Last few days have be tough I did a econsult today as getting through to the doctors are a nightmare

10 hrs later I get a crappy message.... the kids dad was ment to have them this weekend but apparently had covid (although was in spain a few days b4) couldn't didn't realise when I'm ill there's an option not to parent oh no wait it's tough
bits for me... lately I've been missing the guy I was seeing but of course a few months back I found out he was still with his wife and conned me out off a fair bit of money).... gave up dating then randomly started got chatting to someone and have for a while today he said he meet up (he has abit of a kinky side so i was a little wary) anyways I thought you only get one life and with how I've been feeling I thought why not.... then he was sending me messages being quite submissive.... told him they making me anxious he said it be fine anyways... he asked me to unlock the door and wait for his mate to arrive he be there soon..... I was like woah wait a min..... I literally froze to the spot I was shaken up and was in pure fear this guy who I thought wanted to finally meet up had basically arranged a complete stranger to come and
bag me.... I feel sick that I've fallen for a bad guy (trust me im wary we spoken for some time now please dont judge) .... why am I so unlovable my ex was right now one will ever want me.... so that's just made how I was feeling 10x worse..... hopefully docs call tomorrow so I can start meds again because I know I need them again.... I just wanna feel normal & happy for once everything is getting on top and I feel like I'm drowning I'm back to making myself sick when I eat or I don't eat because I feel so huge.... i just feel so alone and i just need to be hugged and told i be okay




Sorry for the essay no need to respond either I just had to get it out and felt this was the only safe space to do it