The Depression Thread #2

[Quarrantinemadness]

I feel so lost
I’ve never known what I wanted to do with my life (I’m over 40)
I hate my job
I’m so stuck because i’m on my own with a mortgage and bills to pay so I can’t just quit and get something else. I need the salary I’m on to live. I’d be no better off selling my house, I’d pay more in rent than I would my current mortgage.
It’s just getting harder and harder to cope x

 

[loveulongtime0]

I’m being evicted in three months time as our landlord is selling, my mental health was bad before we got told this but now it’s at rock bottom. I’m only here because my 2 year old needs me, or does he? I don’t know how much longer I can stand feeling this way.

 

[Quarrantinemadness]

I’m being evicted in three months time as our landlord is selling, my mental health was bad before we got told this but now it’s at rock bottom. I’m only here because my 2 year old needs me, or does he? I don’t know how much longer I can stand feeling this way.

Yes he definitely needs you xx
Is there anywhere else you could rent? X

 

[instasham13]

I am having a really hard time at work just now (NHS) forgot 2 things this week (not major or life threatening) and I feel absoloutely suicidal about it. I was pulled up about it infront of the new start which is just so embarrassing and demoralising. I already feel badly enough about it.

I also just can't seem to cope well with any negativity at all. I could do my job right 99x and the one time I don't I will beat myself up so much, recluse into myself, worry I will loose my job, over think what loosing my job would mean in terms of paying bills. I'm not coping well at all. Nursing and the NHS has made me change as a person and become a shell of my former self. You also need a thick skin for all the bitching and back stabbing which I just don't have.

 

[Some People!]

I am having a really hard time at work just now (NHS) forgot 2 things this week (not major or life threatening) and I feel absoloutely suicidal about it. I was pulled up about it infront of the new start which is just so embarrassing and demoralising. I already feel badly enough about it.

Well that was terribly unprofessional of your manger (or whoever), what poor practice. I'm sorry that happened to you.

I also just can't seem to cope well with any negativity at all. I could do my job right 99x and the one time I don't I will beat myself up so much, recluse into myself, worry I will loose my job, over think what loosing my job would mean in terms of paying bills.

I relate to this so much. I go right off the deep end with any type of negative feedback or even some kinds neutral feedback, depending on the context. It just instantly devastates me and I start catastrophising. I have a constant terror of losing my job/ being made redundant, and it's a horrible way to live.

 

[bitterntwisted]

I am having a really hard time at work just now (NHS) forgot 2 things this week (not major or life threatening) and I feel absoloutely suicidal about it. I was pulled up about it infront of the new start which is just so embarrassing and demoralising. I already feel badly enough about it.

That was really crappy what happened to you. It is employment 101 that you don't reprimand someone in front of others. That was an asshole move. I wish people were taught more about humilation and how damaging it is to people. I don't care how lousy of a day someone is having, that is uncalled for. Virtual hug to you .

I know healthcare workers are under an incredible amount of stress at the best of times, but the pandemic has made things worse. It also doesn't help when gov't does back you up with a decent contract/wages, etc. You have to evaluate what you want for your life. Have you considered taking your nursing knowledge and move to a non-clinical setting? (That is if you aren't already in one). Just do some exploration into it and see if that helps. Write a list of what you like about your job now and what you hate. You don't even have to complete it one go, just add to it during the week and see how it goes. You won't be the first or last person to quit nursing due to burnout.

As far as coping with negativity, there seems to be an awful lot of it around that it's worse than COVID itself. I'm someone who absorbs atmosphere and other people's moods if I'm not careful. This might sound silly, but some days I just imagine a force field around me protecting me from the little things and ask my guardian angels for strength. I ask them to help protect me from the idiots that surround us. Gratitude as well. Consistently reminding yourself of the good things in your life can give you a boost.

@instasham13 look after yourself. Take some time for yourself to figure out who you are and what you want. If you can't get out of this funk and it is not just situational, please seek help and thread is here. Good luck to you!

 

[instasham13]

That was really crappy what happened to you. It is employment 101 that you don't reprimand someone in front of others. That was an asshole move. I wish people were taught more about humilation and how damaging it is to people. I don't care how lousy of a day someone is having, that is uncalled for. Virtual hug to you .

I know healthcare workers are under an incredible amount of stress at the best of times, but the pandemic has made things worse. It also doesn't help when gov't does back you up with a decent contract/wages, etc. You have to evaluate what you want for your life. Have you considered taking your nursing knowledge and move to a non-clinical setting? (That is if you aren't already in one). Just do some exploration into it and see if that helps. Write a list of what you like about your job now and what you hate. You don't even have to complete it one go, just add to it during the week and see how it goes. You won't be the first or last person to quit nursing due to burnout.

As far as coping with negativity, there seems to be an awful lot of it around that it's worse than COVID itself. I'm someone who absorbs atmosphere and other people's moods if I'm not careful. This might sound silly, but some days I just imagine a force field around me protecting me from the little things and ask my guardian angels for strength. I ask them to help protect me from the idiots that surround us. Gratitude as well. Consistently reminding yourself of the good things in your life can give you a boost.

@instasham13 look after yourself. Take some time for yourself to figure out who you are and what you want. If you can't get out of this funk and it is not just situational, please seek help and thread is here. Good luck to you!

Thanks so much for such a long and detailed reply. Really appreciate it.

The mistakes i made are nothing major but we have a whole new system and I'm not getting on too well with it. It involves lots of staff doing different aspects of the workload which sounds like that would make things easier but I find it easier to just start something and finish something myself.

I'm just so down and disillusioned with nursing..I used to be so proud and think I had a good salary but I now realise the salary is not worth it for the level of responsibility at all.

 

[Dexterina12]

I’m in a really bad way today. Feel like this is going to just be my life from now on. I’ve been in a mentally abusive relationship for 7 years. I’ve left twice and gone back. My little boy has autism but he is so so amazing but i feel like I’m being taught a lesson or something? Hope everyone is having a good day xx

 

[GiftedNotFree]

I’m in a really bad way today. Feel like this is going to just be my life from now on. I’ve been in a mentally abusive relationship for 7 years. I’ve left twice and gone back. My little boy has autism but he is so so amazing but i feel like I’m being taught a lesson or something? Hope everyone is having a good day xx

So sorry to read this. Is there no way you are able to leave the relationship? I hope you’re feeling better today. X

 

[Dexterina12]

So sorry to read this. Is there no way you are able to leave the relationship? I hope you’re feeling better today. X

I’m feeling ok today! I can leave but I would have to give up everything and I know that probably sounds ridiculous but I love my little flat I’ve put so much much into it it breaks my heart to lose it I have got to a point where I am done with it and I have contacted the police but they are useless! I’m plodding on and I think I will eventually have to leave but I’m going to try everything else first! Thank you I hope you are having a good day today xx

 

[The Devils Arse]

Hello everyone, I'm so glad there is a thread on here. I feel like tattle is my safe place with some amazing posters. I'm going to go back and have a read through the posts with a cup of tea when I have a spare hour.

Is it possible to be depressed and not realise it? I have been seeing a therapist due to v low self esteem and confidence issues. She did a anxiety test on me which I scored highly on, so no surprises there. She then did a depression test which I scored super high on. She said that she is concerned that because of this therapy may not work as well and thinks I need to go on medication to help along side the therapy. She's a retired mental health nurse so I value her opinion. I guess I'm just a bit surprised about scoring so high. I think I thought depression was about thoughts of self harm, suicide which I don't have.

I'm going to the doctors on a week Monday to have a chat. But I'm really concerned about going on anti depressants due to weight gain. I have struggled with my weight for years and have had a gastric sleeve as a result. I'm a few years out now and I am able to eat a bit more now and have put some weight on so I'm freaking out about that, which isn't helping my self esteem issues.

Have any of you wonderful people had an anti-depressant that doesn't cause weight gain?

Thanks if you got this far, and sorry for the long rambling post. Xx

 

[Carapop]

Just a brief note re anti depressants and weight gain. Some people actually lose weight because of them. If you use food as a source of comfort when you’re sad, then taking a medication that makes you less sad will make you less reliant on the comforting calories.

there are many different medications used to treat depression and anxiety and they all have their own different side effects and even those can hugely differ between different people. It may be a lot of trial and error initially to find what works for you but that’s ok. As long as you’re prepared for that and don’t get disillusioned if the first one isn’t the best one for you. Look at it like dating, you might have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince/princess

also, depression can come in many guises, I’m sorry you’re struggling but it’s amazing that you have someone who knows what to look for and is offering such support and advice

 

[The Devils Arse]

Just a brief note re anti depressants and weight gain. Some people actually lose weight because of them. If you use food as a source of comfort when you’re sad, then taking a medication that makes you less sad will make you less reliant on the comforting calories.

there are many different medications used to treat depression and anxiety and they all have their own different side effects and even those can hugely differ between different people. It may be a lot of trial and error initially to find what works for you but that’s ok. As long as you’re prepared for that and don’t get disillusioned if the first one isn’t the best one for you. Look at it like dating, you might have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince/princess

also, depression can come in many guises, I’m sorry you’re struggling but it’s amazing that you have someone who knows what to look for and is offering such support and advice

Thank you for your lovely words.
The dating approach is a perfect explanation!

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I hate this time of year

 

[candyland_]

I don’t think many people do enjoy this time of year - social media makes it look like the most amazing time but that’s not most peoples reality.

 

[Maid22]

I hate this time of year

Me to, big time

 

[Lord Voldemort]

I hate this time of year

Same, I'm finding this year especially hard

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

Normally I'd be super excited for Christmas, by now I'd have all my cards sent, the majority of my presents bought and wrapped... this year I have almost nothing done. A few bits ordered online and they've arrived and just been chucked in the corner. I have zero excitement, zero energy, no motivation to do any of it. I wish I had a big 'pause' button so I could stop Christmas from coming so quickly, give me more time.

 

[candyland_]

I need more time too, I’m really dragging my feet which means next week I’ll have to do extra fo catch up and hope there’s no delivery delays. I did have a quick look online last night and almost everything I wanted was out of stock .
My mum keeps asking where their Christmas cards are so I’ll have to nip into a card shop today or I’ll never hear the end of it

 

[candyland_]

This one hit differently today.