The advice thread for random problems #7

[Former_Antelopee]

I guess it all depends if the reviews you are reading are from runners who like to retire their shoes after X amount of miles when they're supposed to be no good for running any more. Mine become dog walking shoes / general trainers once they're no good for running - I literally wearing them through to the next layer of sole before I give up on them! Having said that, some I see for sale on Vinted look absolutely trashed with massive holes in the upper (why are you selling them not putting them in the bin?) whereas mine never look like that even when the soles are dead.

No they were reviews from people who work them for work. Probably selling them to the shoe fetish people who like dirty used smelly shoes

 

[Snippysnips]

I need to pluck up the courage to go to a hairdresser, my hair is really thick & frizzy although I straighten it, I've probably only ever been to the hairdressers a handful of times in my life, when I was 10 I went she washed, cut, blow dried my hair & I came out looking like Deidre Barlow (had similar glasses too) full on poodle hair, my uncles ex wife was a hairdresser so she mainly cut my hair in my teens, then her & my mum would sit & smoke/drink afterwards taking the piss out of my hair, I then had my hair done in my late 20's at a hairdressers, I spent the 3 hours (wash, cut, colour, blow dry, straighten) apologising for the state of it because its so thick & frizzy, I last went about 3yrs ago, the hairdresser was so lovely but I just felt so out of place, felt like everyone was staring at me & just uncomfortable, then felt they were probably talking about me afterwards about my awful hair, I suppose I could have a mobile hairdresser in but its the faff of washing my hair myself I can't be arsed with (I can't be arsed at the best of times ) I just trim my own hair/dye it but want something different. Sorry for the long rant.

You could ask if the mobile hairdresser will wash it for you, most of them will, I sometimes get them when my anxiety flares up an can't get to the hairdressers, she's really good, gives me the same service as if I was at the hairdresser's an will wash an dry it, even dye it etc, she also lets me know the quiet times at her place too so that when am feeling ok I can go in when there's little to no one there, I know they aren't all the same but mine has like a little bit up the back that's sorta hidden from the front so she takes me to the back an anyone else thats in is down the front

Maybe you could ask what the quiet times so that no one is really in since you are nervous about it, most of them are really nice at helping you out

 

[chickhicks86]

If you specifically booked a room with 'x x room with balcony' would you be happy with a Juliette balcony? Or would you expect one you can walk onto? The description of the room says - Balcony or terrace

Proper balcony! Otherwise it's basically just a door with a barrier in front really.

 

[littlepup]

It’s interesting to me and I found out I’m half Portuguese! Had no idea.

I’m quite dark skinned considering what we knew of my heritage so always thought there could be something interesting there. Nope, I am as white British, apparently northern, as it gets The most interesting it gets is some Italian and Norwegian 8 or so generations ago, it was rather disappointing tbh.

We did know my parent had a half sister they’d never met overseas and they’ve come up along with their child and grandchild. No contact has been made but it’s interesting to have found them on Facebook and see faces that share family resemblances. Apart from that it’s fun to see how genetics affects a bunch of silly things like how likely you are to have had hair at birth or if it bleaches in the sun.
I personally wouldn’t want the serious health information though - how likely you are to get cancer or whatever it tells you - not from a service like these.

 

[Carapop]

Would taken these eventually help if they are in the system?

I actually feel fine when am up an dressed, don't feel the tiredness or the strong want to stay in bed, it only seems to happen when I first wake up despite the fact am naturally waking in the first place

This may be controversial but I find keeping the curtains open actually make it easier for me to get up in the morning. Waking to darkness makes me want to stay comfy and cosy. Waking to a bright light room is a little more invigorating or something?

 

[Magwitch]

Got a custom built pc, it's starting to get a bit dusty inside, is there a safe way to clean it, or is it fine to just open up an wipe down with a microfibre cloth? Don't want to damage anything

I wouldn’t use a cloth. It’s quite easy to knock something out of place. I use a can of compressed air, which you can buy on Amazon. You can then just blow the dust out. There are lots of videos online showing you how to do it.

 

[Former_Antelopee]

Are you still with us?

Yes and I feel fine

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Tattlers, is this dress suitable for a wedding? We’ve been invited to the actual ceremony and it’s the week between christmas and new year. Everything in the shops is sparkly and I can’t find anything I love except for this one dress! I was however set on having a midi/maxi with it being winter. Is it acceptable?

View attachment 3768196View attachment 3768197

It’s gorgeous and perfect for a winter wedding.

 

[Serene Serena]

They have the correct item I’ve returned but they also have a very expensive box of electrical bits belonging to my partner Royal Mail picked up in error as a return, it’s that very are refusing to return

Oh fucking hell, that’s terrible. So not Very’s property - they have no right not to return it promptly. What have Royal Mail said, apart from failing to intercept the parcel? Time to get really angry and contact higher management for both companies.

 

[chickhicks86]

Thanks, to help out, it's therapy am in so we see clients for all issues, ED being one, which is why I am so hesitant about this, I just feel like weight for a lot of people can be such a sensitive subject, an there's nothing going to be in this to break it up, it literally is just telling people to "slim down for the party season" an focuses solely on that

Oh gosh yes in that case I don't think it's appropriate! Is it the kind of thing that you'd be able to find if you went onto your company website? I think it would probably be fine if it was to advertise it to potential new clients, but for current ones already using your services for whatever reason I think it needs to be very delicately done or not at all.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I’m gonna try really hard not to doxx myself here…

Someone I know has been joking to a group of us about some wildlife cruelty they recently did. So cruel it ended the animal’s life. They seemed to think we’d all laugh and joke with them about it but very quickly started changing the story to say “for legal reasons” xyz happened and now they’re trying to say they were joking and it never happened after all. The thing is, they gave so many details that there’s no chance it didn’t happen.

Should I report it to the police? I want to remain anonymous so the animal welfare contact is not an option. I’m aware that a fine can be involved but also a prison sentence. I don’t think this person should get away with what they’ve done but I think the guilt of a potential prison sentence would weigh heavily on me.

Report it and distance yourself from this person

 

[littlepup]

This is a difficult problem for me to try and articulate so please forgive me for any fumbles in wording!

Myself and my friends are all at the life stage of preparing to have kids, pregnancy, or already having small children. Personally, I have not yet had children but I am not putting pressure on myself.

One of my friends desperately wants to be pregnant. She is putting a lot of pressure on herself and is actively getting upset each month when her period arrives. She has every tracker and guidebook under the sun. Her and her partner have been trying for 6 months. Every time she sees a pregnancy announcement on Instagram, she is upset. Every time anyone mentions anything baby related, she is upset. I have avoided talking about my other friend who is currently pregnant so as not to upset her further. I don't dodge the topic if directly asked, but I also don't bring it up. Some of her other friends however, seem to be taking advantage and using her as a babysitting service. Almost every weekend she is out with her partner and someone else's baby having a day out. She is elated on those days and extremely depressed in the 2-3 days that follow.

I can't help but now start to feel extremely anxious talking to her. I love her to pieces but I don't know what to say anymore that doesn't somehow go back to children and her feeling like she's failed by not getting pregnant so fast. I also don't want to belittle her stress either as I can't even imagine how she feels but I do think the obsession and pressure is not going to be helping her actually conceive?

I just don't know what to do really to either help her or feel less anxious about fucking up in conversation by accidentally offending her.

If anyone does have a miracle answer, please do let me know but even actually expressing that helps a little thanks

This is bizarre behaviour and she needs therapy given the short amount of time she’s tried vs the obsessive behaviour but in general when someone is TTC, bottom like is there’s nothing you can say or do. I don’t suggest the “it’ll happen one day so enjoy life now” route. It’s kinda like saying when someone is mourning “everyone will die someday so it’s no big deal, just enjoy yourself”, she just can’t enjoy life right now. It’s not something you can switch off or see the positives of when you’re in as deep as she is. TTC, It’s like being hungry - you never feel satisfied and all you can think of is food and that craving for it. The longer it goes on, the hungrier you get. Saying “you’ll eat eventually, not sure when, hopefully” isn’t helpful

Specific to her -
There’s a TTC thread on here, I was part of it.
With the exception of the babysitting it’s not uncommon after trying for a long time. I wonder if she’s a suggestible person?

Don’t tell her she’s being taken advantage of as a baby sitter, which is also likely fuelling her fire too because it’s hardly taking her mind off the issue. From what you’ve said she probably won’t see it. You could perhaps gently suggest that while she enjoys it she’s also torturing herself and it can’t be good for her mental health but don’t outright tell her to stop and do something else. (It’s a bit odd that her OH is enabling her with this).

Maybe ask her what she wants from you, explain that you know this is an enormous issue and you want to support her but you don’t know how. You’re not about to enable her if she’s being extreme but let her say what she wants outright. If it’s not something you can do, tell her that once you have all the information. But again, don’t try to make her see sense, she’s past that if she’s behaving like this after only trying for 6 months and has read anything at all on the subject.

 

[T-time]

Aw thank you for your quick reply. I have no idea? My husband and daughter joke that I am autistic because I remember things in great detail and I am quite averse to change and a bit controlling about the way things are done but what about all those other feelings I mention, is that a neurodiverse thing? And if it is something like autism, what can I actually do about it?

You can read up on "autistic burnout". It's a burnout that you get from doing to much. Things like living in an environment that's not made for how your brain works or having no energy left after pretending to fit in (masking) all day

But if that's not it, my first go to is always a multivitamine. There are so many people perking up from taking those at the end of winter

 

[Chocolategoggler]

I’ve started having sharp pains in my neck back and right arm which I’m constantly using clicking with the mouse at work. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong maybe I’m sitting wrong, I don’t see anyone else at work with back and neck and arm pain from working/sitting and typing even if they’re slouched in their chair. I actually try to sit up straight but I do have so much tension. I find myself having to stretch my neck and back every 10 minutes or so and adjust myself and I really don’t know what to do or ask my doctor if it’s my job to sit at a desk all day. My chest hurts too

Your screen might not be high enough. You can also get aids from your employer to make you more comfortable e.g. chair, foot rest, arm and wrist supports etc.
They should be doing checks to make sure there isn't a problem.
I remember being told my thighs should look like they're sloping down a bit.
Basically sounds like you need an assessment which your line manager can organise.

 

[Magwitch]

Super Muslim 5 Piece Tableware Set

Make meal times fun with our 5 piece Islamic tableware sets! Each set comes beautifully packed in a gift box. Set includes: - 1x Sectioned plate - 1x bowl - 1x cup - 1x spoon - 1x fork - Packaged in a Gift Box Specifications: - 100% Melamine - Shatterproof - Anti slip back - Dishwasher safe -...

www.salamoccasions.com

I am buying a gift for a friend in works baby grandson. Would this be offensive or funny gift? It’s a Muslim family. I just thought it was really cute and funny for the baby.
Thank you for any opinions.

I’ll be honest, I think it’s a bit weird, and some people are very sensitive about religious matters. I wouldn’t buy this.

 

[Snippysnips]

I'm all for petty reporting but I'd need to know why I'd be reporting him first!

I have a lamb bone left over from Sunday. I can't bear putting it on the food bin when it could feed some hungry foxes. But I don't want the foxes to crap all round my house like they did when they got into my food bin last time and I know you're not supposed to encourage them. Plus I think I have rats living under my decking (one came up the neighbour's loo while he was sitting on it) and I really don't want to encourage them either. What should I do?

If it's been cooked then don't give it to foxes, the bone is more brittle an can break easily which could be a choking hazard an you wouldn't be able to help if they do start getting bits lodged in their throats

 

[Stressed]

Is there an way i can email my 6 years school without sounding like a grade A *head?
I changed my daughter's surname in the midst of applying for primary schools, so on the original forms she still had dad's surname. Once she got into the primary school she had my surname (by legal deed poll), so on all her school forms/books she has new surname. She only knows herself as new surname. The school uses an app for everyday updates but this was registered under her old surname. Daughter likes to see "her points" on the app which causes questions on " why I am x previous surname?" Which is too complicated to explain due to her age. How can I politely ask that the new surname is changed on the app? Dad died by suicide, daughter is aware of dad's first name but not surname as he wasn't the best person so id like her to learn the best of him (i do this for her, not him) as, if she was to google his full name then not great stories would come up (she wouldnt do this at this age but the longer I can keep her "innocent" i feel would be better for her) So how do I ask this is changed if possible? Without sounding like an AI bot?

You'll need to take the change of name document in to show them and they will change it.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Google “ers reassurance seeking”. It will tell you why it’s ultimately making the situation worse and methods to try to stop/change that behaviour pattern.

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/...n-Sheet---19---Reassurance-Seeking-Carers.pdf it may also be helpful to show him this.

Omg, I just googled it and I definitely do this and it’s scarily accurate

 

[Darvos]

Thank you there's one about half an hour from where I live I'm due a ikea trip in the new year and my local lake lands is near there

Also try ProCook, online or a shop, and TK Maxx can do really good cookware, but of course what they have in is down to chance.

 

[littlepup]

I’m really unsure about what Christmas card to send to my father from my 10 month old daughter. I’ve sent him dad cards from me and hubby for Father’s Day and his birthday and grandad ones from my daughter. His response to the last grandad card was “not sure about being a grandad”… It’s a long story but he’s only met her once and doesn’t have a relationship with her. His wife - who I used to call mum but I have reverted back to calling her my stepmum - is really bitter that I’ve had a baby and she hasn’t (there’s 25 years difference between them) and both my parents had a horrible reaction to my pregnancy announcement. My dad has lost his spine when it comes to his wife it seems.

Anyway, back to the cards… do I just send him one saying grandad from my daughter and a parents one to them both from hubby and I? Will my stepmum kick off if she’s not included in the grandad card? I overheard her telling my wedding nanny that she “isn’t anything” to my daughter because she’s too old to be a grandma… despite being married to my father for almost 20 years.

Am I overthinking this? My parents are a huge source of trauma for me (I’ve done a lot of EMDR therapy) so I’m trying to protect myself from another Christmas argument (after they made me miss last year’s Christmas dinner with hubby and in-laws). Do I just wait to see what kind of card they send to us first and just reciprocate that?

Just send them one with a nice picture. Get your daughter to scribble inside and leave it at that.
We have good relationships with our parents but don’t mess about with individual cards, that’s if we bother with cards at all!