The Chateau Diaries #302 Stay home and renovate the damn chito

[Margo Polo]

Exactly! It's the kind of room that has a musty smell, broken down mattress that you don't want to look at too closely, squeaky and uneven floors, radiators that don't work properly, windows painted shut, doors that don't shut correctly because the whole structure is tilted, lamps with low voltage bulbs or no lightbulbs at all, drapes that don't meet the floor or don't close in the middle and are hanging off the rod, and my favorite - shiny, greasy looking bedspreads!

The pillows look like they are 30 years old, flat and full of mites. The mattress looks old and if you sat on the edge, you’d slide off.

 

[Lochness Monster]

Good God I know she doesn't see the mess she has made of the Chateau but this is her face!!!! Her lips are now deformed and her cheeks don't move and are sliding down the ball of her cheeks parallel to the bottom of her nose, making her look like a fat chipmunk like Permasmile. Stephanie stop you used to have a pretty face this is just so bad. Then you move onto her neck which because of her uber smooth fat face now looks like a saggy foreskin. I had been tempted to have a bit of botox in my forehead but this has acted as a cautionary tale.
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How many out buildings are there? This is sheer lunacy stop buying and have a clear out you daft witch

I am trying to look like a poor vulnerable exhausted girl.
Comments saying they are her ‘you tube mothers!!!,’ and she must not over do it. Do they mean the Botox?
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Totally could have grated it frozen.. not that it would have helped that orange colored dish..

Did you see what was right next to Pee pee. APPLESAUCE! He has to have his jam with everything, even minced slop.

 

[Arfarf]

Trying to play catch up, so is this off topic has been mentioned I apologize.
Just caught up on our Nicolas Fairbottom....and boy should Snorts be J-E-A-L-O-U-S!!!!.. Nicky boy has caught a real sugar daddy and is living the dream! In sumptuous surroundings traveling with his newish man and lapping up the luxury like a cat who ate the canary.

 

[Lochness Monster]

Dear Tattlers if this is the sort of patron that cannot even spell patreon then Fanny will survive for a while longer. Because the dump is in the middle of nowhere the patron is
renting a chateau nearby, I do hope they have time to get some excellent photos of the dump when they drive by , put a drone up…

 

[Jules100]

Apologies for the random question, but surely there must be a parody account on IG for Fanny, her faux friends, & the crumbling Chateau. Or would that get shut down by the humourless.

Chateau Grift on Facebook is hilarious.

*Also, your TL profile name makes a little nervous.

 

[KyBourbon]

Trying to play catch up, so is this off topic has been mentioned I apologize.
Just caught up on our Nicolas Fairbottom....and boy should Snorts be J-E-A-L-O-U-S!!!!.. Nicky boy has caught a real sugar daddy and is living the dream! In sumptuous surroundings traveling with his newish man and lapping up the luxury like a cat who ate the canary.

Yep, that’s how Nicky Foreskin operates. Unfortunately, he’s not getting any younger and once this latest sugar daddy kicks him to the curb, it’ll get harder to play that game. I really despise leeches. In the meantime Nicholas, lay back, point your heels to the ceiling, and think of handbags!

 

[M&MsMom]

Hedda, there's also the unkempt, overgrown, crumbling walls of the moat as one drives in . . .

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and the cans of pesticide in the kitchen, visible from the courtyard.

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If anyone knows what brand pesticide this is, please let me know. I need to make a note because it clearly doesn't work, as the biggest pest, Philip, is walking through the door!

 

[Hedda Hopper]

Whose pillows are on the chair? Where does your pre boyfriend sleep?
The alcohol in that side table…who has that in their bedroom?
Pee pee is covering her ‘ dressing table’ in tat.
Snorts ruins everything.

Darling, it's not a "bedroom" it's a "boudoir". It's a refuge from the madness that plagues the real world. It's where the top shelf alcohol is safely kept from the commoners downstairs. It's where the chatelaine and her poodle boy relax from shopping and traveling. If I had to spend anytime with either one of them, I would need a few good stiff drinks myself!

You can Google bar carts in bedrooms for additional ideas, there are plenty of them! Fanny is certainly not the only one.

 

[M&MsMom]

Thanks for taking us down memory lane, @KiKiGee. It's not often that we get a glimpse of Mummy's cloven feet!

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Oh my God, I've laughed so hard at this - cloven feet! Bwahahahahaha!

 

[Just Grift Wood]

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Pity I don't have Photoshop on my laptop or I'd put an unwashed orange cardigan on it.

Smooth forehead and same eyes it is actually uncanny ha ha

 

[Thebirdandthefrog]

Don’t ask me why, because I don’t have an answer, but I found myself watching Permaslimey latest vlog earlier today, the one they go visit the Shreks and the four of them go brocating… I don’t even follow them but somehow YouTube insists in recommending their videos to me.

Anyway, I noticed with satisfaction a subtle passive aggressive attitude in Permaslimey, as she declared her love for art nouveau style, showed architectural details of the style, stressing it was the style of her chateau and of a big part of the Shreks chateau, like the door he restores, while showing the details of Shreks chateau’s front door and the necklace she picked for the day and all the other art nouveau pieces she bought for her chateau and resell in her shop that day…

It clearly was some type of answer to Fanny telling the world she finds Art Nouveau depressing during her Patreon video of her trip to Belgium. Thanks @tuffiti .

Permaslimey even dressed for the theme of art nouveau with a very art nouveau coat and necklace and was prepared to just do it… avery passive aggressive act in my opinion, but necessary.

 

[Pencil Pine Principessa]

Whose pillows are on the chair? Where does your pre boyfriend sleep?
The alcohol in that side table…who has that in their bedroom?
Pee pee is covering her ‘ dressing table’ in tat.
Snorts ruins everything.

Fanny's bedroom reminds me of my great grandmother's grand boudoir. She passed away at age 101 in the last century, having been born in the 1800's. We would go to visit her when I was a little girl and approach her bed in the same manner as Marie approaches Fanny, bearing little gifts for our queen, the family matriarch. At least she had earned our love and reverence throughout her lifetime and had an excuse to be surrounded by fussy, frilly Victorian excess since it was the style of her youth.

Both Fanny and Phiphi are little old ladies and always have been it seems, surrounded by trinkets and sentimental possessions once owned by deceased family members. Fanny's sickroom one act play hearkens back to novels of old where the tragic heroine is attended by her bedside devotees, awaiting a brave and noble death from a broken heart, a sudden storm, consumption, not wearing a hat or a fall from a horse. This particular melodrama is poorly acted and even more poorly cast with a 50 year old mutton in the role of lamb and a mangey balding wolf pup in the role of her hero.

 

[Tartuffe]

If anyone knows what brand pesticide this is, please let me know. I need to make a note because it clearly doesn't work, as the biggest pest, Philip, is walking through the door!

LOL. They're both Raid. The perfect aerosol to be spraying in a kitchen.

 

[M&MsMom]

Dear Tattlers if this is the sort of patron that cannot even spell patreon then Fanny will survive for a while longer. Because the dump is in the middle of nowhere the patron is
renting a chateau nearby, I do hope they have time to get some excellent photos of the dump when they drive by , put a drone up…

What this 'pateron' really meant when she said "Philip should help Amaury clear out the salon" is "Your boyfriend is a lazy ass".

 

[Jules100]

Darling, it's not a "bedroom" it's a "boudoir". It's a refuge from the madness that plagues the real world. It's where the top shelf alcohol is safely kept from the commoners downstairs. It's where the chatelaine and her poodle boy relax from shopping and traveling. If I had to spend anytime with either one of them, I would need a few good stiff drinks myself!
You can Google bar carts in bedrooms for additional ideas, there are plenty of them! Fanny is certainly not the only one.

Stephanie doesn’t even have a bar cart in there, just plopped everything down on top of a dresser / commode. Always keeping it classy.

Can you imagine walking into your mother’s bedroom, boudoir, bathroom, anyplace that’s not the set of Mad Men, whatever and seeing that much alcohol and not thinking they have a problem?

 

[M&MsMom]

You may have missed my previous post. Permasmile was showing themselves at a Brocante with Shrek and the Sewer. The latter said “Philip is here.” But he was never shown.

Did the shopaholic gay fiancé go brocanting instead of to Dan’s planting party? Did he drop the chatelaine off and pick her up?

O.K.....your post made me watch Permasmile's vlog. So right off the bat, Oh my God, that was brutal to watch....and I couldn't really fast forward with gay abandon because I was looking for where they said Philip was there. Once I found it, I listened to it several times and it's not clear, to me at least, that the "here" meant right then and there.

But I did hear one of them say - Viv I think? - that Philip is really strong. I don't know, but I find that quite hard to believe!

 

[Imperious Me]

I'm picturing my arrival at the dump as a guest and this is my welcome:

• An orange plastic fence.
• A large mysterious dent in the lawn.
• Storage units, always a welcoming site.
• Scaffolding on the chapel.
• Workers vehicles.
• Weed choked gardens.
• Rooms that are off limits due to structural problems.
• Inconsistent and often mysterious food.
• An unleashed hyper little dog (I don't trust most dogs)
• A room with peeling wallpaper and mismatched everything.
• No way to get a decent cup of coffee.
• Boxed wine served in decanters containing lead.

I want my money back!

How will you be arriving? Uber?

 

[newengland]

I'm almost never ill either, and when I am, the last thing I want is company. I do not want food, pampering or anything. Just me, my bed, a bottle of water and some meds (if needed).

Same, with one exception, the only company i want is my sweet little pup. He lays next to me, or puts his head on me, usually sits outside the can, waiting to see if I survived the latest, er.. issue. Thankfully, he doesn’t judge.

 

[C'est moi]

There are huge antique/brocante events held regularly in Montpellier, Bezier, Nimes and Avignon (s coast france). With the two storage containers there is now more room for SJ and PJ to put stuff (who cares about renos), how long before the Porsche is heading that way, using a visit to Tante etc as an excuse.

NOOOOO!

 

[Pencil Pine Principessa]

LOL. They're both Raid. The perfect aerosol to be spraying in a kitchen.

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At the next guest dinner, Marie, describing the main course to the guests..." the grey sous-vide lamb is from the supermarket, the leeks are from the gaahhden and the sauce has just a hint of Raid and lead paint from the kitchen windowsill."
Bon appetit!