The advice thread for random problems #6

[Meg78]

Going to the hairdressers….. do you tip? If yes, how much?

I’ve never tipped before, partly as I’ve never found someone decent before, and partly as the prices are so expensive I begrudge having to pay extra. The current hairdresser I see is actually really great, first time in decades that I’ve gone back a second time, but when it came time to pay, and it’s £200 every 8 weeks, she hesitated at the card machine and I felt like it was expected. She didn’t say anything, and I’ve booked again, but now I fear that I’m being rude, what should I do?

 

[BearOnChair]

I think it's because they can't find it because it's a funny driveway. Sometimes a driver knocks on and asks but more often than not they don't.
Ill try contacting amazon and see what they say

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Something really weird just happened.

I live in a gated complex on my own. No one has ever bothered me in 4 years. Most people who live here are young professionals. I’ve never seen a single family with kids but again, I don’t know everyone in this building.

Around 6pm today, I heard a knock on my door. I opened the door and there was a woman standing against the wall with her child. The woman immediately gave me chills down my spine. She looked a bit haggard almost strung on something.

The child is the one who knocked at the dirt. When I said ‘What is this’, the woman told the child ‘go on’. So the child shows me some random Santa’s list to fill in and hands it to me. I said ‘Ok’ and I close the door.

I went to my living room and I thought the child and the woman were gone. Then the kid runs back to my door and the woman says to him ‘we’ll come back tomorrow’.

It was really weird. I’ve never seen this in my building. They didn’t ask for money, but the woman clearly comes from a rough area. She was wearing a track suit and home slippers. The child was in PJs. I’ve never seen them in the building ever.

I don’t know if they knocked at any other door on my floor as I didn’t hear anything but I find this all too weird and wonder if I should report it to security?

I would ask a couple of neighbours if they had them knocking as well and then I would report it to your security/management.

 

[tomato_paste]

Thanks @Snippysnips and @Codiaeum!

She is in therapy, has been for a while now and the antidepressants were on the recommendation from her therapist.

The flat is indeed available to her, and she can move back any time. There's multiple issues with it aside from the bad memories, all of which are totally solvable, but she's blocking every avenue.

She works from home so she's in a dark flat all day. Since it's street level she's got the curtains closed all day which makes it even worse. She doesn't want to spend the money on office space since her business is not bringing in enough money to break even. Understandable on one hand, but on the other, it's actively making her feel worse and is contributing to her business declining.

The flat also needs a bit of money to do maintenance and it could use a fresh coat of paint. 2 to 3 k for everything if she does the low level things herself. I offered my considerable experience as I've done lots of renovations on my house myself and I'm more than capable of helping her. She doesn't want to spend the money though. Same excuse as above.

I'm saying excuse because all of us siblings got an inheritance (very high 5 figures) for the same amount, and while I put mine into the down payment for my house, hers is in a savings account. She can stay indefinitely at our mother's flat at cost, so she's sitting on a pile of money. She is easily able to cover 2 to 3 k for repairs, she just doesn't want to spend it. And I get that to some extent, it's her fallback for when she earns less than she needs (also part of the crisis, btw, that she's put in a ton of work but it seems like her business is never going to be profitable). But her solution is to ignore the problem and stay at my place, which yeah, depression, sure, but I'm basically compensating for her ostrich tactics.

It might be time to set up a clear plan together, a timeline, some expectations for contributing (financially or practically), and some agreed-upon steps. It’s not about demanding instant change, but about seeing that she’s willing to try, and that your needs matter too. But you'd need to have it in you to also follow up with some consequences if she doesn't manage to take those steps ,adn you'd need to lay out the consequences out to her first so that it is clear what you expect, why, etc.

I did try that, and all it did was causing her to break down further and put her under pressure. But yeah, I will be putting down a clear timeline myself since she's unable to. She needs to move out next month, and if she wants to do some work on the flat beforehand, she has to be the one to initiate it. Doesn't mean she needs to do everything herself, but I want her to decide to do it. I need some kind of commitment to it otherwise it will turn into a "you forced me to do it" situation.
I also need her to contribute something in the next month - not sure what consequences I can give an adult other than kicking her out early, but yeah. She needs to take responsibility and contribute.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I did ask for a companion a few times. I was sort of aware there was something that they were doing that I might not be able to do. But there were a lot of us going and I knew I wasn't going to spend time with the same people

If it was a big group then I would suggest in the future you make sure you are included with plans every day so this doesn’t happen again.
I imagine people broke off into smaller groups to do what they wanted and somehow in the shuffle you got “lost”
But this need to be discussed before you go away.

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

My GP surgery, like many I can’t get an appointment but yesterday I got a txt message threatening me that if I didn’t make an appointment for my annual review for my ongoing medication they will basically ask me to leave the surgery & find a new one, I’m not on any ongoing medication, I last had antibiotics for a kidney infection in November last year & then medication for my gallstone attack in April last year, so now I need a blood test, next appointment 10th March! So it’s ok to threaten me but when I need an appointment & can’t get one then that’s ok! It’s a good job I’m not elderly & housebound, I did say the wording is disgusting & needs to be more tactful, but was told it’s a generic txt, anyway I’ve now found a new surgery as I won’t be treated like a piece of shit & feel the appointment is a waste especially when it could be used for people who have health problems ie diabetic, asthmatic etc….

My daughter is a type 1 diabetic - she had a medication review booked as a telephone consultation, they never called, and she received a snotty text just 30 minutes after the scheduled appointment just like this. Saying she should take her chronic illness seriously! It was the exact same situation as this - really disgusting, and quite frankly, anyone who has lived with type 1 diabetes or has loved ones with it knows that they take it 'seriously' - she's been injecting multiple times a day for 20 years.

 

[Snippysnips]

I couldn’t find a thread for school hell but really need advice please!

Are we supposed to give the teachers a Christmas gift? How about the teaching assistants? What kinds of things do they like to receive? There are 6 teaching staff who look after our class, school doesn’t have a staff room for sharing, what the shit do I do because this could get expensive!

Got teachers in the family an they say that 90% of the gifts end up being donated because they just don't have the room to be keeping everything or really need 20 pens or 10 mugs with "best teacher" on it, so I wouldn't stress, I'd just give the teacher that teaches your kid something like a box of chocolates

 

[Penguin2022]

It will be via consultation but we have no union

As someone else has said speak to Acas if you don’t have a union rep and get some impartial advice. Its been years since I used them but they were really good

 

[im_like_an_adult_cat]

Does anyone have any recommendations for getting rid of smell from activewear? Since I started running more all my gym clothes smell awful no matter how much I wash them

White vinegar is good for this! I have used it on smelly teenage boys pits on school shirts!
---
I guess this is a random problem, so wondering if anyone can help...
I'm going on my first long haul flight on Tuesday and starting to get really nervous! Do things like Kalms work? Or if anyone has any other recommendations, I'd be v grateful! Thank you

 

[Former_Antelopee]

I hope this isn't too ridiculous of a question, but I need help!

My mum and dad used to go on a few 'beach' holidays a year. But since he passed away three years ago she's really down as she feels like she hasn't got anyone to go with. I'd love to try and book a break away for us in June, but I've never booked a holiday and have no idea where to start!
How do I book flights / hotels / transfers or deals? Sorry, it's really stupid but I've tried Google and it's completely overwhelming. I don't have a massive budget either so don't want to go to a travel agent.
If anyone has any places to point me I'd be really grateful

There's a holiday thread you should have a look/post on there everyone's very helpful with questions
I've used loveholidays the last two times I've been away and had no issues and using them again for my holiday in a few days. They always come out cheaper than elsewhere

 

[Pesky Tarian]

I've had bags do the same . And a faux leather jacket.

Thanks for replying. I thought it was poor storage on my part. Just googled faux leather peeling and apparently PU breaks down 2-5 years after manufacture. They're all over 10 years old so figures. Annoying though!.

 

[chickhicks86]

Has anyone ever had extreme fatigue out of no where? I get at least 8 hours of sleep but I’m constantly yawning feel drowsy and eyes closing .i don’t even like coffee but having to have it just to keep my eyes open, it doesn’t help that much and im still tired. Thinking of seeing the doctor about it as it’s starting to affect my daily life

I think it definitely warrants a visit to the doctor, but it could be something as simple as your iron being low.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

She gets two decent walks per day and we often play with her too. In summer we usually have the kitchen door open so the dogs can go in and out as they please, the barky one especially loves to sun herself. Perhaps I'll try keeping them in more and see if it makes much difference.



I did try a water pistol to distract her - as in squirting next to her, not at her! It does work sometimes, but if I'm not in the garden with her, I have to keep stopping work and racing downstairs to see to her. She's only two so still quite young.

I've got to admit sometimes I do shout out of sheer frustration when she's going ballistic but you're right, it's not a good habit and I will stop.

Thank you both.

Imo it is what it is. I have barky dogs too. With age it got better but this is a terrier trait undortunately.
You are doing all the right things and tbh I don’t think an anti-bark collar will help.

The neighbours will just have to suck it up on the odd occasion she barks early in the morning or late at night.

Luckily I’ve not had complaints from the neighbours because like you we bring them in immediately. However sometimes at unsociable hours cats will come in our garden and they will bark. What can you do

 

[Buzz_off]

It’s very disgusting and immoral but I don’t think it’s actually illegal above 16 which is wild

If he has any explicit photos of her it's classed as child p0*n and depending on their relationship and how they communicate if you think this is a factor it should be reported.

He also threatened violence and sorry if anything happened to your dog you would have wished his behaviour was logged.

Reaching out to the parents is difficult, it could cause more potential harm and again it is something the police can advise on and do a potential welfare check.

 

[Kim Mild]

Does anyone know if handyman companies like Task Rabbit would be able to build a bike for me, or is it just general DIY stuff? Or if there are any other companies that would definitely do it?

Can't answer your original question but there might be a local cycle maintenance person in your area.

 

[Thank(space)you]

Any advice for anyone spending Christmas alone, don’t have any family or friends so entirely on my own this year.

If you don't want to spend it alone you could volunteer at a homeless centre and help out.
Or there are usually groups on fb for those who are spending it alone to meet up

 

[HoGi]

What would be a good gift for someone who's just gotten a new home? Can't really go plants due to their cats, it isn't a first home either so don't really want to get like home care stuff since they are really going have everything they need

Stuck on what to gift them

Nice blanket, decent candle, some nice bubble bath (if they have a bath) or just flowers and a card! Or a just eat voucher so they can try out the new takeaways.

I personally woukd hate a caddy of cleaning supplies as I am very particular about what cleaning products I use and I also am a bit of a hoarder so would end up shoving them in a cupboard

 

[bozlem3080]

Any advice for anyone spending Christmas alone, don’t have any family or friends so entirely on my own this year.

 

[Snippysnips]

I’m sick and feel like crap. My body aches and I have a headache, probably flu 🥲
What is your go to remedies? What do you swear by?
Also what do you eat?

I've just gotten over it, I use the lemsip cold an flu tablets, it doesn't actually get rid of it but I find especially with the night ones it lessons the aches an gives me a chance at a better night sleep so speeds up the process with feeling better

As for eating an drinking I take in more water an I try to keep my eating as normal as I can, even when I cannot face cooking I force myself just so am still keeping a good diet, while junk food feels like the easy choice you feel worse in the long run with it

Hot showers/baths as well, steam does wonders for the stuffyness

Hope you feel better soon

 

[tomato_paste]

@cowtastrophe try switching tooth pastes to one without Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (it's in a lot of them but can be irritating) and using a decongestant for a few nights a week to help you breathe through your nose during the night to avoid a dry mouth. Get a fresh, very soft tooth brush and be very gentle when brushing.

Up your water intake. Drinking lots will help flush your mouth. Sage tea would be especially beneficial, it disinfects without drying out (as camomile would do). You can either drink it if you don't mind the taste or use it to gargle with regularly.

I'd stay away from food with lots of sugar as to not feed the bad bacteria too much. Also avoid food that is very acidic, such as lemons, oranges, pineapple, tomato based products etc which may weaken your gums and cheeks, or food that has sharp edges like crunchy bread, granola, and so on because it can lead to micro cuts on your gums and cheeks which then may get infected.

You can also get a medication called "Pyralvex" which you should be able to get without prescription, which you can apply to the ulcers directly and helps fight inflammation and will also help with the pain. It tastes disgusting but works a treat.

I would also keep on trying to get an appointment - sometimes, your mouth's bacterial balance can become disturbed and a course of meds is needed to rebalance it.