The Depression Thread

[isabellalovescats]

A bit OT: but I’ve been on Citalopram and Amitripline as well! Lol I’ve been on so many meds I forgot the names.

I think it’s a different journey for everyone re: the meds. Some people find their match earlier than others. For me, it’s been almost five years since I started on mental health meds and I’ve only found two antidepressants that help me manage depression but messed up other aspects of my health. So I’m very skeptical of them atm. But for anxiety, I am loving Seroquel and I can’t imagine getting through life without it rn.

A lot of the time, depression comes with other diagnoses as well. I have BPD and social anxiety along with MDD (all diagnosed - moderate to severe). I also have ED, OCD, and PTSD symptoms but not consistent or intense enough to be diagnosed officially. My psychiatrist is really nice and she’s been working with my GP to treat these symptoms so that they fade away and never become fixture diagnoses.

An advice is to try and have a robust medical team if possible. I learned the importance of that over the nine years I’ve struggled with mental illnesses. I now have a psychologist, psychiatrist, and a GP in addition to a crisis therapist in my corner and they keep me alive. I’m very lucky to have them.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Thank you both for the quick replies. The vague situation was about a final year retake exam i have in early september.

I just feel so exhausted and worn out by everything. I live alone and haven't been home in 11 months either . I've started getting anxiety attacks first thing in the morning too.

I've seen this therapist for 4 years. Had a 6 week break over christmas then stopped seeing him for 4.5 months until I was in crisis last week so had 4 sessions over two weeks.

I live in rented accomodation so wouldn't be allowed a pet, though I have wanted a cat of my own. I'd call him Frodo.

Goodness I feel you! I’m doing my masters now and I stress over it waaaay too much. I hate exams, they are devil’s creation! I know the situation might seem hopeless now but I am sure you can and you will pass this exam. Sending you hugs!

Hi everyone, I've never posted on this thread before. I've suffered depression since I was a teen, I was diagnosed with BPD a few years back. I go on very big highs and major lows. Mainly lows. Especially when I've had a good day. I can laugh and laugh and laugh and still come home and feel empty inside. I feel so empty at the moment, like there is just nothing inside me. I just feel like lying down and crying. Idk why.

Hi lovely and welcome to this thread Since you mentioned being diagnosed with BPD, I assume you have already consulted a specialist/therapist? Do you take any meds?

And while I don’t have BPD (haven’t been diagnosed would be more precise, I have a lot of symptoms), I feel like going through the highs and lows is the way a lot of us work, unfortunately. It‘s like a swing, really.
I also feel like this society with its social media is simply pressuring us to be happy all of the damn time when it’s just not possible.

I had a big spiral last week, did up my meds and really made myself go out for a long walk to try to clear, haven't felt 'right' for a few months, Im very reluctant to ring for a drs app, did try, but the receptionist was horrible, she should work for border control!! So I gave up, anyways today I cleared out a cupboard I haven't touched for years, got rid of soo many books, then found a box, it had soo memories in it, some good, alot bad, all went in a black bag, felt good at the time, but now I feel like crap.

I am so sorry, could you try again later when her shift is over? I hope you do manage to book your appointment ASAP!

 

[Jmx]

I have been taking 50mg of sertraline for a few months after my anxiety got worse following a breakup. We were on/ off and now we have finally broke up for the last time and I feel like I want to die. I feel so bad for feeling like this because I’m usually such a happy person. I wouldn’t do it because I love my family too much but I really would rather not be here.

 

[rainbowlemon]

I’m so pathetic I really am, I just don’t know what else to do, I should think myself lucky my kids spend time with their dad & I get time to myself but that’s the problem, I have absolutely nobody. I’m sat in my bed at the moment crying, it’s a Saturday night people are out or spending time with others & I’ve got a bottle of gin to keep me company, I have no friends. My kids say I should be happy in my own company & yes I am at times but it’s too much of my own company, I feel my life passing me by so much right now. All I do is cry, when I go to bed then I can’t sleep cos I have nobody to talk to. I just don’t know what to do at all, I’ve come off social media cos I’m sick & tired of seeing everyone else happy with their partners or people out with friends, I just feel invisible & only ever wanted when it’s for someone else’s gain, sorry to rant on.

I don't see any of that as pathetic. It's hard being on your own. How are you feeling today? Have you thought about exploring meetup groups or joining book groups or volunteering ?

Hi everyone, how are we doing?

I really thought I was on the mend, taking my meds again and slowly improving, but then

Spoiler

my brother-in-law died last week

and it all went downhill. I just feel very very down most of the time and have nightmares almost every night. I’m tired and jealous of everyone who seems to be living a happy life. I really don’t know if I can take it.

I'm sorry for you loss. Do you have a good support system in place? There's also a lot of charities that also help support with bereavement. My cousin used the grief network but they might be London only.

It might sound cliched but despite all the smiling photos not everyone feels that way all the time.

I think I'm going to be alone at Christmas I know it isn't really a big deal, and I'll be seeing family a few days later, but I dunno... Just to be sat at home on my own, which I do every day anyway makes me feel down

I was alone at Christmas last year and I just wanted the day to be over. Is it possible to move your schedule around and go see family sooner?

 

[nothanksbabes]

Sending thoughts to everyone on this thread.

Does anyone just avoid stuff because it causes so much anxiety.

I do it at work all the time - I could be good at my job and want to be, but I'm just paralysed with anxiety sometimes and I don't know why. Mostly since the pandemic, where I've worked alone my entire time in this job, and because I'm not closely supervised I just sit here and I hate it. Its like I'm sabotaging myself (it's a good and interesting job, if a bit laborious and thankless at times) and I can't help it.

Overall my mood is much better generally, my mental health is way better overall than it has been for a long time and this feels like the last hurdle.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I’m in homeless accommodation waiting to be housed. I don’t see it as domestic abuse he was my friend for so long and now I’ve lost him as that too I’m just finding it so hard

I’m in no position to tell you what to do, but I think you need some time to be able to get over it and think clearly. I don’t know you or him IRL, I don’t know your story, but I never justify abuse in any form, physical, emotional, etc. I know it’s very difficult right now, but life is not over, it can get better and it will get better! Do you have any understanding friends or relatives you could talk to?

 

[jarv]

@LittleMy i don't have any words, I'm so sorry that you have been through so much. It takes a great deal of strength to get through life with all that weight on your shoulders x

 

[Libbylulu]

Posted on this thread over a month ago now
And I’m sadly still in the same place.. if not worse

this time of year isn’t helping and making things worse for me I swear … on top of how I’m feeling I’ve got people hassling me about Christmas plans and I honestly don’t want to know or take part in anything. Had people asking me what I want for Christmas etc, Ive already tried to say let’s not do gifts this year save your money.. but it’s just ‘oh no we can’t do that, what would you like…’ it’s such a hassle to come up with any suggestions as I don’t feel like anything brings me joy. Then I get made to feel like I’m being awkward..

Last time I spoke with the NHS well-being service they were wanting me to attend their webinars but I’ve spoken to them since and they’ve agreed that I’m not in the right place for that so it likely wouldn’t work or help me. They’ve referred me on for counselling instead but said it would likely be over the phone or a video call. Feel a bit hopeless as there is no way I would be able to talk or get my feelings out. I don’t have anywhere private at home to chat and my partner works from home and that’s not even the main problem..I have terrible phone anxiety which I keep repeating to them but they don’t listen.

They recommended that I should reach out to my GP and ask if I could try antidepressants - the last time I mentioned to my GP that I thought I was depressed it went ignored, so I’m hesitant to bother them about it again. I also had a bad experience on one antidepressant in the past so I’m unsure if I want to try any again. But I’m not managing well on nothing here? Is it worth a go..


If anyone made it this far through my rant
Question:
If you’re taking any medication, how did you know if you needed it?

I do think the main thing that’s stopping me going to my GP again is my previous experience when I mentioned how I was feeling before but there’s no other GP to register to here and it’s all online and you don’t know who you will get ..

I agree some GP’s are terrible in treating mental health. If you aren’t strong enough to put up a fight can you take someone with you? Strength in numbers

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Sorry I am jumping on this thread, I was wondering ( I assume a lot of you have) done this I basicallyhave been advised to go on anti depressants, but I have heard SO many negatives from so many kinds... does anyone have any advice? (I am going to a private doctor so I canask for a specific brand)

I have no actual advice, mainly because they really do affect each person differently. I’ve been on (I think) four different antidepressants over the last 5 years. The negative side effects usually go away after a few weeks, but sometimes months. It’s so worth it when it helps though.

Tell your doctor exactly how you’re feeling, and if you’ve taken any medication before, about how it affected you. It really is a case of trial and error sometimes.

The one specific advice I can give re meds is that Venlafaxine AKA Effexor is extremely hard to come off of. It seems to be a common problem, it definitively was for me, the withdrawal symptoms were hard to deal with.
But, please don’t let that put you off of anything! A good doctor will help you gradually increase the dose when you start a new medication, and then help gradually decrease it when you stop.

The antidepressants that did work for me were amazing, and I really hope it helps you @emm x

 

[Hope96]

I've been on antidepressants for about a week or so and I am extremely emotionally blunted. I want to cry, I feel it coming but no tears. I'm really struggling with this. I feel so indifferent to everything right now. I've been on all sorts of medication for my mental health since I was 17 but I've never really felt like this. Does it get better?

 

[Maid22]

@Silverplume am being a nosey bugger, but are you in USA, how do they deal with mh problems there?
In my experience here, it's crap, I've slipped through the cracks, just get a repeat prescription of ads, if I want CBT, my Dr gave me a an envelope with an address for me to contact, waiting list is months, as for counselling, have to pay, I haven't the money tbh and I wouldn't know where to start, so would cost alot! That's why I've ended up the way I am, apart from my other oh, I really have have no one.

 

[Bobbleowl90]

Hi all.
Hope you don’t mind me posting on your thread.
I feel like my anxiety/depression comes in deep waves. Some days im really drowning in my thoughts and struggling to stay afloat. I don’t know the root cause other than a bad fallout with some friends earlier this year (basically I got ghosted over a period of months and it’s really hurt me, never got any closure or answers) and im still upset about it. My husband wants me to see a doctor but I don’t want to. I’ve gone through worse and feel I can keep afloat of this eventually some way or another. I need to control and channel my thoughts. And mainly I need to forget about these people who’ve hurt me.
Does anybody have any books they recommend, almost like CBT?

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Just dropping in to say I worked up the confidence to speak to my doctor today about my anxiety issues and I’m being started on sertraline. Really hoping this helps level me out! I was on citalopram in the past but the intrusive thoughts I had on it really put me off trying it again.

Thank you for sharing this. I’m going to the GP on Monday to do the same! First time for me and I am weirdly relieved now that I’ve finally decided to do it. I know there are no guarantees and it’s no picnic but it’s so nice to think that there might be something that will take the edge off and let me enjoy life a bit more. Even a tiny bit!

 

[watermelon sugar]

I feel really awful today. Like really down in the dumps. I'm tired and I've been awake with the baby since 5am. He's having a nap now and I've just got back in bed to lie there feeling sorry for myself. It's the first day this week the weather is alright for once but I cant even bring myself to open the blinds let alone go outside. I feel awful when I'm like this, like awful Mum guilt that I don't feel happy enough to take him anyway because I feel so down

 

[Penguin86]

I'm in ill health physically and mentally and have just gone up to 100mg Sertraline. The dizziness and headaches are awful. I know it won't last but ugh. I spoke to my neighbour before and had to run indoors to be sick. It felt like complete anxious overwhelm.

I want to die but I am so scared of ceasing to exist. Right now I'm living for my husband, my dog and Animal Crossing. I know that's pathetic. My husband says to do what I need to do until I feel improvement and that if I had flu for eg. I wouldn't feel pathetic. I know he's right. Mental illness is such a cruel mind virus.

Sending love to all. We have survived 100% of our shit days so far. We are not our thoughts.

You're not pathetic
I'm agoraphobic so I don't live for much either. Just my cat and photography.
We are not our mental illness.

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

Not a new concept, but an interesting perspective not often talked about. I’m sharing in case it helps anyone.

We’ve Got Depression All Wrong. It’s Trying to Save Us.

Common wisdom says depression starts in the mind with distorted thinking. But newer models suggest depression starts when the body initiates a defense strategy to help us survive.

www.psychologytoday.com

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

How do you guys deal with hopelessness?


I've spent a lot of today crying and searching on youtube. I feel like I've really sunk and I'm lower then I've been by far. My last session with my therapist was on friday and I needed him to give me hope, something to hold on to but he actually came out with my situation was hopeless and gave me a football analogy of it working out 25 years down the line.

He did what? What kind of therapist is that! Mine used to give me some proper tough love when I was really down and feeling negative.

Deal with each day as it comes I say. We spend all our time sad about the past and worried about the future, but really all we have is now. I deal with those dreaded days by telling myself it’s just one day and today I will mope and take it easy, but tomorrow I will get my arse up and out and do something that lifts my mood. I’m pretty good at finding pleasure in the simple things because it’s how I coped during my breakdown. Write a list of things that give you pleasure, anything from setting a playlist and going for a walk or a long drive, to the getting your nails done or walking around the park and seeing what birds or flowers you can spot. It’s not a cure, but it sure makes you grateful to be alive for an hour!

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Slept for 15 hours today but I had a nightmare so the long sleep was far from restful. I wasn’t productive at all this weekend. Woke up at 6 pm very sad and restless so I ordered takeout. I hate myself a little today.

It is completely okay to be unproductive lovely! Please be kind to yourself, sometimes you just need to relax and recharge your batteries

Me too social media is a big problem comparing to others life’s but we just have to remember that people only post what they want us to see

This. So much. I just want to remind everyone that when you feel jealous or insecure because of other people, there are tons of folks out there who feel the same way because of you since we all tend to sugarcoat our daily lives on social media. Don’t believe it, you are all wonderful and comparing yourself to others leads to nothing. Something that helps me is journaling and keeping track of my little victories. It lets you see how much you’ve grown compared to your past self.

does anyone else get really angry as a depression symptom

Not anymore, but I used to be like this pre-meds. I’m choleric and hit the roof in a matter of seconds Don’t blame yourself, it’s not your fault. You are already a better person than the majority for thinking and caring about other people’s feelings



__________________________________________________________________


I am suspiciously happy today. Had a nice time with my family yesterday, slept in until 11 and woke up cheery. But after so many failures and unhappy days I am worried I’m just being manic today and it will go downhill very soon. I hate feeling like I have to pay for being okay!

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

I’ve totally blitzed my flat today and it still feels untidy to me. Bloody OCD!

 

[aidil]

My GP has put me back on Citalopram today - I get so paranoid when I have to call the doctor but this particular one is absolutely amazing. She’s signed me off work, told me she’ll extend the sick note if I need it and, most importantly, told me that she trusts me with my mental health management because I’ve proved it to her time and again. That made me cry. Everyone should have a doctor like her. I’ve been so desperate over the last few months it’s been horrendous. Hopefully 2022 will be better for all of us, I really hope so xx

Thank you for this, it’s given me the courage to call my doctors again next week. I’ve been struggling for nine months now with my anxiety and depression but was too scared to call the doctors as I felt as though I wasn’t taken seriously by the last one I saw. But I can’t keep going on like this and taking days off work for panic attacks