The Chateau Diaries #236 Tattlers have seen a crotch quiz and tulip-gate, but NO renovations or accounts!

[Jules100]

By all means, come and great your guests and ensure breakfast service meets their needs, but it's completely unacceptable behaviour for a B&B host to stand there stuffing food in their face in front of the guests.

But sadly Fanny's paying guests are under the false impression that they're dear friends all living together in the shitoo and sharing meals & entertainment. These visitors are deluded into believing they're a welcome part of the false live, love, laugh narrative Fanny continues to perpetuate. These guests seem to forget they're paying dearly for the privilege of dining with Fanny & Snorty and sleeping in a unfinished room in a derelict building.

If Fanny bumped into these guests in an airport she probably wouldn't recognize them, and if she did, she'd quickly turn and walk the other way to avoid them. Fanny would be shocked and none to happy to discover they got upgraded too. Even better if they were already travelling first class and Fanny was stuck back in economy!

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I really don’t like how Stephanie tries to make her bnb seem like it’s luxury accommodations. It’s not. I think 100% of the people come because they are cd super fans, not because of its 5 star reputation. They come to be part of the faux happiness and chateau life she craps out. I would imagine they are all disappointed to be kept at arms length and barely tolerated, except maybe for the few minutes of their stay if it suits Stephanie’s needs. I think most of these people would love to be put to work helping out around Lalande. Instead they are nickel and dimed to death. “Culture” shoved down their throats. Would it really impress me that someone would play a few songs on a dusty piano? Maybe it’s nice for a few minutes, but shouldn’t be the highlight of any trip. Is the food any good? Maybe it’s alright sometimes? Maria seems like she tries. I’m sure it’s not better than most restaurants in the area and its more expensive. It’s definitely not clean, no matter how much Steph pretends it is. Is it even safe? Not according to Steph. If one side of my house was possibly going to collapse, I wouldn’t stay in the other side or have paying guests.

 

[witchgrass]

Would love to see my favorite socialist, Maggie Mae Fish, do a little chateau expat deep dive.

 

[Patriciarella]

Snorty never talk about how you hate waste again. You should have recycled all that cardboard.

Instead of learning another language you need to take a coarse on HOW TO FEED A CAT.

Become proficient in log splitting and fire making to keep YOUR chateau warm & safe!

 

[Kalessi]

You can buy those professional floor steamer / scrubbing machines. I thought about getting one for my house, instead of having them out twice a year with my old tile floors. 100% needed at Lalande.

Yes! I did buy one after she cleaned it. But, it needed a good professional clean first. lol Lalande needs to tent the place and disinfect it.

 

[Imperious Me]

Thank you for the new thread @ComtesseRose always on top of it all. Many thanks to you all for being your top comment - I believe that may well be my first.
What another shite show at the HMN?! I don’t understand this rainforest cafe wallpaper fascination - they’re all gross. I’ve not seen one wallpaper that’s remotely pleasant installed there. Another project half finished whilst having guests due the next day!!! SJ clearly doesn’t care about things being half finished - it’s a reflection on herself though. Most of us would wait until we had ALL the components to the room in order to make sure everything fits together. Now she needs new curtains because everything clashes - side note: your whole HMN clashes, maybe you weren’t aware???
SJ was barely working throughout the day on the renovations deciding to film her arborists at work and annoying her cousin. If she’d worked harder she might not have had to stay up throughout the night. Then she had the gall to do another sponsored video making light of the fact she does NOTHING. Laying on the kitchen seating - upholstery must reek to high heaven - whilst now a robot does work she could do in half the time. If I get accused of goading here, Our Lady Dame Fanny Four Flues is the undisputed Empress of goading with her omniscient smile to the camera.
That dreadful Phyllis really needs to go. I’m renaming her Phyllis the Deviant.
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What happened to the attic pink shower room? Is it still condemned?

She wallpapers over everything... it really showed up that nasty 70s shower stall... Never anything of substance but hey, let's wallpaper... stupid, stupid old woman.

 

[Arfarf]

Was that a glimpse of Bubble Girl in yesterday's CD vlog? At the dinner table around 13 minutes in.

Nope, not Bubble girl...but very well could be Bubble girl in twenty years!

 

[Imperious Me]

My last home had tile similar to this in the kitchen area. I don’t think the grout had ever been cleaned plus it had a rough finish that was dark in color. I scrubbed with a toothbrush and tile brush until I couldn’t see straight. It was so bad. I finally hired a woman with a steamer that literally transformed it! The grout and tile were actually a creamy white color when all the dirt and grease were removed. Best $100 ever spent. Princess could probably find a company to clean the whole dump from top to bottom, especially through the B&B season and have money left over for all the crap they buy.

I think we used the wrong grout on our kitchen floor, was for wet areas/pools etc so we thought "great"! But it's weird and attracts the dirt, but I literally get down on my hands and knees every 3-4 months and scrub it with a brush and Oxiclean... last time my son used the hand held nozzle from my tile steamer, got right in and bought it up white... Things need upkeep, she doesn't have a clue... and only pays a cleaner to wash bathrooms and floors it seems. That laundry room was shocking... at the last house mine was under the stairs along with the furnace and water heater, just a concrete box (like hers), but it was clean, tidy and orderly... no excuse with that many hands available...

 

[Arfarf]

Who needs a trip to Little Greene in London when you can shop online. Here are some wallpaper samples for Squirrel Boy's Study Bedroom. So many choices - who knew??? A number have matching fabrics - paaarfact! What's your preference?

1. Kurre Pink Woodland Squirrel Wallpaper
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2. Pink Squirrels - Seamless
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3. Squirrel Mountain
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4. Squirrel and Dove LINEN/IVORY - Sanderson
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5. Squirrel and Dove Teal/Red - Sanderson
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6. ARTHOUSE Ashdown Pheasant Squirrel Wallpaper Sage Green
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7. Autumnal Squirrel
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8. Oak Tree Tails - Washed Demin
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9. SQUIRREL & SUNFLOWER, Angus Red
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10. High Victorian Gothic - Melbury Squirrel Frieze
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11. The Secret Squirrel
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12. Retro Forest Animals
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13. Yellow Squirrel Wallpaper - Picuki
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14. Australia Borastapeter- Charlie (White) Removable
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15. Graham & Brown - Woodland Animals
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16. Spoonflower - Squirrel (with matching fabric)
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No! No! No! Now you have given them ideas!!!!!
But actually some of the first ones are better than the tit Fanny picks out! In fact #10 would look good in the winter salon...if it doesn't fall down first!

 

[Imperious Me]

Snorts looked like a rat grabbing bread off the table and running off to eat it!

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While the guests were seated and eating breakfast, Snorts hovers by the window, in his beanie and jacket, stuffing a croissant in his face. Rude.

Honestly, why go to all the trouble of trying to make the farmhouse look like some weird version of Versailles, buying all the hundreds of pieces of china, crystal, and cutlery, and setting up a “fancy” breakfast if the host is going to dress like he just came from the field. Wearing a hat inside the house. Standing over the guests while eating…I would have felt uncomfortable. I guess everyone was going for a walk after breakfast, so that explains his outfit. But still, Snorts just “plays” as if he’s sophisticated when I don’t think he really has a clue.

They all looked very uncomfortable when she came in with her camera when they were trying to enjoy breakfast... to be honest, that was a measly breakfast, bit of sliced ham from the grocery store, hard boiled eggs and an armload of dough...

 

[OhIDontKnow...]

Snorts looked like a rat grabbing bread off the table and running off to eat it!

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While the guests were seated and eating breakfast, Snorts hovers by the window, in his beanie and jacket, stuffing a croissant in his face. Rude.

Honestly, why go to all the trouble of trying to make the farmhouse look like some weird version of Versailles, buying all the hundreds of pieces of china, crystal, and cutlery, and setting up a “fancy” breakfast if the host is going to dress like he just came from the field. Wearing a hat inside the house. Standing over the guests while eating…I would have felt uncomfortable. I guess everyone was going for a walk after breakfast, so that explains his outfit. But still, Snorts just “plays” as if he’s sophisticated when I don’t think he really has a clue.

Does he realize the beanie makes him look bald and like he’s tattooed his head. Maybe he’s trying to get used to the idea.

 

[M&MsMom]

Should anyone care, this is a NASTURTIUM leaf, not a marigold leaf, as Fanny oohed and aahed over it.

 

[Dragomiroff]

Phiphi fazes out the tartan terror ! That's the only reason he persisted in his job, for all the world to see. Gerry no longer needed.

We know that the Tartan Terror only comes when he’s getting a holiday or he’s on Channel 4’s Chateau DIY. C4 must have pulled the plug on Our Dame Fanny Four Flues - maybe all our emails actually made them have a conscious at the production company?

 

[Imperious Me]

...because Mummy needed a fruit bowl, all these years of living and she's never bought a fruit bowl she liked....
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Should anyone care, this is a NASTURTIUM leaf, not a marigold leaf, as Fanny oohed and aahed over it.

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When you take away the plate-filling leaf, flower and inedible carrot ends, that's a very sparse plate... Maria's cooking is very whimsy... the silly pastry shovel and awful amount of twisted pastry on her baskets the other night... bit of meat and carrots?

 

[Dragomiroff]

You can buy those professional floor steamer / scrubbing machines. I thought about getting one for my house, instead of having them out twice a year with my old tile floors. 100% needed at Lalande.

I’m really anti bleach in household cleaning - it’s bad for pets and goes into the drinking water system. However, in this circumstance the whole HMN needs a thick coating of bleach floor to ceiling to remove the years of grime build up. I dread to think about the state of the toilets. Can I make a confession without judgement? - yeah right this is Tattle Towers - my family, and consequently me, are not a shoes off at the front door policy people. I’m lucky enough to have a fabulous cleaner in every weekday plus I have two dogs so I can’t ask people to take their shoes off when my girls have been pounding the pavements with their paws. Besides, I can’t be dealing with people’s bare feet or socks with holes etc. Keep your shoes on and spare us both the embarrassment - there’s only so long I can withhold a grimace. Come to think of it, when I’m going on hookups or dates I always make sure I have got a nice pair of socks on plus underwear. I once had a moment with a guy who used to run his feet up and down my legs in bed and it instilled terror in me as I could feel his untrimmed toenails catching my leg hair - great face, terrible feet - it was never going to last long. Maybe I’ve got a feet issues?

 

[OhIDontKnow...]

I’m really anti bleach in household cleaning - it’s bad for pets and goes into the drinking water system. However, in this circumstance the whole HMN needs a thick coating of bleach floor to ceiling to remove the years of grime build up. I dread to think about the state of the toilets. Can I make a confession without judgement? - yeah right this is Tattle Towers - my family, and consequently me, are not a shoes off at the front door policy people. I’m lucky enough to have a fabulous cleaner in every weekday plus I have two dogs so I can’t ask people to take their shoes off when my girls have been pounding the pavements with their paws. Besides, I can’t be dealing with people’s bare feet or socks with holes etc. Keep your shoes on and spare us both the embarrassment - there’s only so long I can withhold a grimace. Come to think of it, when I’m going on hookups or dates I always make sure I have got a nice pair of socks on plus underwear. I once had a moment with a guy who used to run his feet up and down my legs in bed and it instilled terror in me as I could feel his untrimmed toenails catching my leg hair - great face, terrible feet - it was never going to last long. Maybe I’ve got a feet issues?

I’m a barefoot all day person. In and out of the house when I’m home. I’ll run down the road barefoot. But I clean my feet all the time as hubs is an always shoes person. Drives me nuts. I’m always cleaning the floor. I can feel anything on the floor. I don’t put dirty feet in my shoes. I don’t put dirty feet in my bed. I would die before I’d go barefoot in the Shittoo. That place is definitely a slippers or shoes kind of place.

In winter I do wear socks, but no dirty socks in shoes and no dirty socks in bed. I think it has to do with wearing four inch heels to work for years and the agony of the feet I experienced every day. I’d kick those suckers off in the car on my way home because my feet would hurt so bad.

 

[Fennelbug]

They all looked very uncomfortable when she came in with her camera when they were trying to enjoy breakfast... to be honest, that was a measly breakfast, bit of sliced ham from the grocery store, hard boiled eggs and an armload of dough...

There were 4 slices of ham before anyone ate! Natti does lay a prettier table tho. Except for the supermarket flowers- those are really bad

 

[Lady Avonlea]

Does he realize the beanie makes him look bald and like he’s tattooed his head. Maybe he’s trying to get used to the idea.

Here's an idea for Snorty. (Article in today's Daily Mail).

Balding man’s incredible reaction after he gets a FRINGE tattooed onto his forehead - then sees himself in the mirror for the first time. Balding Gianluca, 26, from Italy decided to get a fringe tattooed to his forehead
A balding man has tried to salvage his diminishing hairline by getting a fringe tattooed onto his forehead.

Gianluca, 26, from Italy, decided to visit his local tattoo parlour to see if they could help provide a solution for his thinned-out hairline. He finally managed to persuade a tattoo artist to agree to his idea of tattooing fake hair onto his head but when he looked at himself in the mirror, he was left speechless.

 

[Fennelbug]

Does he realize the beanie makes him look bald and like he’s tattooed his head. Maybe he’s trying to get used to the idea.

Squidward

 

[C'est moi]

Who needs a trip to Little Greene in London when you can shop online. Here are some wallpaper samples for Squirrel Boy's Study Bedroom. So many choices - who knew??? A number have matching fabrics - paaarfact! What's your preference?

1. Kurre Pink Woodland Squirrel Wallpaper
View attachment 2133565

2. Pink Squirrels - Seamless
View attachment 2133567

3. Squirrel Mountain
View attachment 2133572

4. Squirrel and Dove LINEN/IVORY - Sanderson
View attachment 2133584

5. Squirrel and Dove Teal/Red - Sanderson
View attachment 2133585

6. ARTHOUSE Ashdown Pheasant Squirrel Wallpaper Sage Green
View attachment 2133586

7. Autumnal Squirrel
View attachment 2133587

8. Oak Tree Tails - Washed Demin
View attachment 2133592

9. SQUIRREL & SUNFLOWER, Angus Red
View attachment 2133649


10. High Victorian Gothic - Melbury Squirrel Frieze
View attachment 2133598

11. The Secret Squirrel
View attachment 2133654

12. Retro Forest Animals
View attachment 2133663

13. Yellow Squirrel Wallpaper - Picuki
View attachment 2133679

14. Australia Borastapeter- Charlie (White) Removable
View attachment 2133688

15. Graham & Brown - Woodland Animals
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16. Spoonflower - Squirrel (with matching fabric)
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Well, if it's for what's-his-face phyll-arse then it certainly has to be door no. 7 Autumnal Squirrel. Phyll-arse does lurve his Autumnal colours

 

[vitanova]

Would love to see my favorite socialist, Maggie Mae Fish, do a little chateau expat deep dive.

she would sure rip them a new one. the case of burned down hotel in mining town sounds very very familiar.