The advice thread for random problems #6

[Former_Antelopee]

It sucks doesn't it! I’m on Fexofenadine which used to be good but now they aren’t working at all! Just hitting dead ends as they want me to see the gp but I CAN’T actually see the gp! Phoned again this morning and said i really NEED an appointment but she just said they were full and told me again to get E-consult which I’ve already done. I’m just desperate now as it makes you feel so wooly headed and tired! I took another dose of my Fexofenadine this morning as I was desperate but it’s just not doing anything.
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I just feel crappy as I know it’s a rubbish time of year for the gp’s and it doesn’t really need an in person appointment! I know what I’m allergic to, the pills before worked fine without any bother so really it could just be a phone consult to either increase the dose or change the pills. Phoned again this morning and just got told to e-consult again, nightmare!

Hopefully they'll get back to you on the e-consult soon I have used it the last few times and it's always been good

 

[HelloStereo]

When you're away with friends is it unreasonable to expect to actually do stuff with them? I've just had several shitty messages from a "friend" because I was away with them over the weekend and expected to do things with them? I don't want to wander around a strange city by myself. Hardly anyone told me where they were going or what they were doing

I've been away with a few friends in the past and we did everything together. Usually we planned what we wanted to do beforehand though. If there was something i wanted to do that they didn't or vice versa we'd either compromise by doing that thing alone or fitting in something the other person wanted to do.

What were the shitty messages? Was it that they wanted alone time or that you wanted to visit things they didnt want to spend time / money on?

 

[littlepup]

Has anyone ever had extreme fatigue out of no where? I get at least 8 hours of sleep but I’m constantly yawning feel drowsy and eyes closing .i don’t even like coffee but having to have it just to keep my eyes open, it doesn’t help that much and im still tired. Thinking of seeing the doctor about it as it’s starting to affect my daily life

As others have said, low iron can do this but there are other deficiencies too, like B12. A blood test would be your first port of call.

 

[cowtastrophe]

Anyone recommend a really good set of knives, needing to replace mine, tried to cut the chicken thighs today an it was like using a blunt spoon on them, so needing a nice sharp set that will cut through anything, thanks

Depends how much you want to spend. We have Global knives which are £££ but really good. We’ve had them for years but we look after them, I.e. don’t put them in the dishwasher, clean them after every use, sharpen them properly etc.

 

[cowtastrophe]

Random problem - I am being cyber stalked by someone or maybe even a group of people

Across social media platforms or via email? What are they actually doing and do you know why? Not asking to be nosy but to try and determine what you can do to prevent it. Obviously, blocking, name changing, profil pic changing etc.

If it’s via email, you could set up another account then create rules using keywords in your current email to forward messages you do want and file ones you don’t want but so you don’t have to see them. I would also report it to the police and keep records of what is being done and by whom.

 

[Snippysnips]

It's called digital wellbeing tools, I have a Sony phone but I would think most of the newer android phones would have the same. There are plenty apps like that though if you don't have it. Actually the 'Block' app I mentioned does that too and pretty sure you can set up time limits for each app specifically

Thanks I'll take a look at them, they could maybe help me also be a bit organised as well

 

[Snippysnips]

Can't you just close your blinds or curtains at night time

Yeh but I really don't see why I can't enjoy having my blinds open, I work till 8pm in a office so already spend all my time no windows, an I live with a nature reserve so it's nice to see the wildlife by the window like foxes

Could you install a security light that isn’t just triggered by sensors and point it towards their car. One comes up with a remote control if you google them. When he’s in the car switch it on so it’s blinding him back. If he says anything just fakely apologise and say you didn’t realise it was so sensitive it must be him being in the car so long. I’m petty though

That's not a bad idea, the torch shining back at them would be rather obvious, I'll see if I can get a remote control sensor light, with the house design it wouldn't look out of place either so I could pull that off

 

[petitspois]

Thanks @Snippysnips and @Codiaeum!

She is in therapy, has been for a while now and the antidepressants were on the recommendation from her therapist.

The flat is indeed available to her, and she can move back any time. There's multiple issues with it aside from the bad memories, all of which are totally solvable, but she's blocking every avenue.

She works from home so she's in a dark flat all day. Since it's street level she's got the curtains closed all day which makes it even worse. She doesn't want to spend the money on office space since her business is not bringing in enough money to break even. Understandable on one hand, but on the other, it's actively making her feel worse and is contributing to her business declining.

The flat also needs a bit of money to do maintenance and it could use a fresh coat of paint. 2 to 3 k for everything if she does the low level things herself. I offered my considerable experience as I've done lots of renovations on my house myself and I'm more than capable of helping her. She doesn't want to spend the money though. Same excuse as above.

I'm saying excuse because all of us siblings got an inheritance (very high 5 figures) for the same amount, and while I put mine into the down payment for my house, hers is in a savings account. She can stay indefinitely at our mother's flat at cost, so she's sitting on a pile of money. She is easily able to cover 2 to 3 k for repairs, she just doesn't want to spend it. And I get that to some extent, it's her fallback for when she earns less than she needs (also part of the crisis, btw, that she's put in a ton of work but it seems like her business is never going to be profitable). But her solution is to ignore the problem and stay at my place, which yeah, depression, sure, but I'm basically compensating for her ostrich tactics.



I did try that, and all it did was causing her to break down further and put her under pressure. But yeah, I will be putting down a clear timeline myself since she's unable to. She needs to move out next month, and if she wants to do some work on the flat beforehand, she has to be the one to initiate it. Doesn't mean she needs to do everything herself, but I want her to decide to do it. I need some kind of commitment to it otherwise it will turn into a "you forced me to do it" situation.
I also need her to contribute something in the next month - not sure what consequences I can give an adult other than kicking her out early, but yeah. She needs to take responsibility and contribute.

Well she can at least stump up some cash to help cover her costs. I know this isn't probably what you should say but nothing will suddenly feel better until she makes some changes and a large responsibility for that change has to be on her. Can she get a part time job out of the house from Sept so she gets a change of scene, some income and some contact with the outside world perhaps? she has to at least get out for a short walk and take a shower every day. It's so easy for your problems to consume you when you have no perspective but she really is lucky to have her health, you and some cash behind her. I know that's not really helpful...

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Both in our late 30s, I don’t want a wedding right now, but a commitment would be nice. I’d already wasted 10 years of my life with an ex who said he’d marry me then fucked off with a 20 year old. Just getting a bit fed up of it all now, seeing folk who’ve got in relationships after us who are now married or getting married

Is it commitment or marriage you want? I’m not married but we’ve been together 20 years.
Neither of us want to get married.
If it’s definitely marriage then you need to have a serious conversation with him.

 

[qqwertyy]

Does anyone know if handyman companies like Task Rabbit would be able to build a bike for me, or is it just general DIY stuff? Or if there are any other companies that would definitely do it?

 

[cowtastrophe]

It probably goes without saying that the 2 hr call back I was promised by 111 never happened.

The next GP appointment is 27 June so I guess I’ll muddle along till then. At least it’s not something urgent.

 

[BearOnChair]

We don't have a ring door bell either, they just leave it leaning against the door.
Pretty poor service really, I don't know why they keep using them tbh. They must never actually get prime timings off them because our house us like a 24hours hold on their orders.

 

[petitspois]

Advice re paying off a mortgage please. I always thought that you paid a solicitor or your bank to hold the deeds one settled. However I have been told that as it's all electronic now it sits with the land registry free of charge?. This seems too convenient to be true! Or is my way of thinking out dated?

yes, that's what's happened with mine. I just kept the letter that said it was paid off. My parents had their deeds in a safe at home so no need to pay a solicitor either way.

 

[Snippysnips]

What I’m about to ask is probably really trivial but it’s really starting to get to me. How do you tell someone you don’t like someone without looking like a bad person? My friend has this friend who I find really difficult to be around because I find she’s one of those that negs you, keeps her back to me, talks over me when we’re out. She met my friend through work and I’ve known my friend from when we were really young. I don’t really like this girl who is friends with my friend and she’s now been invited to something we were doing together with two of our other friends and to be honest it’s really taken the shine off it for me. I’m worried I’m going to come out looking like the bad guy when really I’m trying to protect my own mental health by keeping my distance/not wanting her there cause she doesn’t make me feel good about myself given the way she presents herself and treats me (as I’ve displayed with the behaviour above).

I’ve never had to do this before or when I’ve found myself in a similar situation I’ve been able to let it run off me like water off a ducks back but now I’m older quite frankly sick of being a people pleaser and making myself feel like shit in the process

I'd just be honest an say that you feel you both clash a bit and aren't getting on, that you will be civil if she is invited to things but you'd prefer just seeing your friend alone

If your friend is a good friend then they should understand, just because they get on with her doesn't mean everyone else will an these things happen

 

[Snippysnips]

The original has moved to the Netherlands so way too far .

New lady has been doing it for a few years, I suspect she’s not done the gel thick enough. I’ve never had this before so I know it’s not the gel product. Sadly (in the south) a plain biab colour set is £35-50. Add on nail art for an extra £5-15.

Ahh so just a little bit too far then that's a pity lol

I know when I was getting the gel they put on what felt like 300 layers, so am guessing she's just not put enough on, that's so much for nails as well, I was double thinking about it at £20, but if I was paying more I'd be wanting them to be staying on an not chipping off, so I'd have another look around for someone else an fingers crossed you can find someone

I know businesses all mostly use social media now an at times it can help them, but personally I feel like if a place is good enough then they don't need to use social media, they get the customers on how good they are, the place I go to for mine I don't think they even have social sites because word of mouth has them out the door with customers

 

[boomska]

Stuck with a decision between two cars, what would people go for

Toyota aygo
Or
Hyundai i9

Both are similar size which is the size I am looking for, originally I was thinking the aygo but after seeing the i9 am now thinking of it

Am also at the very fortunate stage where I could go new with both an also have colour choice so I can't even make the choice based on the milage or age of the car or colour

I know nothing about cars so I can't help but i usually go milage and how much parts would be if they neded to be replaced

 

[HoGi]

Ahh thank you!! I was looking at these ones on the website-

Loop Dream™: Noise Reduction for Deep Sleep - Loop Earplugs

Struggling to sleep? Loop Dream earplugs are designed for all sleepers, providing maximum comfort for a peaceful night’s rest.

www.loopearplugs.com

Ohhh they must be new! Me and my husband both have quiet 2s and they are soft enough to sleep in.

I also have engage and the bit that isn't a bud is solid in them, it doesn't bend at all whereas the quiets bend.

I have several piercings in my ears including conch, but still get a good fit and they can block out Mr HoGis snoring haha

Are these loop earplugs comfy? I normally get earache if I have things inside for too long. But would love a pair

It took me a bit of getting used to and for the first week or so I woke up and had taken them out during the night, but my husband who is a very light sleeper can't sleep without them now.

 

[aliw]

Has anyone ever had extreme fatigue out of no where? I get at least 8 hours of sleep but I’m constantly yawning feel drowsy and eyes closing .i don’t even like coffee but having to have it just to keep my eyes open, it doesn’t help that much and im still tired. Thinking of seeing the doctor about it as it’s starting to affect my daily life

yes, do an e consult requesting blood test to start with. I am the same, currently going through blood tests and stool samples to check things

 

[Chocolategoggler]

I don’t think there are any expectations but a nice box of baklava might be a nice gesture?

I always take something. Flowers would be a good bet in this case. There are some lovely spring bouquets at the moment.

Flowers or a sweet treat. We had an iftar at work recently (breaking the fast) and I took a box of baklava from Sainsbury's and a fruit platter.

Thank you for these suggestions.
They would be too polite to say anything if I'd put my foot in it.
I have in the past been not invited to an Asian wedding after saying I would wear my certain coloured outfit which was a no no with their Asian wedding traditions. Again too polite to say I couldn't.
Everyone else thinks it hilarious me putting my foot in things innocently. Probably a bit of bitchiness there too with some women.

 

[Ravenstown]

I had this for the first time last year after a very calm few hours on a boat. I’d never heard of it before. It was so disconcerting. Thankfully my experience only lasted a few hours/ that evening. Hope yours wears off soon!