The Depression Thread

[mindlessness]

I find melatonin really helps. I think you can only get it in the US so you’d perhaps have to order online. I’m in the UK but got mine last time I was there. (But I might be wrong - someone else more knowledgeable can probably confirm.)

I've had it prescribed in the UK. It's over the counter in France too - I remember buying some in a pharmacy last time I was there (in 2018).

Me again. Struggling to sleep tonight. Only had 2 hours last night so I should be tired right ?? Nope. anyone else can’t sleep either ?

ugh it sucks, I'm sorry. Lots of it will be stuff you've heard before but my psychiatrist talks to me a lot about 'sleep hygiene'. Basically it's all the steps around sleep (as well as the sleep itself). Do you think you've got those worked out? It can be bloody hard to have these all in order when depressed, so no judgement here if not

https://www.wwl.nhs.uk/media/.leaflets/5fdb59130b1967.84969725.pdf

Mastering Sleep Hygiene: Your Path to Quality Sleep

Looking for ways to sleep better? Improving sleep hygiene can make your habits, routines, & environment more conducive to consistent and restorative sleep.

www.sleepfoundation.org

 

[rainbowlemon]

My therapist is leaving the NHS very soon therefore my treatment ends. I’m trying not to think about it because that hour a week/fortnight does help. I’ve had more than 10 sessions (magic number), but only because I argued the toss. Will feel a loss when he goes. I have to wait up to a year before re-referring because of “therapist dependency” or some crap. Waiting lists will be ridiculous, too. I’m a very productivity-driven person so wouldn’t be complacent with a therapist, but you can’t control the progress you make when you have external factors impeding you implementing steps.

It stinks, but not surprising, private is very expensive and a lot want you to block book (£500 I’m not Tony Soprano). With all the price increases etc. looks like I’ll just have to go it alone for the foreseeable. I’d never want SSRIs, that’s just a personal choice. I don’t mind Diazepam, because a strip will last me months but doctors treat requests for benzos like you’re asking for a line of coke off the examination table

There's also a few low cost services available too which everyone might not be aware of. Roughly what area are you in? I could recommend a few in London if you wanted.

I would avoid anyone asking for a payment upfront..

My old therapist used to see me for £40 per session which became £44.50 after three years. It was still below his usual £60/70 fee per session. You could also email a few therapists and ask too.

I never used to believe that therapy would work for me, I'm not 100% cured and still have my moments but I'm glad I'm not were I was when I first started.

 

[Libbylulu]

I have been so depressed since last weekend. I have been having bad dreams or oversleeping. I haven’t been productive. I miss my ex. And I feel fat.

So sorry you feel like this @isabellalovescats
Hoping things get better and you get more sleep. Life is even tougher when you’re not sleeping properly, it throws everything out.
Your ex wasn’t good enough for you no matter what you think now!!!! You are a beautiful soul that gives so much support, laughs and advice on these forums. His loss!!! Things will turn around xxxx 🫂

 

[GiftedNotFree]

Anyone else really struggling this festive season. My chest feels so tight, I can’t stand the thought of seeing family tomorrow, it’s just all a bit much.

Same, same. I’ve been crying on and off for the the last few days. Hope you’re ok x

 

[Gullri]

I am sorry guys you all feel bad. Keep on fighting even though it is so hard. I have gotten strong anxeity partly from getting an chronic illness. I keep on criticising myself even though i feel ok in the early part of the day. As soon as it turns dark here around three I get angry with myself. I have started taking half a sleeping pill in the afternoon to calm me down, it helps for anxiety but is strictly firbidden to do that. I just want to feel alright. Even though I have done no wrong I pick apart memories of the days social interaction. I feel ashamed if I have gotten my way and think I have gone too far. I say hateful things in my mind to myself. I pretend to be tough ok cool even, and I seem to fool myself. I don’t want anyone to know how I dislike myself. Then when I am back at home alone the picking apart starts. I just have an urge to ask for forgiveness for nothing. I really just project my thoughts on myself. It’s my mums fault. She taught me to be like this. Now I should be happy I am still ok and not in a wheelchair anymore but I just feel so unhappy. And I am angry with myself for not being happy. Sorry I just needed to went my crappy feelings

 

[chandlercheesecake]

I feel like I am constantly reliving bad memories in my head, going back to my school days (I'm 27, left school when I was 16). I dont want to die, I just want to live without regret and shame.

One thing that's been playing on my mind today.
I used to start skipping classes some time in Year 9 because I began feeling anxious. I got in trouble for it once in Year 10, but other than that no one even noticed or said anything as far as I can recall.

One day , my so called 'friend' gloated to me with a smirk on her face "Everyone talks about you in registration."
Shorly after that, a random girl who I didn't know walked past me in the corridor and said go her friend "that girl's a bitch". There was no one else there so it was obviously about me. It caused me to spiral (didnt know oy at the time). I just remember thinking that I was a terrible person, rather than recognising I might need some help..

That's just one instance, but I have had some traumatic experiences over the years which cause more guilt and distress in my mind.

Just wanted to write that down really. X

 

[Rlaw1978]

Does anyone else get really high levels of anxiety when something is due on the calendar, it can be anything at all from something small like a appointment at the vets or a school parents evening. Or even knowing I need to go to the shop for food the next day. Does anyone have any tips to manage it or regulate it at least.

 

[watermelon sugar]

I’m struggling at the moment and I’m putting a front on. I’m currently crying my eyes out in bed. I can hear people outside in their gardens having fun and it’s hurting me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone. Ive had depression since I was 13 and it comes and goes. It’s been really bad this week. I feel lonely and sad. I have a lot of pressure on me through various things and I just want the world the stop.

I know exactly how you feel. Never feel like you are alone, you've got us to reach out to any time of the day. Please don't feel alone

 

[Maid22]

I've felt myself spiralling downwards for a while and have tried really hard to keep it together, but am struggling big time today, all I want to do is sleep, and not wake up, I've been there before, along time ago, the meds have helped me, but that feeling is consuming me, fuckin hate this shit.

 

[Violetroselily]

Hope you don't mind a newbie. Have very few people I can talk to in real life - I'd say less than 5 people know I have depression (well I expect its obvious to alot of people, but I've only actually told a few). I've been on 100mg sertraline for a couple of years (my longest stint) and it has mostly worked wonders for my overall mood, its like my default mood is now almost neutral rather than very low. I can't imagine ever feeling like I can come off it.

I'm starting to really struggle with anxiety...finding it so hard to make decisions, am deliberately avoiding things at work, massively catstrophising etc. Physically it's the feeling of constant dread in my stomach, racing heart, tearful and stressed. This is starting to have more of an impact on my life than my mood ever did, and am finding it really hard to get my head around what feels like a new unmanageable problem compared to depression which feels more controlled.

I know depression and anxiety can go hand in hand and my trying to separate them probably isn't helping.

Do any of you feel like you've tackled either depression or anxiety and the other has then reared its head? How did you manage? Is there a particular SSRI that can be better at managing both, or should sertraline be able to do that?

I feel like I need to speak to my GP, but can't quite find the words at the moment

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

I’m sorry to everyone struggling. It’s a very hard time of year. I borrowed this from another thread but thought I’d post here as these threads may go quiet over the next few days and you may not get a reply if you’re reaching out for help…

If you need to talk to someone if you are in a bad place you can call the Samaritans on 116 123. They are amazing people and they are open 24/7.
You can also text ‘shout’ to 85258 and they will chat to you over text

 

[Libbylulu]

i haven’t felt this low in a very long time. i have no idea what to do anymore if i’m honest. i’m so sick of pulling myself out of deep depression states just to fall back into them. is it even worth it anymore

Yes! It’s worth it. Depression stinks and it’s so easy to say hang in there when you are feeling so low. But I tried to take my life last year. I was mad as hell when I didn’t succeed - but I’m here and things are better. Don’t give up, really hang in there, it will get better

 

[LittleMy]

I have an awful nail biting habit related to my anxiety and what helps me is keeping my hands busy. A fidget toy helps me a lot (when I haven’t lost the bloody thing).

My worst habit stemming from anxiety is teeth grinding. I mostly do it in my sleep and have to wear a mouth guard to bed, and lately I’ve started to do it when I’m awake as my anxiety has risen due to the pandemic.

 

[TapToBoreMeRigid]

I'm in ill health physically and mentally and have just gone up to 100mg Sertraline. The dizziness and headaches are awful. I know it won't last but ugh. I spoke to my neighbour before and had to run indoors to be sick. It felt like complete anxious overwhelm.

I want to die but I am so scared of ceasing to exist. Right now I'm living for my husband, my dog and Animal Crossing. I know that's pathetic. My husband says to do what I need to do until I feel improvement and that if I had flu for eg. I wouldn't feel pathetic. I know he's right. Mental illness is such a cruel mind virus.

Sending love to all. We have survived 100% of our shit days so far. We are not our thoughts.

 

[Blue Rose]

I was really struggling tonight. I got quite drunk for fun as I’d had a good week but then started feel really low and wanting to sh. I then (silently) danced around and decided to pierce my second helix. I’ve tried a few times and failed but managed to this time. I’m not sure if it was the best thing to do but I do feel better now. I had a call with my unis well-being service and I think I’m a bit wound up over it. Now I have the potentiality of getting help I don’t want it because I don’t want to face things.

 

[EddyDarling]

Posted on this thread over a month ago now
And I’m sadly still in the same place.. if not worse

this time of year isn’t helping and making things worse for me I swear … on top of how I’m feeling I’ve got people hassling me about Christmas plans and I honestly don’t want to know or take part in anything. Had people asking me what I want for Christmas etc, Ive already tried to say let’s not do gifts this year save your money.. but it’s just ‘oh no we can’t do that, what would you like…’ it’s such a hassle to come up with any suggestions as I don’t feel like anything brings me joy. Then I get made to feel like I’m being awkward..

Last time I spoke with the NHS well-being service they were wanting me to attend their webinars but I’ve spoken to them since and they’ve agreed that I’m not in the right place for that so it likely wouldn’t work or help me. They’ve referred me on for counselling instead but said it would likely be over the phone or a video call. Feel a bit hopeless as there is no way I would be able to talk or get my feelings out. I don’t have anywhere private at home to chat and my partner works from home and that’s not even the main problem..I have terrible phone anxiety which I keep repeating to them but they don’t listen.

They recommended that I should reach out to my GP and ask if I could try antidepressants - the last time I mentioned to my GP that I thought I was depressed it went ignored, so I’m hesitant to bother them about it again. I also had a bad experience on one antidepressant in the past so I’m unsure if I want to try any again. But I’m not managing well on nothing here? Is it worth a go..


If anyone made it this far through my rant
Question:
If you’re taking any medication, how did you know if you needed it?

I do think the main thing that’s stopping me going to my GP again is my previous experience when I mentioned how I was feeling before but there’s no other GP to register to here and it’s all online and you don’t know who you will get ..

GPs can be really shit when it comes to mental health, especially depression, so I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
I'd say it's 100% worth making another appointment, do you feel you have it in you to be a bit more firm about it all?

 

[Hope96]

And love to you too. I can relate wishing to be able to snap out of it. I can usually do that so easily, so I try and remember that feeling this way is an illness, its a chemical imbalance of the mind. Have you asked for help?

Thank you for your kind reply. I'm currently taking antidepressants and in therapy but I've been doing this on and off since I was a teen. It's just so hard to get the right support for the mental health condition I have which is complicated in itself. I'm just SO tired of fighting for the help I am supposedly entitled to but I will try again. I just want a bit of happiness in my life but no matter what I do it never seems to pay off. Perhaps I'm being overly negative at the moment but it's just how I feel. I hope you are ok.

 

[Pollyanna263]

I am not really expecting any replies but I am in such a horrible place right now and just need to write it down. This morning my sister, who I generally get on well with but who is very nosey (I’m 99% sure she reads on here because she is always looking at my screen or search history…if so, hey Alex, thanks for everything), told my parents about my experience with depression and antidepressants. She was supposed to keep it secret, my parents are quite old-fashioned, don’t believe in depression, ‘hearing about your problems makes us feel bad’ kind of people and I preferred not to tell them. There was an ugly scene and now I’m locked in the bathroom crying and late for everything. I just cannot believe the people who are supposed to be your support system can be so cruel to you, so many strangers on the Internet are much kinder and more understanding than they are. I don’t even know what to do or if I should do anything at all, I just can’t keep it to myself anymore.

Having someone we trust betray our confidence is one of the most hurtful things, especially when our mental health tells us lies such as that we aren’t good enough or aren’t worthy of help or recovery.

I don’t know if your sister was trying to help by telling your parents - maybe she was worried about you and wanted them to know for some reason - but regardless of her intentions, she has hurt you and it’s okay to feel whatever you feel right now.

What you do next should be whatever feels right, safe, and best for you and you alone

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Nights are so difficult because you are essentially tired and alone. I’m the same, I sometimes end up worrying about things that don’t even matter in the daytime. I echo all the other posters, you just need to try to switch your thoughts to something else. There are many good apps for that, Calm is especially good

Does anybody else struggle with crying for no reason? I know there must be a reason deep inside but most of the time I can’t tell. I just feel tears coming to my eyes and don’t feel any better until I’ve cried. Anything can trigger it, yesterday I started crying watching the Olympics…I don’t know how to deal with it, especially in public.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Hello, I wanted to come back and send you all love. I did a real hit and run on this thread when I was struck with a feeling of panic at how low I was and I didn’t stop to read what other people are going through.

@Sideboard Bob I tried to message you yesterday - I thought because I still see the envelope I maybe could still DM but it wouldn’t let me. The in-between of changing or re-starting is really tough, I hope you’re feeling the benefit soon.

I hope this doesn’t come across as flippant - I know when you’re depressed it’s not a case of “do X and that’ll cheer you up”. But I do get lost in here sometimes and there are a couple of threads that I actually belly laugh at - one is the memes threads (I’m jealous of anyone who hasn’t been before and gets to see them all for the first time ) and the other is Cleaning with Mario. Do any of you have any ones you find funny? There’s been a lot of serious stuff in threads I normally dip in and out of a it can get a bit close to home sometimes.

I hope you all have a peaceful week

Omg Lenny you are so sweet and thoughtful. Thank you. You’re so right, it’s just this in-between bit that’s tough, I need to remember that.
Not flippant at all, again, you’re so thoughtful and I appreciate it so much. I LOVE the memes thread, so many genuine laugh out loud posts there! There’s so many threads I really enjoy here, the Saturday night kitchen has helped me love music again.

I hope you’re doing ok lovely. I think there’s an understanding on this thread that it’s ok to post and run, you have to protect yourself. Wishing you a peaceful week too, and thank you again x