The advice thread for random problems #7

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Google “ers reassurance seeking”. It will tell you why it’s ultimately making the situation worse and methods to try to stop/change that behaviour pattern.

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/...n-Sheet---19---Reassurance-Seeking-Carers.pdf it may also be helpful to show him this.

Omg, I just googled it and I definitely do this and it’s scarily accurate

 

[Darvos]

Thank you there's one about half an hour from where I live I'm due a ikea trip in the new year and my local lake lands is near there

Also try ProCook, online or a shop, and TK Maxx can do really good cookware, but of course what they have in is down to chance.

 

[littlepup]

I’m really unsure about what Christmas card to send to my father from my 10 month old daughter. I’ve sent him dad cards from me and hubby for Father’s Day and his birthday and grandad ones from my daughter. His response to the last grandad card was “not sure about being a grandad”… It’s a long story but he’s only met her once and doesn’t have a relationship with her. His wife - who I used to call mum but I have reverted back to calling her my stepmum - is really bitter that I’ve had a baby and she hasn’t (there’s 25 years difference between them) and both my parents had a horrible reaction to my pregnancy announcement. My dad has lost his spine when it comes to his wife it seems.

Anyway, back to the cards… do I just send him one saying grandad from my daughter and a parents one to them both from hubby and I? Will my stepmum kick off if she’s not included in the grandad card? I overheard her telling my wedding nanny that she “isn’t anything” to my daughter because she’s too old to be a grandma… despite being married to my father for almost 20 years.

Am I overthinking this? My parents are a huge source of trauma for me (I’ve done a lot of EMDR therapy) so I’m trying to protect myself from another Christmas argument (after they made me miss last year’s Christmas dinner with hubby and in-laws). Do I just wait to see what kind of card they send to us first and just reciprocate that?

Just send them one with a nice picture. Get your daughter to scribble inside and leave it at that.
We have good relationships with our parents but don’t mess about with individual cards, that’s if we bother with cards at all!

 

[Snippysnips]

She was under there care, so yes they rang me but surely it's their duty to make so she was okay

Did they know she had swallowed a coin at the time or did they only think she was just sick? Sometimes kids will say they feel sick an nothing else, until they get to a point where they might freak out an finally confess why, which by then you might have already been arriving

An the only time I've known that a school will call an ambulance is in emergency's where they know it's a must an cannot wait for a parent to get there (we had a kid collapse at school an they called the ambulance an told the parents which hospital since they knew the kid would arrive there before they did) so long as the child is still conscious an able to communicate an there's no immediate signs of danger an such then they will just wait for parents to show up

 

[HoGi]

Thanks I was thinking of doing it myself but read that advisors get better rates we cannot see ourselves but I doubt they'd be that much better. I'm with Halifax so think I can do it 4 months in advance to see their rates but might have a look a bit earlier for others since I've read that rates are likely to go up end of year/January and that's when 4months will roughly be

My broker doesn't charge a fee if I refix with the same bank as currently with, but she was able to get a couple of 0.1%'s better rate than just refixing directly with the bank

 

[boatofbubbles]

Im on my last thread here, my brother has a lot of specialised educational needs, he cannot read or write, he is partially deaf which affects his understanding but leads a full a adult life, he works and runs a household etc. But through no fault of his own hes being evicted. Ive tried CAB but because where he lives is a a new build they don't recognise they address, I cant put my address. Im at a loss.

 

[Chocolategoggler]

Premier Inn pillows are the only ones I have ever purchased that haven't flattened after 6 months. They have just started going after 2 and a half years so ill be replacing them but they're very comfortable for me and im a side sleeper x

I went in one with my mum years ago. She always brings her own pillow, but that time I think she'd forgotten it.
She loved their pillows so much she looked at the label and we ended up in Debenhams, as they had them. I think the filling was coiled or twisted if I remember rightly, but it was years ago.

 

[Pesky Tarian]

This is not really a problem but I need help

I’ve been given an early Christmas present, £200 voucher for John Lewis. I don’t shop there particularly often and when I do it’s usually gifts for other people! I need inspiration on what to buy….had a tough year for lots of reasons and money has been tight so I sort of want to treat myself but don’t know to what! So my current thoughts are:

1. Splurge (on…?)
2. Use it to buy Christmas presents and keep the money I’ve saved for Christmas instead
3. Spend it in Waitrose on a fancier food shop?

I’ve just bought nice bedding from elsewhere as that would have been my first thought otherwise….

How about a nice beauty advent calendar and have a little treat every day?.

On a more practical note their curtains are excellent, maybe a pair to match your new bedding?.

 

[Chocolategoggler]

Thanks all for your thoughts. The dangerous bone thing put me off even before I'd read the rest of the replies, so it went in the food bin!

I've been told to stop feeding birds to get rid of rats! I can't not feed them in the winter, but the RSPB are asking people not to currently as there is a virus going around so that is a good excuse to stop for a while.

I know someone who has bird feeders, pond etc and she talks of rats strolling past her conservatory doors. As she has her doors open for most of the day I tend to get nervous in case one has come inside.
I've not long had to deal with my own rat infestation, not helped by the next door neighbour. Sent me nearly deranged through lack of sleep.
Brought back bad memories of living in a flat in a 400 year old building with a rat and being trapped in a room as it whizzed round the perimeter of the room, so I couldn't get out. Someone also told me they're incontinent and I had a clothes rail at the time.

 

[Django]

I have a rather silly question. Before we looked at the use by date on a packet of brown rice, my partner boiled it, and we were going to eat it. Then I happened to notice the use by date - 2014! I asked my partner to disgard the rice, and we used somerhing else.

Would the rice have been ok to eat?

No problem, rice weevils aren't toxic or dangerous. I'd be more concerned about why you have 12 year old packets of rice in your cupboard.

 

[cowtastrophe]

If they are stating it's private ask them for the landowner details, if they can't give them then they are fobbing you off because they can't be assed (which is typical of all councils)

Sorry, but this isn’t true. Not all council departments have access to landowner details and it’s not possible to call every single department to see if they have. Land Registry is the place to get land ownership info but if the land has recently changed hands then it may not be up to date. LR is very behind on updating its records.

 

[bozlem3080]

I need to pluck up the courage to go to a hairdresser, my hair is really thick & frizzy although I straighten it, I've probably only ever been to the hairdressers a handful of times in my life, when I was 10 I went she washed, cut, blow dried my hair & I came out looking like Deidre Barlow (had similar glasses too) full on poodle hair, my uncles ex wife was a hairdresser so she mainly cut my hair in my teens, then her & my mum would sit & smoke/drink afterwards taking the piss out of my hair, I then had my hair done in my late 20's at a hairdressers, I spent the 3 hours (wash, cut, colour, blow dry, straighten) apologising for the state of it because its so thick & frizzy, I last went about 3yrs ago, the hairdresser was so lovely but I just felt so out of place, felt like everyone was staring at me & just uncomfortable, then felt they were probably talking about me afterwards about my awful hair, I suppose I could have a mobile hairdresser in but its the faff of washing my hair myself I can't be arsed with (I can't be arsed at the best of times ) I just trim my own hair/dye it but want something different. Sorry for the long rant.

 

[Django]

I did try a caffeine shampoo a while ago but didn't see much difference but please can you learn to use anD instead of an?

 

[Captainmouse]

I would make sure you record her parents etc as proof

 

[Magwitch]

I beg your pardon?!?!

Apparently it is a thing! Cats hate it and you can buy it online, presumably from zoos!

 

[avabella]

My manager asked me to do something which isn’t so much higher than my pay grade and I’m not paid to assess. Not sure what I should say but I don’t know why I would have to use my time and mental energy figuring something out which I’m not qualified to do. I don’t know why she’s picking my brains but I don’t want to be rude and I have got my own things to get on with.

Could you say something like ‘that’s not something I’ve covered before - can you let me know why it’s been allocated for me to do?’

 

[RocksOff]

I’m worried it might be fraud? I’ve been accused repeatedly and it stays on your file, even when innocent, took months for me to get UC payment due to repeated checks for fraud being done. I’m still paying back money THEY (DWP) overpaid me due to THEIR mistake at 20% of total amount I was allowed with transition protection.

I hope that makes sense!

I'd had a quick look at the Shelter website and you can use inheritance to pay off debts, Have a look
I can appreciate that you are worried about fraud.

 

[Strawberry13]

Question for you all? What have you bought that has enhanced or made your life easier? I have a budget of about €500 and want to buy myself something beneficial to me. I'm a busy working Mum of two autistic preteens. Life has been hard (think fighting for every little thing!) up until the last year of two but we seem to have come through it and finally we have a little extra cash for us.

I haven’t got one but I really want a robot hoover

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Congratulations .

I suppose the question is would you be hurt if he won and didn't tell you? Also where would you hide the bags? .

This is why it was so hard to think what to do! I wpuld be ok if he kept it secret from me. But I do want to share it with him.
I think the first poster had the right idea, I’m going to tell him it was £4k and split that with him

 

[Snippysnips]

i have contacted the council they told me it was private.

If they are stating it's private ask them for the landowner details, if they can't give them then they are fobbing you off because they can't be assed (which is typical of all councils)