The advice thread for random problems #6

[Wonkyteeth]

I think that it's completely understandable you should feel upset, I appreciate he has invited you along with his family (and of course given their loss it's right they would want to be together at Christmas) but knowing that you weren't able to accompany him, I feel like adding on a road trip is unnecessary and at best thoughtless, at worst hurtful.
Do you feel that he often puts his own wants ahead of any thought for you/ the relationship? You've been together a fairly long time, and tbh if he's like this now, I'm not sure he will get better. If you're thinking about a future involving children, I'd worry he'll end up being one of those dads who's always off playing sports or on weekends away leaving you holding the baby I may be being unfair though.

I was coming on to post something about Christmas too. Mine is that my son is away at his gfs from this Weds, he's then back here on Christmas Eve (but he's out all day/ evening with her family), Christmas Day he goes over to see his dad for a few hours, then in the evening he's going to his girlfriend's again until the New Year.
I'm a bit upset by this, I make a lot of effort to make sure we all have a nice Christmas and he's barely here for the next 2 weeks...basically I get to cook him a couple of meals on Christmas Day and wash up after him.
I've said I think he should stay here Christmas Day night and go over to hers Boxing Day, but I will probably get ignored. It just seems a bit sad to me that he can't spend more than 1 night here. His gf also lives at home so it's not like she has her own place, but it feels a bit like saying he prefers being at their house than ours.

Thank you for responding. I really appreciate your advice. I think that’s the part that hurts the most, the timing of the additional trip shows a lack of consideration for my feelings. Especially when he could go later on next year. The communication around it all has been very poor too.
With regards to putting himself before me, yes he does. To the point that even his own extended family has mentioned that he’s selfish and puts his own needs and wants first. I think you’re right, I’ve also had the same concerns, as I would like a family in the future.

I’m really sorry to hear about your situation. It seems like your son also doesn’t have his priorities in order. If you haven’t already, it may be worth mentioning what you’ve said above to your son, as sometimes until you express how someone’s actions are making you feel, they’re so wrapped up in their own world that they may not have considered your point of view.
Could you suggest the girlfriend also stay over on Christmas night? Maybe suggest some games etc for the evening?
I hope you’re okay and that it all works out for you.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

What I’m about to ask is probably really trivial but it’s really starting to get to me. How do you tell someone you don’t like someone without looking like a bad person? My friend has this friend who I find really difficult to be around because I find she’s one of those that negs you, keeps her back to me, talks over me when we’re out. She met my friend through work and I’ve known my friend from when we were really young. I don’t really like this girl who is friends with my friend and she’s now been invited to something we were doing together with two of our other friends and to be honest it’s really taken the shine off it for me. I’m worried I’m going to come out looking like the bad guy when really I’m trying to protect my own mental health by keeping my distance/not wanting her there cause she doesn’t make me feel good about myself given the way she presents herself and treats me (as I’ve displayed with the behaviour above).

I’ve never had to do this before or when I’ve found myself in a similar situation I’ve been able to let it run off me like water off a ducks back but now I’m older quite frankly sick of being a people pleaser and making myself feel like shit in the process

I agree with others just be honest with your friend. I would just say I don't gel with X, do you mind if we don't always involve her

 

[Snippysnips]

How do you complain anout a dirty Dr Surgery? And can I do it anonymously?
I’ve tried to look online but couldn’t really find the info I’m looking for. Plus I’d rsther not the surgery know it’s me complaining in case they start being discrimatory

Would it maybe be the NHS or the care committee? I think it's usually you try them direct first but then they would know it was you, so maybe trying the NHS would allow for you to be anonymous

 

[Codiaeum]

What does it mean when someone looks at you and always goes bright red ? Even when speaking to them and engaging at work. I thought they were angry with me but I haven’t done anything to them so it’s not that but they look visibly fuming?

For me it’s an anxiety thing, and I sadly still remember going bright red in a 1:1 meeting with a colleague who I had a rather raunchy dream about just a few days previously

 

[BearOnChair]

Is anyone trying to sell a house? Is the market just rubbish at the moment?
Been on 5 weeks, had 5 viewings in the first week and then nothing since.

 

[chickhicks86]

Thank you, I don’t do the deliveries very often either it’s typical! . I did wonder if the van had broken down but no excuse not to contact their customers.
I’ve gotten ready to go into a store today, I’ll call them but I don’t think their lines open until 10:00. Debating whether to try do the whole shop & then cancel the online order. Thank you so much.

I've always found them fast to reply on Facebook messenger. It says they're available from 7am on there. I hope you get sorted ASAP!

 

[yogiessexdubs]

Thank you, my toxic trait is thinking I can do it myself

 

[chickhicks86]

For the last 18 years I have been named driver on my husbands policy. I now need my own car insurance policy and of course have to enter 0 years no claims. Does anyone know of an insurance company who take in to account named driver no claims please?

Google throws up a few answers on Money Saving Expert and Reddit, I don't know if they have any answers. I do remember this being a thing when I bought insurance for the first time many years ago, but don't know if it still is. What about a multi car policy?

 

[cowtastrophe]

I’d just like a little moan and vent. Judgement free please and if anybody has advice please give it.

Our dog has gone blind. It had been gradual but overnight it’s like she’s gone completely blind. This was two weeks ago.

Anyway it’s been awful. She keeps bashing her head and eyes. You cannot leave her for even a minute as she’ll start looking for you. She won’t wear goggles or the halo we got.

She doesn’t seem to be able to map our downstairs, even though she’s lived here her whole life and she’s 13.

I cannot do anything as she wants to be close. Now this isn’t the issue. The issue is she won’t sit or lay. She keeps walking and then bashing herself. It’s so bad because I can’t go to the toilet even.

It’s been stressful. I’m on edge all the time and so is Mr Lolz. I honestly don’t know how much longer I can mentally take this. At the moment her quality of life is still good so I won’t have her put down. But I feel awful for even thinking it sometimes.

That‘s awful, poor dog. That must be so hard to cope with. Possibly a stupid question but did the vet have any advice?

 

[Former_Antelopee]

Glad to hear the aygo has cameras on it because those are a huge plus for me, I know most modern cars have them now but my parents one doesn't even though it's a young car, so wasn't sure if the aygo did or didn't, also good to hear there's very little problems with them

The place today was trying to talk me into one of those rent schemes which I don't want, whatever I go for I want to own it an want it for years so need it to last

I guess it depends (like most cars I think?) whether the person who first bought it selected the cameras? My parents first one didn't have the cameras but their new one does. They were both newish when bought I think a 2017 plate and a 2019 plate. I know my dad wanted another 2017 plate due to the cheaper tax but found the 2019 one for a good price so ended up with that even though the tax is more

 

[Captainmouse]

Thanks I'll try one out, will they still be able to tell it's a scam if it's just a regular mobile number?

They compile database of known numbers, you need to update it regularly, it’s not 100% but it helps

 

[littlepup]

I’m moving out of my rental property and the paint (I think?) is pealing/come off so I want to give it a lick of paint before I go. Daft question but what paint do I buy for it? I’ve googled it but it’s confusing. I just want something white, gloss and cheap haha

Gloss is for wood and trims? Do you mean that or for the walls? The wall one that’s has a bit of a sheen is “satin” as opposed to matte.

 

[littlepup]

I wasn’t asking for health advice but merely if anyone has experienced something similar.

I will see a GP but I usually don’t rush to see them at the first sign of pain. I’m waiting to see if it stops by tomorrow, if not, I will go.

Is it only on the left? If it started left but it’s spread to the middle/right, it could be your appendix and would be an emergency.

 

[FruityStyle]

Has anyone else had cold feet selling their property and if so, how do you know if it's just cold feet or something you should legitimately listen to? I'm sale agreed for the last few weeks and have been conflicted ever since we made the agreement - I put the place up for sale after a relationship breakdown, kind of a knee-jerk reaction using a sledgehammer to crack a nut. Financially I can afford to keep and stay here, I just panicked a bit I think and saw selling as a fresh start. Right now I don't have anywhere to go and the buyers are very keen to get things done and dusted quickly.

In some ways with a bit of money behind me the world would be my oyster but in other ways I'm not sure I have a fresh start in me! How do you make a decision when neither option is great or terrible

 

[Jas28]

Has anyone had their breast implants removed. I’m considering getting them and I’m just wondering whether they leave you with saggy skin if were to remove them in the future

 

[Lalla]

You can take paracetamol and ibuprofen together as they may be more effective, just don't take more than the max of either in 24 hours.

My mum always used to swear by oil of cloves for toothache, if you can lay your hands on that it might help.

However you do really need a dentist, I know it's so hard to find an NHS one now, but I've seen it suggested to call 111, and they should be able to get you an appt with a dentist or at the dental hospital in your area. I think toothache is one of the worst pains, hope you can get it sorted soon.

 

[StrawberryBanana90]

So we’ve received a letter threatening that we have 10 days to buy a tv license or else they’ll send someone round/court summons etc.
How real is this threat? I’m a nervous person so I’m so close to just buying the license for the year to avoid it

we don’t even watch live tv in our house, we just use the streaming apps, I go to my friends to watch bake off etc
They sent a letter once ages ago saying they could tell someone was using iplayer at our address but the only thing I can think of was we logged in on the tv once to check what was on the app and then didn’t watch anything.

 

[cowtastrophe]

New thread

The advice thread for random problems #7

New thread! Come and share your random problems.

tattle.life

 

[klarakluckbag]

I love Hyundai cars, I've had an i10 and I now drive an i20. My little i10 was bombproof, I drove it around London every day for 8 years, you could squeeze it into the smallest parking space, and it used around a teaspoon of petrol a day, it was so economical. I only let it go because it had some steering issues, and at 14 years old, it wasn't worth repairing, plus I needed something a little bigger, but I was very sorry to see it go.
Having said that, I love my i20. And I was very sniffy about using reversing sensors, but I couldn't live without them now!

 

[HeyBabes]

I keep dreaming about my ex, we split 7 years ago and I’ve been in a very happy relationship with my new partner for 5 years, but it’s 2-3 times a week and I always wake up feeling really weird. It was a pretty messy split, we were together 11 years, had planned to get married, and we split because he cheated.
I hate waking up feeling like I miss him, and I’ll never contact him, but I just start overthinking