The Chateau Diaries #307 Stephanie Jarvis, how do other châteaux progress but yours does not?!

[Lochness Monster]

Fanny may have had lessons to help her speech and hide any Scottish accent she may have had but…she has not been taught how to use words correctly.
Her recent foray into the linen cupboard for sheets for the drug den bedroom and her announcement that she would get bottom sheets. How attractive.
Base sheets Fanny .
Also was Fanny deliberately filming to show us Snorts best side in the mirror on the radiator, I see a damp patch and one not modified by a Tatler.
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Now that the fans would be totally happy if there would be a better ground protection from animals, we should think about an effective air defense against airborne predators.
Like hawks, owls, vultures, the Power Rangers Falcon Zord,..

I had something in like like that Iron Dome defense system from Israel.

We just need to make it sound more french, like Le Iron Domeeeh.

All that is required are many scarecrows , something that looks like Trixie.
Maybe Fanny could commission Anthony Gormley. ?

 

[Cleo's Asp]

Fanny was also trying to hide Trixie nails as they are now longer than Ratsos.
Before the clinic in London and filters.

Looking somewhat rough here. If she's not careful, she may get mistaken for a Chelsea Pensioner! (No insult intended towards the wonderful CPs.)
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I love gardening but am not knowledgeable like you @Lochness Monster but at my home renovation the garden was also derelict with brambles, ground elder galore. I kept trees and the few shrubs that survived. I am still in the process of evolving the garden but I went with an aesthetic that suits my home and also one that I will be able to manage. Stephanie has never bothered about her garden there was no planting pre flog the court yard was a disgrace. I am not a gardener but I love plants and I like the softness it can bring my garden is already looking lovely, but Fanny's despite vast investment looks wrong for the setting. If the money stops rolling in she will not spend her own money on gardeners and she will certainly never venture out herself to do any work, it will be wild in no time. I truly think she has no soul, she doesn't really appreciate anything without a label. Look what Rebecca has achieved at Chateau La Ruche without full time gardening staff. I bet Monty Don doesn't have as many staff at Long Meadow.

Stephanie and her disgusting pube never even cook for themselves and they are not foodies as they are not travellers. Fanny is always on the move because she is empty inside and always searching for contentment.

She only goes to the CFS because it's part of the UK's summer traditions. I'm surprised she doesn't worm her way into the Henley Regatta and the centre court at Wimbledon as well. Not that she's interested in rowing or tennis any more than she's interested in gardening but they are part of what the "in crowd" do in the summer as well as less well off people who are genuinely interested in such things. Fanny is in neither of those categories

 

[Madame de Pompanddoodoo]

Grant must be desperate WHY would ANYONE travel across the world to stay at CHMN for an extended period, packing boxes of books, moving beds under the direction of Fanny and Snorts. Grant would have a far more enjoyable time at Dans or the Pethericks Chateaux where he could do some actual work and have some camaraderie. He seems rather full of himself but will be reduced to a wreck any day now or with a criminal record for smashing Snorts face in.
Fanny tells Snorts he is "so good at finding mirrors", I suggest he looks in a full length one, his clothing gets worse with each vlog, ugly, ugly, vile.

I reckon that there may be a transactional relationship between him and Percy so although the fun is missing from this visit he is hanging on in there until mummy dear and Percy arrive in order to conclude their business arrangement.

Has all the fencing been removed from the chicken enclosures? Or am I in the wrong part of the garden?
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They are now managing to make the walled garden look like a bomb site come building site. The whole place is a joke.
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As well as the chicken fencing I think Selmar’s composting system has also done a disappearing act.

 

[Kalessi]

Heck Hedda, I’m a man and still have to be mindful of such. My natural register is high as I’m a lyric tenor. I should say was, since it lowered naturally over time. It’s still higher that most men. I had several years of speech therapy to learn how to lower it. If I’m not careful it goes shrill. My mom used to say if I was angry and still squeaky it was fine, I would calm down. But if I was angry and went silent, you’d better run because it was all over except the bleeding.

It’s also been said of me that if I’m still talking there’s a chance of reconciliation. But, if I grow silent…”Katie bar the door” the dragon is about to fly.

 

[AndAnotherName]

Nice to hear it's raining at Chelsea. Apparently Main Ave is a river!! That umbrella will get a workout I am sure.

 

[Ladeda1957]

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Omg stop I can’t unsee it and I’m going to have a brain explosion from laughing so much. Brilliant
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Looking somewhat rough here. If she's not careful, she may get mistaken for a Chelsea Pensioner! (No insult intended towards the wonderful CPs.)
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She only goes to the CFS because it's part of the UK's summer traditions. I'm surprised she doesn't worm her way into the Henley Regatta and the centre court at Wimbledon as well. Not that she's interested in rowing or tennis any more than she's interested in gardening but they are part of what the "in crowd" do in the summer as well as less well off people who are genuinely interested in such things. Fanny is in neither of those categories

Next it will be a garden party at the palace with Charlie and Cams, Snorts can wear his safari outfit and Fanny can wear a new dress

 

[mrsp67]

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The first thing I thought of when I saw that outfit was, is that a ribbon hanging down from his waist a ribbon on a straight man Lord help us all! Philip please go on Pinterest and look at cool outfits for straight men your age! Shhh don’t tell anyone but I know….. but the rest may notice it before you come out.

 

[NotAChatelaine]

Nice to hear it's raining at Chelsea. Apparently Main Ave is a river!! That umbrella will get a workout I am sure.

Soggy strawberry shoes? How funny sad.

Even if she wasn’t giving her Bally freebies (allegedly) an outing, I bet she hasn’t got any weather-appropriate footwear. Squelch, squelch, squelch, merrily we go. Her hair will be in rats’ tails, too. The prancing twerp will be throwing a mighty tantrum - Chelsea Flower Show must be as boring AF, without the wet. It’s quite cheered up my day!

 

[MRShavershamsdress]

Of course you do darling! In colors or just neutrals?

Mostly neutrals, though I do have a pair in marine blue that I love. (Don’t tell anyone but I even have ascots worn for certain occasions)

 

[TorontoGWM]

Aren’t we all envious we’re not at The Chelsea?

 

[C'est moi]

I reckon that there may be a transactional relationship between him and Percy so although the fun is missing from this visit he is hanging on in there until mummy dear and Percy arrive in order to conclude their business arrangement.


As well as the chicken fencing I think Selmar’s composting system has also done a disappearing act.

Maybe maman and Percy are matchmaking! Maybe they invited Grant in the hope of getting the prancing twit Thrush out of the picture and get his horrible girly nails out out of Despicable fanny. Stranger thing have happened!

 

[MRShavershamsdress]

He was treated as “staff.” Bet Stephanie ledhim on by emailing or texting him flirty messages, to lure him to the dump, then abandon him most of the time to travel. She needed a replacement for Amaury because Amaury was going to the south of France to renovate his parents new home, and Snorts is weak and useless.

I don’t mind saying it, Grant’s getting what he deserves. Foolish man, even exposing his daughter to his perfidy! Just in case he reads here, hey Grant, how does it feel to reap what you’ve sown?

 

[C'est moi]

I think I've found the Chelsea garden that Thrush will want to replicate

You'd almost think that MarIE had captioned it.

 

[JackSpratt]

Looking somewhat rough here. If she's not careful, she may get mistaken for a Chelsea Pensioner! (No insult intended towards the wonderful CPs.)
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She only goes to the CFS because it's part of the UK's summer traditions. I'm surprised she doesn't worm her way into the Henley Regatta and the centre court at Wimbledon as well. Not that she's interested in rowing or tennis any more than she's interested in gardening but they are part of what the "in crowd" do in the summer as well as less well off people who are genuinely interested in such things. Fanny is in neither of those categories

Oh good god no, don't give that tit in a toupee any ideas.

 

[Tea with lemon]

Omg stop I can’t unsee it and I’m going to have a brain explosion from laughing so much. Brilliant
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Next it will be a garden party at the palace with Charlie and Cams, Snorts can wear his safari outfit and Fanny can wear a new dress

Fanny can come in a peacock dress. Cam will be thrilled!

 

[MRShavershamsdress]

I wish he'd give her a really bad nip and have a go at the strawberry shoes at the same time!
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Yes, the equivalent of Steptoe and Son in the UK!

Steptoe and Son was the inspiration for Sanford and Son over here. An enormous amount of our tv programming was inspired by or outright stolen from UK telly.

 

[LittleMore Cottage]

Unfortunately you might be asked to become a volunteer. This is vlog planning gold!
Fanny has lost the plot and the little girl guide is no good at orienteering.
Is anyone worried about those huge mirrors and paintings that the ‘not an interior designer’ is balancing in every single room. One of those mirrors falling could kill a child or Ratso if it fell/ when.
Are the dodgy electrics allowed if anyone is living at the dump especially staff and paying guests?

Did you see.that wall light all crooked and hanging off the wall?? And why are not big mirrors like that secured. Yes one topple and hit someone, would be awful

 

[LadyRed]

Still trying to catch up my hags, but if I get the gist right she's finally admitted to:

• The chickens being dead - albeit probably still lying about the manner of their death as to not implicate herself as an irresponsible owner of both the chickens and Ratso
• That she and the Porcelain Nonce delay instrumental and immediately required projects by refusing to take the advice of the specialists they employ
• That they pay an exorbitant amount for said advice only to choose to ignore it (20 grand for a survey?!) - or probably is lying about the amounts, it's not like we have any cough accounts cough to go by
• That the chapel restauration alone is soon to cost as much as they have paid for the entire bloody farmhouse

Anything I've missed?

 

[MRShavershamsdress]

It’s also been said of me that if I’m still talking there’s a chance of reconciliation. But, if I grow silent…”Katie bar the door” the dragon is about to fly.

I knew I liked you. Within my circle I’m a bit infamous for responding to the phrase “calm down” with “I am calm. Would you like to see not calm?” (Don’t make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. With apologies to the Incredible Hulk)

 

[Fromthenorth]

Monty has two female gardeners assisting him. I can't remember if he said they were part time or full time.

@Just Grift Wood I actually have two Ben Pentreath books, moving back and forth I sometimes forget what I've got.
English Houses - Inspirational Interiors From City Apartments to Country Manor Houses.
English Decoration -Timeless Inspiration for the Contemporary Home.
I highly recommend both of them.

I bet those two females assistants are also there to learn from him and experiment, a plus for them and for him and his garden.