The advice thread for random problems #6

[Codiaeum]

It’s definitely that and not labyrinthitis, is it?

I'd never even heard of that before, but it prompted me to think of something else.
OP, do you also have a vertigo feeling? I've had positional vertigo before and it's a very odd and disconcerting feeling of suddenly not being able to tell up and down, I've nearly fell down from a chair and had to be really careful when walking as I just started to stumble. I know someone who had this really bad and they had to go to the hospital for it because they fell in the shower. It's something to do with your inner ear and calcium carbonate particles essentially clogging up the part of it that is responsible for your sense of balance.

 

[HankMcPrank]

10 weeks 5 days pregnant, nausea after my afternoon nap has been the worst. Snacking fresh air and water is helping but it comes in waves.

 

[Mamacita]

Does anyone use apps to help with screen time? Am not really looking to block things out completely, just want to keep track of how much time am using on certain apps to make me more aware to try to minimise my time, an perhaps a night mode where I can't be scrolling endlessly at night, I really know I shouldn't be but once am on those reels I find am just none stop scrolling

Not sure what phone you have but mine has digital wellbeing tools in settings already and that has time spent on apps and you can set limits. I've also used an app called block where you can set blocks to come on at certain time, for a certain time period, and specific apps. Might be worth doing though I know you said you don't want to block stuff, but it lets you unblock it, it's just a bit more effort, with some of the apps you need to restart your phone.

Instagram also has limits where it will give you a reminder when you pass it, though you can choose to ignore the limit for the day

I have to say the only thing that works for me though is leaving my phone out of reach, in another room or if I'm in bed somewhere where I need to get up to get it

 

[HoGi]

I hope this isn't too ridiculous of a question, but I need help!

My mum and dad used to go on a few 'beach' holidays a year. But since he passed away three years ago she's really down as she feels like she hasn't got anyone to go with. I'd love to try and book a break away for us in June, but I've never booked a holiday and have no idea where to start!
How do I book flights / hotels / transfers or deals? Sorry, it's really stupid but I've tried Google and it's completely overwhelming. I don't have a massive budget either so don't want to go to a travel agent.
If anyone has any places to point me I'd be really grateful

If you book with someone like TUI or jet2 it's a package holiday. So will be flight, hotel and transfers all in one

 

[petitspois]

Thanks I'll have a look on their site, my problem would be trying to figure out how to get rid of the old one tbh, it's not going fit in my little car an the towns tip requires booking appointments to go an fees to pay to use it, so I'd be paying anyway if I done it myself

I’ve got a Haier too and it’s been great. You can pay more for AO to take away your old one and search by drum size to find larger machines.

 

[littlepup]

Hi everyone, thanks for the feedback! Just a little clarification, I've talked extensively with both my mom and my aunt for the past few months about this....or I should say, they talk to me about it. I have been saying for a decade now that she needed to set him straight, tell him to grow the F up, and kick him out but she just says "he'll just sink". I think he needs to sink to be humbled.

I think sometimes when people are being enabled and it stops they will sink because they can’t do it alone but sometimes they’re just purely taking advantage because they can and would survive.
He has the ability to drive, he’s choosing not to because he doesn’t have to. He also has a job. Those are two big things he has that would allow him to help himself. He’s making active choices to worsen his circumstances because currently he has a choice.

The longer he’s enabled the further he will get from being able to sort himself out, she’ll lose the skills he had and then what happened when the option is no longer there?

It’s a crappy situation but it seems to be of his own making but your mum still has an element of that protective Mama going on. Can you get her to see that she’s actually not helping him to prepare for the future?

 

[Bianca Del Rio]

Hi ladies!

This is not a “problem” but was just wondering if anyone had any helpful advice! I had a party to celebrate my baby being born recently and I’m so grateful we received so so many gifts, he’ll never need anything again but there are a lot of duplicates, items in smaller sizes, items that I just wouldn’t put him in (not safe), or things we don’t use. Only one of my cousins gave us gift receipts so I can exchange/get a gift card, but no one else did.

Do shops like H&M, mamas and papas, next etc take items back if they’re new with rags without a gift receipt? Alternatively I can sell items on vinted but they go for very cheap and I’d rather get as much money back as I can so I can buy him items in his size or things he’ll need in the future! Thank you xx

I think the most you’ll come away with is an exchange for another item of the same value. You won’t get money back. They’d want proof of purchase and the card used in the original transaction. I’m only basing that on my experience of Next though. I don’t know about H&M or Mamas & Papas.

Congratulations on your new arrival.

 

[Lalla]

Trying & failing to look for a new job, was even turned down for a shelf stacking job at my local supermarket, I’m just fed up now, I live in a shared house, have a part time minimum wage job as a supervisor, no extra pay, they won’t up my hours (do roughly 20hrs a week) not entitled to any extra help ie with rent (it’s half my wage) & I’m just struggling so much, I just dream of having my own little place nothing fancy but my own kitchen, front door, etc (have en-suite luckily) but it’s never going to happen, I’m mid 40’s & just giving up I really am, I don’t drive, just feel like an absolute failure.

Please don't feel a failure, you are working and actively trying to improve your situation. Plus you're financially supporting yourself even though you're only working limited hours atm. But I completely understand why you'd want a place of your own.

In terms of work, is there anything you could do to add to your current skills or qualifications that might improve your chances of getting a job with increased hours/pay? See if there are any free courses available in your area either online or in person (if you can fit this around your working hours). Also I know that care work isn't for everyone, but I know that's an area where there are often vacancies, some extra hours doing that type of work might allow you to build some savings whilst looking for a better paying full time role?

 

[HelloStereo]

I want to word this sensitively but could he be projecting because he wants to end the friendship type relationship you two have? Is he seeing someone?

I really wouldn’t take it to heart, any ‘friend’ who thinks the conversation isn’t worth their time isn’t worth yours.

Probably yes. There have been periods through our friendship where he's got a girlfriend and he'd not tell me. I'd ask him and he'd say no, even when I can see pictures of them together on social media. Instead he'd invent a roundabout reason to not talk any more, like what he's doing now.

Every time it happened I started to care less and less, and this time I just deleted him off every social media app I had anyway and don't feel sad like I used to.

 

[Kim Mild]

I have been getting to know someone to build a friendship but I’m the only one who reaches out, asks how they are and asks any questions about them or their life. She doesn’t ask me anything about myself or ask me any questions. I’m thinking she’s not interested so doesn’t really care to ask, I don’t think she’s socially awkward because I’ve heard her converse with others fine. I think I should just leave it and ignore her too?

Some people don't want to pursue more friendship. They are fine with what they've got and are content to keep everyone else as acquaintances.
https://tattle.life/threads/friends-or-lack-of-2.39813/ There's a friendship thread on here.

 

[ivenotimetotiktok]

Entitled to sick pay at work. Had a day off done what I’m meant too called in etc valid reason. Haven’t been paid my sick day. not the first time they’ve messed up pay… it’s so draining and app no HR we can talk too

 

[chickhicks86]

Has anyone got any tips or experience about getting the maximum out of insurance claim? I’ve been victim of an extremely traumatic event which has put me out of my home for 5 months so far. Solicitors have not been interested as no one was severed in half or anything .

I hope you're ok. The LegalAdviceUK sub on Reddit would be a good place to ask about this if you can manage to do so without giving personal info away.

 

[Chocolategoggler]

So this is really trivial but it’s also upsetting me, I started a new job about a month ago, everyone is lovely apart from one person who twice now has commented about my name, the first instance was ‘my ex sister in law has the same name as you, I hate that name’ then he said ‘oh your name is in that song ha ha’ then reeled off the singer/band, now I have a pretty common name, it’s an ok name, I got home from work & just wanted to cry, he has a really common name as well, I think that’s pretty rich slagging my name off when you have such a basic name, I just don’t know what to do because he seems quite popular & has been there for years. Or perhaps I’m just being sensitive? I’m not a very confident person & can take things to heart.

He might fancy you.
I've had times in my life where blokes have been horrible to me and later been told that they actually fancied me.
I had a boss too who told his team he hated me the first time I was introduced to the team on a walk round. Took me years to get away from his team and then ten years later he came into my workplace and rushed over overjoyed to see me!
I'll never understand men...

 

[Mamacita]

I appear to be losing my grip .

Over Christmas I got to noticing how often I was dropping things i.e. jars, cans. This morning I decided to touch up some gloss, I can usually walk around with the small paint can in one hand, brush in the other, but today I couldn't hold the can .

Early 40s, do a lot of keyboard work, has anyone experienced this? Are there any exercises anyone has tried?.

That sounds like something that needs to be checked with a doctor tbh
---

Any advice for sagging cheeks? I don’t really have wrinkles yet but starting to notice my skins isn’t as firm as before. What treatments are recommended for that. Apparently weight loss can give the illusion of firmer/younger face I’ve read

As far as I'm aware only a face lift would really help with that. Some people get cheek filler with mixed results. I think weight loss would make it worse

 

[Snippysnips]

I don't own a cat but for the cats sake I wish people would just keep them indoors, I think years ago it was probably fine an safer for the cat, but now a days not so much, people I find get angrier more these days an I've had neighbours/family tell me that their cat have been intentionally run over or been shot with a BB gun because another neighbours tolerance has run out

Access the road from me had a 2 ginger cats I used to cat sit at times, but one of them took a liking to going across the road on the other side into the neighbours front garden an doing the toilet, she complained numerous times since her young kids played there an there was always cat toilet in it, it also kept digging at her little trees, eventually her tolerance ran out an while there's no proof she run the younger ginger cat over, the timing of it happening made us realise that it was probably her that done it since she'd always come down the road at that time an its a quiet street it was such a sweet little cat too

My cousin's cat also got shot with a BB gun, we don't know by who but he had also had complaints before it happened, my family now keep cats indoors

An then a while back someone in town was purposely going round trying run cats over for the sake of it, a lot were injured an some killed, people these days are just sick, it's really not safe anymore

 

[Former_Antelopee]

I had been told by a colleague and my main manager (above line manager) that they'd had good feedback about me from people I work with. But then I had a meeting last week with my line manager who I don't work in the same office as so we have catch up meetings probably about every 6 weeks. The meeting last week he said that he had to go through some things with me as they'd had some feedback and it wasn't good. Whatever I'll work on the feedback it's probably a helpful thing to know but it's just been on my mind as the meetings he never says anything good. And I'm just confused as I was told by the two people they had good feedback yet get told only bad things. I should just forget it but it makes me anxious waiting for the next meeting or even email from my line manager

 

[miss n thropy]

Hello all.

someone on the celebrity gossip thread sent me here and I would appreciate some advice on a very specific issue, although I have already got one very good suggestion from there.

My dearest friend of over 40 years, we are now both over 60, has, as is fairly typical with aging, put on a lot of weight and is now medically classed as obese. It is also causing her health issues. I know her husband mentions losing weight to her because he is genuinely scared for her health, she had a heart scare only last year.

She has been very good to me over our many years of friendship and I want to be kind and supportive, but every time I see her, her first and most common topic is her weight. ”I’m so fat” “Nothing fits” “I’ve put 5 pounds on this week”. It’s been at least thred years now that this has been the main thing she talks about. When we go out, she will constantly point out women she thinks are fatter than her, and sometimes make disparaging remarks, which just makes me uncomfortable. (I know this is projection and she does it because she feels bad about herself.)

I am going to sound awful, but to be honest, I’m tired of this topic.
My main need for advice though is what do I actually say? Does she want me to sympathise or give her a pep talk or just listen?
I have some extra weight but it just doesn’t bother me that much. That said, everyone is different and I know it bothers her not just in terms of health but mainly how she looks. She is actually pretty active as she has a Dalmatian that she walks for miles every day. Any advice would be much appreciated on what to say to be a good friend, but also, maybe I don’t want to talk about this every time we see or speak to each other, which is pretty much every day.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Any tips on how to bounce back faster from setbacks in life. Everyone I know recovers so fast, they’ll already be in a new relationship or new job quickly even if things ended badly. I’ve read it takes around 36 months to recover from a toxic situation and but I feel like I need to be a bit more mentally stronger.

There is no life hack for stuff like this. We are all built differently. I'm amazing at compartementalizing but it's not necessarily a good thing as it can seem cold and uncaring.

Take as much time as you need. Do some selfcare and build yourself up. You'll know when you are ready to move on and IF you feel you are struggling too much and need help then ask for it.

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

Thank you to you and @petitspois I think you’re both right. Especially the part about mental health. I just feel really hurt and upset at the moment. I talk to this person for hours pretty much every single day and it feels like I’m going through a break up of sorts. I just want to find friends that put in the same effort I do but I’ve lost so many last year because they don’t and they don’t care enough to try and make things right. I’m starting to feel like there’s just something wrong with me

I can imagine it's a really hard time. I'm just going to speak honestly so please excuse me if I come across as rude or blunt, I really say it with the best intentions. If this situation has repeated on you a few times, it sounds a bit like you might have an anxious attachment style. It's a lot to go into here, but I would suggest having a read about it online and see if you recognise any of the symptoms/actions in yourself.

I also wonder if perhaps you are putting all your eggs in one basket at times with your friends - talking to one single person for hours each day is extremely rare. It could simply be that these friends felt it was too much and too intense. Think of it like growing vegetables in a garden. Would you plant one singular carrot in the hopes it will grow into a big one? Or would you plant a row of them, and look after them all, knowing that some are going to fail or drop off? I know with friendships that can be easier said than done, but nurturing a selection of friendships rather than intensely pursuing one at a time I think would be a really good thing here. Perhaps pick up a new game or join a new server, try a new hobby or some in-person classes, or ask someone at work out for drinks. You'd be surprised at how many people are actively looking for new connections

 

[cowtastrophe]

I feel for you, Mr Bloggs has a very similar friend.

Why don't you suggest he goes alone and spend some one on one time with his friend and that you would like some time alone?

That sounds like a good excuse! Apparently, friend did actually ask if I would agree to come along so he's clearly aware that I’m less than bothered about seeing him.