The advice thread for random problems #7

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Oo congrats! my gran used to be a gambler and she always said if you won a bit money, tell your partner but tell them less than what you got! For example, I would tell him I won £4K and keep £2K to myself so you can still treat yourself, and be sensible.

That’s a great idea. I’d feel so guilty not saying anything but I also want to splurge on something without feeling I need to “explain” where the money went

 

[littlepup]

If it were the other way around I’d be cautious of fetishisation.

he can’t even look at me when I have natural textured hair.

I not sure I’d keep going on dates with anyone who “can’t even look at me” for any reason.
In this case, possible racial element, possibly only likes how you look one way… nah. Maybe ask but unless you’re mistaken, it doesn’t sound worth your while.

 

[BettyRizzo]

My best friend has forgotten my birthday, again. When I think about it, shes never actually wished me a happy birthday. I want to approach it with her but dont know where to begin

 

[Pesky Tarian]

A colleague has just emailed me to say he’s got a PCN for stopping outside a school. I was with him but not driving, but I’m feeling quite conflicted about it. I asked him to pull over for a specific reason and the area I asked him to pull onto is owned by the organisation we work for. Except unfortunately, he didn’t pull right in and was on a footpath next to the zig zags. I’m minded to offer him half the money as it was me who asked him to pull in. He’s only in his early 20s, on a low salary (mine’s not that much better!) and I know he’s just moved house with his girlfriend. Would others do this? I sort of feel it’s the right thing to do even though I wasn’t driving.

Could you appeal?.

You always read like a nice person and if your morals/internal compass say offer half then do. Good will and reputation go a long way when you're managing people.

 

[cowtastrophe]

If they are stating it's private ask them for the landowner details, if they can't give them then they are fobbing you off because they can't be assed (which is typical of all councils)

Sorry, but this isn’t true. Not all council departments have access to landowner details and it’s not possible to call every single department to see if they have. Land Registry is the place to get land ownership info but if the land has recently changed hands then it may not be up to date. LR is very behind on updating its records.

 

[Pesky Tarian]

I’m not a gambler which is ironic as I’ve won £6,000 yesterday.
I don’t really want to tell anyone. Is it bad to keep it secret even from Mr Lolz? We don’t need the money so I’m thinking I can splurge it without feeling guilty. But if I tell him I’d feel obliged to be more sensible

Congratulations .

I suppose the question is would you be hurt if he won and didn't tell you? Also where would you hide the bags? .

 

[petitspois]

I snore really bad. I’m female, overweight but I do believe it’s genetics too. ANYWAY, I went away with a couple of friends (one of which I’ve never been away with before) earlier in the year. And we warned how bad my snoring is and to bring ear plugs/loops. She didn’t and one night I woke up to her kicking the bed to stop me snoring.
Since then I’ve been really paranoid (even paranoid I’m keeping my housemate away) and really don’t want to go away with anyone because of it.

Maybe i should go to the doctors and look into it a bit more but does anyone have any at home sleeping devices they’ve used that’s helped? Xx

Alcohol makes it much worse, as does sleeping on your back. It could be sleep apnea so you should probably check with your GP. I’ve seen mouth taping mentioned but that could also potentially be harmful. I find sleeping on my side kind of curled up with my head down a little really helps.

 

[Pesky Tarian]

Question for you all? What have you bought that has enhanced or made your life easier? I have a budget of about €500 and want to buy myself something beneficial to me. I'm a busy working Mum of two autistic preteens. Life has been hard (think fighting for every little thing!) up until the last year of two but we seem to have come through it and finally we have a little extra cash for us.

I have only recently discovered the joy of a cordless hoover. It was my least favourite task now I whiz through the house in no time. If we're talking gadgets I love my Ninja grill and smoker, we like to eat outside and it saves the faff with coals/firelighters, turn it on and it's hot in minutes and a doddle to clean.

Also please get something nice for yourself, few months subscription to something you love?. Mums deserve treats .

 

[Ray1403]

Am I reading this right? Your brother books a weekend away, a year in advance. So now your whole family can't go celebrate your dad's birthday on his birthday. But you can all go on another weekend, which is not his birthday and on a bank holiday so everything is more expensive

So your one brother is okay with derailing at least 3 things (birthday, weekend, money) for at least 3 other people. And you're seriously thinking about giving in. Okay doormat, let's not celebrate dad's birthday on his actual birthday but on a more expensive bank weekend just because either your brother doesn't think his dad's birthday is important enough to skip the other thing or the golden child never learned to compromise because *checks notes* his sister is actually thinking about giving in with her mom, dad, time and money a year in advance

Babe, be more like your brother and make yourself a priority

i really don’t see what the issue is with celebrating it a week early or late? i agree with you, make yourself a priority. but i don’t think this is that big a deal. as long as he’s seen by family on his birthday why does it matter if the weekend away isn’t on that day?

 

[avabella]

A relative died and left me money. Ive debts I must use it to pay, hence them leaving it to me, e.g. landlord/credit cards/energy/money towards being evicted. It’s for £7,500. I cant get any advice before March and honestly I don’t trust them as they set up my UC and stole from me, handing my claim around the office and allowing strangers to attend jobcentre “on my behalf”, police wouldn’t help as they had a consent form signed by me saying they could contact anyone, I just didn’t know that meant anyone, including volunteers of the organisation could claim to be me. The transition to UC I trusted them with they screwed up And I cannot access my account because it was set up by them.

I am banned from jobcentre because they triggered PTSD attack, and find dealing with me “too upsetting”.

I don’t know what to do, yes I’ve only just been formally contacted, at gone midnight.. everything is closed tomorrow due to weather.

Ive no gp, no social worker, no one now.

The money can’t go to anywhere else except my main account and it’ll all be taken immediately for debt, and end my small amount of ESA (CB) around and UC (I get around £300 a month for everything). I can’t stop it being taken. I’m being taken to court for non payment of debt and have fines for not paying, because the apps don’t work and the helplines are AI. I feel awful now for even telling.

Im going to end up with nothing at all and I’m terrified.

Would the money pay off the amount of debt you owe? I'm confused what it is that is the main concern - it seems like this money would actually be hugely beneficial to you?

 

[petitspois]

How do people handle stress? I feel stressed with work, I feel stressed with my family (family drama ), I feel stressed with the state of the world! I am stressed!! I’ve never been stoned but I’m tempted to get stoned to chill out!

And I go see a therapist now and again but I don’t think talking will help!

I try not to get involved in drama and make a conscious effort to step back as most things are other people’s doing and other people trying to get me to either take their side or do their bidding. I also stopped looking at the news apart from a quick scan which really helped.
Work stress is hard though…

 

[littlepup]

No they were reviews from people who work them for work. Probably selling them to the shoe fetish people who like dirty used smelly shoes

Do people do this?! I’ve got so many pairs of heels I have finally admitted I’ll never wear again - I must be sitting on a gold mine!

 

[ReginaPhalange3]

I have second guessed this a lot but I just think it's rude allowing an animal to pee and poo on someone's land - the pee kills the grass too. I'm patient and understanding to the fact it cant be prevented sometimes but this has been happening at least once a day for months. The poo yesterday has tipped me over the edge. I am very house proud but we've put blood, sweat and tears into this reno. I am going to have a friendly chat with her about it and test the lion poo which has really intrigued me!

Just have a chat with her. It never occurs to me that my dogs can’t pee on a bit of grass.

 

[Captainmouse]

I don’t know if boots would have too much fabric but leather or suede shoes can be gently heated with a hair dryer then pulled and stretched in a kind of massage like way, heating again and wearing with thick socks. It really helps.

When I worked in a shoe shop decades ago, we used a kettle and a broom handle

 

[Serene Serena]

Another vote for AO, they will deliver and install as part of the service.

 

[Ray1403]

Don’t go. Arrange something nice to do with your dad in the run up to Christmas instead.

i see him every week anyway so i'll be seeing him on monday regardless

 

[chickhicks86]

Is out of date sudocreme ok to use if it smells and looks ok?

I would!

 

[littlepup]

my partner was really looking forward to christmas being the 3 of us (me, him, our toddler) but i found out my brother & his wife are working christmas day (emergency services) so my dad would be on his own (mum died 17 years ago). obviously i don’t want my dad to be alone but i keep burying my head in the sand and not talking to my OH about it because he was looking forward to having christmas at home this year (dad’s an hour away and disabled) and i keep overthinking the scenario in my head and burying my head in the sand and now it’s getting closer and closer i’m panicking because i can’t please everybody.
aaand breathe.

Maybe have a word with Dad and see how he feels about it. He may not want the faff and be ok to wait until after/before Xmas?
Can he do FaceTime? Perhaps you could send him in a meal and FaceTime together or some other compromise? Maybe find a service that will collect him and take him to a group meal?

 

[chickhicks86]

Ok am I being a miserable cow? I don’t have children and I’m not maternal so I am entirely open to accepting that this is all just me.

I live in an apartment complex. My apartment is above a kind of open area. It’s just an intersection of pathways really. Every wkend, all day long, kids are playing there, bouncing balls and laughing and shouting at eachother.

I keep my windows open because I’m perimenopausal and dying of the heat constantly. The sound from outside goes absolutely through me. All I want to do is sit in my living room and read my book in peace.

I understand that I can expect a child free life but not a child free world. There are no back gardens for these kids to play. They have a right to be outside. But my ears.

Honestly, I am a parent, but the sound of other people's kids goes through me! Especially when they make no effort to keep their kids quiet when it goes beyond the usual happy playing noises. Mine are older now, but when they were little I could mostly tune their noise out. You shouldn't have to - but would something like Loop earbuds help? Just enough to take the edge off. I have some for going to gigs, but sometimes I use them at home when my husband's stupid speakers annoy me.

You have just as much right to peace, as the kids do to play!

 

[Former_Antelopee]

Id probably do something like book a holiday with it for both of you say I won some money booked us a trip and I've bought myself a handbag (or whatever you want to buy) to take away with me