The Depression Thread #2

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Into_the_tunnel

I can totally understand you feeling confused. Both from what your FIL and husband have said.

Added to this you have migraines (which just exacerbate everything) and you are left feeling this way.

Families are never straightforward. We have to negotiate around their feelings and behaviours alongside our own, and we may not always understand why they behave in a certain way. With others in our life, it is so much easier to say “we don’t have responsibility for their feelings” but in the case of family, where proximity is such an issue, it is harder to do this.

I have no real advice, other than take care of yourself. Can you talk to your husband about how confused you feel about London? Is there anything you can do to relieve or try to reduce the frequency of the migraines? Can you get yourself some yummy food for breakfasts and lunch so at least you feel that there are some times you are looking after yourself for some of the day (this never stopped me later in the day, but it meant the whole day wasn’t filled with giant chocolate buttons, which at times it was)?

Hope you feel more positive today and the counselling comes through soon .
 
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Fanny Muchmore

I'm actually in the middle of keeping a headache diary for my neurologist - if he thinks I'm getting too many headaches in a month he may give me botox treatment.
 
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Into_the_tunnel

Fanny Muchmore said:
I'm actually in the middle of keeping a headache diary for my neurologist - if he thinks I'm getting too many headaches in a month he may give me botox treatment.
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That’s a really good idea. It helped me get the help I needed. I don’t get Botox (it doesn’t help with the type I get ) but it has transformed the life of someone I used to work with. There is a migraine thread. We discussed all the medication there. There is an app called migraine buddy if that makes it easier for you?

I was given amitriptyline and verapamil in the past but am on topiramate and oxygen at the moment. It can be a long road and these hidden conditions are hard to live with but when you get some relief it is like a weight has been lifted.

 
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newaccount2022

Anyone else go through such low periods that they just think nothing is worth it/they won’t carry on much longer so you start spending loads of money.. I’ve taken thousands out of my savings since February, it’s the worst I’ve ever been. Then you’re left with so little it reinforces your belief that you shouldn’t go on… ugh I always ignore it during the week but then when I’m alone all weekend with nothing else to do/think about it hits me what I’ve done…
 
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StillLucilleBluth

LennyBriscoe said:
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This is exactly it. Thank you for sharing. I find it impossible most of the time but I know I need to keep trying because constantly resisting it in my head is causing me so much pain. I think it’s going to be a lifelong attempt. I like how the message is also about agency and changing what you can in yourself!
I will say that my medication has recently started (I think) to help a bit with the constant noise in my head about how lonely I am and how it’s not fair (which I know is very childish) and how I’ve failed at life because I don’t have my own family (not saying that’s what I’d think of anyone else - I reserve all my judgement and ire just for myself, naturally!).

However, early this morning I was walking to get a coffee and happened to come up on a man being dropped off by a taxi obviously off a long flight. He wheeled his case to his front door and it opened and a little boy excitedly yelled “Dad!!!” And I looked in for a split second and saw the boy and his beaming mum, and everyone looked so happy, and I saw a glimpse of what looked like a beautiful home and family.

And I cried! Like a total weirdo. It was such a lovely moment to witness. But at the same time I just felt so utterly bereft and achingly lonely. I was walking alone. I woke up alone and I’ll go to bed alone. It’s so painful.
Anyway - all that to say, thank god for anti depressants, for this thread, and for all of you. Being an adult is hard. I have job interview prep to do today so that will give me something to focus on.

newaccount2022 said:
Anyone else go through such low periods that they just think nothing is worth it/they won’t carry on much longer so you start spending loads of money…
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This really resonated. I have realised recently how much I “comfort spend”. I’m not even working at the moment so I really shouldn’t be. I always think that new clothes will solve everything but then I feel bad and panic that I’m spending too much.
 
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LennyBriscoe

I’ve just read your post just now and I hope the last couple of days have been better for you.

I think how you feel is totally understandable. Your FIL has put your husband in a very difficult position. It’s not for me to criticise but it sounds like your husband has done a lot of caring in his life and you both need and deserve a break.

It’s easy for me to say but please be kind yourself about your dog. You were his mum, his pal, his world for 17 wonderful years and that doesn’t change because you weren’t able to be there at the end. You would have if you could and it was completely out of your control. Sending you love

One thing I’ve noticed about here is we are all so incredibly hard on ourselves. It’s always easier to spot these things in others and I get defensive of other people - like @StillLucilleBluth in that short paragraph you’ve described yourself as childish and a weirdo and I straight away think “you’re neither of those things!”…but when it comes to me, that’s totally different! And I’m thinking that’s quite common here.

@Pollyanna263 I’m going to try that - replacing me in the scenario with a friend and treating myself as I would others.

@Into_the_tunnel I think you always say the right thing
@xoxoxo13 how are you feeling now? It may not feel like it but mid-20s is still really young. When I was mid-20s I had my job and depression but the other stuff didn’t come until later. The job market seems to be incredibly difficult at the moment. Would volunteering somewhere be an option? These things look great on a CV and in competency-based applications. My job is often my lifeline because it keeps my mind busy and even though I think I’m not that great, my boss thinks my work is good and I believe he wouldn’t lie to me.
 
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Pollyanna263

Just saw this on insta, and it made me laugh so much (as I’m sitting here looking at things I can’t afford and don’t need)

Hope it brings a bit of laughter to some of you. My sharing is absolutely not intended in any other way.

The caption below it might be helpful

 
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StillLucilleBluth

Literally just I unwrapped some new (non-white cowboy) boots so this is on point in my defence, they were from eBay at least!
 
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newaccount2022

StillLucilleBluth said:
Literally just I unwrapped some new (non-white cowboy) boots so this is on point in my defence, they were from eBay at least!
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And I’m here gazing at my new Kate Somerville and Gisou stuff Maison Margiela perfume scheduled for pick up during the week and planning on ordering a takeaway tonight even though I’ve food in the press… what are we like
 
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Pollyanna263

newaccount2022 said:
And I’m here gazing at my new Kate Somerville and Gisou stuff Maison Margiela perfume scheduled for pick up during the week and planning on ordering a takeaway tonight even though I’ve food in the press… what are we like
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I’m looking at trampolines for my children…. Crazy money but because it’s for them I’ll justify it.

But then I’ll no doubt ‘need’ a treat for myself to get that instant gratification….
 
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Fanny Muchmore

I went to sound healing today and it was SO wonderful. Really helped me.

Big hugs to everyone in this thread
 
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Good Egg

Trying to hold it all together today at work. Not long got in. Had a long shower- a cry.

The anxiety has been bad this weekend. I don’t know why or how. Always there, like an inner voice that won’t leave me alone.

I’ve been working on eating better but then I overeat. Been trying to drink more water.

Tomorrow is a new day
 
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Agent Cooper

Into_the_tunnel said:
Sending a big hug to those who might need it this evening.

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Huge hug back to you
Aww work can be hard! Sending you my very best wishes, I hope tomorrow is better for you
StillLucilleBluth said:
Love to everyone. It’s lovely to know we’re all here rooting for each other.
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We’ve got some amazing people here!
 
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Maid22

I'm having a real stressfull time at the moment, which I know will end up with me being bad, I don't know what to do about it, it's so frustrating, I'm still in bed, my head is mashed. Hoping to speak to someone later to get their take on the situation, but at this moment I just want to crawl away and hide.
Hugs to you all on here x
 
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Pollyanna263

Hope everyone is managing to stay afloat


I have therapy soon. Managed to email her yesterday and tell her I’m really not okay…
So am really anxious about this morning.
 
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Fanny Muchmore

Best of luck with therapy xx

My husband is taking his dad BACK to the hospital again as he's not happy with him - this is the 3rd time in a month
 
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