still struggling. man, ocd is the worst. i thought my hit and run ocd was bad but this spiral has lasted about two weeks now and i just can’t deal with it. i’m gonna write under a spoiler just to get it out but warning that it’s about contamination ocd, just for anyone who might find that triggering.
basically, i have convinced myself i have bedbugs. this is based on no solid facts or evidence, purely that i woke up with blood on my pyjama top about two weeks ago. went into work and co-worker said “oh that happened to me when we had bed bugs”. well, it was an epic downward spiral since then. confirmed the blood was from a pimple i had obviously picked in the night, still convinced it is bugs. found black flecks on my bedding, confirmed to be mascara, convinced it is bugs. found what must be part of a leaf in my luggage from a hotel stay two months ago, sent a photo to bedbugs uk, they confirmed no bugs. a bug crawled on me today after moving patio furniture, took a photo and sent it to bedbugs uk, they confirmed no that’s not a bed bug and are probably on the verge of sending someone around to check on me.
i’ve tried all my usual coping mechanisms, all my usual routines but i can’t shake this one. when i found the leaf i genuinely sat on the floor and cried. when i looked at the photo i’d sent the next day i was like wtf at my past self but my brain is still saying “but what if”. there is literally no evidence but the thought of getting into my bed of a night is making me want to cry..
it’ll pass, i know, it always does but i truly hate my brain most of the time.