The Depression Thread

[butterfliesandhurricanes]

I’m having such a horrible day. Maybe quitting my meds wasn’t such a good decision. I usually try to keep it together but on days like this I would be so glad to just be hit by a car. I feel dead lonely, too.

so sorry you feel this way. The last line in your spoiler tag was something I said to myself today. It’s awful isn’t it to feel so hopeless. I don’t know what you are going through but you are not alone in these feelings. Sending you love

 

[hereforthememe]

I had trouble with my anxiety last night but I think it has settled... I'm hoping a good workout tonight will put me right today

 

[nothanksbabes]

Just found this thread after mainly reading the gossip on Tattle. 5 years ago I watched someone I was close to die. Had no leave left had to crack on in work. Got a new job then a promotion fairly quickly, new relationship - was so happy! Someone on my team I was managing had a personality disorder and was so awful to me I almost completely broke down but pushed through. Then the pandemic hit and I was working from home. Managing a team of 15 where 95% had mental health issues and managed to get through / support them enough to get them through it. I had a horrible boss who came at me when I was crying and stressed and ripped me to shreds. I was in tatters and close to going sick. Following day I find out I've been offered another job so gives me incentive for next few months. Start counselling and diagnosed with compassion fatigue. Two weeks off before new job. Start and people are amazing. But then the work load gets crazy. Not afraid of hard work and super organised but was tough for me to deal with. Added to this in background been trying at 39 for first baby for 18 months no joy and sister in law gets pregnant. Was honest with new boss about what I had been through from start and very understanding. Ended up having line management responsibilities even though I took the role to get away from this. Built and built last few months. Had stress risk assessment, moving to compressed hours and got OCC health soon. Kept saying get to Xmas for break. Then we had a rat infestation. But this weekend I broke. Couldn't face going back. And I finally admitted to myself I was not coping and made a GP appointment today. I feel shame and relief in equal measures. But at least it's moving it into my control.

Crikey it sounds like you have coped with a huge amount over the last few years and are amazingly resilient.

There's nothing to be ashamed of at all. I hope you manage to get some support and feel better soon.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I do, but I feel like they’re sick of hearing about it

We are always here for you on this thread, it’s a lovely and safe space for all of us Do you think you would feel easier if you got it off your chest?

 

[Tanne1999]

Insomnia sucks. I just want to be able to go to sleep.

 

[Cosmicpixiesb]

Thank you so much. That means a lot.

 

[rainbowlemon]

I'm not sure why im typing this or have the right to. But maybe im hiding it so well from my family and close friends but i haven't dealt with my break up my mum's divorce and my brothers depression ive had to deal with all that all in one in the last year. And all I've ever wanted was my ex to be there i cried out to his best friend his family for him to talk to me i haven't heard from him since I've put the phone done. Ive reached every month I've hid that very well from everyone

I sent this to him last night and he read it at 3am

Spoiler

View attachment 646909

Spoiler

he clearly doesn't care and should really learn my lesson

The thing is im sitting here crying my eyes thinking im not doing so well and i should go to the doctors to speak to someone because ive dealt with my mum and brother feels like i dont want to tell them but i struggle every day to they know i cry and bottle it up but what they don't know what i deal with my head maybe it was the wrong thread to reply in but ive just to remember im not alone

It's okay to post here. Break ups are super tough. How long were you together?

I hope you can be honest with your family. Sometimes there are no words but having someone else if they just sit there can help.

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Well done you! Does it feel like a slight weight has lifted just by telling someone? I panicked about the side effects too but thought anything is worth a shot! I’m four days in now - first day was awful but only had slight sweats and unsettled sleep since (which I’m used to with the anxiety anyway!!). I’ve found taking it with food helps with the nausea

Thank you yes, definitely feels good to have done something about it and told someone what’s going on after feeling shit for so long. Totally agree - at this point I’d do anything to feel better and get rid of the sense of dread and sadness! Just took my first one this evening. Here goes… thank you for the support and to everyone else who replied previously

 

[Penguin86]

I agree with what @Maid22 says. It’s really up to you. I guess ideally if you’re ok with taking meds (and if you’re not that’s your choice), you should also be offered someone to talk to as well. Medication can really help to take the edge off, but it helps so much to be able to talk through what’s causing you to feel this way.

It’s so brave that you’ve made the appointment, I don’t say that lightly. I had a gp appointment where I was terrified to explain what was going on, so I just wrote down what I wanted to say. I know it sounds so obvious, but it helped me at the time.



I’ve been prescribed Propranolol for anxiety in the past, it only helps with the physical symptoms, but even that is so helpful. It stops that ”tense” feeling that you literally feel in your body.
I have also been prescribed diazepam which I found really helpful, but it can only be used short-term, and (in my experience), made me exhausted the next day. I really feel for you, its a tough combination dealing with anxiety and depression together.

Yeah I definitely need something. CBT didn't help me at all. I have Agoraphobia and depression so yeah fun times

 

[rainbowlemon]

I’m not sure if I’m posting in the right place but I’m just feeling so down. I hate where I am in my life at the moment. I feel as if I’m going no where and everything is stationery? I just want to trap myself away from everyone in a bubble because I find myself getting incredibly agitated by everything and everyone at the moment. Nothing I used to do brings me any joy anymore and I just want to be left alone to sleep. I don’t know if I’m feeling overwhelmed, anxious or what. I’m just not really coping very well and needed to vent. I can’t really vocalise this anywhere else.

I'm sorry you're struggling right now. I personally don't see the problem in getting more sleep if that's what your body is telling you you need. I did also spend time in my old room because it felt safer then the real world. If you need some time to just retreat that's not necessarily a bad thing. I just think you can't be the energizer rabbit all the time.

Do you journal or keep a mood diary? If you don't have words maybe drawing instead would help you recognise what you're feeling.

Have you spoken to your GP or tried any medication?

 

[Penguin86]

What do you do to keep yourself calm if you have anxiety? CBT didn't work for me

 

[rubbish]

Hey guys, hope you're all keeping well. My partner was diagnosed with depression yesterday, and has another app with the doctor soon to discuss a plan going forward.

I'm just wondering, do you guys have any advice on how I can help? What I should/shouldn't do? This is all very new to me and I don't want to do anything to upset him, I just want to be there to help. Thank you

Hi there, for me, the most important thing is having support that does not judge, does not try to "fix me" with suggestions to "take a walk, eat healthier, etc." and doesn't ask or assume that the sadness is because of the support's involvement. I.e., I hate when I am having a bout and my mom takes it personally.

I found this instagram account to be super helpful for not only myself to understand what it was that was happening and to not feel so alone, but for others to understand what it means and the different ways depression can manifest: https://www.instagram.com/realdepressionproject

I can say that the fact you are reaching out to know how to best support shows already what a great partner you are and that your spouse is very lucky to have you. <3

 

[rainbowlemon]

At this point I don't even know why I'm alive

I bought this book for my youngest sister.



I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now. You have value even if you can't see it for yourself. This moment will pass. Do you have anyone you can call?

Help me please! Only signed up to Tattle for this thread.
Has anyone been anti anti-depressants and therapy but given it a go and it's worked? I think I have depression, PTSD and now moderate anxiety.
Up until 2015 I would say my mental health was good but my daughter was stillborn at 41 weeks and that's where my problems started.
I don't know if I'm depressed or it's just grief/sadness. I've never asked for help and no one has offered. I don't want to waste anyones time so very reluctant to ask for help. I feel like no amount of therapy or drugs will help as it will (obviously) not bring my daughter back so nothing will change and I just need to accept this is how I will feel forever.
I feel like I'm very good at acting happy and normal but inside my head it can feel like torture. I just want some peace and don't think I can live the next 40 plus years of my life this way.

I'm sorry for your loss. Maybe it's both grief and depression?

You really won't be wasting anyone's time and you need help as much as one else does. I did therapy for a very long time. You are right- it didn't change the situations, but it changed me and the way I reacted to things. I know it's it not the same thing but I also lost someone I was close to last year. Grief in my opinion needs to be expressed. if you don't feel like you have the words there's also lots of different therapy types too like art or music therapy.

For anxiety I found doing this actually helped even though it seems so basic.

Havening practice


Talk therapy might not work for everyone. Somatic experiencing focuses on the body.

 

[Penguin86]

I weirdly like that I dream. Before my higher dose I rarely had dreams

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Thank you so much lovely, you're so right I can't possibly know it won't happen, i just haven't had the best track record! I don't believe in a higher power either so i really appreciate that perspective! You are so kind, thank you for the advice and taking the time to respond to me. Sending hugs back, thank you x

You’re so welcome.

Spoiler: A bit off topic but maybe helpful

I sometimes feel the same about the situation based my track record. But then I remember friends I have who’ve had terrible luck or a complete lack of anything even resembling a relationship - and it has still happened for them! But I acknowledge how hard it is in the throes of it. Reading the book “Attached” really helped me understand why I reacted in such specific ways to certain things - might be something you’re already aware of and might be totally irrelevant, I really don’t want to make assumptions - but just thought I’d mention it!

 

[isabellalovescats]

My other thing is scratching. I scratch myself a lot when I'm anxious/stressed. I did go through a period of picking my skin until I bleed

I pick my skin, too, when I’m anxious and stressed out. Then I feel bad about myself because of the scarring (I mainly pick my face). I wonder if doctors or MH professionals can help reduce picking or scratching.

 

[Penguin86]

No I’m the opposite. Clutter gives me anxiety. If something is out of place I can’t settle unless I move it or throw it away. Both are symptoms of OCD!

Im terrible! I buy duplicates of stuff but not sure if that's my scatterbrain or my need to spend money for the sake of it. I have one of those massive make up boxes that I'm going through and so far I've counted over 12 eyeliner pencils

 

[Misbehaving]

You are me, my oh stopped me twice, that was many years ago, the thought still lingers but meds have helped.
I also have no friends, if my oh wasn't here, I could fall, or even die in my house and no one would know, it's something I've had to live with as being an Introvert and practically a recluse, , being let down by so called friends over the years, would find it difficult to trust again, thank god for my dogs!!!!
This thread is a safe place to write things down, hugs to all who live with this demon, it's shit!!!

I'm so sorry to hear that @Maid22 but I can definitely relate to that feeling of being alone(even though in my case I'm not) and that no one cares and yes even suicidal occasionally ?
I tried it once during Lockdown (just before I joined Tattle life) and my husband had to physically restrain me I was hysterical afterwards and it took me ages to calm down.
Anyway he made me promise never to try it again and I have kept that but I was resentful for a long time! It still haunts me and when I have had thoughts about doing it again(which isn't often) it gives me a kind of relief..(the thought but not the action i.wouldnt actually try again) just because I don't want to traumatise my children my daughter was only little at the time.So I think it was definitely linked to her being ill which I blamed myself for and PND)..but then again I tried it as a teenager after being bullied so I do have previous form so maybe I'm just an unstable person with bad coping mechanisms and lockdown was a regression into the past if that makes sense and things that I though I had forgotten (but obviously hadn't) came back,)
It's difficult to give voice to things when you feel as if no one is interested? My parents are estranged from each other (divorced) and from me now as I don't talk to either of them and my husband is usually just fed up with me? (And vica versa)

So I really understand the temptation to just not to want to be here it's exhausting and I too have no friends....which is a relief sometimes because like you in my day to day life I'm also an introvert and reclusive and both of my parents were also narcissists so I don't want to put on a mask or false face in front of people I just want to face myself honestly but I am scared about how I come across to others and rejection hurts?
Then something will trigger me and I'll get another pang of loneliness and feel like I have failed at this socialisation lark! I too do not find it easy?
I also have massive trust issues it's so hard when people let you down or worse still if you open yourself up and get rejected or not supported it's easy to form the impression from this that no one cares but it's not true
You have a voice and a presence on here and you're always thoughtful and generous and with a dry wit plus your love for your animals always shines through...
This is a great space for just being yourself without the need to pretend to be happy and to just be honest I've got so much love and admiration for the people who post on here (you included) I really have found it cathartic and I hope it's been helpful to you as well?
I am glad this thread exists and I am glad that you exist and anyone is here any time for any of us if we need it. sometimes it's good to offer support and understanding to others but we also need it ourselves as well?
I've offered and given a lot to others over the years and mainly it's seemed as if I didn't get it back when I needed it (huge understatement)
That happens all too frequently unfortunately?
Maybe it happened to you as well?
Reading on here though and being a part of some lovely threads has restored my faith in people a bit (not there yet but still a glimmer of hope,?)
People are lovely and helpful and kind sometimes at least and reminding myself of that fact makes me feel better and I hope it gives you reassurance too if you should ever need it.
Thanks for your previous support (on a different thread) I do appreciate it and take care of yourself and those dogs you would be missed if something bad ever happened (god forbid) so I hope you take care of yourself and like someone said to me on another thread when I was really low your not alone even if it feels like it.
So take care and much love you deserve it!

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

I have had a lovely day and a horrible evening. I am at a family reunion right now, I cooked and cleaned everything and now I’m drunk and sad haha.

Oh no, why sad?

 

[Maid22]

@hereforthememe hope you're ok x