The Chateau Diaries #307 Stephanie Jarvis, how do other châteaux progress but yours does not?!

[CountessPompidoo]

I’ve not got a clue what Lancelot’s IG is on about this morning

 

[NotAChatelaine]

The “ganja room” is a mishmash of horror. Why, why, why did they opt for the two tone blue workwork in completely different shades of blue? If you’re going to do that, at least choose different shades from within the same range, I.e. the variations light to dark shown on a colour card. The two blues they used just fight one another and are also wrong against the wallpaper. It looks awful, The window wood work painted the lighter blue assaults the eyes when walking the room.

Terrible furniture choices, as well. The prancing twerp’s interior design ideas never fail to amaze. Not in a good way.

Such a fuss being made for no good reason. The desperation for content is palpable.

Such lovely stainless steel cutlery at the London gaff.

 

[Just Grift Wood]

Get ready for old foreskin forehead to go for the engorged erect foreskin looks she will be shoved full of botox

 

[JackSpratt]

Fanny, you silly, silly girl!!! WTF!!!! Leftalot is not playing with the peacocks and they are not friends getting to know each other.

Are you trying to prove it's safe for Leftalot to be around the peacocks? Are you trying to perpetuate your lie that a fox, and not Leftalot, had anything to do with the death/disappearance of the roosters and hens? Are you trying to show that the peacocks can take care of themselves and will chase Leftalot away?

You fool - read Leftalot's body language - he's crouching to hunt his prey. Put that dog on a leash and keep him away from the other animals.
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But will any of her adoring crazie call her out on this? No

 

[Lochness Monster]

Look at all that crap in the yard. It is starting to look like Annalise and Dan's property. What a dump.

And why is the fountain green and not on?
Fanny tells us the gardener is working in the courtyard. I think he just flung his high viz jacket on a bush and has gone home. Her eyesight is not good enough to tell if he is there!

 

[Cleo's Asp]

It is last year’s model so she can’t claim that ETRO just randomly decided to send her one. The same style dress retails for $2600 this season. Lots of the minions were asking for details on where to buy the her dress in the comment section…..am sure they will all be shocked at the price tag.

Let's hope someone answers with the current price. Those fans need to know the truth about what the poor little princes is actually doing with their money.

 

[Lochness Monster]

Gracie........ sly Fanny might be doing that to wipe away the tears and gunk so Tattler's won't see it on Ratso's face !!!
We SEE it Fanny .

Fanny was also trying to hide Trixie nails as they are now longer than Ratsos.
Before the clinic in London and filters.

 

[Just Grift Wood]

And why is the fountain green and not on?
Fanny tells us the gardener is working in the courtyard. I think he just flung his high viz jacket on a bush and has gone home. Her eyesight is not good enough to tell if he is there!

I love gardening but am not knowledgeable like you @Lochness Monster but at my home renovation the garden was also derelict with brambles, ground elder galore. I kept trees and the few shrubs that survived. I am still in the process of evolving the garden but I went with an aesthetic that suits my home and also one that I will be able to manage. Stephanie has never bothered about her garden there was no planting pre flog the court yard was a disgrace. I am not a gardener but I love plants and I like the softness it can bring my garden is already looking lovely, but Fanny's despite vast investment looks wrong for the setting. If the money stops rolling in she will not spend her own money on gardeners and she will certainly never venture out herself to do any work, it will be wild in no time. I truly think she has no soul, she doesn't really appreciate anything without a label. Look what Rebecca has achieved at Chateau La Ruche without full time gardening staff. I bet Monty Don doesn't have as many staff at Long Meadow.

Stephanie and her disgusting pube never even cook for themselves and they are not foodies as they are not travellers. Fanny is always on the move because she is empty inside and always searching for contentment.

 

[JackSpratt]

Did you see him nipping and biting her pant leg??? He needs some proper training, but that wont happen. No consistency was Fanny and Snorts are too busy traveling. Grunt was pretty quiet in this one, he wont be back.

Grunt is so far down on the cast list he hasn't really got a speaking part this time around. Trixie is not going to allow anyone to upstage him in the biggest acting role of his life.

Trixie will slowly but surely ostracize everyone until it's just the two of them and it serves her right.

 

[HalcyonOrganic]

I’ve not got a clue what Lancelot’s IG is on about this morning

What a funny and well thought post that person made. I bet he is totally cute and hopefully he is single.

 

[Lochness Monster]

After months of rehearsals, the long-awaited premiere of “Chicken Massacre in the Land of Lies,” a fictional drama in two acts, finally took place. Act one was Roostergate. There were obviously no monetary expressions of condolence, so marketing strategy adjustments had to be made for the second act.

The building materials for the sexy flower guy's flower stand have already been delivered. In the future, mourning pilgrims will be able to purchase bouquets of Foxgloves in rainbow colors to lay at the battlefield.

After Kirsty and the invisible handyman laid a concrete foundation for the future chicken castle months ago, the "Adopt a Cinder Block" campaign is finally starting. As soon as the chapel is completely restored, workers will immediately begin building the high-security chicken wing.

The following is planned for the grand opening:

* 1000Stars will launch a kimono with an exquisite Indian chicken curry print and for every shred sold, 5 euros goes to the chicken foundation.
* Lilysilk offers the mourning community the unique opportunity to unlock a 20% discount with the code “silkiechicken”.
* Superfans who are overwhelmed by their grief and need help can take advantage of a free trial month from Betterhelp
* additional a wine subscription is also recommended.
* To prevent worry lines about Ratso's security, every visitor receives a discount code for the new Foreo Chicken 1.0
* Since foxes don't like the smell of human sweat, Wild developed a human sweat deodorant especially for the Land of Lies (all attempts to produce this smell naturally failed due to a lack of motivated Lalanders).
* Bally offers a shoe in the design of the strawberry-eating chicken. Pls write the card yourself.

At the souvenir stand next to the high-security chicken wing, the super-deluded superfans can purchase numerous fan items: napkins embroidered with chicken motifs, felt chickens made by Wendygrinch, tiles with pornographic chickens, scraps of wallpaper painted with watercolors with a chicken of their choice, limited prints from the wildlife camera (unfortunately no fox was spotted).

And if you still have money left, you can have your photo taken at Pottsy's kissing booth, either with Ratso in a fox costume, shirtless Amauroy (be aware Natty is around the corner) or with a hairpiece of your choice.

Unfortunately you might be asked to become a volunteer. This is vlog planning gold!
Fanny has lost the plot and the little girl guide is no good at orienteering.
Is anyone worried about those huge mirrors and paintings that the ‘not an interior designer’ is balancing in every single room. One of those mirrors falling could kill a child or Ratso if it fell/ when.
Are the dodgy electrics allowed if anyone is living at the dump especially staff and paying guests?

 

[Gertrude Maud]

I bet Monty Don doesn't have as many staff at Long Meadow.

Monty has two female gardeners assisting him. I can't remember if he said they were part time or full time.

@Just Grift Wood I actually have two Ben Pentreath books, moving back and forth I sometimes forget what I've got.
English Houses - Inspirational Interiors From City Apartments to Country Manor Houses.
English Decoration -Timeless Inspiration for the Contemporary Home.
I highly recommend both of them.

 

[Mr Magoo]

Grant?

How amusing that comment did not get removed

 

[JackSpratt]

I think Ratso has become a bitey aggressive dog ....... he has finished with the chickens - on to the peacocks and hopefully he will get himself inside Fannys $$ wardrobe and finish off all her expensive dresses and shoes.

As predicted here way way back. He's going to become an annoying yapping snappy dog annd it's not his fault.

How ignorant of her to assume they rented it.

Now the big question, why has the chapel rennovations stalled? The witch got all her fools to pay for that renovation!.

Realising HER coffers are getting low (a brief mention of a safari last night with Trixie's getup) and the poor love must be needing another expensive holiday soon, it's only been a matter of weeks since the last one.

Or are the storage containers there primed and ready to load her gear into when they do a cut and run with al the money.

 

[C'est moi]

And why is the fountain green and not on?
Fanny tells us the gardener is working in the courtyard. I think he just flung his high viz jacket on a bush and has gone home. Her eyesight is not good enough to tell if he is there!

Yes, why is the water in the fountain green and the fountain not working. Didn't they have it repaired and cleaned just a few months ago ready for the new b&b season. You're slipping Despicable fanny. Did you use one of your "stock" clips from a previous year or have you let it get in tit order so quickly? You really don't give a duck, do you!
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Unfortunately you might be asked to become a volunteer. This is vlog planning gold!
Fanny has lost the plot and the little girl guide is no good at orienteering.
Is anyone worried about those huge mirrors and paintings that the ‘not an interior designer’ is balancing in every single room. One of those mirrors falling could kill a child or Ratso if it fell/ when.
Are the dodgy electrics allowed if anyone is living at the dump especially staff and paying guests?

I think Grant is just about holding it in in that first picture. The pressure is mounting and he's going to blow!

 

[Lochness Monster]

The daft duo were so busy rushing/ running/ dashing off to London they forgot to place pillows on Snorts pretend bed.

That portion of fish Fanny was just about to gobble up was what she would serve divided between six of her guests!
And yes the cutlery, must have been from her first flat like the semi circle table she showed us. I was very surprised she did not use the opportunity to pronounce Demi lune exaggeratedly, even Snorts said half moon.

 

[Cleo's Asp]

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I wish he'd give her a really bad nip and have a go at the strawberry shoes at the same time!
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Delusional Stephanie believes the Dump looks like a mini Versailles but in reality the Dump looks like the tv show Sanford & Son Salvage shop, complete with old trucks.

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Yes, the equivalent of Steptoe and Son in the UK!

 

[Just Grift Wood]

Monty has two female gardeners assisting him. I can't remember if he said they were part time or full time.

@Just Grift Wood I actually have two Ben Pentreath books, moving back and forth I sometimes forget what I've got.
English Houses - Inspirational Interiors From City Apartments to Country Manor Houses.
English Decoration -Timeless Inspiration for the Contemporary Home.
I highly recommend both of them.

ahh thanks I will get the first one I don't have that. I love the one I have got

 

[Cleo's Asp]

After months of rehearsals, the long-awaited premiere of “Chicken Massacre in the Land of Lies,” a fictional drama in two acts, finally took place. Act one was Roostergate. There were obviously no monetary expressions of condolence, so marketing strategy adjustments had to be made for the second act.

The building materials for the sexy flower guy's flower stand have already been delivered. In the future, mourning pilgrims will be able to purchase bouquets of Foxgloves in rainbow colors to lay at the battlefield.

After Kirsty and the invisible handyman laid a concrete foundation for the future chicken castle months ago, the "Adopt a Cinder Block" campaign is finally starting. As soon as the chapel is completely restored, workers will immediately begin building the high-security chicken wing.

The following is planned for the grand opening:

* 1000Stars will launch a kimono with an exquisite Indian chicken curry print and for every shred sold, 5 euros goes to the chicken foundation.
* Lilysilk offers the mourning community the unique opportunity to unlock a 20% discount with the code “silkiechicken”.
* Superfans who are overwhelmed by their grief and need help can take advantage of a free trial month from Betterhelp
* additional a wine subscription is also recommended.
* To prevent worry lines about Ratso's security, every visitor receives a discount code for the new Foreo Chicken 1.0
* Since foxes don't like the smell of human sweat, Wild developed a human sweat deodorant especially for the Land of Lies (all attempts to produce this smell naturally failed due to a lack of motivated Lalanders).
* Bally offers a shoe in the design of the strawberry-eating chicken. Pls write the card yourself.

At the souvenir stand next to the high-security chicken wing, the super-deluded superfans can purchase numerous fan items: napkins embroidered with chicken motifs, felt chickens made by Wendygrinch, tiles with pornographic chickens, scraps of wallpaper painted with watercolors with a chicken of their choice, limited prints from the wildlife camera (unfortunately no fox was spotted).

And if you still have money left, you can have your photo taken at Pottsy's kissing booth, either with Ratso in a fox costume, shirtless Amauroy (be aware Natty is around the corner) or with a hairpiece of your choice.

Surprised that FRK did not leave any "Farvell flowers and reets" at the scene of the massacre and Michael T could have written a rhyming elegy that Fanny, in her most revealing little black dress, could have read out while squeezing out a tear. That might all have resulted in a few thousand more donations in memory of the much loved birds.

 

[HalcyonOrganic]

Now that the fans would be totally happy if there would be a better ground protection from animals, we should think about an effective air defense against airborne predators.
Like hawks, owls, vultures, the Power Rangers Falcon Zord,..

I had something in mind like that Iron Dome defense system from Israel.

We just need to make it sound more french, like Le Iron Domeeeh.