The advice thread for random problems #6

[Former_Antelopee]

My work are potentially changing our shifts. Any holidays already approved will have to be given. But they are at the moment saying we can only book 3 months in advance, usually it's a year in advance we can book. Some of us are annoyed as it means we can't plan things. And obviously with summer coming up people with kids will be wanting to book holidays for the summer and things will start getting fully booked soon. It's unlikely we will know about our shifts change until April at the earliest. Do you think it's wrong for us to complain about the holiday situation?

 

[griftalo]

Has anyone got a preteen girl and can point me in the direction of appropriate gifting please? I was thinking maybe a gift card for Boots or Superdrug, or am I officially in old fogey territory with that suggestion?

Lush gift voucher maybe? Young girls love bath bombs

 

[JoeBloggs]

They have not covered accommodation or anything so far. It’s the person at fault’s insurance. I’m open to either option tbh, my life has been in ruins for months

If your home is not habitable, they should be covering alternative accommodation and the repairs. Have they covered anything?

Do you own your home? Do you have insurance? I would be looking to put in a claim via your insurer who can claim for any costs from the other party.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

How do you take criticism from people without getting defensive or brushing it off. Or how much do you balance their criticism vs your own perception of yourself?

I had an argument out of the blue with someone I used to date but am still ~friends~ with on Friday. We started the chat normally and pleasantly in the morning and then abruptly he said something along the lines of "the weather is too nice to be spending it on this conversation" which i thought was a little off.

I asked what he meant by that and he said that he was unsure if I added any value to his life anymore. And whether he did to mine beyond being someone I "can annoy".

He then went on to say he knows he's an irritable see you next Tuesday, but I lack self awareness and that's impacted things. I think because I annoy him and don't realise, or don't reflect on how my words annoy him.

Anyway, I'm not too sad about the conversation itself, just the part where he said it lack self awareness, and bringing up me being annoying. I don't think i talk to him any differently to any of my other friends and they've never said I lack self awareness or am annoying. Is me not accepting that i lack self awareness fulfilling his statement that I lack self awareness? Am I unaware of my self unawareness?

How much do you take on board what they say and balance it with thinking "no, I don't think I'm like how you're saying i am"?

In the past I've been defensive when people have brought up things and I'm trying to get better and grow as a person. But I also don't want people to tell me what or who I am, or let the opinion of one person define me.

How would you take this feedback on board? It feels quite broad and it's not really something anyone has ever said i was before.

I’ve done a lot of self reflection and know my annoying habits etc So I don’t lack self awareness but I do acknowledge there are parts of my personality that is annoying and cannot be changed.

If you are unsure if you lack self awareness chat with a friend you trust to be honest. If it’s true and you’d like to work on it then do but also if that is part of “you” then maybe it can’t be changed and that is ok too. We are all different and that’s what makes the world interesting.

I for example have no patience with people. I know this and acknowledge it. So when people get upset with me for my lack of patience I apologise but am honest that it’s a struggle for me. I’ve tried to change it but I guess it’s an integral part of what makes me, me

 

[Snippysnips]

Id like some advice regarding cleaners if anyone can help I've never had one before but I'm considering hiring one on an adhoc basis as sometimes when I have a lot of work on i let housework slide a lot.

But I just wondered how it works. Do they have a key to your property and just let themselves in? Do they use their own stuff? Do they tidy as well?

Haven't used a cleaner myself but my boss uses a cleaner for both the office and her home, cleaner has a key an let's herself in an uses all her own stuff, it depends on what the cleaner will offer to do an pay but the one my boss uses also tidy's things up and does a very small amount of dishes (say like 3 mugs an a plate) but not all cleaners will offer to tidy up, most will do a basic hoover, and dust an pick up things laying around, you would need to be specific to the cleaner about what you mean with tidying, are you wanting things put away like in cupboards or want them just picked up an placed on a chair for example, most won't put things away but they will still pick them up

You also have to remember cleaners maybe have like 3 or 4 houses a day so you'd need to make a list of exactly what you are looking for them to do an then decide if the time they have will be enough to do it in, too much work an some may cut corners to meet the time, so you might not get as thorough a clean as you wanted

 

[boomska]

I really want to buy a shark flex 5in 1 beauty thing cheapest ivf found is £175! I hardly do anything with my hair cause of how thick it is & how I’m terrible with hair lll should I do it?

 

[petitspois]

One of my dogs is quite vocal and because she's a terrier breed, her bark is squeaky and annoying. I'll preface this with saying the following:

1. We know how annoying it is for everyone within earshot to hear dogs constantly barking.
2. We don't let her bark for ages in the garden.
3. We bring her in if she won't stop.

The problem is she's very reactive but very social and every time she hears another dog bark, she starts barking too. Either that or she will try to get the neighbours' dogs to 'talk' to her by standing in the garden and barking. We've tried numerous things to train her but she's just very stubborn and nothing has stuck. Often she stops fairly quickly but sometimes she just goes batshit and won't shut up at all. She also then runs away from us if we try to catch her and bring her inside.

I'm honestly at my wits end with it and I've had a complaint (not a nasty one) from a neighbour because she's barked a couple of times in the garden when she's gone out for a wee first thing and woken them up.

I've always been opposed to anti-bark collars but I've found some that use vibration and sound rather than shock and I'm wondering if anyone else has tried these and if they work. The last thing I want is to give her any discomfort - she's a gorgeous loving little thing and it would break my heart to hurt her but I need to find a way to address this. TIA.

It's really difficult isn't it?

They always seem to look at exercise first on behaviour TV shows, is your dog getting enough walks during the day? from your post, your dog seems to be in the garden quite a lot. Can you flip it so your dog has walks, goes out for a pee etc. but is otherwise indoors?

If you could afford it maybe try a behaviourist but you can look at a lot on you tube too. Hope you find something that works.

 

[Black.bird]

I have a work acquaintance who I feel bad for because she's older and doesn't seem to have friends or family nearby. I have fallen into the trap of occasionally inviting her to things and then regretting it because she will turn every conversation back to her, no matter what. She also tells tales on people ("has a word" with peoples' managers about various things), and talks about people a LOT behind their backs.

A work colleague is currently in hospital and a small group of us from work went to visit her this morning (with her consent). We didn't initially invite this other lady for no reason other than she wasn't around when we were discussing it. However, she saw us heading to the carpark and stopped us to ask if we were going somewhere nice, and old softy me felt inviting her to tag along was the right thing to do. An extra person tipped us over the available space in my car, so one of the other ladies said she'd taxi over on her own. Not a good start. Anyhoo, when we got there, our colleague was pleased to see us and was giving her account of what she's been going through - except at every opportunity, this acquaintance would interrupt and say things such as, "Well, when I was in hospital they ..." and "Oh, you don't know what pain is until you've had what I had ..." it's just so tiresome and really hard to put up with. A couple of the other ladies ended up making excuses and departing (giving me the evil eye as they did), leaving me stuck with this acquaintance and another work colleague. On the drive back, the acquaintance was saying how nice it felt to be included in things, which made me feel really awful for being cross with her!

I don't know if she realises how she comes across. The funny thing is, she has told other people how they are perceived by others in the office (which has made things very uncomfortable). She just doesn't have social skills and can be very clingy.

I have actually tried to put distance between us - easily done as I'm often out of the office traveling - but she often calls or texts (I don't answer or respond) - but always end up feeling a bit sorry for her. I don't like to think of people being excluded, and I think she does realise that she doesn't fit in, but perhaps isn't aware of why that is ... I think if someone sat her down and told her how she comes across, she'd fall apart.

All advice welcome and appreciated

 

[Captainmouse]

I can't see it, guessing the image went during the change of the site

Oh it works for me and also on the preview

it’s an emergency foil/space blanket, the type they wrap runners in or people exposed to cold, very cheap I bought one to put up last summer to deflect the heat/sun.

 

[bozlem3080]

10 weeks 5 days pregnant, nausea after my afternoon nap has been the worst. Snacking fresh air and water is helping but it comes in waves.

I had nausea with my last pregnancy till 22wks, never sick but was sick in previous pregnancies & don’t know which was worse, I used to have ice lollies mainly the fruit pastille ones they seemed to help me a lot.

 

[Former_Antelopee]

Have you spoken to your colleague about what happened? If you both went to the Manager to explain..

It sounds like they are on borrowed time then... They should be really doing everything, but everything by the book.

I know easy for me to say on a forum, but from how you initially explained what happened I don't feel you can blame yourself - easier said then done I know at times.

I haven't didn't have time to anyway really. I said a few times oh the managers gonna be annoyed because of me. I'll ask someone after how the client was today. But I spoke to as ex colleague and explained the situation in proper detail and she said what happened won't matter long term but I just have a feeling they'll make a thing of it as they seem to be for everything at the moment especially for my colleague he needs a break

 

[chickhicks86]

Thanks I'll definitely check that out, one I have is about as old as I am because my dad just refuses to admit the thing is done in an get rid of it, but it's really starting to drive me nuts now, you put it on for an hour cycle an it takes like 2 hours because it someone keeps adding time to itself, so I badly need a new one

Washing machine time isn't like real time though! A lot of newer ones have really long cycles to be more eco so make sure it will do what you want if you like a shorter cycle.

 

[RocksOff]

We have the IKEA Markus. It’s not the cheapest but both of us have suffered from bad backs from desk work and it’s really good.

MARKUS Vissle dark grey, Office chair - IKEA UK

MARKUS Vissle dark grey, Office chair. Adjust the height and angle of this chair so your workday feels comfortable – the mesh backrest lets air through so you keep cool even when the workload rises. Built to outlast years of ups and downs.

www.ikea.com

Can absolutely recommend this too, like.you we were both getting dreadful backache and these chairs helped a lot

 

[DWASN]

Last week I went to a new nail lady (mine was relocating). Current lady recommended her but at the point I booked before she moved she did say she didn’t have any clients that had moved over to her yet so wasn’t sure on her work but her instagram looked good. I went to regular lady to have my gel nails soaked off & she mentioned she knew someone that had seen the new lady and her nails had lifted which hadn’t happened with her before. As it was a day & a half before my new appointment I didn’t think it was fair (and I would have most likely been charged cancellation) to cancel so I went ahead.

It’s the same brand of gel, one that I’ve had for the last 5 years so issues. The next day half my thumb gel lifted off. I messaged to let her know and she saw me the next day to fix. I also had a very small chip on my other hand which she sorted. She agreed it was unusual and shouldn’t have happened. Two days later I’ve now got a chip in the thumb that she fixed. I haven’t done anything differently / excessively used my hands since they were done.

Now my dilemma is that when I originally booked her I booked two appointments (have them done every 3 weeks). Given they don’t seem to be lasting and I have another 2 weeks to go before my next appointment should I give her one more go or cancel my appointment now. if I do cancel do I be honest with the reason why. I feel bad as she is really lovely but I can’t afford £40 each time if they don’t last.

 

[Piff paff puff]

Ah ok so my children's TV's have no aerial and they can still use all the smart TV features. You just connect the TV to the WiFi. Again you'll need a browser app.

Just a little advice we have a new Samsung smart TV which cost a pretty penny and it's awful to navigate and incredibly temperamental. The children have Hisense which were far cheaper and I find much more user friendly. Just checked and there is a browser app pre installed .

Ooh! Thanks, that's great to know

 

[cowtastrophe]

I live in England if that's relevant:
As a HA tenant whose responsibility is mice? HA say contact council to which the council told me to go back to my HA

I would have thought it would be your HA in the first instance.

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

We've got a set from Robert Welch. They weren't cheap but are absolutely amazing, and we've got a sharpener tool.

 

[Snippysnips]

They compile database of known numbers, you need to update it regularly, it’s not 100% but it helps

Thanks, it's worth a go, I had another 3 tonight

Am honestly tempted to put my phone under a pot an smack the shit out it, or get a air horn

 

[Pesky Tarian]

My kids have reached an age where we are getting a bit of a social life back . We're out tonight and I realised that I had the perfect handbag for my outfit, found it out and the colour/upper is peeling away. Looked at my other bags and they're pretty much the same .

Admittedly they're not leather, is this an age thing/storage thing/non use thing. Any tips?.

Peed off as they're nice bags that I've hardly used ..
but if someone tells me to cut my loses and buy new bags I can cope .

 

[Kim Mild]

I think better the devil you know, unless the cost of the clutch is more than the value of your car.

Clutches are pricey to have done , it's mostly labour costs cos its a big job... it also needs new tyres , then it's mot will be due , and it's service. I think I've lost my confidence with it a bit .