The Depression Thread

[kachoochoo]

all day today i've kinda had that anxious feeling where it feels like your blood is made of iron filings. I hate it so much. I honestly prefer days when I feel low and can't feel anything. I would give anything to "just" have depression if it meant I didn't have to have anxiety

anyway, I'm so glad I have this space to vent

 

[flutternutter]

I know it sound selfish/childish, but I cannot stand to be around happy people right now The food was good, though haha

Thank you for asking, I hope you are having a lovely evening

I find it really draining when im in a hole and everyones happy happy. Im just like oh fck off

 

[Libbylulu]

Hope everyone is beginning to unwind a little from the stress of expectation. It’s not an easy time of year but we are out the other end and can pat ourselves on the back.

@Maid22 Im so sorry about your dog. I lost my cat in October and found the Facebook page Ralph Site Pet Loss very helpful. You are able to connect with others who are grieving their beloved pets.

 

[Penguin86]

I can't sleep

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

It sounds like you’ve had a really good experience with your psychology nurse and GP (in the end at least!), I’m glad you’ve found medication and therapy is beneficial for you! I’m definitely open to trying medication if it will help, I just feel a bit deflated with it all at the moment. It took me months and months to call my GP and I just found he wasn’t overly helpful/was a bit quick to dismiss me. I suppose it’s difficult for them over the phone, I might give it a few weeks and see how I feel. Thank you for your response anyway, it’s great to hear how others are managing x

I honestly don’t think GP’s are ever very responsive on their own. Usually what happens is they will refer you for an assessment for counselling or CBT. I had this about 5 times before I convinced them that what I needed was actual psychotherapy. I knew it was more serious than just the standard ‘tick boxes’, but I had to be very persistent and persuasive (I note I work in medicine, so I know what to ask for and how to get it). Once I finally got into secondary care they were awesome. If you feel your GP isn’t helping, I recommend, you either speak to another GP within the surgery (if you can) and ask them to refer you. Or you can refer yourself via your local IPCT. I don’t know what area you are in, but either look online at the NHS ‘find a service’ website or ask the receptionist at your GP service who you should contact. If you have online services through your GP, there will be a self-referral section there too. There is nothing a person with MH issues needs less than an unsympathetic ear from the medical community!

 

[Blond3g1rl]

I’m very open about my depression, people are shocked that I’m so open about it. I’m like why shouldn’t I be open?! It’s not different to saying I’ve got asthma or a bad leg.

 

[mindlessness]

I'm another one who avoids things when the anxiety is bad. Which them leads to feelings of hopelessness etc etc. The cyclical nature of things! bah.

Add me to the others pointing out that no-one needs to justify their mental health struggles on these threads.

@Lilu22 I think it's really great you felt comfortable talking to someone. Even if they didn't give you the response you wanted/needed. (and the slightly flippant response would have upset me too!)

Mind (the mental health charity) has some great guidance on their website for people struggling about what to do (if you did want to seek support etc)

How to seek help for a mental health problem

When seeking help for your mental health, it can be hard to know how to start or where to go. We give an introduction on where you can turn for help.

www.mind.org.uk

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

I feel so down and just consumed by crippling lonliness every day. I don't want to go to work as I have to pretend to be happy but then I don't want to leave knowing I'm going back to an empty house.
I'm trying to fill my time but should life really be about just getting through it? I have nothing to look forward to, I'm single with absolutely no prospects around me and coming up to a milestone birthday which I thought would be very different a few years ago.

I hate my life but don't know how to change it. I want someone to love but can't seem to find options anywhere. I feel like I'll be alone forever and if that's the case I'd rather just not bother.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I totally get it. Sometimes I hate my life and just can’t be bothered either.

I also totally get not wanting to go to work and not wanting to go home either. It’s rough! And as for the birthdays… say no more

I will say, it’s such a positive thing that you want to and have the will to change your life. That’s not to be underestimated. Even if it seems daunting can you think of some micro changes or adjustments you could try, to see if things improve even slightly? Sometimes just a moment of relief can be enough to provide some hope.

 

[Bonsai]

Can I join? The past few days the thought of suicide has been present. I'm massively irritable and wish I could just stay in bed and sleep. I'm a single mum to a 3 year old so can't. She's why I won't kill myself but the thoughts are there. I stopped taking venlafaxine a few months ago as I HATED how it was making me feel. Have taken sertraline, fluoexetine, citalopram in the past. Nothing really seems to stick.

 

[under the ivy]

My depression and more so my anxiety is bad this week. My younger brother was diagnosed with stage 1 lymphoma today & needs rounds of chemo and radiotherapy. The whole process of diagnosis has made me feel extremely stressed obviously but now I’m in a deep pit of depression thinking why the fuck does this have to happen to a child?

I just think life is so shit.

 

[Chrisxo]

I’m really sorry to hear that! You said the breakup left you homeless, do you have a place to live in now? And don’t question it, you did the right thing, not even the strongest feeling of love or being loved justifies domestic abuse. Please be kind to yourself, you’ve been through a lot, you need some time to heal. I second Libbylulu‘s idea of talking to the Samaritans, they can be pretty helpful. Or you can always post here Sending you virtual hugs!

I’m in homeless accommodation waiting to be housed. I don’t see it as domestic abuse he was my friend for so long and now I’ve lost him as that too I’m just finding it so hard

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

I feel this on a whole other level. My gosh. I am 26 - almost all my friends (I should say acquaintances really) are either married, engaged, in a long term relationship or going through separation/divorce. They've either recently had babies, currently pregnant, or planning when to have babies. They either own a home or are building a home - or get this - one of 'em owns a home and is building the next one. Fuck me.

Me on the other hand.. let's get embarrassing.. I have never moved out of home - ever. I still live with mum. I've never dated anybody, and yes, I'm a virgin. I'm too anxious to be an adult. I feel like I am a broken human.

Why is the embarrassing? Firstly a hell of a lot of people these days simply cannot afford to move out of home and secondly being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of. So you’re a late bloomer. Too many oeople rush to have sex and bitterly regret it.

Personally, I think 26 is way too young to get married and have babies. I was still at uni at 25 and then building my career after and didn’t marry until I was 31. Now that I’m divorced, I’ve travelled the world and am far more financially well off than I was when I was married (and no not because I got any sort of settlement), because I am free to choose what type of work I do without having to worry about stability. Yeah I feign happiness at these people, but I don’t want what they have. Never wanted babies, not interested in getting married again. I’d like a partner, but only if he’s the right man for me! I’m certainly not afraid of being alone.

It’s really hard to live in a world where you’re expected to have certain achievements by certain ages, but actually all you do by following these unwritten rules is end up living your life the way you’re expected to and for me that was never the life that made me happy.

My advice to anyone - you do you and let others get on with it. You will never achieve happiness in life by comparing yourself to others. OK, so you’re scared to grow up, that’s fine. Who are you actually harming? You’ll know when you’re ready to have sex or move out or whatever and there’s no law that puts an age limit on that!

 

[Maid22]

Oh my gosh, that’s hard-going. I really hope you can take it easy day, getting by on just one hours sleep is SO hard, physically and mentally. I had a really bad period of insomnia years ago, and the only thing that helped in the end was Tesco’s own version of Nytol, but I know different things work for different people.

I am thank you, I’m lucky it’s the weekend and I can just hide from the world. I know that’s not very helpful to do, but hey.
I enjoyed it too, and yes, that totally makes sense. It’s such a cruel effect of MH problems, that even when you rationally know otherwise, you feel so alone. Chatting about it in a honest way helps me realise I’m just a normal person who’s unwell at the moment.

Of course you are a normal person, we all are on here, but struggling with mh problems is so hard, especially with folks who don't understand, be so much easier to say oh I've broken my arm, look at this, but for us folks, we can't do that I hide away from the world as much as I can, which I know doesn't help, but when you've been knocked down and treated like crap, it really makes you guarded.

Hi everyone. First of all I just echo what everyone has said - thank goodness for this forum! Tattle generally and this thread have really got through some tough times. I hope everyone is OK-ish today?

I’m in a dark place, it was my birthday yesterday and I’m in my late 30s and freshly broken up, never thought I’d be single at this age and I miss my ex so much I feel like I’m dying. Even though my friends were lovely and tried to make it special, I just want to cry all the time because I’m so lonely and the pain of missing him is unbearable.

I’m hoping beyond hope that the sertraline I’ve started kicks in soon, as I’ve said on that thread. I just feel like an absolute failure and I’m being so horrible to myself but it’s hard to stop. It’s like part of me is constantly saying “you’re alone, you don’t have a family, you’ve failed, it’ll never happen, you have to go home alone, you’ve lost”. Luckily I’m back at the GP on Wednesday so I’m just hanging in there for that.

I also agree with what others have said about how frustrating it is to have to struggle so much, spend so much, and try so hard just to be at the same baseline of ‘normal’ mental health. I’m sure anyone with any kind of illness feels the same but god it’s hard.

Am sorry you're feeling like this, you are not a failure, you can't help how you feel, and yes it sucks big time, give the serotonin time to work, unfortunately ads can take a while, how I wish for a miracle pill to take when I'm feeling like this!

 

[Libbylulu]

I’m struggling at the moment and I’m putting a front on. I’m currently crying my eyes out in bed. I can hear people outside in their gardens having fun and it’s hurting me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone. Ive had depression since I was 13 and it comes and goes. It’s been really bad this week. I feel lonely and sad. I have a lot of pressure on me through various things and I just want the world the stop.

Don’t feel alone @under the ivy, whilst we may be virtually connected so many here care and are here for you.

 

[Libbylulu]

Despite your anxiety and fears you have lots of great ideas and goals. Believe in yourself and you could do anything you wanted for yourself. Baby steps just to get your thoughts in order and before you know it you will be flying.
You mention that you think people are living their best life with lots of friends. People aren’t as confident as you think, many disguise their insecurities by just acting. And loneliness is a major issue for more people than you realize. There’s a Loneliness thread on here and reading this Depression thread shows how little confidence we have. These people you see aren’t nearly as confident or fulfilled. Believe you are every bit as good as anyone.

 

[whoareyouu]

Sorry to quote myself but quick update on this, was prescribed sertraline today. Doctor was incredibly lovely. Was feeling positive about it and then a well-meaning friend told me alllll about alllllll the side effects in the first two weeks. But another friend said the only thing they experienced was weird dreams. I think I’m just going to start them tomorrow and not overthink it!

Give it a go and see how you get on. It takes a few weeks to get into your system and everyone is different. Hoping for great results for you!

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

@Raymond Luxury-Yacht you sound like such a lovely person, and I hate that because of other people it makes you hate being the way you are. People like you should always be appreciated.

Thank you so much, you are so kind! Reading this really made me feel better. I appreciate it more than you know.

Sending hugs to @under the ivy, @isabellalovescats and everyone else!

 

[Bogwoppit]

I suffer with depression have done since I became a mum at 16, I hid it from my then HV because I was scared my child would be taken off me, back in the late 90’s depression wasn’t really spoken about, fast forward to now I’ve been on antidepressants since my early 20’s on & off, I split with my ex husband 7 months ago & I’m back on them again, I’ve also lost 6 stone since we split, my eating habits are getting worse, I can go for days without eating just drinking coffee mainly, then the days I do eat I perhaps have a couple of crackers, but then people tell me how better I look, my kids don’t notice my not eating either, I don’t want my habits rubbing off on them but I’ve got into this strange habit of not eating now, I feel better, I punish myself if I eat, I also don’t sleep, hence the late post on here, I can’t remember the last time I actually slept all night, I know I need help but I don’t want to put weight back on, I was 20st now I’m 14st & I still need to lose another 3-4st to feel good about myself, sorry for rambling on x

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

Thank you again for your response! The GP did very briefly mention talking therapies but wasn’t overly helpful, I have found out more myself though as you suggested! I think I will do a self referral and see what comes out of that. I don’t expect my GP to be a mind reader, perhaps I should’ve pushed a bit more but it took so much for me to call up in the first place . I feel like as soon as he asked if I was suicidal and I said no, it was basically end of conversation. Anyway I’ll do a self referral and see how I get on for now. Thank you so much again to be honest it’s nice to even have people to talk to about it!

Ah yea the generic ‘are you an immediate danger to yourself or others’ question. I suppose the people I've maimed in my head don’t count and if I’d got that far, trust me I wouldn’t be calling my GP! I find it useful to talk to anonymous people because no one in my actual life knows how far I fell and how much I still have to do!

 

[Libbylulu]

I’ve decided to try crystals! I know some might think it’s crazy but my friend went through a bad time recently and is really into them.

i looked up what is good for anxiety/depression and have bought a little pack to see what I think.

I use rose quartz crystals. I sleep with one under my pillow and it helps with anxiety. I mentioned it to my friend, she tried it and says she sleeps wonderfully since. Sounds hocus pocus, but don’t knock it till you try it, as they say.