The Depression Thread #2

[Agent Cooper]

This reminds me of how things were for me before I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis

That’s an interesting thought. I’ve been thinking of getting my thyroid checked but I wouldn’t link it to my crazy sleep schedule. Thanks!

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Once again I’m going through a bad patch and I’ve even told myself if things don’t improve and start looking up for me in a year, then im done. I don’t like to think like that but I just feel the depression taking over more and more.

I’m just about to have a weeks leave from work but I’m dreading it as I have nothing planned and no one to spend time with. The person I’d normally reach out to hasn't spoke in almost 3 weeks, in fact he didn’t reply to my last message. Any suggestions of what I can do to stop myself from sinking deeper? I was hoping to go on a boat trip but I can no longer afford it.

You don’t have to respond, but I hope your week’s going ok, and that you’ve been able to do something nice for yourself. We’re here if you need us x

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Has anyone been in treatment for dysthemia?
I will start the cognitive behavioral therapy soon.

one of the things I have to do is find a goal I would like to work on in life but I have no idea.

since Ive learned I have this I think about it a lot..

I’ve not, but wishing you luck with it!

Would it help to talk through ideas for goals here? Totally understand if you’d rather not. It’s obvious but I would start with thinking, “ok, long term or short term?”

 

[Pollyanna263]

That really is helpful thank you!
I’ve been so worried about the OH thing. My work haven’t been understanding at all to my situation, had a bit of a breakdown earlier in the year and now got the disability to deal with so it’s been really hard. I’ve probably felt like this since Christmas. I have no confidence anymore in my work because of how I’ve been made to feel being off. I’ve been made to feel like the OH is a bad thing for me so I’ve been stressed about it a lot. My direct boss is desperate for me to say I’m not fit for work, but I am, I just need some understanding that when I have a flare up I literally cannot leave the house Xx

I felt the same about OH. That’s why I was hoping to reassure you

I had been signed off by my GP, and had been off for a while. I was (am) medicated and having weekly therapy and also seen a psychiatrist who formally diagnosed PTSD and depression and said under no circumstances could I go back to work without his and GP agreement.

Work were pushing for me to go back, and told me I needed to speak with OH ‘to discuss a phased return’ so I was terrified. I actually ignored the first call. I just couldn’t answer.

What I’d forgotten is that OH don’t work for my employer. They are completely unbiased medical professionals, who know nothing about you or your boss or your job beyond the basics on the referral, and they just take the time to talk to you.

Honestly that call helped me so much. It lvalidated many, many things for me and took away a huge amount of guilt I’d been feeling about being off work.
She wrote in her assessment that I was not to return, unless my GP and Psych were both comfortable, and then and only then should I speak with OH again. She told work that I shouldn’t have been made to do the call in the first place.

So please, try not to worry. I know that’s not easy. Our brains tell us all sorts of things and they’re hard to ignore.

OH are there to help. You will be okay

 

[Carapop]

thanks so much for your kind and helpful words. I have tried all sorts, mindfullness, meditation, journaling, cutting out caffeine, breathing, exercising etc. I’m not saying it doesn’t work because who knows how I’d be without it, but it’s not really enough i don’t think.

You are surviving but it all feels harder than it should, right? Well done on doing so much work already. It isn’t easy. Best of luck with the doctor, prepare in advance and don’t let them fob you off. Oh and please let us know how you get on!

 

[no-no]

Hi everyone.
Depression has utterly kicked my arse for years now and today is the final kick in the teeth.

Long story but Ive been studying via distance learning for a masters degree. Initially, the thought process for doing a masters would be that it would be good for me. I was hoping that I could basically push myself and achieve something in the hope it would raise my self esteem and show that I’m not stupid. Largely to start with, it was a good idea. I got out of my own head and had something to focus on and whilst not exactly excelling, I was passing the assignments.

So now, I’ve managed to get to the end and now just need to submit a dissertation to claim my masters but within the last year my mh has just completely plummeted again. As a result, I’ve had to take loads of leaves of absences as my mh has just been so low that I haven’t been able to sleep let alone concentrate. A few months ago, Uni got back in touch saying my leave of absence is now up and my deadline is on Tuesday to submit my dissertation.

So I’ve been working on it as best I can but today with the deadline looming I’ve just had a complete breakdown and just come to the end point where I have to accept that I can’t finish my masters. I just can’t do it with my mental health as it is. Everything I’ve written so far is just a complete mess and makes no sense. It won’t pass. I can’t ask for another leave of absence. So basically I’m at the pivotal end point and having to give up which just feels like another thing I’ve failed at. I’ve put everything i have left in to this and then failed at the most important part. I’ve wasted all those years as well as well as got myself into more student finance debt in the process which is so stupid.

Not sure why I’m putting this all here but I just needed to put it somewhere. I need to tell my tutor that I’m giving up but just the thought of doing that really hurts. I don’t want to deal with any of it. All I want to do is just hide away in bed. I’m just sick of trying so bloody hard all the time and then failing at the last hurdle.
I feel like I’ve set myself up for all this as well. I didn’t have to do this. All it’s done is prove how useless I am and how stupid I was to even think I could do this.

Are you a bit reluctant to submit anything because you feel like you’ve not excelled as you’d like and this is all a bit final? Not trying to be presumptuous. Obviously you go in with expectations but sometimes completing it is good enough and you have shown you’re capable by passing assignments. The grade isn’t significant in most fields. There’s time to take a breather, as well as regular breaks and tackle it, believe me

Is there anyone who can read over parts for you? They don’t have to be knowledgeable on the subject. Even just talking it through with a ‘layperson’ can help. Have you submitted any drafts to your tutor? Could you get any further days with an extenuating circumstances form? I’m sure there also used to be ways you could get discretionary postponement. Good luck!

 

[candyland_]

Not sure why my comment got an angry face. It was a genuine question. If someone didn’t have any structure to their day then they are bound to feel worse.

 

[Lord Voldemort]

Day one on sertraline, any tips welcome

stick with it, be prepared to potentially feel worse before you feel better.

 

[ilovepizza21]

I haven't posted on this thread for a long time, because well I couldn't face it. But I just wanted to ask if anyone has reported DV a few years after it's happened?

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@FlipFlop0706 I have no idea about dissertation except I once typed one out. I just wanted to say that you may feel a failure but how can you be when you've got this far battling depression and producing what you have? Am I a failure because I never went to University? Please don't be so hard on yourself. You do what you can. I honestly think you're incredible and I expect it's your all over perfectionism that's causing you such pain. Give your mind a break, do what you can, hand it in, shrug your shoulders and say phew. I'm assuming you're being treated for your depression.

 

[bitterntwisted]

I called on her, straight after and found her eating her lunch, so she wasn't that upset. I'm now feeling rubbish for something that really has nothing to do with me.

Sounds like your mum is abusive and manipulative and plays the helpless woman. Good for you for drawing a line and setting boundaries. She should consider herself lucky you even give her the time of day. Keep looking out for yourself.

Anyone else having a crap Christmas and it hasn't even started yet? I am having a rough time with my health. My TSH level is high, was supposed to have a phone appointment with the nurse practitioner. Receptionist tells me 12:30ish, fine. No call all day and I was busy working because some of us don't have the luxury of a salary. I see the receptionist left a message that it might be earlier because people cancelled and one missed call. I had my phone in front of me all day! Who knows if she has sent a new levo script to my pharmacy and with my thyroid out of whack, so goes my mood and I am tired and feel like shit. An added bonus, the extended family nonsense it is just one thing after another.

 

[Maid22]

New to this thread, wasn't sure what to do it where to go but feel like it may be okay here. I've been struggling since Feb March time, currently on sick leave from work due to anxiety, stress and depression. I've lost complete motivation and effort to look after myself. I know this seems small but I used to love doing my makeup, fake tan every week so I felt good, do my hair etc. Now I'm lucky if I can be bothered to dry it!! I just don't know how to get out the swing of it, I want to feel good about myself again, I want to show some pride but I don't know how to get out of this hole. I've always excuse myself with "no point doing my makeup to not go to work" or "no point saying my hair when ill wash it in 3 days" like I just need to pull myself out and I feel like I can't. Sorry if this isn't the right place but I just feel so down and shitty about myself and can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have more going on which has caused this but I want to focus on making me feel good first.

If anyone can advise or give me a push with words, that would be really helpful as I can't seem to do it alone

Totally understand, have you seen anybody, ie a gp?

 

[ilovepizza21]

New to this thread, wasn't sure what to do it where to go but feel like it may be okay here. I've been struggling since Feb March time, currently on sick leave from work due to anxiety, stress and depression. I've lost complete motivation and effort to look after myself. I know this seems small but I used to love doing my makeup, fake tan every week so I felt good, do my hair etc. Now I'm lucky if I can be bothered to dry it!! I just don't know how to get out the swing of it, I want to feel good about myself again, I want to show some pride but I don't know how to get out of this hole. I've always excuse myself with "no point doing my makeup to not go to work" or "no point saying my hair when ill wash it in 3 days" like I just need to pull myself out and I feel like I can't. Sorry if this isn't the right place but I just feel so down and shitty about myself and can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have more going on which has caused this but I want to focus on making me feel good first.

If anyone can advise or give me a push with words, that would be really helpful as I can't seem to do it alone

This is definitely the right place hun try gp and go from there. This thread is amazing normally I talk to my best friend but lately I don't talk to anymore but have ranted on here and it does help for a moment.... there are beautiful souls on here often that have been through the same you got this sending hugs 🫂 x

 

[Pollyanna263]

Does anyone have advice on how to stop feeling sick in setraline. I’m already taking it at night but I feel like I just want to hurl…

How long have you been taking it? Or have you recently changed dose?

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

Mirtazapine was evil! I couldn’t stop eating carbs, craving toast at bed time etc. I had real munchies on that. Quet and Olanzapine also caused huge weight gain for me.
I currently rattle with the amount I take and although in a real low at the moment I’m hoping it will pass as I can’t face anymore chances as think I’ve tried everything .

Mirtrazapine makes me crave sugar like crazy!! But it does help me sleep. Usually.... (She says, looking at her watch ) I've definitely gained weight since going on it. I'm also on Duloxetine, which makes you lose weight initially but then makes you gain it after you've been on it a while. And I've been on it a WHILE, lol.

 

[rainbowlemon]

still struggling. man, ocd is the worst. i thought my hit and run ocd was bad but this spiral has lasted about two weeks now and i just can’t deal with it. i’m gonna write under a spoiler just to get it out but warning that it’s about contamination ocd, just for anyone who might find that triggering.

basically, i have convinced myself i have bedbugs. this is based on no solid facts or evidence, purely that i woke up with blood on my pyjama top about two weeks ago. went into work and co-worker said “oh that happened to me when we had bed bugs”. well, it was an epic downward spiral since then. confirmed the blood was from a pimple i had obviously picked in the night, still convinced it is bugs. found black flecks on my bedding, confirmed to be mascara, convinced it is bugs. found what must be part of a leaf in my luggage from a hotel stay two months ago, sent a photo to bedbugs uk, they confirmed no bugs. a bug crawled on me today after moving patio furniture, took a photo and sent it to bedbugs uk, they confirmed no that’s not a bed bug and are probably on the verge of sending someone around to check on me.

i’ve tried all my usual coping mechanisms, all my usual routines but i can’t shake this one. when i found the leaf i genuinely sat on the floor and cried. when i looked at the photo i’d sent the next day i was like wtf at my past self but my brain is still saying “but what if”. there is literally no evidence but the thought of getting into my bed of a night is making me want to cry..

it’ll pass, i know, it always does but i truly hate my brain most of the time.

If you had bed bugs you would also have the bites. Which are itchy and red . I understand there’s no arguing with an ocd brain.

Is there anyone you can go to for extra support?

 

[Maid22]

Ive just reread my post, sorry I meant spoilt !!!

 

[Dogtanian]

Day one on sertraline, any tips welcome

There's a thread on Sertraline here, it may be of use (?)

Experiences with setraline

I developed a weird tremor in my right arm when I was on sertraline. I notice it come on when I was anxious or thinking about something. I stopped noticing it after a while but my partner noticed it all the time and when he was hugging me or something my arm was jerking into his. It was like a...

tattle.life

I've had a few side effects, my dosage has increased from 50 to 100 mg so all the side effects I had when I first went onto the medication have re-emerged. I guess I'll get over them soon but it's frustrating at the moment.

 

[doodlebug]

Yes, but also I’ve told my doctor how awkward my work are and that I needed signing off from the get go, they’ve always provided me a note in that situation. Or you could ring work and tell them you need to take sick leave for the week due to your MH, and make it clear you won’t be ringing them every single day. Having to do that will just make you feel worse in my experience. If they insist you need to ring everyday tell them you’ll ring your GP for a note as that’s putting you under stress that you don’t need xx

Thank you. What would you typically say in your out of office reply? Just that you’re out and will be back on X date? But then I worry what if I’m not back by then…

 

[no-no]

Thanks. I have been really paranoid today and jumping whenever the doorbell rang. I did email one of the services to explain that I’m fine and there’s probably been a mix so hopefully it’ll all be ok. I think I was just worried since I’ve never actually given my phone number to any mh services I’ve used and have never used any of the ones that contacted me.

It will be fine. Could anyone you have contacted referred you? There’s no need to worry if you’ve not spoken with them, it’s just if you interact and tell them something that they have to “follow up” on. Understandable you feel that way given what happened previously. Even though you’re in a good place now do consider any decent offers for support.