The advice thread for random problems #6

[littlepup]

Hi everyone, thanks for the feedback! Just a little clarification, I've talked extensively with both my mom and my aunt for the past few months about this....or I should say, they talk to me about it. I have been saying for a decade now that she needed to set him straight, tell him to grow the F up, and kick him out but she just says "he'll just sink". I think he needs to sink to be humbled.

I think sometimes when people are being enabled and it stops they will sink because they can’t do it alone but sometimes they’re just purely taking advantage because they can and would survive.
He has the ability to drive, he’s choosing not to because he doesn’t have to. He also has a job. Those are two big things he has that would allow him to help himself. He’s making active choices to worsen his circumstances because currently he has a choice.

The longer he’s enabled the further he will get from being able to sort himself out, she’ll lose the skills he had and then what happened when the option is no longer there?

It’s a crappy situation but it seems to be of his own making but your mum still has an element of that protective Mama going on. Can you get her to see that she’s actually not helping him to prepare for the future?

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Hi everyone, thanks for the feedback! Just a little clarification, I've talked extensively with both my mom and my aunt for the past few months about this....or I should say, they talk to me about it. I have been saying for a decade now that she needed to set him straight, tell him to grow the F up, and kick him out but she just says "he'll just sink". I think he needs to sink to be humbled.

She has honestly thought recently of just signing the house out of her name (she keeps herself one foot out the door anyway and has never had an attachment to the house and stayed intentionally behind on property taxes if she ever needed to run) and just abandoning the house and him as he has made it very clear of his refusal to leave.

I think you're all right, I live 3 hours (drive) away so it's not like I can just swing over if things hit the fan but I am also not afraid to be an enemy of him as I have been there before in the past. I have never had a very good relationship with him and at this point, I don't even like him as a person anymore. I wouldn't even extend putting a shed turned tiny house in my backyard anymore for him to live in (just a running *serious* joke - my mom has always said I'll have to take him when she's gone because he won't make it). I think it's best I just stay the fack out of it.

I appreciate tattle and everyone on it so much, thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.

Like the other poster mentioned ask your mum and aunt to stop complaining to you.
I had to drum it home to my mum that I couldn’t take the emotional burden anymore. If she didn’t want to make changes then she can’t complain to me about it. My MH took a dip and I was so stressed that my blood pressure went through the roof.
I think that’s what actually made my mum stop moaning to me is when I said to her my GP diagnosed me with high blood pressure due to the stress
So please take care of yourself

 

[epictoaster]

Like the other poster mentioned ask your mum and aunt to stop complaining to you.
I had to drum it home to my mum that I couldn’t take the emotional burden anymore. If she didn’t want to make changes then she can’t complain to me about it. My MH took a dip and I was so stressed that my blood pressure went through the roof.
I think that’s what actually made my mum stop moaning to me is when I said to her my GP diagnosed me with high blood pressure due to the stress
So please take care of yourself

Yes, I definitely need to set some boundaries. I already tend to keep my physical distance, visiting brings on a lot of anxiety and stress weeks in advance

I think sometimes when people are being enabled and it stops they will sink because they can’t do it alone but sometimes they’re just purely taking advantage because they can and would survive.
He has the ability to drive, he’s choosing not to because he doesn’t have to. He also has a job. Those are two big things he has that would allow him to help himself. He’s making active choices to worsen his circumstances because currently he has a choice.

The longer he’s enabled the further he will get from being able to sort himself out, she’ll lose the skills he had and then what happened when the option is no longer there?

It’s a crappy situation but it seems to be of his own making but your mum still has an element of that protective Mama going on. Can you get her to see that she’s actually not helping him to prepare for the future?

.
Yes, my husband and I both have been extra diligent about reminding her of that over the years. I'm hoping with her sudden desire to move house will florish and she takes action.

Thanks everyone. Much appreciation, I just wasn't sure if stepping in would be a good idea or not.

 

[Jas28]

Has anyone had their breast implants removed. I’m considering getting them and I’m just wondering whether they leave you with saggy skin if were to remove them in the future

 

[Captainmouse]

Has anyone had their breast implants removed. I’m considering getting them and I’m just wondering whether they leave you with saggy skin if were to remove them in the future

Having watched botched I would say yes, the degree depends on how big the implant and how much breast tissue you have

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Has anyone had their breast implants removed. I’m considering getting them and I’m just wondering whether they leave you with saggy skin if were to remove them in the future

Yes, but they should fix that at the same time. They’re not just going to pluck them out and leave you with two deflated bags. They sort it out at the same time

 

[Piff paff puff]

Any techies? Just wondering if it's possible to access the internet on a smart TV without any other cables or things? For example could I use my phone and WiFi to do all the things I do on my phone but on the big screen? I have Google home also if that helps.

 

[Captainmouse]

Any techies? Just wondering if it's possible to access the internet on a smart TV without any other cables or things? For example could I use my phone and WiFi to do all the things I do on my phone but on the big screen? I have Google home also if that helps.

Yes, but as all tv's are different you will need to have the information, as they don’t all use the same terminology. But you should be able to stream from phone and mirror on tv for example

 

[Pesky Tarian]

Any techies? Just wondering if it's possible to access the internet on a smart TV without any other cables or things? For example could I use my phone and WiFi to do all the things I do on my phone but on the big screen? I have Google home also if that helps.

**Not a techie** but you should have the Internet as an app on your smart TV, but I find it terribly clunky to use. Depending on what you want to do you may be better looking for the relevant apps on there i.e. YouTube, BBC sounds.

 

[Snippysnips]

Any techies? Just wondering if it's possible to access the internet on a smart TV without any other cables or things? For example could I use my phone and WiFi to do all the things I do on my phone but on the big screen? I have Google home also if that helps.

You can usually cast to a TV from a phone or tablet, the way mine works is I have my phone an tablet registered on my TV so whenever I access things like YouTube for example it pops up on my phone if I want to cast or not, however that's with apps that the TV already has, am not sure what it would be like casting if you wanted to use the internet like Google from your phone, you could try connecting your TV from your phones settings an seeing if you could cast that way similar to connecting a Bluetooth you'd be connecting the TV

 

[Piff paff puff]

You can usually cast to a TV from a phone or tablet, the way mine works is I have my phone an tablet registered on my TV so whenever I access things like YouTube for example it pops up on my phone if I want to cast or not, however that's with apps that the TV already has, am not sure what it would be like casting if you wanted to use the internet like Google from your phone, you could try connecting your TV from your phones settings an seeing if you could cast that way similar to connecting a Bluetooth you'd be connecting the TV

Thanks, I know I can do all of this on a smart TV and don't need Google home or anything or to control it with my phone as the smart TV that I have used has an internet browser and and I have WiFi. But I wanted to use a separate TV and because the main TV is connected to an outside cable TV aerial? I wondered if a separate TV with no outside cable or TV aerial would work only using the internet on it. Sorry if that's complicated, I just wanted to know for sure before I go out and buy a smart TV. I don't want to watch digital channels, though if I could that would be a bonus but I just want to use it for the internet as I watch online films ( no subscriptions) just a website.

 

[Pesky Tarian]

Thanks, I know I can do all of this on a smart TV and don't need Google home or anything or to control it with my phone as the smart TV that I have used has an internet browser and and I have WiFi. But I wanted to use a separate TV and because the main TV is connected to an outside cable TV aerial? I wondered if a separate TV with no outside cable or TV aerial would work only using the internet on it. Sorry if that's complicated, I just wanted to know for sure before I go out and buy a smart TV. I don't want to watch digital channels, though if I could that would be a bonus but I just want to use it for the internet as I watch online films ( no subscriptions) just a website.

Ah ok so my children's TV's have no aerial and they can still use all the smart TV features. You just connect the TV to the WiFi. Again you'll need a browser app.

Just a little advice we have a new Samsung smart TV which cost a pretty penny and it's awful to navigate and incredibly temperamental. The children have Hisense which were far cheaper and I find much more user friendly. Just checked and there is a browser app pre installed .

 

[Snippysnips]

Thanks, I know I can do all of this on a smart TV and don't need Google home or anything or to control it with my phone as the smart TV that I have used has an internet browser and and I have WiFi. But I wanted to use a separate TV and because the main TV is connected to an outside cable TV aerial? I wondered if a separate TV with no outside cable or TV aerial would work only using the internet on it. Sorry if that's complicated, I just wanted to know for sure before I go out and buy a smart TV. I don't want to watch digital channels, though if I could that would be a bonus but I just want to use it for the internet as I watch online films ( no subscriptions) just a website.

Like above poster said, it should work fine without an aerial, I don't have a aerial for my TV so can only access whatever apps from my WiFi, I think so long as your TV can connect to the WiFi an you can connect your devices on it through Bluetooth like your phone or tablet then it should be fine, I'd imagine most TVs now all have the cast option on them

 

[Piff paff puff]

Ah ok so my children's TV's have no aerial and they can still use all the smart TV features. You just connect the TV to the WiFi. Again you'll need a browser app.

Just a little advice we have a new Samsung smart TV which cost a pretty penny and it's awful to navigate and incredibly temperamental. The children have Hisense which were far cheaper and I find much more user friendly. Just checked and there is a browser app pre installed .

Ooh! Thanks, that's great to know

 

[BearOnChair]

Neighbours parcels keep being left on our doorstep, no knock, no card, just left.
They order everyday on amazon so it's pretty annoying.
I used to take them straight round myself but I'm a bit fed up of it because it's everyday and they've never tried to prevent it.
What would you do?
Just wang them over the hedge into a puddle??

 

[Snippysnips]

Neighbours parcels keep being left on our doorstep, no knock, no card, just left.
They order everyday on amazon so it's pretty annoying.
I used to take them straight round myself but I'm a bit fed up of it because it's everyday and they've never tried to prevent it.
What would you do?
Just wang them over the hedge into a puddle??

If it was every single day I'd just be throwing them from the door over to their side, if they end up in the middle of their garden or a puddle or whatever then too bad, it sounds like they have your address on Amazon an can't be bothered to fix it since there's no card as Amazon tend to do that now, when I've ordered I just get it left at my door now, only reason I know they have been is because I get the delivered notification, maybe the more you just throw them over to their side they will fix the address

 

[Codiaeum]

Neighbours parcels keep being left on our doorstep, no knock, no card, just left.
They order everyday on amazon so it's pretty annoying.
I used to take them straight round myself but I'm a bit fed up of it because it's everyday and they've never tried to prevent it.
What would you do?
Just wang them over the hedge into a puddle??

Call Amazon customer service and explain this, it sounds like they might have given your address or the delivery person isn’t sticking to whatever your neighbor left as instructions. Customer service is really good and they often can sort these things out.

 

[littlepup]

Neighbours parcels keep being left on our doorstep, no knock, no card, just left.
They order everyday on amazon so it's pretty annoying.
I used to take them straight round myself but I'm a bit fed up of it because it's everyday and they've never tried to prevent it.
What would you do?
Just wang them over the hedge into a puddle??

Note on the door saying parcels for you address ONLY.
Bizarre to leave them on you doorstep and not theirs anyway. I’d understand more if you were taking them in.

 

[BearOnChair]

I think it's because they can't find it because it's a funny driveway. Sometimes a driver knocks on and asks but more often than not they don't.
Ill try contacting amazon and see what they say

 

[Lalla]

I've had this issue several times recently with deliveries, things being left on my doorstep for my next door neighbour, or on another occasion for a house 3 doors along. I will take in the odd parcel if the driver knocks, but it's the dumping and running that annoys me, not even ringing the bell beforehand.

Some of it seems to be because I don't have a door number on my house. However the houses either side of me do, yet I still get post for the house 3 doors along semi regularly. It's annoying because they never come and fetch it either.