The Depression Thread

[Penguin86]

Thank you both My main problem is not just depression but rather fatigue and self-hatred. It’s so difficult to wake up every day and see the person you hate in the mirror, and there is no way I can get out of this body. I know I can change something but I just don’t have the energy.

I suffer from fatigue too. Do you avoid mirrors? I do.

 

[Penguin86]

I’m on 50mg for anxiety. I tried going up to 100mg but my brain felt wrong. That’s the only way to describe it.

Yeah that's how my head feels like fuzzy headed

 

[isabellalovescats]

I hope you will be able to resolve the sleep situation Penguin, it sounds frustrating!

I’m a bit...distraught because I’ve been working on my extra qualifications for a year now in order to make a career change, and yesterday I found out that the requirements have been changed yet again without warning and it looks like I don’t qualify. I have been working and studying full time for months, Saturdays and Sundays included, can’t believe it’s all in vain. I am pretty sure it was my dissatisfaction with my career choices that originally made me spiral into depression. I might as well just give up and go with the flow if it does not work out.

I am so sorry to hear that. Is it a few specific job at a company/organization that you want or can you find similar jobs that would accept what you’ve studied so far?

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I really hope everyone on this thread gets relief from whatever it is you are personally going through

Does anyone feel like crying but physically not even shed a single tear even though you have that feeling in your chest that just wants to come out but simply can't? It's as though there is a disconnect between emotions and your body. Crying would bring me a lot of relief, but my body is not following.

Do you take any meds? It happened to me when I first started taking fluoxetine. I wanted to cry but couldn’t, but it has since passed.

 

[flutternutter]

Help me please! Only signed up to Tattle for this thread.
Has anyone been anti anti-depressants and therapy but given it a go and it's worked? I think I have depression, PTSD and now moderate anxiety.
Up until 2015 I would say my mental health was good but my daughter was stillborn at 41 weeks and that's where my problems started.
I don't know if I'm depressed or it's just grief/sadness. I've never asked for help and no one has offered. I don't want to waste anyones time so very reluctant to ask for help. I feel like no amount of therapy or drugs will help as it will (obviously) not bring my daughter back so nothing will change and I just need to accept this is how I will feel forever.
I feel like I'm very good at acting happy and normal but inside my head it can feel like torture. I just want some peace and don't think I can live the next 40 plus years of my life this way.

When i miscarried the 2nd time i had a breakdown. I acted ok for months and something tiny set me off. I wouldnt say therapy cured me but it stopped my plans to end it all.
Grief comes in all shapes and sizes for people and for me I just wanted the pain to end.

My friend had a stillbirth and its awful. Im on my 3rd loss now, all 9 weeks or under and when i think of attachment and plans i had in such a short time.... i admire my friend for picking herself up, knowing how hard that must be.

I really found talking about it helped though. When i shut down my mental health shut down too. After my 3rd i was very open with people, very open about just wanting to have a "sad day" i put absolutely 0 pressure on myself to act normal

 

[flutternutter]

Really? that's surprising as there's agencies for all professions and very high level jobs now. What about applying for anything that will cover the bills etc just to get out then?

Im applying for loads but so are many others it seems. Just gotta keep trying. Money is a huge trigger for me so i know cutting my cloth too much will probably be as bad if not worse than just staying for now

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Does anyone else struggle with binge eating/emotional eating ?

I guess I kind of do, too. Makes me feel bad about myself but I can’t help it sometimes. I’m going through a rough patch right now, dealing with depression and grief and struggling to find a job after losing my previous one so I’m trying to just get through it. It’s survival mode

 

[flutternutter]

Been on 50mg of sertraline for a few weeks now. After the side effects i really felt like they were working for a bit. I had some family things happen which i took in my stride and dealt with rationally. My anxiety felt under control but my depression was still lingering.

The reason i agreed to go on them was due to work asking us to go back and my anxiety and depression spiralling. I went in for 1 day and the whole things just put me right back to square 1. My anxiety has me ill. I was holding back tears the entire day.
My jobs pretty stressful and the ppl dont help. Ive been actively looking for a new job but unfortunately that just hasnt happened yet. They just seem to lump pressure on me constantly. I ask for annual leave and its denied. Add into the mix none of them believe in covid and I have vunerable people around me its just a lot to deal with mentally.

Ive had a lot of mental clarity I suppose you would call it recently too. Remembering things which happened as a child which probably explain the way I am.

I had an appointment on monday with my gp to discuss my medication. I am hoping if they increase the dose this will help?

 

[butterfliesandhurricanes]

In all honesty I take the easy route and use sleeping tablets at night. I hate laying there with my thoughts racing getting more and more stressed about the amount of sleep I’m missing

don’t blame you! Anything that helps is a good thing I suppose. I’ve never tried prescription sleeping tablets but I have tried things like nytol but it’s so annoying because I suffer with restless legs and the diphenhydramine makes it worse.

 

[DoctorWho]

I honestly don’t think GP’s are ever very responsive on their own. Usually what happens is they will refer you for an assessment for counselling or CBT. I had this about 5 times before I convinced them that what I needed was actual psychotherapy. I knew it was more serious than just the standard ‘tick boxes’, but I had to be very persistent and persuasive (I note I work in medicine, so I know what to ask for and how to get it). Once I finally got into secondary care they were awesome. If you feel your GP isn’t helping, I recommend, you either speak to another GP within the surgery (if you can) and ask them to refer you. Or you can refer yourself via your local IPCT. I don’t know what area you are in, but either look online at the NHS ‘find a service’ website or ask the receptionist at your GP service who you should contact. If you have online services through your GP, there will be a self-referral section there too. There is nothing a person with MH issues needs less than an unsympathetic ear from the medical community!

i work for a GP - first thing they want to do as soon as some calls with mental health is to pass them on to MH services Most of the patients insist on speaking to a GP first though.

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

I really hope everyone on this thread gets relief from whatever it is you are personally going through

Does anyone feel like crying but physically not even shed a single tear even though you have that feeling in your chest that just wants to come out but simply can't? It's as though there is a disconnect between emotions and your body. Crying would bring me a lot of relief, but my body is not following.

TW: death mentioned

I felt that for a good part of the year at the start of the pandemic. Friends around me were upset and would tell me they’d cried etc. And I felt upset by many things too but was physically unable to release it by crying. I kept thinking something must be broken inside me. I wasn’t on meds. I’m not sure of the reason, I think it’s maybe a stress response, or even a self-preservation mechanism to disconnect after a trauma. I know people feel that way after losing a loved one, where they feel guilty about not being able to cry for the loss. I can relate to the feeling of wanting that release and I hope it comes for you. In the meantime, maybe there can be other outlets like exercise or speaking with someone?

 

[Penguin86]

My GP upped me to 150mg of Sertraline and I was still taking it in the morning. I was asleep by 7pm most evenings and awake from 1am. Ended up making the decision to switch to taking them at night. I keep having very light sleep. I miss my deep sleeping like the dead sleep.

 

[Maid22]

How do you find a counsellor in your area best suited for your needs?
I've just looked, tis a minefield!

 

[Penguin86]

Struggling to function

 

[Chrisxo]

It’s such a long story

 

[Justlooking2020]

I don’t know if I have depression or not, some symptoms I feel I have then others I don’t. Had anxiety since I was 14 (had counselling and meds) but I feel “cured” of it now, maybe teenage hormones? Been under so much stress lately and feel unable to cope. Not getting joy out of things I normally enjoy, taking my eye of the prize and feeling like I’m barely getting through the days. I feel no energy, so tired, barely sleeping and feel like a zombie. Even feel that my work is being affected as I have no energy. Have nobody to talk to about this as I am “happy, bubbly and active” around others, I feel so low.
Came to a point last night where I said I just needed to phone in sick today and tomorrow to sort myself out. Didn’t tell work it was for MH reasons and now they think I have bloody covid so may have to do a PCR before allowed back
It felt so good to write this!

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I feel like a teenager questioning everything and wondering when was the last time I felt happy. I used to count the things I was grateful for everyday. I would come up with six different things. Now I wonder what I did to deserve those things and how to stop them from going away. It sends me down a deeply existential path. I was steeped in one philosophy growing up and while I challenged it, it never occurred to me that I might want to seek out an entirely different philosophical way of being and go ahead and structure my life around it. Part of me wants to pursue the notion and part of me is scared because I feel like cults prey on people asking these questions. Cornel West popped up on my feed for a master class ad and he was so compelling. I bristle at the thought of letting capitalism fill me with values though. Then again, the people handing out free pamphlets are pretty weird too.

I can relate to so much of what you said @Sheabutter I know I’m a very lucky person and have so much to be grateful for, but the stupid depressed part of my brain just makes me think if I appreciate anything too much I’ll lose it. I try and remind myself that the “real me” and the “depressed me“ aren’t the same, if that makes sense, but I don’t know if it helps.

Please be careful about getting drawn in by any kind of cult or organisation that preys on vulnerable people. It’s good that you’re aware of it. You can figure out your philosophy on your own for now, it sounds like it such a personal thing.
If you’re seeking a community and discussion with people who have similar ideas, that will all still be there when you’re feeling better x

ETA. Apologies if none of this makes sense, just know that you’re not on your own.

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

Sending you so much love. Sometimes, we don’t get over a person totally but we get over them enough over time - we do get to a point where they won’t hold that much power over you.

Thank you. Yeah I think the reason it upsets me so much is because it makes me hate myself even more for being so dumb. I should be above this shit at my age!

 

[flutternutter]

It’s such a long story

Im so sorry youre going through this. When i have situations which are hard in the moment i try to talk to myself as if i were my future self talking to current me.
Be kind and gentle with yourself. Praise the small things and encourage everything positive you do.

Its horrible when youre in the storm.

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

I’m writing this because I’m not sure where else to go. I’ve done years and every kind of CBT, counselling, medications, seen a psychiatrist, a psychologist, doctors, specialised mental health treatment and nothing helps. I just want 10 minutes to be free from my own mind. I’ve been mentally unwell since I was 4 and depressed with an eating disorder since I was about 7 and I’m just not sure at this point what else I can do. Does anyone have anything that brings them distraction or peace or clarity?

Jeez that sounds really tough. I’m sorry you can’t seem to get any respite. My distraction/peace rituals are music, walking, driving, spring cleaning and exercise. I’ve posted loads about this but I put together a playlist (I have different ones depending on my mood) and then I go on a really long walk or drive. Hot detox bath (epsom salt, ginger, bicarb of soda and apple coder vinegar), with either music or a movie on my laptop and just chill for as long as I can cope with the heat (take water with you!). I also find exercise classes like cycling, weights or boxing really helps me deal with my stress. Basically get active, get out in the fresh air and focus your mind in the simple things that make you feel alive (sun, smell of cut grass, all the lovely dogs you see, the fact that you are free etc).