The Depression Thread

[Sideboard Bob]

I’m back.

Usually a lurker on this thread, have posted before.

How do people cope with the feeling that everything is hopeless? And that they’re basically going to lose everyone close to them one day? It’s a reoccurring thought.

Right bundle of laughs, me.

I get that Have you tried some kind of therapy? (I know it’s hard to access). I think one way to cope is to just talk it through with someone, because it’s like your mind is messing with you at the moment. I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way, its just horrible.

I feel super low today. I thought I could snap out of it but I can't. Nothing seems to be bringing me happiness. I feel so hopeless. Sending lots of love to everyone who needs it.

And love to you too. I can relate wishing to be able to snap out of it. I can usually do that so easily, so I try and remember that feeling this way is an illness, its a chemical imbalance of the mind. Have you asked for help?

 

[nothanksbabes]

I rang the HSE crisis line (Irish version of NHS). I'm being driven into hospital because of something I did, but it's minor enough. I won't go into detail, could be triggering for others on this thread. Have a meeting with the crisis team in-person tomorrow.

I'm sorry if I worried anyone and thank you for the nice messages.

Hope you're OK and thinking of you.

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

Thank you so much, you are very sweet I bought one extra pack yesterday so I should be fine!

Good. We really don’t need to struggle even more, unnecessarily!

 

[isabellalovescats]

Low and lonely is such a shit feeling. Sending you big hugs. Don’t feel mortified, let things play out - not everyone leaves, only those you don’t need in your life, those who don’t deserve you. It may sound corny but 100% true!

Thank you so much! You give such good advice. I’m just scared I don’t know how to let things play out. So far I’ve found that people either stay around for a few months but once I decide to trust them and let my guards down, they all leave. I have become very paranoid about their intentions so now I really want to define things early on so that I don’t get attached. That happens in both romantic and friendship contexts. My anxious nature really likes labels and knowing where I’m at (acquaintances or friends, hookup or girlfriend, etc.) but I don’t know how to get a clear answer from other people without coming off as demanding.

Just take them as they come, and dont invest too much in them, so if they dont stick around then so what?
I think its part and parcel of life that people just come and go. I've lost touch with quite a lot of really nice friends over the years and it wasnt through falling out, it was move to do with life changes, like they got married had more kids, job changes for everyone etc. Not everyone keeps in touch. Just try to take things for the moment etc. Same for a possible partner.

Thank you so much for your wise words. My solid friendships have fizzled out over the years and I’ve become quite the recluse. Nothing bad even happened - like you said, life changes played a part mostly. I’m now dealing with a possible partner situation. I really like the person and want to see how things play out but I also don’t know how to let things play out. I don’t want to become invested at all if he’s not taking things with commitment in his mind (bf/gf) although we’ve only known each other for a month so maybe I’m being unreasonable here? I hate social anxiety. Compounded with depression, I’m horrendous in social situations.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I’m very busy at the moment so I will probably reply a bit later but I just wanted to say that I’ve been reading all the replies and I’m sending tons of love to you all

 

[Tanne1999]

It’s winter still where I am, and bloody freezing, so going for a walk wrapped in 8000 layers in the pitch black isn’t my idea of fun. Especially when I’m anxious about going out and I’ve got an overly vivid imagination

I’ve been considering CBD as apparently it does work for some people, just influencers put me off it

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Hi everyone, how are we doing?

I really thought I was on the mend, taking my meds again and slowly improving, but then

Spoiler

my brother-in-law died last week

and it all went downhill. I just feel very very down most of the time and have nightmares almost every night. I’m tired and jealous of everyone who seems to be living a happy life. I really don’t know if I can take it.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so cruel that you were on the mend before then. I want to say that you will get to that place again (because you will), but I know how hard it is to think that way when you’re dealing with a bereavement When I was struggling with a loss, a friend reminded me that grief can be exhausting, it really does take it out of you, so please take care of yourself x

 

[DoctorWho]

I know what you mean
I always think of the line from an Emeli Sandé song, “I wake with good intentions, but the day it always lasts too long”.

I’ve barely been awake this week. Phoned in sick to work and been forcing myself to wake up around 6pm

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

I have a doctors appointment next week but before I sound like a raging alcoholic to them. Can i drink at all with 50mg sertraline? And also the grapefruit thing... what about gin distilled with grapefruit? Most citrus gins are made this way.

I normally only have 1 or 2 gins per week but I am going out with friends in a couple of weeks and im terrified i wont be able to drink. Reason I am terrified is most of my depression is due to ongoing infertility issues so me not drinking on a night out, they will all be asking if I am... so at least 1 gin in hand should keep them off my back

Don’t worry, drinking a little isn’t a big deal. The reason thry say don’t is because it has a depressive effect and I believe it can cause nausea with sertraline. Grapefruit of all kinds needs to be avoided if it is contra-indicated because it interferes with proteins in the small intestine and the liver that normally break down most medications, leading to higher levels of them in your blood and potentially greater side effects.

 

[Penguin86]

Does anyone else experience a weird sensation in their feet? Kind of like pins and needles but not. It's really frustrating.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I’m so sorry Blue Rose! I don’t think you should push yourself into getting comfortable if you are not comfortable with the idea yet, but just knowing you can get it might make you feel more safe. How are you today?

Oops just reread it and I obviously meant getting help Sorry, my bad!

 

[rainbowlemon]

First day back at work. Trying to keep myself calm, even with an inbox full and countless meetings which have been put in while I have been off.

I am still fed up. Still cba to do anything. My husband keeps telling me i need a hobby but i feel like i try something then just give up.

I definitely think my depression is half chemical half habit. I am so used to feeling low I don't know how to feel happy anymore. I dont mean this for sympathy or anything just straight facts. I have worked on myself and I can pick myself up but I cant seem to get above this bar of constant sadness

It can be hard to start something new when you're already feeling low. What hobbies have you tried in the past?

Do you think the sadness could be from early wounds?

 

[Jadejones9596]

Hi everyone! Hope you are all OK today!

Just wanted a bit of advice…

So I’ve been doing really well. Been on my duloxetine over a month and I’ve been so well, much better and more like myself

Today for no apparent reason I feel completely exhausted and really low like my best days are behind me. I’m so tired… is this anything to worry about? Is it normal for depression recovery?

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

She's actually never visited me once since I've been here. Only my teenaged sisters around 3 years ago.

How are you doing this morning?

I never seem to see the alerts to these responses. I’ve been fine today. I did wake up super grumpy (which I posted about on the BPD thread), but I’m over it now and work got really busy this afternoon so no time to care.

My family never visit me either, only my mum since I moved closer. Ridiculous really!

 

[Whatevesmate]

Hey everyone, I just found this thread,

I've spent the last few days switching between joyless, angry, nothing and obsessive. Crying for no reason and closing the net around me because I dont want to let anyone in.

I put effort into things and it goes to waste.

It's like being on a rollercoaster but you spend more down going down than you do going up.

Sorry you are having such a horrible time
Please try and be kind to yourself. I posted a link about self compassion. I'm finding it helps. Might be worth a try

 

[Beaversabout]

Not sure if directly related to depression but definitely linked to my low self worth..

Is anyone else completely incapable of dealing with any sort of conflicts or people being upset with them, even though you’re a grown adult? I completely run away from any sort of serious conversations, responsibilities, the thoughts of ‘moving up’ in my career makes me ill.

i had a TINY misunderstanding with my mum today over text, I misinterpreted something she said so made a small joke and she sent a one word reply so I immediately knew something was off. I then go into panick mode texting and calling which she ignored, and this made me worse… finally she answered and explained what she meant and said she was frustrated. The rational side of me knows all I could do was apologise and that it’s not even serious but now the thought that she’s sitting in the house feeling annoyed with me just makes me feel sick. I feel so low, I couldn’t eat lunch and I’m sick to my stomach. It’s so stupid.

Something I struggle with majorly is feeling unimportant, I don’t think I am special or important part of anyones life and feel very isolated. But at the same time the thought of anyone perceiving me/thinking thoughts about me as a person and my personality is so scary and I hate it! I want to be both special and anonymous and I know I can’t have both!!!

Also been on 100mg Sertraline for a month or so and notice no difference. Really don’t think I’ve ever noticed a difference with any antidepressant which makes me believe this is just how I am which depresses me further!!!!

Sorry for such a long post just feeling so frustrated and loathing myself today

Yes I'm exactly like this. I can't say anything to people when I know they are in the wrong or have done something to me. It's probably because growing up wasn't allowed to 'answer back', and wasn't shown how to deal with any situations. I always think about other people first and why they would do something, rather than think of myself, I've always been misunderstood as a person so I try and be understanding first. Most of the time people are just Dick's though.
So now I just end up overthinking a situation or just trying to forget it but of course that don't work and ends up as PTSD or depression over time. I know exactly what you mean by not wanting to be around people but at the same time still wanting to be thought of. I used to be on escitalopram for a while but had to stop because it was making me forgetful. 100mg is alot!

 

[LaBlonde]

Hey you, I hope it is ok for me to respond here (as we are also chatting in another thread).

I can identify with your thoughts.
I also became aware of my own mortality - a few acquaintances died over the last couple of years, young women dying of cancer.

It is probably a good thing to be aware of, as it also puts things into perspective - is it really worth me being upset because of the noisy neighbours?
etc

But at the same time it is terrifying. Everything is so fleeting and life will become more and more difficult the older we get.

What stories are you telling yourself - "cannot keep a partner": where does this come from? Why do you think is it your "fault" that your relationships ended?
Meeting the right person and being compatible with the person we fall in love with is not something we can control.
And why are you angry at yourself? Do you feel you did something wrong? What?

How does your OCD show up? I understand the anxiety in light of the recent events in your life and in the world, but don't understand the OCD side of things. Do you feel like you would like to control your future?

hello twin

i’ll try and explain the ocd as my doctor explained it to me! ocd can really be separated into two parts - compulsions (ie excessive cleanliness, turning lights on and off a certain time) and obsessions (intrusive thoughts, becoming completely derailed by convincing yourself something has happened or is going to happen). i went to my doctor initially with what i later realised was “hit and run ocd” where a small anxiety about driving turned into me convincing myself i had bumped cars or was about to be in an accident with no evidence of this.

i think i’m angry at myself because, in my heart, i know it’s unwarranted. why waste time now convincing myself that thirty years from now i may be unhappy? but i know that now the thought is in my head it will be here for a little while.

and idk - i feel like the common factor in all my relationships ending is me. and i just have never, and probably never will ever, find attracting people and starting relationships as easy as everyone else. that is something i need to stop beating myself up about.

as always though, across the threads, i appreciate your kind words. i think i struggle at this time of year anyway and the nothingy point between christmas and new year is always hard. hopefully it will get better once i’m back into some kind of normal routine!

 

[caterday28]

Thank you, it sounds so silly but it means a lot coming from “a familiar face”??

YES you articulated it perfectly thank you. You’re so right, personality is separate from mental health and that’s definitely why I’m struggling to believe I “need” the prescription cos I feel like I’m a happy smiley person so whatevs doesn’t matter?

I’ve been given sertraline which I’m too scared to even google tbh. I am scared it’ll make me withdrawn as I do a lot of 1:1 play and learning stuff with . I just need some way of not getting so upset by everything until I can do well with my CBT again really.

Thank you for listening it’s so kind and appreciated x

Sertraline can be a brilliant drug. It is "activating" so is not likely to make you withdrawn. Hope all goes well for you!

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Hi, I am feeling really low at the moment. I'm 28 and only have one friend (who lives 2 hours away) so I am really lonely. I am desperate to make friends but I find it really hard to get on with people at work, I'm not good at small talk so don't really speak to anyone at all, so feel totally invisible when I'm there. Other people have joined since I started and they have integrated straight away. I know it is primarily down to me to talk to people but nobody starts conversations with me either, so I think I have made myself unapproachable. This has happened with every job I've had and I feel disappointed with myself for making the same mistake each time.

My job is also not fulfilling but there aren't many opportunities where i live. I've started studying in the evenings in the hope I can move onto something better. I am thinking I should move away to a bigger city for work and to have more social opportunities but this seems really scary as I've never rented privately so wouldn't know where to begin. I'm also worried about moving away from family because even though they are controlling and their opinions hold me back, I'm worried I will have nothing if I move away. Has anyone else done this?

I'm trying to think of how to distract myself in the short term while working on my long term goals and hoping that things will eventually get better. I'm thinking of starting exercise classes so I can be around other people, has anyone else had any success with this?

This sounds like a tough situation. I’m rubbish at small talk too and I think loads of people are. Whenever I’ve worked in huge companies, I’ve always felt awkward and clumsy in any big networking thing. I feel like I disappear. It’s weird! But anyway, sorry you’re feeling like this. I think exercise is a great idea, for the social benefits as well as the endorphins! Or perhaps some volunteering, if that’s an option where you live? Then you kind of automatically have something to talk to people about rather than just starting from scratch.

And I know this will probably be annoying, because people say it to me (less now but all the time when I was younger) and I want to kill then, but in terms of being approachable I (reluctantly!) think smiling really helps. I know it can feel so fake though. But maybe it’s worth doing almost as an experiment a bit more. I have major resting bitch face so sometimes I just try to kind of “reset” my face and I do notice that if I’m walking along, people tend to smile and acknowledge me a bit more I think.

I hope your week has been OK. Sending love and encouragement. Life is just hard sometimes.

 

[rainbowlemon]

Thank you again for your response! The GP did very briefly mention talking therapies but wasn’t overly helpful, I have found out more myself though as you suggested! I think I will do a self referral and see what comes out of that. I don’t expect my GP to be a mind reader, perhaps I should’ve pushed a bit more but it took so much for me to call up in the first place . I feel like as soon as he asked if I was suicidal and I said no, it was basically end of conversation. Anyway I’ll do a self referral and see how I get on for now. Thank you so much again to be honest it’s nice to even have people to talk to about it!

There's also a lot of other mental health forums out there too, if you ever need to chat. I'm also a member on this one:

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