The Depression Thread

[isabellalovescats]

Maybe it’s my mental disabilities combined with my hormonal birth control but I’ve been finding myself in extreme highs and lows in terms of mood. Was stupid and didn’t take my meds yesterday and I couldn’t sleep. I learned my lesson. Back on it tonight, I promise.
I find it very depressing that I don’t really have friends in this town still. Moving alone during a pandemic was a horrible idea in terms of MH. I know one girl and we hang out once every month or so but that’s about it. I have social anxiety along with depression and BPD (I like to call them the trifecta lmao) so it’s very hard for me to make friends. I used to try but over time I’ve learned that a lot of people don’t even reach out first or even text first. I always end up initiating things and as much as I love planning and being in control of my schedule, it gets tiring and sad. It’s as if no one wants to be friends. I am very lucky to have an awesome team of medical professions who help me tremendously but it’d be nice to have a friend or two.

 

[watermelon sugar]

Maybe it’s my mental disabilities combined with my hormonal birth control but I’ve been finding myself in extreme highs and lows in terms of mood. Was stupid and didn’t take my meds yesterday and I couldn’t sleep. I learned my lesson. Back on it tonight, I promise.
I find it very depressing that I don’t really have friends in this town still. Moving alone during a pandemic was a horrible idea in terms of MH. I know one girl and we hang out once every month or so but that’s about it. I have social anxiety along with depression and BPD (I like to call them the trifecta lmao) so it’s very hard for me to make friends. I used to try but over time I’ve learned that a lot of people don’t even reach out first or even text first. I always end up initiating things and as much as I love planning and being in control of my schedule, it gets tiring and sad. It’s as if no one wants to be friends. I am very lucky to have an awesome team of medical professions who help me tremendously but it’d be nice to have a friend or two.

I know exactly how you feel! I have no friends either. I have a girl mate who i am friends with because her partner is friends with my boyfriend and we both have babies. It feels a bit forced though? Like not a proper friend. I like the comfort of having support on Tattle but sometimes I wish I had that support in real life too. It's a shame we can't pm really

 

[isabellalovescats]

I know exactly how you feel! I have no friends either. I have a girl mate who i am friends with because her partner is friends with my boyfriend and we both have babies. It feels a bit forced though? Like not a proper friend. I like the comfort of having support on Tattle but sometimes I wish I had that support in real life too. It's a shame we can't pm really

It really is a shame. There are a few Tattle girls who are just wonderful, including you watermelon, whom I’d love to be friends with irl. Glad we have comfort here at least.
Do you still have girl friends back in Liverpool? I used to have friends back home but it’s been quite a few years since I moved so I’m starting to lose connection with them, too. Only two people I’m close with irl and they both live 6 hours flight away. And I hear what you say about being a bit forced re: your girl mate. The only girl I hang out with is someone I met through the Chaplain. It was set up and though she’s a nice person, I still don’t feel like she’s a proper friend yet. It’s been almost 9 months since I first met her already. Do the babies get along? Do you hang out with her without your partners?

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Yeah it should be fine. Are the working otherwise?

They are, thank you so much for asking! You are very kind

@Raymond Luxury-Yacht aw thank you for messaging lovely I'm okay today. I'm feeling better than I did. Idk whether I'm gonna reach out to my gp. I'm on sertraline at the moment and it kinda takes the edge off but not much. It helps with my anxiety but not at all my depression. I dont feel like therapy helps. I've had therapy a few times over the years and I've never really found it takes the sadness away. I think I've accepted I'm always gonna be up and down now I do have a good support network, some of my friends are really caring. My boyfriend can be but he is the 'tough love' advice kind. His stance on depression is always 'you're the only one who can get out of it, it's all in your head!' 'Just be positive' like gosh that's so easy but when I am really upset he is good to talk to.

I think I've been in and out of PND as well. Sometimes I'm so hard on myself over the baby. I've really struggled having a baby right before a pandemic

Oh dear, I am sending you the biggest virtual hug ever! I feel you! My friends and family are somewhat like your boyfriend, good for some support but they just don’t understand what depression actually is.

I know it’s incredibly frustrating when you have little control over the way you feel, but I’ve started feeling better once I’ve just accepted that and stopped blaming myself for my emotions. Support groups and forums have opened my eyes to the fact that a lot of people feel the way I do but are also forced to bottle up.

And I don’t have kids myself, but I have endless admiration for women who do! I’ve seen your posts and you sound like the most amazing mother ever, baby Watermelon is so lucky! You are a rockstar for managing it through the pandemic, please know that and be kind to yourself.

I really hope you feel even better today, and you always have us here if you need someone to talk to

I used to try but over time I’ve learned that a lot of people don’t even reach out first or even text first. I always end up initiating things and as much as I love planning and being in control of my schedule, it gets tiring and sad. It’s as if no one wants to be friends.

I could have written that myself! I have a couple of close friends but that’s it. All of my uni/work mates are exactly like what you’ve described, and I hate being clingy so I usually just give up. Maybe they are shy/anxious too, who knows

 

[unnecessary]

God it’s so depressing listening to everyone at work getting engaged and/or having babies. I mean I don’t want either, but I feel like the old cat lady and have to feign my enthusiasm for it. I don’t remember being so excited at work when I got engaged, but perhaps I just can’t remember! Working with young people is not fun!

I feel this on a whole other level. My gosh. I am 26 - almost all my friends (I should say acquaintances really) are either married, engaged, in a long term relationship or going through separation/divorce. They've either recently had babies, currently pregnant, or planning when to have babies. They either own a home or are building a home - or get this - one of 'em owns a home and is building the next one. duck me.

Me on the other hand.. let's get embarrassing.. I have never moved out of home - ever. I still live with mum. I've never dated anybody, and yes, I'm a virgin. I'm too anxious to be an adult. I feel like I am a broken human.

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

I feel this on a whole other level. My gosh. I am 26 - almost all my friends (I should say acquaintances really) are either married, engaged, in a long term relationship or going through separation/divorce. They've either recently had babies, currently pregnant, or planning when to have babies. They either own a home or are building a home - or get this - one of 'em owns a home and is building the next one. duck me.

Me on the other hand.. let's get embarrassing.. I have never moved out of home - ever. I still live with mum. I've never dated anybody, and yes, I'm a virgin. I'm too anxious to be an adult. I feel like I am a broken human.

Why is the embarrassing? Firstly a hell of a lot of people these days simply cannot afford to move out of home and secondly being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of. So you’re a late bloomer. Too many oeople rush to have sex and bitterly regret it.

Personally, I think 26 is way too young to get married and have babies. I was still at uni at 25 and then building my career after and didn’t marry until I was 31. Now that I’m divorced, I’ve travelled the world and am far more financially well off than I was when I was married (and no not because I got any sort of settlement), because I am free to choose what type of work I do without having to worry about stability. Yeah I feign happiness at these people, but I don’t want what they have. Never wanted babies, not interested in getting married again. I’d like a partner, but only if he’s the right man for me! I’m certainly not afraid of being alone.

It’s really hard to live in a world where you’re expected to have certain achievements by certain ages, but actually all you do by following these unwritten rules is end up living your life the way you’re expected to and for me that was never the life that made me happy.

My advice to anyone - you do you and let others get on with it. You will never achieve happiness in life by comparing yourself to others. OK, so you’re scared to grow up, that’s fine. Who are you actually harming? You’ll know when you’re ready to have sex or move out or whatever and there’s no law that puts an age limit on that!

 

[philheybrookbay]

Well, as a long term sufferer of EUPD and anxiety today 7th July is the day I hate more than any other. It would have been my wedding anniversary- 14 years today. Although I've been divorced 8, it plays very smartly into EUPD and abandonment anxiety.

So I'm wound up, anxiety high, replaying all the horror moments and it's only 820am. I'll take a Propranolol in a mo, in the hope it calms the storm down.

 

[isabellalovescats]

I hate being clingy so I usually just give up.

This is exactly my life right now. I just woke up from a nightmare at 3:40 am. I am so sad. Going to pop a pill and try to get back to sleep.

Also stupid and devoured half a bag of chips. I started counting calories and I don’t know how people do it healthily - it’s bleeping with me a lot. I’ve gone over the limit both days I’ve counted so far. I’m an idiot.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

This is exactly my life right now. I just woke up from a nightmare at 3:40 am. I am so sad. Going to pop a pill and try to get back to sleep.

Also stupid and devoured half a bag of chips. I started counting calories and I don’t know how people do it healthily - it’s bleeping with me a lot. I’ve gone over the limit both days I’ve counted so far. I’m an idiot.

I had nightmares today too, got 10 hours of sleep but I only feel tired and not refreshed!

And I don’t calorie count because yeah, it’s hellish. I just try to eat healthily 80% of the time but treat myself regularly too. Please don’t be too hard on yourself, I bet you are gorgeous!

Sending love to you @unnecessary and @philheybrookbay Please hang in there!

 

[philheybrookbay]

Thank you. Had a chat with my best mate who was there during the bad days- he told me to remember how far I've come. I just need to get through today as quickly as possible and it'll be fine tomorrow. Always is.

Should have booked leave but covering a late which isn't the best as normally I'd take my sleeping antidepressant and have a very early night. Not got that luxury today.

 

[Teatimechats]

Hi there. First time poster. I use Tattle for other things but I have been so anxious and down over the last number of months I actually didnt know where else to go. I have always been a bit highly strung and super sensitive but over the last 6 months it has gone ridiculous. I have a beautiful baby boy who is the light of my life and a loving fiance but there is something just not right. I feel like I have lost my confidence and I am on the verge of tears all of the time. I know I must be not nice to be around. I was on light meds for PND but I am off them now and was doing well. I feel lost. I wonder if it is my relationship I am not happy in and maybe I am too afraid to admit it? I compete at high level sport so I train a lot and work part time.. maybe its just the craziness of life making me feel like this! I should be happy like. I have so much that others would love..

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

Hi there. First time poster. I use Tattle for other things but I have been so anxious and down over the last number of months I actually didnt know where else to go. I have always been a bit highly strung and super sensitive but over the last 6 months it has gone ridiculous. I have a beautiful baby boy who is the light of my life and a loving fiance but there is something just not right. I feel like I have lost my confidence and I am on the verge of tears all of the time. I know I must be not nice to be around. I was on light meds for PND but I am off them now and was doing well. I feel lost. I wonder if it is my relationship I am not happy in and maybe I am too afraid to admit it? I compete at high level sport so I train a lot and work part time.. maybe its just the craziness of life making me feel like this! I should be happy like. I have so much that others would love..

Having what others would love doesn’t make it right for you. We really need to stop convincing ourselves that whatever we are told is the norm (marriage, babies, certain careers, an Insta lifestyle etc.) is a one-size fits all model! Why do you feel it might be your relationship, are there signs? Are you having doubts? As much as you love your new baby, does being a mum really make you feel fulfilled and happy? What is missing? To me it sounds like classic PND. You say you compete in sports, so you are doing all the right things to benefit from those happiness-boosting endorphins, but 6 months is still early days post-natal. I think you should consider going back on your meds. A mild dosage might just take the edge off and there is no set time-limit for how long you should take them - they are meant to work for you. Once you feel levelled out again you will have a clearer head space to think about your life and what truly makes you happy.

 

[watermelon sugar]

@Raymond Luxury-Yacht and @isabellalovescats thank you both for your lovely messages, you're both so sweet! I get so worked up over being a Mum so it's nice to hear such a nice compliment! Thank you and im here for you two too

I do have a few friends back in Liverpool but they don't really bother tbh. You'd think I lived a plane ride away but im only about 50 minutes away and with my friend who has a baby, I used to see her a bit when she werent working, but she has gone back to work now. I'm still off at the moment but I'm doing some work at home for my sister, she has her own business. So now my friend has gone back to work we only see each other when we go out with our partners and I think that's why it feels forced!

I had my baby when I was 24 he was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I've just turned 26, young Mums can still live their lives too.

 

[isabellalovescats]

@Raymond Luxury-Yacht and @isabellalovescats thank you both for your lovely messages, you're both so sweet!

Well, we are the same person.

 

[Hope96]

I feel like I need to go back on medicine to just get through day to day life but I'm terrified of the weight gain. It's really stressing me out because I already feel disgusting about myself. The joys of mental health and low self esteem eh.

 

[Penguin86]

I feel like I need to go back on medicine to just get through day to day life but I'm terrified of the weight gain. It's really stressing me out because I already feel disgusting about myself. The joys of mental health and low self esteem eh.

You need to at least try the medication

 

[tyrellsg]

Hey everyone im nervous to post but at the same time i need to get things out. This may trigger people as it discusses suicidal thoughts and i am not sure how to hide the text.

Im a long term sufferer of pmdd so a week or so before my period i am an absolute mess. I am in such a bad way right now im struggling to even put my words out. I feel like there is a monster inside me like a completely different person, my mind is racing with so many thoughts and it always ends up with the same conclusion that im worthless and i really dont want to be here. I think of scenarios in my head of how life would be without me here but deep down in my heart i know i would be too scared to do anything but the thoughts dont go away. I think of my child then i feel overwhelming guilt because im feeling this way and it's a cruel cycle. I cannot sleep properly at the moment and was up until after 3 and normally im crashing out before midnight, i either crave bucketloads of food or stop eating and just run off coffee as i feel at the time its the only thing i can control. I feel poisonous right now and as much as i know these feelings will pass because they do, my period will come and its almost as i can feel the nasty feelings leave me body and i feel like myself again, i have to then clean up the shitstorm ive caused which is mainly pushing my partner away which is a whole tit show in itself because he is so manipulative and uses this against me.

There is just so much pain frustration and anger and i just want my mind to stop for five minutes.

Im so sorry for the brain dump i just needed to get this out

 

[watermelon sugar]

I feel like I need to go back on medicine to just get through day to day life but I'm terrified of the weight gain. It's really stressing me out because I already feel disgusting about myself. The joys of mental health and low self esteem eh.

I used to put off going on medication because I was worried about weight gain, especially when I had the baby. I'm on sertraline and have had no issue with weight. At least try it lovely

 

[isabellalovescats]

I feel like I need to go back on medicine to just get through day to day life but I'm terrified of the weight gain. It's really stressing me out because I already feel disgusting about myself. The joys of mental health and low self esteem eh.

You can tell your doctor that weight is a non negotiable for you. There are options that won’t cause weight gain. For me, Zoloft and Seroquel really work well without affecting my weight! It might take a little while but I believe you will find meds that work for you.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I’m on a bus so I will be quick: no all types of medication make you gain weight, lovely @Hope96! I’m on fluoxetine and I’ve actually lost weight since being put on it because it decreases my appetite. So if possible weight gain is your main issue, I’d recommend talking to the specialist and maybe giving it a try. I hope you find something that works for you! And please don’t call yourself disgusting, you are beautiful, smart and amazing, I know that for sure!

Hope you gorgeous people are having a nice day, I will catch up with you later!