The Depression Thread

[Jelly Bean]

I can't remember if it was this thread or the support one that someone suggested a text helpline. If you don't respond do they hound you to check you're ok or is it up to you. I have anxiety when it comes to texting strangers or phone calls

Hi - yes that was me.
I have not used the service as am OK at present, but saw it being talked about on twitter by people I see as reliable.
I too share your anxiety of unwanted texts and phone calls. I presume like the Samaritans they don't contact you unsolicited. I got the impression it is all on your terms and at your own pace.
Anyway there is a website for the service so have a look and see what you think.

Giveusashout.org

ETA just looked at the website again and it really does seem you contact them when you need, and will get a free text conversation (obviously if you want) for about 45 mins - an hour discussing your needs, fears etc. They don't check up on you or call back. It really is like a phone call to a helpline but text instead. Which I much prefer. x

 

[TapToBoreMeRigid]

@Maid22 thank you sweet person. It is so tough. I'm sending you the best.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I'm not sure why im typing this or have the right to. But maybe im hiding it so well from my family and close friends but i haven't dealt with my break up my mum's divorce and my brothers depression ive had to deal with all that all in one in the last year. And all I've ever wanted was my ex to be there i cried out to his best friend his family for him to talk to me i haven't heard from him since I've put the phone done. Ive reached every month I've hid that very well from everyone

I sent this to him last night and he read it at 3am
[View attachment 646909

he clearly doesn't care and should really learn my lesson

The thing is im sitting here crying my eyes thinking im not doing so well and i should go to the doctors to speak to someone because ive dealt with my mum and brother feels like i dont want to tell them but i struggle every day to they know i cry and bottle it up but what they don't know what i deal with my head maybe it was the wrong thread to reply in but ive just to remember im not alone

I’m so sorry lovely! You are definitely not alone. I hope you can get your family to listen to you and understand your struggles, and I’m always here if you need someone to talk to, too Sending you virtual hugs!

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

Hello lovely people!

I’m doing okay today, started out happy but now I’m a bit tired and less cheerful. My period arrived early, it’s weirdly heavy this time around, I wonder whether it has anything to do with me taking fluoxetine. Any experience with this?

@Clojo92 Isabella is right, a trigger is a trigger, it cannot be stupid. I hope you can contact your therapist and get some support ASAP!

@watermelon sugar I’m pretty sure I typed you a message yesterday but I can’t find it right now. How are you today? Do you plan on seeking professional help? Do you have a support team (friends, relatives etc)?

@Professor Farnsworth This sounds really uncomfortable! Is there any way you can ask these people to keep such conversations out of the workplace? Some chit chat is one thing, but I too hate it when people spend their whole days at work discussing babies, marriage, home bargains and so on.

Nah it’s fine. They’re young and entitled to share and be happy about these things. I’m just old and grumpy and over it all because I was there once and know it doesn’t always last. It’s not fair of me to spoil their thunder. I was just having a moan! It doesn’t actually really bother me greatly.

Re the period thing, it is possible. A lot of things can disturb your hormonal equilibrium. How long have you been on them? I’m sure they’ll settle down.

 

[Penguin86]

I am sad today because I’m back to 145 lbs. I was awfully suicidal in May (couldn’t leave bed for a month) and it led to a 10-lb weight loss. My whole family told me that I looked great at 135 lbs and that I was fat before. I’ve worked so hard with my psychologist and doctor from May until mid-June to get out of the suicidal headspace. I’ve started eating again since the beginning of June. And now I am back to 145 lbs, which I think should be something that shows that I bounced back. But I’m super stressed about my weight gain although it was my happy weight before. Just stepped on the scale and I hated seeing the numbers.



Ask your GP if there’s any meds that are not sleeping pills but are for your MH condition and will still help with sleep. That’s how I got the meds that helped out somewhat.

Yeah I'm gonna have to. I just hate talking to the doctors about my MH. I still feel ashamed

I used to be bad with impulse purchases. At one point I had 26 different shades of red lipsticks. Now i'm the exact opposite. Haven't bought any new make up in three years. I've gone a full year without buying any new clothes. The two years before that I bought two items of clothing. I realised for me I was always waiting for the next lipstick release to make me happy but it would fade. The stuff didn't make me happy.

Yeah I'm not as bad as I used to be. I got myself in debt by using catalogues and not being able to pay them back.

Well i just threw loads of eyeliners and lipsticks away. I like rarely wear lipstick.

 

[Clojo92]

So I have depression and anxiety, something I've had for as long as I can remember. I've been in therapy for over a year and it's been a blessing. We have slowly started spreading the sessions out and this is the first time we are going 3 weeks without a session.

Now, I recently watched Bo Burnhams special on Netflix, Inside. It was great but it triggered something in me and this week my depression has come back full force. I can feel myself withdrawing from everyone/everything and it's weird, I know it's happening but the thought of trying to fight it is completely exhausting. I feel embarrassed to contact my therapist to say actually, can we bring the session forward, especially as something so stupid triggered it. I just want to wallow.

 

[hereforthememe]

Someone close to me is depressed. Do I step back and leave them to come to me or do I carry on talking to them as normal?

It's a tricky one.

I was going through a rough patch as I was recently put on antidepressants and they can make you feel worse for a couple of weeks, and you get bad side effects

I'm seeing someone and things aren't really serious, but I did tell him what was going on with me

He checked in with me, still talked to me etc. But I was conscious not to offload onto him, too. There was one night which was bad and he just talked it through with me.

I don't think it was too taxing on him as it was only a couple of weeks, and now on the pills my wobbles are nowhere near as bad so I'm quite chill - I think it'd be a different story if it was long-term like that

If all of that sounds like too much effort though, I'd suggest you distance yourself for your own mental well-being

 

[Mysteryy]

Relationship is in pieces right now. Head is in such an awful place, I really don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I want in life anymore, I feel like I’m just existing.

Part of me just wants to go on the self destructive path again and just slowly put an end to it all. The other half of me wants to get better and make a life I’m proud of. I just don’t know how to.

I didn't want to read and not send you some virtual support. I know you don't know how to do it just now, but please be kind to yourself and take one day at a time.

I've not been in a great place myself recently and the only thing that is working for me, is not putting the pressure of having to make definitive decisions on myself just now. One day at a time, one step at a time. Do you have support in place? Is there GP/medicinal support you can ask for, anyone to talk it out with just to vocalise your thoughts? It might not feel like much but from reading this thread, there are a great bunch of people here who'll be able to offer better support than me

 

[anything at all]

New to this thread

Unfortunately my issues are long and ongoing, I try to just get on with life as I’ve been on antidepressants before and I was such a bad experience that I don’t think I want to go through it again

I started the self referral a couple of months ago through the NHS to see what help I can get and either I got the wrong idea or all they’re offering me is some webinars? I was in bits on the phone call assessment as I have a very bad fear of phone calls so it was all a bit of a blur so may have misunderstood. I’ve had a look at what webinars I could book and not sure any are really right for me?
Wondered if anyone has gone through this same process and tried them and if they helped?

I really hope that I got the wrong idea of what help I was being offered .. I’m not sure how watching some videos is going to help anyone with depression.

 

[Bitofthebubbly]

I have an awful nail biting habit related to my anxiety and what helps me is keeping my hands busy. A fidget toy helps me a lot (when I haven’t lost the bloody thing).

 

[caterday28]

Can I join? The past few days the thought of suicide has been present. I'm massively irritable and wish I could just stay in bed and sleep. I'm a single mum to a 3 year old so can't. She's why I won't kill myself but the thoughts are there. I stopped taking venlafaxine a few months ago as I HATED how it was making me feel. Have taken sertraline, fluoexetine, citalopram in the past. Nothing really seems to stick.

Have you tried mirtazapine? Sertraline, fluoxetine and citalopram are all SSRIs and venlafaxine is an SNRI but mirtazapine is an antidepressant of the "other" subtype so may be worth a go. It's quite sedating but less so at higher doses (strangely).

I hope you are okay otherwise, anyway. Suicidal thoughts can be incredibly debilitating. In some cases (in my experience) it can almost feel worse when you have protective factors (like your 3 year old) because it can increase the feeling of being trapped. But I promise you it can and will get better. x

 

[Bloody orange Hell]

@Pixipoppy have you tried holding ice?

Redirect Notice

Try listening to this and maybe some of them might help? I think she’s very good.
Love to you

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Spoiler: Self harm thoughts

I still feel like hurting myself, every day. It’s become so normal to me, it just feels like an itch. I feel so annoyed with myself, then my brain automatically thinks imagine stabbing yourself or breaking your own arm.

I’ve just got used to it now but it’s not normal is it.

I would never act on it, I tie myself up in knots and get exhausted trying not to, but I know I never would.

 

[candyland_]

My mental health nurse based in my GP surgery is just awful. I actually cancelled my appointment with her after i called up desperate to talk to her. I told her i had lost nearly three stone in 9 months and she said well why don't you eat (scoffing at me down the phone). I have a history of depression and panic attacks/cbt/tablets but when she speaks to me its like i am bothering her - its literally ur fucking job to help me. "I dont know what u think i can do for you" help me please! Not make me cry more on the phone because your dismissing my problems. I have a badly behaved child (just got CAHMS involvement) and the situation with her school refusal really contributes to the state of my mental health. What did my mental health nurse tell me? Go watch supernanny on youtube.
Why would you make someone feel like theres no hope when it is actually your job to hear your patients out. So dangerous

Complain about her!

 

[watermelon sugar]

@Raymond Luxury-Yacht and @isabellalovescats thank you both for your lovely messages, you're both so sweet! I get so worked up over being a Mum so it's nice to hear such a nice compliment! Thank you and im here for you two too

I do have a few friends back in Liverpool but they don't really bother tbh. You'd think I lived a plane ride away but im only about 50 minutes away and with my friend who has a baby, I used to see her a bit when she werent working, but she has gone back to work now. I'm still off at the moment but I'm doing some work at home for my sister, she has her own business. So now my friend has gone back to work we only see each other when we go out with our partners and I think that's why it feels forced!

I had my baby when I was 24 he was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I've just turned 26, young Mums can still live their lives too.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Didn't have anyone to talk to about it either.

I’m so sorry lovely We are always here for you if you want to talk!

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

Today was a weird day. I have a constant battle to fight thoughts of my ex, but for some reason I found myself googling him at lunchtime. I honestly don’t know what I thought I would achieve and all I could view was his LinkedIn so it was absolutely futile. I never look at him so I’m obviously having a really dark day. Thank God for home working as I think I would have had a meltdown otherwise! How is everyone else feeling?

 

[rainbowlemon]

I have no experience with Mirtazapine myself, but most side effects should go away after 2-3 months, unfortunately you just have to live through them I’m here if you need someone to talk or rant to And thank you

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My dose has been lowered back to 50mg as bigger doses did not seem to be making any difference, and one of my most hated symptoms is back - nausea. Not the morning kind when you have no appetite, but these cramp-style feeling of wanting to vomit when I feel like my self-hatred is especially bad. I never actually vomit though. There are things that trigger it, nothing physical, just some thoughts and emotions. Does anyone have any experience with that? Please please someone tell me what to try as I just can’t bear it anymore I’ve tried everything from bigger doses to sports, breathing and tapping exercises and nothing seems to work for me. Being so miserably divided against yourself is such a horrible feeling, I’m only in my early twenties but I’m already considering having my cards or fortune read just to find out if there is any point in me staying alive.

You will have a purpose even if you can't see it for yourself right now.

There's this book I think people need more in their lives even if it's originally for children.



Do you journal?

For the nausea my mother always swore by ginger. Maybe you could try that. She usually cuts it up and adds it to her tea first thing in the morning.

Are you on any waitlists for therapy?

Any excuse for me to post this:

Play it everyday if you have too. "Do whatever just to stay alive ".

 

[MrsGrealish]

I really feel it's getting worse.

I'm self sabotaging, driving people away. I've been crying all day and things I like doing I just wanted to erase everything I've ever done.

I dont know what is wrong with me, but I cant hold myself together.

 

[mindlessness]

Thank you so much for you advice and kind words I managed to explain it to her, not sure she understood but I did what I could. Hopefully I will be able to leave early tomorrow and take my dose. I will also mention the whole thing to my doctor, I think. Thanks again! How are you doing?

I'm up and down. I've been following up a referral for a medication which has involved lots of phone calls. A thing I hate because of my anxiety and that the new med should help with. A bit of a catch 22

But I'm in a sort of okay place over all - am finding myself weirdly okay with the uncertainty of this time, 2+ years into a pandemic. Or maybe I'm just avoiding thinking about it too much? not sure. Something to ask my Psychologist this week I suppose haha.

Insomnia sucks. I just want to be able to go to sleep.

Ugh it does. Plus every health care professional will tell you to just work on your 'sleep hygiene' which is so much easier said than done, especially if the depression is bad! I've been going for evening walks to tire myself out a bit more before bed, but it's also summer where I am and so doesn't get dark until late. I don't think I would do this in the winter