The advice thread for random problems #6

[Loppylou89]

Hi. I'm not only a complete stranger to you, @Loppylou89 , but to this thread.

I wouldn't tell the "partner". Not your problem. Block him.

This has happened before, you say? I'd consider fine tuning your radar, and working out why you "keep the evidence" ready for when these women message you.

Please, "I always keep the evidence", I think this random problem may be from inside the house.

When I say I keep the evidence, I mean I just never delete anything. I was always taught to cover my arse so I do it with everything in life.
I don’t ever message any man first and if I get messaged by someone, one of the first things I ask is if they’re single because I definitely wouldn’t entertain someone if I knew they were in a relationship

 

[BabeTakeTwo]

Hello all.

someone on the celebrity gossip thread sent me here and I would appreciate some advice on a very specific issue, although I have already got one very good suggestion from there.

My dearest friend of over 40 years, we are now both over 60, has, as is fairly typical with aging, put on a lot of weight and is now medically classed as obese. It is also causing her health issues. I know her husband mentions losing weight to her because he is genuinely scared for her health, she had a heart scare only last year.

She has been very good to me over our many years of friendship and I want to be kind and supportive, but every time I see her, her first and most common topic is her weight. ”I’m so fat” “Nothing fits” “I’ve put 5 pounds on this week”. It’s been at least thred years now that this has been the main thing she talks about. When we go out, she will constantly point out women she thinks are fatter than her, and sometimes make disparaging remarks, which just makes me uncomfortable. (I know this is projection and she does it because she feels bad about herself.)

I am going to sound awful, but to be honest, I’m tired of this topic.
My main need for advice though is what do I actually say? Does she want me to sympathise or give her a pep talk or just listen?
I have some extra weight but it just doesn’t bother me that much. That said, everyone is different and I know it bothers her not just in terms of health but mainly how she looks. She is actually pretty active as she has a Dalmatian that she walks for miles every day. Any advice would be much appreciated on what to say to be a good friend, but also, maybe I don’t want to talk about this every time we see or speak to each other, which is pretty much every day.

Having a very honest conversation with such a dear old friend is hard isn't it - it shouldn't be as you've known each other for so long, but I understand where you are coming from. You don't want to cause upset/falling out, this is something that is clearly causing her upset...

As peitispois has mentioned, I think that's a good way to start... Ask her what she thinks she needs to do to bring some change to her life. A referral through the gp to a clinic within the NHS.. My Mum accessed a clinic because of her heart condition - there could be something.

My Husband has a similar situation with our neighbour - he just doesn't reply to him when he starts talking of his constant problems. Unless it's something we can help with, he has found it easier to just listen, but stopped replying or pacifying him. They walk the dogs most days, so my husband had got to the stage where he didn't want to they go. I'd find that terribly hard, but he said that our neighbour has stopped talking about this "constant" subject that he had been doing.

I think you can only be honest with her - it may hurt you Both, but if it's making you feel , than time has come to confront it.

If she isn't listening to her Husband or hasn't made changes due to the heart scare, than I wonder if she does need some counselling support.

I wish I could help more - I'm sad for you - long friendship is a gift . I hope you find a way that benefits you both. x

 

[Pesky Tarian]

Guess depends how bridsmaidy your dress looks and if its the same shade of dark green?
Ive been to so many weddings with the same group of people i started recycling outfits, ain't nobody got money for that new outfit each time

Hope they will all be happily together as im refusing to be going to round 2 weddings

I did think well no one will remember what I wear, I can double up but then of course..there are the photos!.

It is exactly the same green . I don't think too bridesmaidy though. It has long sleeves and a little stand up collar, but then will October, 40+ bridesmaids be decked out in chiffon?. Maybe we'll have a heatwave and I can re wear a summer one .

 

[petitspois]

Yes I explained with my job I had at the time I was doing 20 hours in a supervisor role, but I wanted more minimum 24, but my contract is for a minimum 16 hours, I’m absolutely gutted & feel so stupid, my ex boss asks me occasionally how I’m doing & I have to lie saying I’m working long hours & really enjoying it, the truth is I hate it, everyone else is so much younger than me, faster than me & I’m just given the bare minimum & crap hours. I have zero qualifications, I was in a very controlling marriage where my ex didn’t want me to work & just bring our children up then he cheated & I basically had to start from scratch.

Perhaps the best thing to do is take the job and look for other work so you can move onto something new ASAP, full time hours and hopefully a higher salary. It could just be one month. Hope it sorts out.

 

[NowIsGood]

Stuck with a decision between two cars, what would people go for

Toyota aygo
Or
Hyundai i9

Both are similar size which is the size I am looking for, originally I was thinking the aygo but after seeing the i9 am now thinking of it

Am also at the very fortunate stage where I could go new with both an also have colour choice so I can't even make the choice based on the milage or age of the car or colour

Vote for Toyota here
I have an 07 Yaris and for the 9 years I've owned it it's been super reliable! In fact you still see so many 20+ year old Toyotas on the road because they just won't die! Something else to bare in mind is Toyotas have excellent resale value if you decide to sell down the line too
Have you considered a Yaris? A bit more expensive but they really are tardis cars, you can get so much in them and very roomy in the back for adults!

 

[littlepup]

Does anyone have any recommendations for getting rid of smell from activewear? Since I started running more all my gym clothes smell awful no matter how much I wash them

Use a biological washing powder to break down the stains (the fats and grease in sweat) with enzymes.
Non bio doesn't work in the same way. Dettol and Dylon do wash additives and detergents that may help too.

 

[allthingschocolate]

Possibly say everyone pays their own way and you will provide dessert (take a supermarket cake, if ok'd by the venue) which is what we usually do.

If I received an 'are you free on this date' type invite I certainly wouldn't expect a free meal, hopefully your guests feel the same. Have a lovely time!.

Thankyou for your advice, I agree yes I have a cake to take with me

 

[rainbowlemon]

I’ve just restarted the gym after 12 months (had a baby and didn’t have time to go). I’m at the weight I want to stay at but I have no muscle tone at all! There’s a poster for a free PT session. I’m tempted to do it so they can show me what weights to do and keep it with it myself as I’ve absolutely no idea wtf I’m doing unless it’s cardio. My question is, how do I do it but not get caught into signing up whilst staying polite?!

Don’t think twice, take up the offer. Say “I’ll have a think about continuing and get back to you “ at the end.

 

[Snippysnips]

Anyone recommend a really good set of knives, needing to replace mine, tried to cut the chicken thighs today an it was like using a blunt spoon on them, so needing a nice sharp set that will cut through anything, thanks

 

[BearOnChair]

Neighbours parcels keep being left on our doorstep, no knock, no card, just left.
They order everyday on amazon so it's pretty annoying.
I used to take them straight round myself but I'm a bit fed up of it because it's everyday and they've never tried to prevent it.
What would you do?
Just wang them over the hedge into a puddle??

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Ohh okay can you tell? If so it's nearly been 2 months since I posted so would be a long one. I'm just trying to figure out if the owner (it's for a hobby) is ignoring me about booking in classes or not. She's never been a good replied so I'm not sure if it's on purpose or not. So I thought I'd post on the group to see if she reacts to what I post so I guess if she doesn't accept maybe she ignoring me

You should be able to see if your post is pending approval. But it could also be that the whole group now needs post approval. And you won’t be able to tell. Only the group admin or a mod could tell you

 

[NoHintOfDrama]

I’m not entirely sure, but the landlord is asking them to leave the property in 4 days with no notice. I’ve told them to go to citizens advice as soon as it reopens for advice

That’s illegal - they have to be given two months notice to quit.

 

[Tetley2091]

Hi, sorry if this is really random just couldn’t find anywhere else to post!! I have had to order this bridesmaid dress in a size 14 when I need a 10/12 but as the 10 and 12 aren’t coming back in stock and I’m panicking as the wedding is in August, any one know if it is an easy just to bring in a chiffon dress ot will probably be the shoulder and round the bust and waist that will need bringing in?

 

[cowtastrophe]

I would be inclined to do one paid for session and say you need help with targeting certain areas as your training goals have changed, you’d like a plan you can take forward yourself. That way they’re not pressuring you to take up a course and can give you a concise plan and you’re not feeling like you’re there under false pretences. Kind of a saving in the long run.

Second this. I booked a paid for PT session stating up front that I wanted a specific programme. No problems whatsoever, she texted me the workout afterwards.

 

[Snippysnips]

One of my dogs is quite vocal and because she's a terrier breed, her bark is squeaky and annoying. I'll preface this with saying the following:

1. We know how annoying it is for everyone within earshot to hear dogs constantly barking.
2. We don't let her bark for ages in the garden.
3. We bring her in if she won't stop.

The problem is she's very reactive but very social and every time she hears another dog bark, she starts barking too. Either that or she will try to get the neighbours' dogs to 'talk' to her by standing in the garden and barking. We've tried numerous things to train her but she's just very stubborn and nothing has stuck. Often she stops fairly quickly but sometimes she just goes batshit and won't shut up at all. She also then runs away from us if we try to catch her and bring her inside.

I'm honestly at my wits end with it and I've had a complaint (not a nasty one) from a neighbour because she's barked a couple of times in the garden when she's gone out for a wee first thing and woken them up.

I've always been opposed to anti-bark collars but I've found some that use vibration and sound rather than shock and I'm wondering if anyone else has tried these and if they work. The last thing I want is to give her any discomfort - she's a gorgeous loving little thing and it would break my heart to hurt her but I need to find a way to address this. TIA.

I was always told that a quick distraction can help, a little spray of water on the nose works (not a lot though) it's enough to sort of stop them because they wonder what the heck was that, you can get spray bottles that give a mist which would be ideal for it, doesn't hurt them or anything but it stops their thoughts for a second

The only other thing would be to try a specialist, but depending on her age it just might be something that won't ever be trained out of her

But the worst thing I was told is not to react to it, any type of shouting or telling off makes them think it's a competition to be as loud as the other, it's best not to say anything an just remove them from whatever is causing it an put them into a quiet space or room to let them calm themselves

 

[griftalo]

Fed up, like genuinely fed up. My poor son has been waiting 11 weeks for an operation, its scheduled for thursday morning, he has come down with a cold. Im gutted for him, he is 15, he has autism and a CVL line as he had cancer treatment.

I feel for you. I’ve been there, you get yourself all worked up for it then nothing.

 

[Jas28]

Sounds like it's either been leaked or someone is purposely using it, could you say to management ab say that you feel like your personally data has been breached? Tbh I certainly wouldn't have been happy handing my number over to a group that large, there's more than enough apps out there that they can do groups an your personal information isn't seen by others

The company should be following GDPR regulations an it sounds like that's been broken by your number being on show for everyone

I didn’t think of the GDPR regulations you’re right. How can someone be using it purposely no one has been in my iCloud will they have access to my actual phone. Yes I will have to speak to someone maybe although management is rubbish

 

[saltandvinegarcrisps]

I’m not entirely sure, but the landlord is asking them to leave the property in 4 days with no notice. I’ve told them to go to citizens advice as soon as it reopens for advice

A tenancy can be verbal, it would then follow the law on short term tenancy. Check government guidelines, depends if the landlord is live in, does tenant have bills with the address on or any additional emails or texts referring to the location or implied agreement? Deposit paid? An agreement can say anything but the law will always apply over and above.

 

[Juju]

I found a breast lump in Aug 2023, I have a family history (both grandmothers) was seen really quickly, didn’t have a blood test, mammogram wasn’t as bad as I thought, I also had a scan as well, had my results the same day, luckily was just a fatty lump, I’ve lost a fair bit of weight in the past few years so it was more prominent, said if I was still overweight I most probably wouldn’t of felt it.

I hope it all goes ok for you x

Thank you, I’ll be glad to get the next few weeks over with.

 

[InkHeart]

Hi everyone, I have a low stakes but weird situation. I'm wondering if anyone recognises this as an online scam, or something else?

Yesterday a social media account messaged me. "She" asked if I had worked at [place] a few years ago. I replied "No, I didn't, sorry." Thinking it was someone trying to reach an old friend or something. But the creepy thing is, I did work at a place with a very, very similar name. So it was possible that it was someone who knew me. I'm trying to think whether I ever posted online publicly that I worked there, or tagged myself in their social media (it was abig business where they wanted to show us having fun on SM a lot).

I looked her "her" profile, and it only has one picture, just of a nature landscape, no person in it. Account name is a common female name. Account is a month old. So it's a fake account, obviously.

The weird thing is, I feel like "she" is trying to keep the conversation going with me. I only replied once, but she replied today saying not to worry, she thought I was a girl she knew at school 20 years ago, because I was suggested to her on Instagram even though she hadn't searched for anyone with my name. She asked me how that could have happened. (Idk, fuck off?) And weirdly, said "I shall now call you The Wrong [my name]." As if we were ever going to talk again?

I'm not going to reply again. I know I should block and ignore. But I'm a bit disconcerted because whoever is behind this obviously fake profile possibly knows where I used to work. "She" has now watched a Story I posted - just a generic meme, nothing revealing.

I know I should just block them, but I'm kinda worried if it's some weirdo trying to get access to me, maybe I should make note of it, in case they try again.

Does anyone know if there is a scam like this, where they contact you trying to start a conversation about where you worked, or pretending they thought you were somebody else? Or is it more likely to be an ex boyfriend or something messing with me?