The advice thread for random problems #6

[HankMcPrank]

I so sad for you and your son. I had to look up CVL - that's serious stuff you've got going on.

Do you have plenty of support around you, those you can talk to? Has the hospital ruled out the surgery not happening...

I spoke to them on Saturday and they said so long as he still has a sore throat he can have the operation x

 

[littlepup]

At what point do you issue someone an ultimatum? MrBabes and I have been together 7 years, he knows I want to get married, every time I bring the subject up he usually just brushes it off. At what point do you walk when they won’t commit?

Would you really leave him if he didn’t want to get married? And if so is that because you don’t have the same aspirations for the future or is it just the marriage thing where you don’t agree?

It seems like there’s maybe more to this because marriage is no guarantee. I know plenty of unmarried couples who’ve stayed together longer than others who’ve been married.
If it stems from your previous partner leaving you would you let the hurt he can caused you destroy this relationship? Do you trust this partner not to do the same and would a marriage certificate change that? It might be that you’re letting your past determine your future negatively and rather than pushing your partner to marry (is it even real if you’ve basically demanded it?) coming to peace with what’s happened in the past might be the next step.

Either way I think you need to really think about why marriage is so important to you and have a proper conversation with your OH about why he’s reluctant.

 

[Snippysnips]

What does it mean when someone looks at you and always goes bright red ? Even when speaking to them and engaging at work. I thought they were angry with me but I haven’t done anything to them so it’s not that but they look visibly fuming?

Could be an anxiety response they can't control, but I guess it would depend on their facial features, if their face looks visible angry then am not sure what their problem could be, but if it's just a generally red face an they don't look angry it might be caused by a type of anxiety or blushing which is caused by emotions

Some clients that have come to us has been due to them going red face with things, mostly it was if they had to talk to a room full of people they would go red, or if they were with friends, it was always either blushing or anxiety

Or I guess depending on age an if female could be a menopause thing, my mum would go bright red at such random times

 

[Kim Mild]

The person I'm dating has recently been diagnosed with cancer . They don't want to talk about it or think about it. I'm fairly knowledgeable in this field from medical aspect, but emotionally in terms of support I don't know what to do. Do I just follow their wishes and not discuss it? I've said I'm there for them whatever they need, be it advice, emotional support, sympathy etc but is there anything else I should be doing?

I
I think they want you to see them as the person you met, rather than someone who who is unwell. Perhaps tell them you can respect their wishes for now. But depending how things go , it may be impossible to not talk or think about it .

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

[May be TMI for some]

On Saturday evening, I started experiencing cramping in on the left side of my pelvis. I didn’t think much of it as I usually get minor ovulation cramps which go away after a day or two.

However, this time, the pain has gotten progressively worse as time went on. It’s so painful to the point where it’s all I think about and I can barely walk. I took some ibuprofen but it only reduces the pain for an hour or so only for it to come back again.

I normally don’t even experience period cramps, so I’m literally confused as to why ovulation cramps would come out of nowhere like this.

I’m not sure if it’s a random occurrence or a ruptured cyst but it’s really debilitating. Has anyone experienced this before?

Tbh you need to see a GP and not ask health advice on here.
However it could be diverticulitus, I was diagnosed a few years ago, and it can cause bad pain on the left side.
It’s normally something you get if you struggle with constipation

 

[Codiaeum]

One thing therapy for my divorce has taught me, is men (yes not all men just a lot of them) dont pick up on subtleties. If you had outright asked if you can come round, he no doubt would have said yes. But he probably didnt pick up on the underlying unasked question.

I will however say, I have never been able to outright ask, and I would always be like you and expect him to pick up on the unasked, and often end up disappointed he didn't pick up what I was expecting him to do without asking. So no advice but you're not alone or bad for feeling annoyed.

This is so true! I get annoyed at my partner for not realizing I'm covertly asking him to do something by explaining a problem or something - but it'S just a different style of communication. I hate asking outright, don't even know why but I always feel like I'm then imposing (probably was taught in school a bit too much that help should be offered instead of asking for it). If I do ask 99% it does it or suggest how to do it.

Also @yogiessexdubs about him not asking how you are today - very likely just that same behaviour. They don't mean it in a bad way, it's just not something that crosses their minds. I bet if you told him that you aren't feeling your best today outright, you would get a kind response.

 

[Snippysnips]

At what point do you issue someone an ultimatum? MrBabes and I have been together 7 years, he knows I want to get married, every time I bring the subject up he usually just brushes it off. At what point do you walk when they won’t commit?

I guess it would depend on age, I'd say if young 20s then that's about long enough, 30s I'd have been gone before 7 years if they were certain they weren't going commit

I know you say he brushes it off but if you are certain it's what you want then I'd be telling him at this stage he needs to stop brushing it off an give an answer, either it's a yes or no, there's no "maybe" or "we'll see", there doesn't need to be a wedding asap but he needs to at least be honest if he's going to commit, the older you get the more people are already settled down an harder it may be to find someone else

 

[Thank(space)you]

Any advice for someone feeling like they're stuck in a rut?
I'm a single mum to an 8 year old, with limited free time and money. I have a job I mostly enjoy, but I feel like my life hasn't really changed in the last 4 years and I'm just stuck in a rut. Don't get me wrong, there have been some changes (a promotion at work, came off anti depressants and lost weight) but my life just feels so stagnant and dull. It seems like everyone else's lives are progressing around me and I'm just here

 

[Mamacita]

Does anyone use reflective window film, an would it reflect cars lights back similar to a mirror?

Arsehole neighbours across from me have done up the house an done away with the front garden to put in a extended driveway since apparently having one that fits two cars isn't enough however it now means their car when in this new part is sitting right opposite my living room window an they will sit there for up to an hour sometimes with their full headlights on

While I could shut the blinds I don't see why I should have too, the room feels more closed in when they are shut an I like having them open, so aside from putting up an actual mirror to shine the light back at them I was thinking about getting a reflective firm but am not sure what's the best to go for or if it will work the way I want it too

Why are they sitting in their car for an hour ? Wtf id be asking them to cut that shit. Alternatively I'd get a massive torch and shine it straight at them whenever they do it

 

[cowtastrophe]

Is there no clubs or anything close by he could go too? Just to meet others, I knows there's Andy's man club but am not sure of all of their locations, I know a few that go to it, it's a mental health club but the guys I know have gotten a few really good friendships from going an now go out on guys nights

There is a men’s shed nearby and I did encourage him to go but he was worried it would be full of weirdos He’s fairly introverted and tends to overthink things. I might suggest that again actually as he's very practical and they do quite a few projects along those lines apparently.

 

[Kim Mild]

Thank you for your response, and also @JoeBloggs .

The reason I.ask is because when I get on a bus, I see these notices and simply ignore them, as I think they are for old people. However, I now realise that as I'm almost 70, perhaps I fit into the "old" category. Yet, I don't look it, feel it or act it . So for now I'll just continue letting other old people use those seats.

It's not compulsory to sit there, just the elderly can if they find it easier. I have certain seats I prefer on the bus , I imagine I'll always gravitate towards those if they are free.

 

[yogiessexdubs]

So today I had a Tesco delivery booked (it’s been booked for a long time) between 7-10pm with all of my Xmas food.
It got to where I was ‘stop no.3’ and the vehicle didn’t move I stayed awake incase there was a delay, no notifications at all. Needless today there was no update and no delivery.
I will call customer service but just wondered if this has happened to anyone else recently & what normally happens/where I stand legally. Thanks.

 

[Shoequeen91]

Thanks so much for all the replies, I wasn’t expecting so many! I really appreciate all the different perspectives too. You’re right, I can only change the way I am and to not worry too much about my friend. I have offered but also need to respect her current position and work within her boundary should I wish to do something with her.

I suppose I’ve just got a level of sadness attached to it as we used to do loads together and now it’s far and few between.

Definitely taking the advice about widening my circle further and jumping at more solo opportunities

 

[Jas28]

Any tips on how to bounce back faster from setbacks in life. Everyone I know recovers so fast, they’ll already be in a new relationship or new job quickly even if things ended badly. I’ve read it takes around 36 months to recover from a toxic situation and but I feel like I need to be a bit more mentally stronger.

 

[epictoaster]

Hi everyone, thanks for the feedback! Just a little clarification, I've talked extensively with both my mom and my aunt for the past few months about this....or I should say, they talk to me about it. I have been saying for a decade now that she needed to set him straight, tell him to grow the F up, and kick him out but she just says "he'll just sink". I think he needs to sink to be humbled.

She has honestly thought recently of just signing the house out of her name (she keeps herself one foot out the door anyway and has never had an attachment to the house and stayed intentionally behind on property taxes if she ever needed to run) and just abandoning the house and him as he has made it very clear of his refusal to leave.

I think you're all right, I live 3 hours (drive) away so it's not like I can just swing over if things hit the fan but I am also not afraid to be an enemy of him as I have been there before in the past. I have never had a very good relationship with him and at this point, I don't even like him as a person anymore. I wouldn't even extend putting a shed turned tiny house in my backyard anymore for him to live in (just a running *serious* joke - my mom has always said I'll have to take him when she's gone because he won't make it). I think it's best I just stay the fack out of it.

I appreciate tattle and everyone on it so much, thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.

 

[MyLittlePony25]

Is there anyway you could work from home? Or maybe do some hours at the office an then get the last bus home an do the rest at home?

You might need to look at your contract, if it's got anything in it like the job might move then there's probably not much you can do

I think that’s what’s going to have to happen, leaving early and getting the last bus. We are a face to face service but if there are notes/paperwork to do, I can do them from home.
I will give my manager all the scenarios as I’m guessing she will then talk to my area manager. I know my manager won’t want me to leave as I am (not to be big headed) good at my job and bring a lot to the team. I promote the service and do marketing outside of my working hours and if I go, there isn’t anyone left to do that.

 

[Snippysnips]

Quick question, can a married woman have a male platonic friend? A guy friend who has met your husband and you know you will never sleep with.

Of course, am not married but I've got plenty male friends who have partners, none of us are interested in anything more than just being mates, personally I get on better with the males than females as I find them easier to talk with an tbh take a joke better

 

[boomska]

I HATE fancy dress but my housemate loves it and we’re going out for Halloween. I like doing the makeup and the blood, but it’s just the clothing. Has anyone got any suggestion to what I can go as?

 

[T-time]

The idea of driving off into the sunset scares me but I do get that feeling of being stuck. Whenever that happens and if it's possible I book a holiday to some remote beach. Nothing that I have to do but read books, take baths and walk on the beach

After that I at least feel somewhat revived

Then it's time to do things that I love but haven't done because I had no energy to leave the house. Take walks in the park, go to concerts, art shows, do something like a pottery class. Mostly it's do something new so that I can feel accomplished again. And do something with friends so that I remember that I matter

While doing that I also take a multivitamin, extra magnesium before going to bed or in bath. I eat lots of salads or lettuce on bread and start to get back on track with my water intake

It's not an overnight thing but it always gets me out of a rut. Are there any changes you can make? Even something small like making your bed every day?

 

[Snippysnips]

So we’ve received a letter threatening that we have 10 days to buy a tv license or else they’ll send someone round/court summons etc.
How real is this threat? I’m a nervous person so I’m so close to just buying the license for the year to avoid it

we don’t even watch live tv in our house, we just use the streaming apps, I go to my friends to watch bake off etc
They sent a letter once ages ago saying they could tell someone was using iplayer at our address but the only thing I can think of was we logged in on the tv once to check what was on the app and then didn’t watch anything.

Bin it an ignore it, an remember they have NO right to entry, it's nothing but scare tactics an they have no more right than a stranger does, if anyone comes round record it an deny enter

There's a few yt vlogs on it, I recommend both chillijoncarne and blackbeltbarrister both of them are quite good at explaining what is now going on which is the BBC sold data including email addresses to a third party an now they are using that data to find email details from those that don't pay a licence, but they don't know circumstances for example, if you signed up for the BBC when staying with parents who had a license but now have moved out an don't require one but still have the same email address, or you signed up when you used to have a license but now don't but again still use the same email

You only need a license if you watch any LIVE tv or any BBC content, if it is only streaming sites you use then you do not need one, an letters are nothing more than scare tactics because the BBC knows they are screwed if more an more people aren't paying for it