I'm originally from London, but live in the EU. My mother is afraid that the UK will be on the banned list of countries again because of the rising numbers of covid, so I won't be able to visit.
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Well I presume she’s double jabbed by now, so it won’t be much longer before she can.
She's actually never visited me once since I've been here. Only my teenaged sisters around 3 years ago.
How are you doing this morning?
First day back at work. Trying to keep myself calm, even with an inbox full and countless meetings which have been put in while I have been off.
I am still fed up. Still cba to do anything. My husband keeps telling me i need a hobby but i feel like i try something then just give up.
I definitely think my depression is half chemical half habit. I am so used to feeling low I don't know how to feel happy anymore. I dont mean this for sympathy or anything just straight facts. I have worked on myself and I can pick myself up but I cant seem to get above this bar of constant sadness
I am still fed up. Still cba to do anything. My husband keeps telling me i need a hobby but i feel like i try something then just give up.
I definitely think my depression is half chemical half habit. I am so used to feeling low I don't know how to feel happy anymore. I dont mean this for sympathy or anything just straight facts. I have worked on myself and I can pick myself up but I cant seem to get above this bar of constant sadness
It can be hard to start something new when you're already feeling low. What hobbies have you tried in the past?First day back at work. Trying to keep myself calm, even with an inbox full and countless meetings which have been put in while I have been off.
I am still fed up. Still cba to do anything. My husband keeps telling me i need a hobby but i feel like i try something then just give up.
I definitely think my depression is half chemical half habit. I am so used to feeling low I don't know how to feel happy anymore. I dont mean this for sympathy or anything just straight facts. I have worked on myself and I can pick myself up but I cant seem to get above this bar of constant sadness
Do you think the sadness could be from early wounds?
I’m writing this because I’m not sure where else to go. I’ve done years and every kind of CBT, counselling, medications, seen a psychiatrist, a psychologist, doctors, specialised mental health treatment and nothing helps. I just want 10 minutes to be free from my own mind. I’ve been mentally unwell since I was 4 and depressed with an eating disorder since I was about 7 and I’m just not sure at this point what else I can do. Does anyone have anything that brings them distraction or peace or clarity?
I'm sorry you're struggling so much and have been for such a long time.
The book the power of now by Eckhart Tolle, helped me for a bit a couple of years before. It was mainly about observing your thoughts, that they were not you/ feeling more present in your body.
I'm not super religious and I know this isn't for everyone, but I started listening to Joel osteen's stuff on youtube two days ago. That was one of the only few things that actually gave me some hope.
For distractions= it was SIMS 4 for me just after my grandmother died. I needed to look after someone else.
The book the power of now by Eckhart Tolle, helped me for a bit a couple of years before. It was mainly about observing your thoughts, that they were not you/ feeling more present in your body.
I'm not super religious and I know this isn't for everyone, but I started listening to Joel osteen's stuff on youtube two days ago. That was one of the only few things that actually gave me some hope.
For distractions= it was SIMS 4 for me just after my grandmother died. I needed to look after someone else.
I never seem to see the alerts to these responses. I’ve been fine today. I did wake up super grumpy (which I posted about on the BPD thread), but I’m over it now and work got really busy this afternoon so no time to care.
My family never visit me either, only my mum since I moved closer. Ridiculous really!
Hey you lovely person.
I hope you are feeling better today. BPD combined with depression is very tough to handle (I have both diagnoses as well) so I understand how you feel. Hang in there! Anything you do to help the transition between the high and the low so that the changes are not as sharp?Coming back to update! Day 2 on meds! I woke up at 1:30 pm so that’s an improvement. Only drowsy for an hour after waking up, too. I really like Seroquel. There’s no other way I can manage my insomnia. I just have to be good at taking it and at reasonable times. My goal is to have a somewhat regular sleep schedule by the end of this month. Hope everyone’s having a good day today.
Jeez that sounds really tough. I’m sorry you can’t seem to get any respite. My distraction/peace rituals are music, walking, driving, spring cleaning and exercise. I’ve posted loads about this but I put together a playlist (I have different ones depending on my mood) and then I go on a really long walk or drive. Hot detox bath (epsom salt, ginger, bicarb of soda and apple coder vinegar), with either music or a movie on my laptop and just chill for as long as I can cope with the heat (take water with you!). I also find exercise classes like cycling, weights or boxing really helps me deal with my stress. Basically get active, get out in the fresh air and focus your mind in the simple things that make you feel alive (sun, smell of cut grass, all the lovely dogs you see, the fact that you are free etc).
Aw thanks for your messageHey you lovely person.
I'm a bit better but not much. Loads of tit things just keep happening so I'm a bit stressed. When I'm stressed I just go from 0-100 and get so angry and upset. I let it get to me too much and I get upset. Trying to get by for the baby but it's so hardHope you're feeling better too darling x
I hate that out of control feeling, it’s so debilitating because you can’t explain why and you can’t work out how to resolve. I’ve got it today, I’m not angry or upset but I feel really anxious for no reason at all. I’m gonna go for a walk when I can just to breath easier for half an hour!Aw thanks for your message
Hope you're feeling better too darling x
So I have depression and anxiety, something I've had for as long as I can remember. I've been in therapy for over a year and it's been a blessing. We have slowly started spreading the sessions out and this is the first time we are going 3 weeks without a session.
Now, I recently watched Bo Burnhams special on Netflix, Inside. It was great but it triggered something in me and this week my depression has come back full force. I can feel myself withdrawing from everyone/everything and it's weird, I know it's happening but the thought of trying to fight it is completely exhausting. I feel embarrassed to contact my therapist to say actually, can we bring the session forward, especially as something so stupid triggered it. I just want to wallow.
Now, I recently watched Bo Burnhams special on Netflix, Inside. It was great but it triggered something in me and this week my depression has come back full force. I can feel myself withdrawing from everyone/everything and it's weird, I know it's happening but the thought of trying to fight it is completely exhausting. I feel embarrassed to contact my therapist to say actually, can we bring the session forward, especially as something so stupid triggered it. I just want to wallow.
No such thing as a stupid trigger. Do contact your therapist, they are your support system. I hope you get to squeeze in a session soon!
God it’s so depressing listening to everyone at work getting engaged and/or having babies. I mean I don’t want either, but I feel like the old cat lady and have to feign my enthusiasm for it. I don’t remember being so excited at work when I got engaged, but perhaps I just can’t remember! Working with young people is not fun! 
Hello lovely people!
I’m doing okay today, started out happy but now I’m a bit tired and less cheerful. My period arrived early, it’s weirdly heavy this time around, I wonder whether it has anything to do with me taking fluoxetine. Any experience with this?
@Clojo92 Isabella is right, a trigger is a trigger, it cannot be stupid. I hope you can contact your therapist and get some support ASAP!
@watermelon sugar I’m pretty sure I typed you a message yesterday but I can’t find it right now. How are you today? Do you plan on seeking professional help? Do you have a support team (friends, relatives etc)?
@Professor Farnsworth This sounds really uncomfortable! Is there any way you can ask these people to keep such conversations out of the workplace? Some chit chat is one thing, but I too hate it when people spend their whole days at work discussing babies, marriage, home bargains and so on.
I’m doing okay today, started out happy but now I’m a bit tired and less cheerful. My period arrived early, it’s weirdly heavy this time around, I wonder whether it has anything to do with me taking fluoxetine. Any experience with this?
@Clojo92 Isabella is right, a trigger is a trigger, it cannot be stupid. I hope you can contact your therapist and get some support ASAP!
@watermelon sugar I’m pretty sure I typed you a message yesterday but I can’t find it right now. How are you today? Do you plan on seeking professional help? Do you have a support team (friends, relatives etc)?
@Professor Farnsworth This sounds really uncomfortable! Is there any way you can ask these people to keep such conversations out of the workplace? Some chit chat is one thing, but I too hate it when people spend their whole days at work discussing babies, marriage, home bargains and so on.
Nah it’s fine. They’re young and entitled to share and be happy about these things. I’m just old and grumpy and over it all because I was there once and know it doesn’t always last. It’s not fair of me to spoil their thunder. I was just having a moan! It doesn’t actually really bother me greatly.
Re the period thing, it is possible. A lot of things can disturb your hormonal equilibrium. How long have you been on them? I’m sure they’ll settle down.
Oh I see. And I’ve been taking my meds since May, but it took them about a month to kick in so my previous period was okay. Thank youNah it’s fine. They’re young and entitled to share and be happy about these things. I’m just old and grumpy and over it all because I was there once and know it doesn’t always last. It’s not fair of me to spoil their thunder. I was just having a moan! It doesn’t actually really bother me greatly.
Re the period thing, it is possible. A lot of things can disturb your hormonal equilibrium. How long have you been on them? I’m sure they’ll settle down.
Yeah it should be fine. Are the working otherwise?Oh I see. And I’ve been taking my meds since May, but it took them about a month to kick in so my previous period was okay. Thank you
I know what you mean about a stupid trigger, sometimes it can be something that seems so trivial in the grand scheme of things, but with BPD/depression it usually is those things, rather than the big momentous events that trigger us. The ladies are right though, never stupid. It’s always serious if it causes you pain or difficulty!No such thing as a stupid trigger. Do contact your therapist, they are your support system. I hope you get to squeeze in a session soon!
@Raymond Luxury-Yacht aw thank you for messaging lovely I'm okay today. I'm feeling better than I did. Idk whether I'm gonna reach out to my gp. I'm on sertraline at the moment and it kinda takes the edge off but not much. It helps with my anxiety but not at all my depression. I dont feel like therapy helps. I've had therapy a few times over the years and I've never really found it takes the sadness away. I think I've accepted I'm always gonna be up and down now I do have a good support network, some of my friends are really caring. My boyfriend can be but he is the 'tough love' advice kind. His stance on depression is always 'you're the only one who can get out of it, it's all in your head!' 'Just be positive' like gosh that's so easy 
but when I am really upset he is good to talk to.
I think I've been in and out of PND as well. Sometimes I'm so hard on myself over the baby. I've really struggled having a baby right before a pandemic
I'm okay today. I'm feeling better than I did. Idk whether I'm gonna reach out to my gp. I'm on sertraline at the moment and it kinda takes the edge off but not much. It helps with my anxiety but not at all my depression. I dont feel like therapy helps. I've had therapy a few times over the years and I've never really found it takes the sadness away. I think I've accepted I'm always gonna be up and down now I do have a good support network, some of my friends are really caring. My boyfriend can be but he is the 'tough love' advice kind. His stance on depression is always 'you're the only one who can get out of it, it's all in your head!' 'Just be positive' like gosh that's so easy but when I am really upset he is good to talk to.I think I've been in and out of PND as well. Sometimes I'm so hard on myself over the baby. I've really struggled having a baby right before a pandemic
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