my spare time and they are doing the whole "concerned manager" approach but really just trying to weigh up my free time to do work things. I said no to a night out and that's turned into an inquisition too.

Im trying my best to set boundaries and I just feel like they are constantly trying to break them down

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

Struggling to function

Wanna share?

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Sucks. Sleep deprivation fucks your whole system. A few things I fo, turn on amesitation video

Why are you guys not taking your meds? If you’re going through withdrawal you’ll feel rough.

I ran out of mine and you can only buy them from a certain place here. I got caught up in some work/family drama and did not have time to go and buy a new pack. I’m back on it now, but I missed one day and it still made a difference.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

When I was coming off I remember going lower because I could break the tablet. You are right though it does depend.

Did you get yourself the drinks? Are you eating a bit better?

Thank you for asking, means so much to me I did look into them and was going to buy some but before that I tried drinking orange or pineapple juice before my meals and it worked! Feeling so much better now. I will be either lowering the dose or (hopefully) going off meds completely, so I hope it goes away soon.

How are you doing?

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

hello twin

i’ll try and explain the ocd as my doctor explained it to me! ocd can really be separated into two parts - compulsions (ie excessive cleanliness, turning lights on and off a certain time) and obsessions (intrusive thoughts, becoming completely derailed by convincing yourself something has happened or is going to happen). i went to my doctor initially with what i later realised was “hit and run ocd” where a small anxiety about driving turned into me convincing myself i had bumped cars or was about to be in an accident with no evidence of this.

i think i’m angry at myself because, in my heart, i know it’s unwarranted. why waste time now convincing myself that thirty years from now i may be unhappy? but i know that now the thought is in my head it will be here for a little while.

and idk - i feel like the common factor in all my relationships ending is me. and i just have never, and probably never will ever, find attracting people and starting relationships as easy as everyone else. that is something i need to stop beating myself up about.

as always though, across the threads, i appreciate your kind words. i think i struggle at this time of year anyway and the nothingy point between christmas and new year is always hard. hopefully it will get better once i’m back into some kind of normal routine!

hey there

thank you for explaining about ocd. I think I have the same problem - I can think obsessively about a situation, then feel anxious and then procrastinate to avoid feeling anxious. horrible!

I tried meditation to deal with it, but don't seem to be able to stick with it. I also read that exercise helps, so I want to start exercising again. as I felt poorly quite often in recent months I stopped running and want to pick this up again soon. I also signed up for a yoga challenge.

I don't think it is unwarranted to think about what might happen in the future. maybe there is a way to see if you can make peace with not knowing what might happen and that certain things are simply out of your control.

as you know, many people don't find dating easy! I am sure there are many more out there that don't write on the dating thread and just quietly stay single or suffer in unhappy relationships. this is also something that is not in our control unfortunately. but we can make the best of it!

tbh, I love the time "between the years". it is great to get lost in the time, not do anything productive, just read and eat and watch movies, lounging around in pyjamas. it is always my favourite time of the year.
I always make list of things I want to do in the following year, write them down and then also look at the list from last year (I never look at the lists at any other time) and see what I have managed to do and what I haven't.

I am also thinking about setting directions for my future a lot these days and how I want to live.

 

[rainbowlemon]

I was feeling ok for a good few months despite all the bad stuff that was happening around me, last few weeks home life has been awful and I've hit the bottle again, don't even want to drink but I know after a few glasses I'll feel relaxed and calm if only for a few hours.

I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now.

Do you have support in real life, friends family you could also talk too?

Can I join? The past few days the thought of suicide has been present. I'm massively irritable and wish I could just stay in bed and sleep. I'm a single mum to a 3 year old so can't. She's why I won't kill myself but the thoughts are there. I stopped taking venlafaxine a few months ago as I HATED how it was making me feel. Have taken sertraline, fluoexetine, citalopram in the past. Nothing really seems to stick.

Hey I'm sorry for the late reply. I've been going through the same thing.

Your child will always need their mother. Something I read online from another mother with depression was when she didn't feel well she brought her little one into bed with her too. Her child might have been older, but could you do similar so you could rest a bit too, like bring lots of books or watch a movie in bed?

I always link the charity Maytree, but they really are a wonderful charity. They are still providing email and telephone support. The only thing that gets me through suicidal moments is just to cry it out. You will get through this. Do you have any friends/ family you could call?

I tried sertraline too but didn't like the side effects either.

Are you making sure you're eating?

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

You will have a purpose even if you can't see it for yourself right now.

There's this book I think people need more in their lives even if it's originally for children.



Do you journal?

For the nausea my mother always swore by ginger. Maybe you could try that. She usually cuts it up and adds it to her tea first thing in the morning.

Are you on any waitlists for therapy?

Any excuse for me to post this:

Play it everyday if you have too. "Do whatever just to stay alive ".

Thank you, I appreciate it a lot Even knowing somebody cares to reply means so much to me 🥲 I will make sure to check out the videos, and no, journaling or therapy did not work for me in the past. It doesn’t mean I can’t try again though!

 

[Penguin86]

Wanna share?

I just haven't slept much in 2 days and I've just hit a wall. I just end up arguing with my own brain when it comes to trying to sleep

 

[Penguin86]

That really sucks, I’m so sorry. I’m in the same boat. I will be a total hypocrite and tell you to please phone the doctor though, seriously.
I just felt like mine weren’t working and making me even more tired, but it’s so dumb I know, and I have to take my own advice and ask for help, again. I really hope you do the same

Yeah I just cba sometimes and then get withdrawals. I need something for my anxiety

 

[Mysteryy]

Yes. I was worried about getting on meds because I’ve heard stories of people having all sorts of horrible side effects, of becoming addicted, of doing all sorts of things to themselves…I started anyway and meds have helped me quite a lot. They definitely don’t solve the problem but more often than not, they prove to be helpful and prevent declines and bad thoughts. With some meds you might see a decline before it gets better though. Ultimately it’s just finding something that your doctor approves of and that you are comfortable with. Finding something that works for you can take some time, but in my opinion, it is worth giving it a try. Good luck

Thanks so much for your response, that's really helpful

 

[Libbylulu]

Guess who is not sleeping again

Try Ashwaganda, it’s natural. It completely knocks me out.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Did anyone else feel scared of medication, side effects, etc and find that it helped take the edge off of this? So sorry for being so vague I'm struggling to even articulate myself.

Yes. I was worried about getting on meds because I’ve heard stories of people having all sorts of horrible side effects, of becoming addicted, of doing all sorts of things to themselves…I started anyway and meds have helped me quite a lot. They definitely don’t solve the problem but more often than not, they prove to be helpful and prevent declines and bad thoughts. With some meds you might see a decline before it gets better though. Ultimately it’s just finding something that your doctor approves of and that you are comfortable with. Finding something that works for you can take some time, but in my opinion, it is worth giving it a try. Good luck

 

[butterfliesandhurricanes]

You’re not alone! I’ve struggled with BED since I was a teenager. And it is such a god damn struggle. I’ve had therapy for it previously, which has helped, but I’m currently not in therapy and I’ve relapsed a lot recently. BED is so difficult because so much shame comes from it. It makes me feel so immature and childish (I’m 31). And ultimately it’s such a self sabotaging behaviour- it’s so complicated. I wish I could offer you more support, but just know, you’re not alone.

I’m sorry you suffer too, it’s good to know I’m not alone. It’s so hard isn’t it. Today is the first day in about 2 weeks where I’ve eaten just a regular amount and haven’t had the urge to binge. It seems to come in waves i hate it. I can’t work out why today the urge stopped. It’s confusing and exhausting. Wish we could just have a normal relationship with food.

I do. I spent my childhood mistaking anxiety for hunger I think. It resolved slightly with therapy and being able to correctly identify my emotions. I had a a breakdown and lost a lot of weight but now I'm back on an even-ish keel I've started the emotional eating again. Especially with things in the world being so uncertain at the moment, food feels like a "treat". I do the same with alcohol, sadly.

seems like there are a few of us here that suffer with this! I hope we can support each other.

I guess I kind of do, too. Makes me feel bad about myself but I can’t help it sometimes. I’m going through a rough patch right now, dealing with depression and grief and struggling to find a job after losing my previous one so I’m trying to just get through it. It’s survival mode

I absolutely relate to the survival mode thing. Some times I do sit and think if it hadn’t been for the comfort I found in food today, something bad might have happened. It calms my emotions enough for me to distract myself and settle a bit. Sending positive thoughts to you. I hope your situation improves

 

[Sheabutter]

So I was on 100mg of sertraline and my doctor recently had it upped to 150mg. Just wondering if anyone has experienced side effects from going up because I think I am.

I’m on 50mg for anxiety. I tried going up to 100mg but my brain felt wrong. That’s the only way to describe it.

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

Hi there. First time poster. I use Tattle for other things but I have been so anxious and down over the last number of months I actually didnt know where else to go. I have always been a bit highly strung and super sensitive but over the last 6 months it has gone ridiculous. I have a beautiful baby boy who is the light of my life and a loving fiance but there is something just not right. I feel like I have lost my confidence and I am on the verge of tears all of the time. I know I must be not nice to be around. I was on light meds for PND but I am off them now and was doing well. I feel lost. I wonder if it is my relationship I am not happy in and maybe I am too afraid to admit it? I compete at high level sport so I train a lot and work part time.. maybe its just the craziness of life making me feel like this! I should be happy like. I have so much that others would love..

Having what others would love doesn’t make it right for you. We really need to stop convincing ourselves that whatever we are told is the norm (marriage, babies, certain careers, an Insta lifestyle etc.) is a one-size fits all model! Why do you feel it might be your relationship, are there signs? Are you having doubts? As much as you love your new baby, does being a mum really make you feel fulfilled and happy? What is missing? To me it sounds like classic PND. You say you compete in sports, so you are doing all the right things to benefit from those happiness-boosting endorphins, but 6 months is still early days post-natal. I think you should consider going back on your meds. A mild dosage might just take the edge off and there is no set time-limit for how long you should take them - they are meant to work for you. Once you feel levelled out again you will have a clearer head space to think about your life and what truly makes you happy.

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

I actually slept about 2am until 8am. Took my sertraline and accidentally fell asleep again until 1.30pm. Oops

Clearly needed it. Do you feel a bit better for it?

 

[Pixipoppy]

I'm reluctant to say "things will get better" because it used to really annoy me at times when I was feeling really bad, but I just wanted to share my experience because you sound in a really similar position to me four years ago. I was at the end of a relationship, had to move quickly and couldn't afford it, I just managed to pay a rental deposit on the last bit of my credit card but was in so much debt I couldn't afford my rent. I was being bullied by my boss and thought I'd never find anything better. All my friends were getting married and having kids and doing things and I just felt like a loser next to them all. I was so down I thought I must be the worst person to spend time with and was waiting for my mates to ditch me. I was self harming, drinking, doing too many drugs, not eating and couldn't get through a day at work without crying in the loos at work or on the bus. Every time I woke up in the morning I was furious I was still around, I felt absolutely worthless and didn't want to be around. I still had "fun" but I'd go home and just feel completely empty.

That was four years ago and I'm not saying I'm cured or always happy but lots of things have worked themselves out. I wouldn't have believed anyone if they'd told me... I probably wouldn't have believed them last year either, but looking back life has got very gradually better and if it can for me then I think the same can happen for you. I eventually tried medication last year after avoiding it and although it hasn't solved everything it definitely took the edge off my negative thoughts.

You're definitely not a burden at all, there will be days to look forward to in the future and there's every chance things will work themselves out for the better. I really feel for you and hope you'll be OK

Thank you for the heartfelt response, I am glad you’re doing better now. I just can’t see it happening for me, and I also have no motivation or drive for sticking around at the moment - what could my future hold that I haven’t already experienced. I will just live the rest of my life with regret and sadness and the feeling of being a failure.

 

[rainbowlemon]

I'm fed up, I'm not happy. I've spent most of the day on the verge of tears. I'm tired of constantly putting on a front. I feel like I'm failing as a Mum and I don't make my little boy happy. It feels like everything is falling on top of me and I can't breathe. I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown

How old is your little boy? Honestly I don't think every child is 100% happy all the time and I think that's placing too much pressure to place on yourself.
You're doing the best you can. Have you got any family to support you right now? can you get a GP appointment for yourself?

I was at a funeral yesterday spent it staring at the coffin wishing it was me inside. The pain is too much I want it to end

I've posted this before but the charity maytree is still offering support by email and phone.

Maytree | We’re open to suicidal feelings

Maytree offer a free 4 night, 5 day stay for adults, with the opportunity to be heard in complete confidence, in a caring, safe environment.

www.maytree.org.uk

Can you just get into bed right now and watch a movie? Are there any family/ friends you can call?

You'll get through this just one breath at a time.

This is probably a gross question but doesn't anyone else here who suffers from depression/anxiety find that sometimes stress makes them have diarrhoea

I think this is definitely possible.

 

[Maid22]

@Misbehaving
Thank you for reply, yes he had a lovely life, very muchly missed, such a happy little boy.
Am so pleased you overcame your fear and opened up about what you're going through, I hope your son gets into the school and that's so good to hear about your oh,I really hope he continues to support you.
I agree with the suggestion about you sending an email, I've always said you write so eloquently,me I'm hopeless, I get things muddled so much!
And likewise,thank you for caring and I also appreciate your support.

 

[Penguin86]

Does anyone else on sertraline get heartburn after taking them sometimes?
I woke up in the night with it and its still there now