The advice thread for random problems #6

[Buzz_off]

Sorry

Hi, I’m not sure this is the right thread but my partner told me his brother (34) who I’ve found a bit odd anyway, is now dating a 19 year old. This really creeped me out but even more so once I saw a picture of her as she didn’t even look 19 to me, she looked like a child. Me being me, I did a lot of digging and found out she’s actually 16, so he’s more than double her age. My partner told their mum who obviously didn’t take the news well and asked the brother to meet her asap. She told him what I’d found and said she was going to tell the girl’s mum. He was fuming and lost it with his mum, he’s always had anger issues and clearly doesn’t think straight. He should be cutting ties and thanking us for doing the work he should’ve, not that he should be with what he thought was a 19 year old anyway. He even threatened to kill their family dog if she did I said this is a police matter now with this threat but my partner discouraged me. I feel like everyone walks on egg shells with him as they’re pretty intimidated, myself included, so she wants to wait a bit to tell her mum as apparently he has evidence that she’s not 16. I’m thinking he doesn’t as they both could clear this up straight away and I think the fact he thinks being with a 19 year old is okay to rings alarm bells. I think he’s known she’s 16 all along. His mum cut ties with him and he accepted this which screams guilty to me, he’s chosen this child over his own family. Should I message the girls’ parents myself? Just a bit worried of the repercussions as he’s clearly a psychopath but I have daughters myself and I’d want someone to reach out to me with this info if they knew. My partner, understandably, doesn’t want me talking to people I know about this for advice so I thought this could be a good idea.

But the police are needed now. Isn't 16 classed as a minor still. 16 is the legal age of consent, but not between a minor and an adult

 

[Black.bird]

Not sure where to put this and it's very boring sorry. I have quite a few people on Christmas Day and I'm stressing as I don't have a large oven. I'm cooking chicken and beef and want to cook one chicken the night before and somehow reheat on the day just so I'm sure I have plenty to go around. How would you reheat the chicken to keep it moist (hate that word)? I was thinking of carving and plating the meat then microwaving it while covered and hoping for the best. Any advice very welcome and sorry for the dull question.

Do you have, or can you borrow, a BBQ? We had dinner with friends one year and their oven broke on the day, so they did everything on the BBQ and it was incredible.

You could also use a slow cooker to do your chicken in. It's been a while since I did one in mine, but I'm sure it took 14 hours on low (the end result was incredible - so tender!) ... I just sprayed some cooking spray around the edges, popped it in and then halfway through, poured apricot sauce topped with almonds on it, left it for a couple of hours, then turned it over.

 

[Snippysnips]

Both in our late 30s, I don’t want a wedding right now, but a commitment would be nice. I’d already wasted 10 years of my life with an ex who said he’d marry me then fucked off with a 20 year old. Just getting a bit fed up of it all now, seeing folk who’ve got in relationships after us who are now married or getting married

Yeah I totally get that, an yeah I'd say now would be the time that he's got to give an answer, like you said there doesn't need to be a wedding now but at least knowing there will one day would be enough, does he fear if he says yes it will be booked within a year? Could even just saying in X amount of years time you would want it?

 

[Pesky Tarian]

I appear to be losing my grip .

Over Christmas I got to noticing how often I was dropping things i.e. jars, cans. This morning I decided to touch up some gloss, I can usually walk around with the small paint can in one hand, brush in the other, but today I couldn't hold the can .

Early 40s, do a lot of keyboard work, has anyone experienced this? Are there any exercises anyone has tried?.

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

I've got Loop earplugs, the Engage ones. I've got very sensitive hearing and my husband is going deaf so I wear them nearly all the time at home as he doesn't realize how noisy he is (I appreciate that he can't really help it) but he slams things like the cupboard doors as he can't hear it and I'm there jumping out of my skin all the time. They're more filters though than complete noise reduction like the sleep ones. They come in a nice little box and with lots of silicone attachments for a good fit, I'm really pleased with them.

 

[NowIsGood]

Is anyone trying to sell a house? Is the market just rubbish at the moment?
Been on 5 weeks, had 5 viewings in the first week and then nothing since.

Will be soon and have been looking since Jan. Out of curiosity, are you in walking distance to a train station? I have found houses with good transport links tend to sell, whereas ones 1.5 miles or more from a station just stick.
Have you had any feedback from the viewings?

 

[HoGi]

Thanks.

I forgot to specify the context - we all live in different countries, so I don’t see them regularly.

Still not sure I would message or expect one in return

 

[Melian]

When you're away with friends is it unreasonable to expect to actually do stuff with them? I've just had several shitty messages from a "friend" because I was away with them over the weekend and expected to do things with them? I don't want to wander around a strange city by myself. Hardly anyone told me where they were going or what they were doing

 

[littlepup]

Anyone recommend a really good set of knives, needing to replace mine, tried to cut the chicken thighs today an it was like using a blunt spoon on them, so needing a nice sharp set that will cut through anything, thanks

Sabatier are good. Tkmaxx is the place for good deals on knives. However you can get a good saroener from Amazon for £5-10 and maybe extend the life of your existing ones, all knives need sharpening or the will eventually blunt.

 

[HelloStereo]

It sounds like he's only interested in having you as a friend when it suits him like when he's not got a gf an then when he has a gf he's not interested in you, I'd just move on, it's pointless keeping people who are users

Yeah it is this. He only wanted to see me when they'd broken up. And then when he started seeing someone new he'd find a reason to cut me off. I used to accept it before I think because I was desperate for his "approval" or something. But in the past few years I stopped caring and now not at all.

 

[Kim Mild]

is there a parenting thread please?

General kid thread - all ages have their challenges!

Thought I’d start a thread for general parenting advice/venting as there doesn’t appear to be one! I have 1 child, 8 year old and at the moment she is driving me round the bend with her smart mouth/attitude! I know it’s a phase/hormonal but man it’s tough! Feel like she just wants to fight/ be...

tattle.life

There's this one.
I'm sure there is a toddler thread and a teenage one too. How old are your children?

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Quoting myself because I woke up this morning to two missed calls on my phone from 12.50am and 1.10am and a voicemail saying that as I hadn’t responded, they were closing my case. FFS.

Yeah, I previously had a phine call at 2am from 111

 

[Snippysnips]

Glad to hear the aygo has cameras on it because those are a huge plus for me, I know most modern cars have them now but my parents one doesn't even though it's a young car, so wasn't sure if the aygo did or didn't, also good to hear there's very little problems with them

The place today was trying to talk me into one of those rent schemes which I don't want, whatever I go for I want to own it an want it for years so need it to last

 

[Snippysnips]

Advice re paying off a mortgage please. I always thought that you paid a solicitor or your bank to hold the deeds one settled. However I have been told that as it's all electronic now it sits with the land registry free of charge?. This seems too convenient to be true! Or is my way of thinking out dated?

It used to be the deeds went to your lawyer and then it went to a solicitor, but we have had ours since we got the house an that was almost 15 years ago now, so I'd just keep them yourself somewhere safe

 

[petitspois]

Thanks for replying she never has her phone overnight and is very good at bringing it down at night (although I have to tell her every night). On her phone she watches shorts, looks at clothes stores and puts outfits together. I do check her phone regularly and there is never anything untoward, it's all fairly innocent. She has two younger siblings who are 10 and 12 who are never on screens so it's a big contrast. She will come down for a family game like when we play bingo but then is straight back to her phone the minute the game ends.

It doesn't help that she doesn't like being with us out of the house in case someone from school sees her and makes fun of her for hanging out with their parents. But then she won't meet anyone from school. Ive checked her WhatsApp and some girls send her really nice messages and she just ignores them. One girl had even asked her if she wanted to be friends and she just sent back 'ok'. I wonder if I shoukd ask on the autism thread too

That's tricky. She sounds like a lovely girl. I can't offer anything further but wish you all the best x

 

[Pesky Tarian]

I’m having really bad neck back and top shoulder pain from sitting at the desk all day. Not sure what to do because that’s part of my job to sit at a desk. Our office chairs are all old too and they don’t move up or down with no back support. I’m not sure what to do to relieve the pain it’s not good as I’m constantly wriggling around in my seat stretching and clicking my back because it hurts so much. Does everyone sitting at a desk all day experience pain

Do you have a foot rest? I find that really helps. I think the onus really is on your employer to provide adequate equipment . Wheat bags are great for shoulder pain and just try to have a regular stroll, even if it's just to the break room etc.

 

[cowtastrophe]

Ooh, good one for the kongs! I did them when she was a puppy but haven’t done them yet this summer.

Fortunately, the neighbours weren’t arsey about it and to a certain extent i think they’re being a tiny bit unreasonable - she’s done a few barks before we can stop her and get her in but it’s very clear she’s not yapping continuously in the garden. They don’t like waking up before about 7am but we live in a fairly busy suburb and there are always noises. We get a lot of foxes yowling too.

Hoping she will grow out of it a bit as she gets older.

 

[charlied0106]

"what about my name is actually bothering you so much"

This gets my vote! Short, to the point, turning it back to him. Also the added bonus of how pathetic he is.

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

I'd say that they know you're there, and they'll reach out if and when they need to. Main thing is not asking them to make any big decisions, don't constantly ask if they're OK and be as normal as you can. Sometimes you just don't want to be the person with cancer if that makes sense?

 

[griftalo]

This could help your peeling bags: https://www.loveyourleather.ca/leat...the simplest ways,appear smooth and new again.