The Chateau Diaries #285 Fannys's next scam Buy me a soul and some friends

[FecilitéJ]

I'm obsessing about cassoulet, now! This is how two French chefs make it properly.

I used to make a mean cassoulet back in the day, well I suppose, a UK version as we didn't have all the imports they do these days. My favourite sausage to add was good old Marks and Spencers pork, celery and walnut sausages. They were delicious, I was so so mad when they discontinued them

 

[NotAChatelaine]

Who of you is brave enoug to tell her it’s spelled „an Indian“ and not „a Indian“?

you’ll be our hero.

Far be it from me to rain on her parade!

(This is from past experience. When she launched her freelance floristry enterprise, the website which was littered with mistakes. Very politely and gently, I suggested to MariE that it would look more professional if she used spellcheck: my helpful suggestion didn’t go down well.)

 

[FecilitéJ]

Oh how rude of me ....... Thank you @ComtesseRose for keeping us supplied in shiny new threads and to @OnRepeat for the title. Congratulations on the VIP tiara too

 

[billybudd]

Ah thank you @billybudd for highlighting the culinary delights of the Languedoc. Your menu is beyond mouthwatering.

I would like to suggest the rosé from Chateau Villarembert Julian, Caunes-Minervois. Their vine grow on marble and within the estate is the red marble quarry (le Carrier du Roy) which was used in both Versailles, Trianon and the opera Garnier in Paris. And when in season the cherries and apricots of the Roussillon are second to none.

May I point out that French Catalan - the Pyrenees Oriental, dept., 66 - is not in the Languedoc. It is Roussillon. It is very Spanish in it's architecture, food and lifestyle. In fact many, if not all, inhabitants of the P.O. consider themselves Spanish Catalan. And whilst French Catalan nudges into the Aude it officially doesn't reach Carcassonne, mostly coastal to Leucate (oyster land). Languedoc is Aude, Herault, nudging in to Gard to the east and nudging into Tarn to the north west. The winter dishes are hearty, made to put meat on your bones. While the spring and summer dishes are light and flavoursome - lots of shellfish, sea fish and fresh water fish. I do believe it is still the case that the dept., of Aude still has the most Michelin starred restaurants than any other department in France. The Aude, and to a certain degree the Languedoc, is a very poor (monetary wise) area. The food therefore is of the peasant type (though reinvented by said Michelin starred chefs). A forgotten place. Most foreigners pass through on their way to somewhere else. The romans called it the Carrefour du Sud with Narbonne at it's hub. The land is tough to toil. The soil either thin and sandy or heavy and clay. This is why vines and olives thrive here. The better, more nutritious soil, is in the Lauragais all around Castelnaudary. This is where the grains and pulses are grown and the flour ground. The seams of clay are massive and pottery, tile and brick making was a traditional metier. The people of the Languedoc are short, stocky and hardy built for the terrain and weather. This is rugbyland. Himself and I are positive giants by comparison and we're just average height and build by UK standards, though we appear to have bred a skinny giant!

Just a footnote - due to rising seawater temperatures the oyster trade is suffering in this area. When I could still quaff oysters they were the most delicious, almost sweet oysters I had ever tasted. Sadly, post thyroid, oysters and I no longer have a good relationship and so I no longer quaff. Though I may give steaming and poaching a go.

Thank you, I confess I was surveying some Languedoc-Rouissillon sites. And I got no hits on the appetizing dessert recipes Larousse lists.

 

[C'est moi]

MariE is not dillydallying about over the weekend. No siree. She’s signed up for the Ashburton 2 day Indian Plus course.


View attachment 2702887

Good on ‘er.

Confounding expectations, she really seems to be loving every moment and making a go of buckling down to learning.

Indian Cookery Weekend

On our Indian cookery weekend you will learn the fundamentals of Indian cookery.

ashburtoncookeryschool.co.uk

Yes, I agree. I am almost impressed. She's certainly revelling in what she is doing and doing it well. The content foodwise that she is preparing is, IMHO, far better than that that piano MarIA churned out. Piano MarIA's experimental shithole meals were questionable! I wonder if she was pushing to see how far she could go before Despicable fanny would break. A lot further, so it seems! Anyhoo, MarIE signing up for extra courses and being willing to learn different cuisines is excellent and she seems to be thoroughly enjoying it. It would be a shame for her to return to liarlande to be used, abused and spat out again. I wonder if she has a secret sponser? What with the signing up to extra courses. Can't see haggard fanny spending her hard grifted wonga on MarIE even though she's presently set to benefit.

 

[Lady Avonlea]

Grifting has highlighted the worse of Fanny’s narc traits, but it's just not Fanny's money hungry, dishonest lifestyle that has caused old friends to distance themselves. We never see Fanny taking time out of her trips to meet up with old friends for a drink or dinner. What does Fanny do to stay in touch with old friends - NOTHING! It's all about her and not about them.

Fanny is a transactional phony! Can you mail Fanny a box of her shopping and pretend it's a cadeaux gift. Can you babysit Fanny's shitoo while she's on vacation. Can you come for the weekend, it's going to be a fabulous party plus I've got a costume for you, and it would be wonderful if you would cook your delicious roast dinner on Saturday evening - they'll be 16 of us! People get tired of being used, especially when Fanny is making money off of your efforts by filming it for YT !

Unlike Fanny, most of her old friends have grown-up and now have real lives, real jobs, real families and real responsibilities. They don't have time to travel to the middle no where in Central France to play dress-up and make believe. Even if they are still interested in coming to an annual, silly dress-up party at the dump, they don't want a pink camera stuck in their face filming the entire weekend and then have it posted on YT.

For the first time in her life Fanny had friends at uni and that's where she peaked in life and got stuck! Staying at the dump was fine when they were all young, drunk, silly and stoned. It's not as much fun when you are middle-aged, drunk, silly and not stoned. Her friends standards have gone up a bit, but Fanny doesn't seem to have gotten that message when it comes to entertaining her own guests. Fanny loves 5 star, but she treats her guests like they're still 21 year old students staying in a 1 star, no-tell motel.

Even many new chateau friends, unless they are desperate (ie: the Shreks, Permasmiles) only visit the HMN once, out of politeness, and never return.

Finally, who the hell wants to spend their time hanging out with Snorty? No one with half a brain. Snorty, the closeted gay, pre-pubescent drop-out brings nothing to the table and Fanny's bogus boyfriend shtick has contributed to making her a laughing stock!

 

[billybudd]

Ah thank you @billybudd for highlighting the culinary delights of the Languedoc. Your menu is beyond mouthwatering.

I would like to suggest the rosé from Chateau Villarembert Julian, Caunes-Minervois. Their vine grow on marble and within the estate is the red marble quarry (le Carrier du Roy) which was used in both Versailles, Trianon and the opera Garnier in Paris. And when in season the cherries and apricots of the Roussillon are second to none.

May I point out that French Catalan - the Pyrenees Oriental, dept., 66 - is not in the Languedoc. It is Roussillon. It is very Spanish in it's architecture, food and lifestyle. In fact many, if not all, inhabitants of the P.O. consider themselves Spanish Catalan. And whilst French Catalan nudges into the Aude it officially doesn't reach Carcassonne, mostly coastal to Leucate (oyster land). Languedoc is Aude, Herault, nudging in to Gard to the east and nudging into Tarn to the north west. The winter dishes are hearty, made to put meat on your bones. While the spring and summer dishes are light and flavoursome - lots of shellfish, sea fish and fresh water fish. I do believe it is still the case that the dept., of Aude still has the most Michelin starred restaurants than any other department in France. The Aude, and to a certain degree the Languedoc, is a very poor (monetary wise) area. The food therefore is of the peasant type (though reinvented by said Michelin starred chefs). A forgotten place. Most foreigners pass through on their way to somewhere else. The romans called it the Carrefour du Sud with Narbonne at it's hub. The land is tough to toil. The soil either thin and sandy or heavy and clay. This is why vines and olives thrive here. The better, more nutritious soil, is in the Lauragais all around Castelnaudary. This is where the grains and pulses are grown and the flour ground. The seams of clay are massive and pottery, tile and brick making was a traditional metier. The people of the Languedoc are short, stocky and hardy built for the terrain and weather. This is rugbyland. Himself and I are positive giants by comparison and we're just average height and build by UK standards, though we appear to have bred a skinny giant!

Just a footnote - due to rising seawater temperatures the oyster trade is suffering in this area. When I could still quaff oysters they were the most delicious, almost sweet oysters I had ever tasted. Sadly, post thyroid, oysters and I no longer have a good relationship and so I no longer quaff. Though I may give steaming and poaching a go.

Such an interesting place. Twelfth century France is one of my two happy places (Caribbean, where I came to consciousness, is the other) and I have had the wonderful biography of Ermengarde of Narbonne on my nightstand for a while now. I love to know stuff like soil and crops, because that's the terroir.
I used to have Paula Wolfert's recipe book for south western France, labelled "rustic", a New York food editor's word, and apparently it disappeared in the vortex of book downsizing we recently underwent. I am very interested in stone soup recipes, but Larousse is better on that topic than Wolfert.
ALso the best journalism I ever read about France was based in a holiday place in the Tarn. It's an NYT mag piece by Du Plessix-Gray and I've provided the no paywall link here a couple of times.
Do you have literary recommendations for lovers of Languedoc? What would your fish shack menu be?

 

[Lady Avonlea]

MariE is not dillydallying about over the weekend. No siree. She’s signed up for the Ashburton 2 day Indian Plus course.


View attachment 2702887

Good on ‘er.

Confounding expectations, she really seems to be loving every moment and making a go of buckling down to learning.

Indian Cookery Weekend

On our Indian cookery weekend you will learn the fundamentals of Indian cookery.

ashburtoncookeryschool.co.uk

Good to see Naan on the menu. Those last one Naan FRK made left something to be desired. (can't find the picture, but it was bad)
Homemade Naan Breads
Risen soft Indian bread.

 

[C'est moi]

Thank you, I confess I was surveying some Languedoc-Rouissillon sites. And I got no hits on the appetizing dessert recipes Larousse lists.

This is a gem of a book, Sud de France, The food and cooking of Languedoc by Caroline Conran. I have a sneaking suspicion it may be out of print but I picked this 2nd hand one up off of amazon. It was in pristine condition. Figs, almonds, chestnuts, cherries feature for desserts. Pine nut pastries, chocolate dessert, spiced apples and pears. Cakes and breads using ground almonds, chestnut flour, spices are all popular studded through with candied orange peel, or candied cherries.

 

[JackSpratt]

Grifting has highlighted the worse of Fanny’s narc traits, but it's just not Fanny's money hungry, dishonest lifestyle that has caused old friends to distance themselves. We never see Fanny taking time out of her trips to meet up with old friends for a drink or dinner. What does Fanny do to stay in touch with old friends - NOTHING! It's all about her and not about them.

Fanny is a transactional phony! Can you mail Fanny a box of her shopping and pretend it's a cadeaux gift. Can you babysit Fanny's shitoo while she's on vacation. Can you come for the weekend, it's going to be a fabulous party plus I've got a costume for you, and it would be wonderful if you would cook your delicious roast dinner on Saturday evening - they'll be 16 of us! People get tired of being used, especially when Fanny is making money off of your efforts by filming it for YT !

Unlike Fanny, most of her old friends have grown-up and now have real lives, real jobs, real families and real responsibilities. They don't have time to travel to the middle no where in Central France to play dress-up and make believe. Even if they are still interested in coming to an annual, silly dress-up party at the dump, they don't want a pink camera stuck in their face filming the entire weekend and then have it posted on YT.

For the first time in her life Fanny had friends at uni and that's where she peaked in life and got stuck! Staying at the dump was fine when they were all young, drunk, silly and stoned. It's not as much fun when you are middle-aged, drunk, silly and not stoned. Her friends standards have gone up a bit, but Fanny doesn't seem to have gotten that message when it comes to entertaining her own guests. Fanny loves 5 star, but she treats her guests like they're still 21 year old students staying in a 1 star, no-tell motel.

Even many new chateau friends, unless they are desperate (ie: the Shreks, Permasmiles) only visit the HMN once, out of politeness, and never return.

Finally, who the hell wants to spend their time hanging out with Snorty? No one with half a brain. Snorty, the closeted gay, pre-pubescent drop-out brings nothing to the table and Fanny's bogus boyfriend shtick has contributed to making her a laughing stock!

Got it in one!

 

[billybudd]

This is a gem of a book, Sud de France, The food and cooking of Languedoc by Caroline Conran. I have a sneaking suspicion it may be out of print but I picked this 2nd hand one up off of amazon. It was in pristine condition. Figs, almonds, chestnuts, cherries feature for desserts. Pine nut pastries, chocolate dessert, spiced apples and pears. Cakes and breads using ground almonds, chestnut flour, spices are all popular studded through with candied orange peel, or candied cherries.

See, this is the way I personally like to eat. My ancient FIL used to call it the orangutang diet, fruit and nuts, yes please. I actually made a pecan-pie like French pine nut tart in a special rectangular $50 tart pan once for a 13 desserts table. It was awesome. And citrus zest is practically my favorite food. Wow. Thank you.

 

[Just Grift Wood]

This applies to Fanny-she just hasn't evolved she is actually incredibly boring. I am sick of that Easter charade already after watching for a few years, I am around her age and there is no way I am going to be tearing into chocolate eggs with the same excitement I once reserved for snogging cute boys. They are all faking enjoyment. My friends and I used to eat veggie chilli and get tit faced on cheap plonk now we prefer better food and better wine but still like to chat and drink too much.
the man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.”

― Muhammad Ali

 

[ComtesseRose]

I wonder if she has a secret sponser? What with the signing up to extra courses.

I too would love to know who is paying for the courses. Also, if she's taking some courses, why not all and divisify her abilities - although "jack of all trades, master of none" come to mind, she might get a basic understanding about each aspect of the courses/cuisines.

Another thing; yes the food pictures are stunning, but tutors have prepped her mise en place, an instructor is showing her how to do it. She hasn't had to source her ingredients, it's all there for her, all she has to do is assemble it. As I've said before I'm curious to see when the training wheels come off. Better yet, when she has to adhere to Fanny's budget and buy ingredients in French at the local supermarket I'd doubt she knows how to ask for fifteen filets of sole. Not to mention lack of appliances at Lalande.

Lastly, while the one-day courses sound fun and achievable and relatively low cost (£199), but the curiculum is there in plain black and white. E.g. the one day patisserie course includes choux pastry. I can google how to make choux pastry, I can watch YouTube videos on how to make choux pastry. While Ashburton sounds fun, I'd much rather do the workshops at Le Cordon Bleu, Paris (Yep, I'm elitist), while pricier (Traditional Bread Baking course is €540) the Le Cordon Bleu name just holds a bigger gravitas. I know we make fun of Stuart, but she can whip something out of nothing, and have just landed herself a gig at some Reality TV cooking school.

Rant over.

 

[Pyke]

Hope Marie is learning something and carries it with her. In the cold light of day she will have to knuckle down, be organised and stick to her guns and tell Fanny what she is going to do as Chef in charge of B&B. She will have to work hard for the first time at CHMN and stop thinking she is Fannys friend who happens to cook. If Fanny has any sense she will capitalise on Marie's cooking and make her B&B season vlogs about the food and which plates Snorts can find to serve it on. I cannot see it happening but something needs to change before the wheels completely come off.

 

[C'est moi]

I too would love to know who is paying for the courses. Also, if she's taking some courses, why not all and divisify her abilities - although "jack of all trades, master of none" come to mind, she might get a basic understanding about each aspect of the courses/cuisines.

Another thing; yes the food pictures are stunning, but tutors have prepped her mise en place, an instructor is showing her how to do it. She hasn't had to source her ingredients, it's all there for her, all she has to do is assemble it. As I've said before I'm curious to see when the training wheels come off. Better yet, when she has to adhere to Fanny's budget and buy ingredients in French at the local supermarket I'd doubt she knows how to ask for fifteen filets of sole. Not to mention lack of appliances at Lalande.

Lastly, while the one-day courses sound fun and achievable and relatively low cost (£199), but the curiculum is there in plain black and white. E.g. the one day patisserie course includes choux pastry. I can google how to make choux pastry, I can watch YouTube videos on how to make choux pastry. While Ashburton sounds fun, I'd much rather do the workshops at Le Cordon Bleu, Paris (Yep, I'm elitist), while pricier (Traditional Bread Baking course is €540) the Le Cordon Bleu name just holds a bigger gravitas. I know we make fun of Stuart, but she can whip something out of nothing, and have just landed herself a gig at some Reality TV cooking school.

Rant over.

Tu a raison @ComtesseRose and whilst I'm not a huge fan of MarIE I do want her to do well and discover new skills. Unfortunately her temperament and unwillingness to cut the cord away from liarlande and fanny will always let her down.

Today I have been wondering why MarIE didn't go with Stuart to La Peetch. They appear to have some sort of rapport. I like Stuart. She does what she loves.

As a by the by, my cousine (who sadly died before Christmas) was an old school showbiz wife and after Swiss finishing school went to Le Cordon Bleu to learn to cook and entertain correctly. So I also agree about the cachet of Le Cordon Bleu.

 

[billybudd]

Grifting has highlighted the worse of Fanny’s narc traits, but it's just not Fanny's money hungry, dishonest lifestyle that has caused old friends to distance themselves. We never see Fanny taking time out of her trips to meet up with old friends for a drink or dinner. What does Fanny do to stay in touch with old friends - NOTHING! It's all about her and not about them.

Fanny is a transactional phony! Can you mail Fanny a box of her shopping and pretend it's a cadeaux gift. Can you babysit Fanny's shitoo while she's on vacation. Can you come for the weekend, it's going to be a fabulous party plus I've got a costume for you, and it would be wonderful if you would cook your delicious roast dinner on Saturday evening - they'll be 16 of us! People get tired of being used, especially when Fanny is making money off of your efforts by filming it for YT !

Unlike Fanny, most of her old friends have grown-up and now have real lives, real jobs, real families and real responsibilities. They don't have time to travel to the middle no where in Central France to play dress-up and make believe. Even if they are still interested in coming to an annual, silly dress-up party at the dump, they don't want a pink camera stuck in their face filming the entire weekend and then have it posted on YT.

For the first time in her life Fanny had friends at uni and that's where she peaked in life and got stuck! Staying at the dump was fine when they were all young, drunk, silly and stoned. It's not as much fun when you are middle-aged, drunk, silly and not stoned. Her friends standards have gone up a bit, but Fanny doesn't seem to have gotten that message when it comes to entertaining her own guests. Fanny loves 5 star, but she treats her guests like they're still 21 year old students staying in a 1 star, no-tell motel.

Even many new chateau friends, unless they are desperate (ie: the Shreks, Permasmiles) only visit the HMN once, out of politeness, and never return.

Finally, who the hell wants to spend their time hanging out with Snorty? No one with half a brain. Snorty, the closeted gay, pre-pubescent drop-out brings nothing to the table and Fanny's bogus boyfriend shtick has contributed to making her a laughing stock!

Very well put. Camera and Philip Janssen, whose ignorance, pomposity, gold digging and viciousness are apparent to all.
---

Yes, I agree. I am almost impressed. She's certainly revelling in what she is doing and doing it well. The content foodwise that she is preparing is, IMHO, far better than that that piano MarIA churned out. Piano MarIA's experimental shithole meals were questionable! I wonder if she was pushing to see how far she could go before Despicable fanny would break. A lot further, so it seems! Anyhoo, MarIE signing up for extra courses and being willing to learn different cuisines is excellent and she seems to be thoroughly enjoying it. It would be a shame for her to return to liarlande to be used, abused and spat out again. I wonder if she has a secret sponser? What with the signing up to extra courses. Can't see haggard fanny spending her hard grifted wonga on MarIE even though she's presently set to benefit.

Satirical food designed to humiliate host and pay-through-the-nose guests on Youtube. Black sauce number seven, doofus!
I think this may be a winner.

 

[Madame de Pompanddoodoo]

For anyone who can access BBC iPlayer or the archives I really really really recommend a 6 part series called The Curious House Guest where Jeremy Musson spends the weekend at 6 different stately homes in the UK and Ireland. I have just binged watched the whole series and loved them all. If you can access them watch them you won’t regret it.

 

[billybudd]

I too would love to know who is paying for the courses. Also, if she's taking some courses, why not all and divisify her abilities - although "jack of all trades, master of none" come to mind, she might get a basic understanding about each aspect of the courses/cuisines.

Another thing; yes the food pictures are stunning, but tutors have prepped her mise en place, an instructor is showing her how to do it. She hasn't had to source her ingredients, it's all there for her, all she has to do is assemble it. As I've said before I'm curious to see when the training wheels come off. Better yet, when she has to adhere to Fanny's budget and buy ingredients in French at the local supermarket I'd doubt she knows how to ask for fifteen filets of sole. Not to mention lack of appliances at Lalande.

Lastly, while the one-day courses sound fun and achievable and relatively low cost (£199), but the curiculum is there in plain black and white. E.g. the one day patisserie course includes choux pastry. I can google how to make choux pastry, I can watch YouTube videos on how to make choux pastry. While Ashburton sounds fun, I'd much rather do the workshops at Le Cordon Bleu, Paris (Yep, I'm elitist), while pricier (Traditional Bread Baking course is €540) the Le Cordon Bleu name just holds a bigger gravitas. I know we make fun of Stuart, but she can whip something out of nothing, and have just landed herself a gig at some Reality TV cooking school.

Rant over.

I never went to any kind of culinary school, and did baking not at all. I stood next to the baker, a self-taught former social worker and current gay man, who taught me about the soul of baking just being there.
He was a chemist.
The rest of us qua chefs were screamers. You can fix a broken sauce. But if the cake don't rise, honey, there's gonna be no sugar 2nite.
He was always fiddling with three different kinds of thermometers, trying to figure out the actual temperature in the different ovens and areas of the ovens. Real precision, paired with these sugar plum porn fantasies he dreamt up, literally, at night, were the heart of the lesson. Also mark up. He sold for six dollars (this was a long time ago) what he made for 82 cents. Only the bartenders got more love from the restaurant owners.
There was a real sugar porn aspect to it, which he was right, uh, on top of. People kill for buttercream. Add liquor and they will pay $15 more for a slice while they levitate.
The exec chef could do savory pastry, taught us puff pastry and so on, also strictly chemist/surgery/temp-sensitive work. No lamination, no sugar 2nite, and you've pissed away six pounds of butter. A big nono.
A one-day course makes me laugh. One real culinary school grad I know -- chef, not baker -- can formulate baking recipes and knows how proteins chemicalize -- for example, how yogurt will tenderize the cornbread, if you run out of buttermilk etc. This is the key knowledge, aside from the sugar plum porn markup, and you do not learn it in one day.

 

[Madame de Pompanddoodoo]

Now don’t all rush at once and crash the website but One Hundred Stars have got a sale on. Just saying.

 

[Imperious Me]

Who do we see her holidaying with in the last few months? Her aunt and uncle in Vienna, skanky Cat and Dan in London, PhiPhi's parents fleetingly.........?
Who has she had dinner with outside of the shitshow? That deluded lawyer dude......?
She hasn't been near her new best friends, Permasmile and family, M & M, Amy and Marc......

None of the old friends or hangers on have been around at all except pathetic Pottie at Xmas and Kim.
It seems her old friends and enablers are steering well clear. Way to go Stephanie Jarvis it looks like you have lost friendships due to your money hungry dishonest lifestyle.

See Tattlers, things are changing, it takes a long road and patience.

Edit- she wasn't invited to the girl's night with Nutty and Annelise. She is isolated.

The two puff pugs guys...
---

I'm sorry to be vulgar and graphic, but I just have to! So he pulls on his jeans, adjusts his gear to one side, crams in his phone for extra bulge. Does he wear underpants to get that affect?
If you put that photo on full screen it is nasty. I really can't believe that Pheeph is a sex addict, at least he would be firing blanks after torturing his genitals that way.

If I put the photo on full screen?? WTF.. Why are you doing that?