The Depression Thread

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I think once you start up your doses again you will be fine. When you get home just take your next scheduled dose and go from there. From my experience missing doses the worst bit was the withdrawal side effects, but once I started taking the AD again it was fine.

Take care of yourself, and try to (as much as you can) enjoy your time with your friend.

If you want to tell her maybe say something like 'I left my medication at home and so I feel a bit crap because of withdrawal side effects/my anxiety about missing doses etc (whatever the reason is)'. A good friend will understand!

Thank you so much for you advice and kind words I managed to explain it to her, not sure she understood but I did what I could. Hopefully I will be able to leave early tomorrow and take my dose. I will also mention the whole thing to my doctor, I think. Thanks again! How are you doing?

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Sending you all lots of love

 

[rainbowlemon]

Yeah I'm gonna have to. I just hate talking to the doctors about my MH. I still feel ashamed


Yeah I'm not as bad as I used to be. I got myself in debt by using catalogues and not being able to pay them back.

Well i just threw loads of eyeliners and lipsticks away. I like rarely wear lipstick.

There's a few charities that would in the past still take old make up and give them to other women. Not sure if they're stil doing that though with covid and all.

I am sad today because I’m back to 145 lbs. I was awfully suicidal in May (couldn’t leave bed for a month) and it led to a 10-lb weight loss. My whole family told me that I looked great at 135 lbs and that I was fat before. I’ve worked so hard with my psychologist and doctor from May until mid-June to get out of the suicidal headspace. I’ve started eating again since the beginning of June. And now I am back to 145 lbs, which I think should be something that shows that I bounced back. But I’m super stressed about my weight gain although it was my happy weight before. Just stepped on the scale and I hated seeing the numbers.



Ask your GP if there’s any meds that are not sleeping pills but are for your MH condition and will still help with sleep. That’s how I got the meds that helped out somewhat.

Your body is more than a number and it does show that you have bounced back. Could you hide the scale for now?

 

[Libbylulu]

I am so very glad you are here. You are a great friend to a lot of us on this website.

Oh that’s such and uplifting thing to say. Thank you! You too @isabellalovescats xxx

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

Yo seems like the temporary cure to mine is linking up with my family members. I was with my family for the weekend and felt very happy. I think loneliness also plays a huge role in our depression

Loneliness is so hard. Having supportive family and reconnecting can be such a boost. I have a strained relationship with mine but of course still love them and it is complicated. When we do have a good visit, it grounds me a bit. I’m glad you had that happiness. Even if short-lived, it’s good to know the things that bring joy to us and push ourselves a bit to seek them to tide us through the harder times.

 

[MunHun]

Met with a couple friends to have coffee today as it was her birthday for one of them. Fuck's sake I'm so tired of pretending to be feeling anything at all around people. I can't remember the last time where I came home and my fake smile or "people face" immediately didn't change into a blank stare. I feel like I am contantly pretending to be normal and forcing myself to act in a way that is expected of me in any social situation. Thursday night was another friend's birthday and I truly adore her with all my heart, but towards the end of my stay there, I started to feel that I was almost on auto-pilot. I was saying things that I should say, laughing at things that I should laugh at and genuinely appearing to be having a good time but I swear I felt my consciousness rise above me and watch my phsyical self do these things as I thought "I just wanna go home". I'm really happy that I'm not in the same place I was a decade ago as I could barely leave my home to do my shopping, but I am also tired of everything being a struggle. I don't even want to be normal anymore, I just want to be left alone and do things at my own pace. Thank god for masks because for now, I can keep my hollow stare on and they'll just assume they can't read my expression because of the mask.

Edit: Feeling worse for having written this because admitting how I am actually feeling (apart from passing cynical comments and sarcastic jokes) feels like finally giving into this and jinxing myself when I am at least functioning. This is shit.

This resonates with me so much. I always feel like I’m playing a part especially in group settings which I really dislike. I am not comfortable in my own skin I tend to just want to be alone with my thoughts. I’ve struggled with my MH since childhood but have for the most part functioned. I’m that person that when you see them on the street rarely acknowledges you first and sometimes struggles to have a conversation. Internally I am highly anxious and just want to go about my business but I come off rude and feel like a big misfit. I hate it too

 

[Fairypop]

Pain at the end of the day is pain. I always found the others are struggling more line invaliding of what you're going through.

You can also self refer.

Find an NHS talking therapies service

If you live in England and are aged 18 or over, you can access NHS talking therapies services for anxiety and depression.

www.nhs.uk

If you would like to try antidepressants, bring that up in your next appointment.

*Invalidating

Thanks for your response, I really appreciate it. He did briefly mention self referring but wasn’t terribly helpful about it. He also said medication is unlikely to do anything for me because my anxiety/depression isn’t severe enough… I don’t really know how he judged that over a telephone call less than 5 minutes long. Thank you though! It’s a help just to know I'm not alone. I’ll look at the self referral and see how I go for the next few weeks.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I’m on a bus so I will be quick: no all types of medication make you gain weight, lovely @Hope96! I’m on fluoxetine and I’ve actually lost weight since being put on it because it decreases my appetite. So if possible weight gain is your main issue, I’d recommend talking to the specialist and maybe giving it a try. I hope you find something that works for you! And please don’t call yourself disgusting, you are beautiful, smart and amazing, I know that for sure!

Hope you gorgeous people are having a nice day, I will catch up with you later!

 

[Itsmerahrah]

I suffer with depression have done since I became a mum at 16, I hid it from my then HV because I was scared my child would be taken off me, back in the late 90’s depression wasn’t really spoken about, fast forward to now I’ve been on antidepressants since my early 20’s on & off, I split with my ex husband 7 months ago & I’m back on them again, I’ve also lost 6 stone since we split, my eating habits are getting worse, I can go for days without eating just drinking coffee mainly, then the days I do eat I perhaps have a couple of crackers, but then people tell me how better I look, my kids don’t notice my not eating either, I don’t want my habits rubbing off on them but I’ve got into this strange habit of not eating now, I feel better, I punish myself if I eat, I also don’t sleep, hence the late post on here, I can’t remember the last time I actually slept all night, I know I need help but I don’t want to put weight back on, I was 20st now I’m 14st & I still need to lose another 3-4st to feel good about myself, sorry for rambling on x

oh I’m so sorry you are going through this.
First of all well done for speaking out, it’s not easy to be so brutally honest.

have you always been heavier? Have you tried to lose weight before but yo-yo’d? I ask as I know it can be addictive. It’s addictive when people comment How good you look etc, the feeling of hunger is a control. In regards to weight I would try get some professional help about eating the right amount of cals for your body. Try to slowly increase what you are eating & Become comfortable with that.
You will only gain weight if you go over your TDEE (cal alliance ) x

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Reaching out here as I am at a loss…… anyone free for a word of advice from real life experience of considering leaving for good? I feel super calm….. x

Call someone straight away. Call a friend or a charity or the hospital.

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

I'm just broken atm.
Put my pjs on at 6pm and been having a snotty, ugly cry since in bed

Oh bless you. I’ll be in the same boat by 9, I have no doubt. I often feel a lot better after a good cry even if my eyes don’t!

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I have had a lovely day and a horrible evening. I am at a family reunion right now, I cooked and cleaned everything and now I’m drunk and sad haha.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Oh I’ve been in a better place myself but I can’t not say I’m sorry and wish you loads of love @TapToBoreMeRigid and @Maid22 You are not alone!

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

I want to run away. I find life incredibly difficult at times and this is one of them. I don’t have anywhere to go though. I feel hopeless and helpless as a parent, I can’t deal with a particular situation (well a couple really) and I have no control over either.

I also hate Christmas and it’ll be here in no time. I wish there was a way you could ‘opt out’ of the whole thing because I get sucked into it, buying and wrapping gifts, cards, the music…and then it’s here and it’s shit.

Im so good at masking how I feel but the mask is slipping more and more and I’m worried where it’s all going to end. Life is difficult enough without having depression too.

Just want to say what you said about situations being out of your control resonated with me. I mean, yes we know we should accept things we cannot change so that we can move forward, but some situations are very very hard. Do you have anyone you can talk to to help you try to deal with the things you can’t deal with? I’m in that process right now, looking for a therapist or similar, but it’s an overwhelming task. I think we all wear masks to an extent, especially when we are going through hard things, it feels like where would I even begin, so easier to go through the expected motions. I don’t have answers, just relating. Christmas can sod off this year especially

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Everything is so fucking shit right now. I do not want to exist anymore. I’m so fucking pissed off that because I was born 30 years ago I now have to live through this absolute slog of a life full of absolute cunts and annoying things that happen. I can’t even kill myself because that would traumatise my kids and hurt people close to me. I just see no way of me ever getting to the point where I feel happy and content in life. Never, it’s always going to be hard, there’s always going to be shit coming my way and I’m always going to be depressed and anxious so fuck it. is It even worth it? Seems like you only get to actually enjoy your life if you are rich which I’ll never be.

I’m really sorry you feel this way. There was a time in my life where I could have written a very similar post myself, but I’m in a slightly better place right now. I just want you to know that your feelings matter, I care about you and I’m here to listen to you if you need somebody. Sending you hugs!

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I’ve started taking antidepressants again, just over a week ago. I stopped the previous ones because they weren’t working, to the point where I was so depressed I didn’t even want to try and get better.

I’ve tried about 4 or 5 different kinds over the years, and the ones I’ve just stared (Cymbalta) have helped in the past.
My point is, I’d forgotten about the extreme tiredness as an early side-effect. It’s so frustrating, depression exhausts me so much anyway. I’m trying to remember that after a few weeks it should get better

 

[Blue Rose]

I have maybe a weird question but am curious if it’s just me who thinks like this... I’m British and love the sun and warm weather, especially as it’s so rare here, but does anyone else ever find it stressful when it’s sunny? If I don’t have plans, when it’s sunny I can start to feel down and beat myself up. I live on my own and look out of the window at families and couples having fun, and I feel like I should be out enjoying it but sometimes I just don’t feel like it and it makes me feel like a total weirdo for not just going out and chilling in the sun like everyone else. Then I get into this cycle of knowing I should do something, not doing it and then feeling more irritated with myself. In a way it’s easy to relax at home when it’s rainy as nobody expects you to be out and about loving life! The sun just puts so much pressure on me. What a ridiculous thing to say, I know!


This is really interesting, thank you for sharing!
I think the board game thing is a great idea! I’d be nervous too, but if it was me I think I’d count it as doing my “one thing per day that scares me” and go along. Even if you don’t like it, you can always come back home and do something like have a nice bath or watch your favourite stuff on Netflix or eat some chocolate. In fact, if you have that all lined up anyway and you have a great time, you can turn it into a reward for trying something new

Thank you. I did go and had an ok time (was an hour late because I had placement) but am glad I’ve joined as it means I’ll be able to socialise with people and hopefully find friends with shared interests.

 

[Maid22]

@Libbylulu haven't seen you for a while, hope you're ok.

Reading back,so many folks still don't understand real depression and anxiety, it's like a bandwagon for some to jump onto now which really pisses me off, oh look at me at on TV suffering with anxiety, blimey, that would be my worst nightmare, when I have a low, I really can't function, and it's shit.
Im lucky, maybe? That I can hide myself away, I've realised after many years, I'm really better off on my own, apart from from my hubby, who has been a saint!

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Everytime you look her up maybe you just want connection.

If it was a toxic relationship there are things such as trauma bonds which make it hard to give someone up.


I say this all the time but journaling will help you understand your why.

You sound so wise Thank you for this post.

That first bit in my quote resonates so much. That’s why I look up my ex I guess, because it’s a way of still feeling connected and therefore avoiding the pain of accepting something is over?

On the journaling front, would you mind at some point (if you have time) sharing anything about how you journal? I do it a decent amount and I think it does help but sometimes I just feel like I’m ranting and moaning and not necessarily gaining much insight!

 

[mindlessness]

Will be thinking of you @bunnyboo I'm so glad you called the crisis line.